Heat. Undying, unflinching heat.
Then I saw my family surrounded by flames. And I couldn’t move. I tried, but my feet were glued to the ground, and my family was burning alive.
I saw Isabelle, and Ezra. Five year old Sophia, and sixteen year old Chloe, who I still loved despite everything she had done to me. I saw Mya, who wouldn’t take no for an answer, and Kalama, who accepted my weirdness. Iris, who was still wary of me but was slowly accepting me, and Camden, who treated me like his blood. And Storm, who was so like me but so different. Who infuriated me in every way.
They were all burning alive in a fire that I could stop. But I couldn’t access my power. I couldn’t move. Because I was a useless waste of space who wasn’t even strong enough to save her own family. Who ended up killing whoever was close to her.
I opened my eyes to see Storm. I jolted away from him, the nightmare still fresh in my mind. The people who were in the dream. The person who shouldn’t have been there. The people who shouldn’t have been there.
I turned away from him, and scooted over to the other side of the bed. I swung my legs over the edge, putting my forearms on my knees when they touched the floor, my head in between my legs. I took a few deep breaths to calm the panic. I realized that I had tears on my face.
I hated crying. Not only the I hated crying in front of people. I reached my hand up to wipe away the tears. The tears usually stopped coming after the nightmares. Night terrors. But this time I still felt the tingling sensation behind my eyes when I was crying.
I stood up, saying, “Get out.”
I was facing the window, and only one thing could calm me down right now. And I didn’t want Storm to know. For some reason I didn’t want him to know. I heard him get up, and come towards me.
“Get out, Storm,” I said, trying to keep up my facade. I couldn’t and my voice almost broke.
God, why couldn’t I ever be normal? Why did i have to be so different? Even with my powers I couldn’t save anyone, so what was the point?
I heard Storm keep coming towards me. He put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me around to face him. I looked down at the floor, not wanting him to see me cry. He pulled me to his chest, and the loneliness, the sadness, everything came flooding towards me.
I tried to fight it. I tried not to lean into him or wrap my arms around him, accepting his comfort. But I couldn’t. And for some reason, some unknown reason, I trusted him. Even though I didn’t know him very well, I trusted him. So I broke down.
I wrapped my arms around him, burying my head in his chest, letting the tears out for once instead of pushing them down, bottling it up. I tried to keep the sobs at bay, keep quiet but I couldn’t. I was a mess of tears and sobs, and I couldn’t stop. And somehow Storm maneuvered us onto my bed, pulled the blanket up over us, and still kept me in an embrace.
Once I stopped crying I passed out in total exhaustion. Exhausted from keeping down my emotions for so long, and finally letting them out.
I woke up to an arm wrapped around me, pressing me tightly against a hard surface. Then last night rushed towards me, and I snuggled more into the hard surface, so that I wouldn’t have to ever show my face again. I can’t believe I broke down like that last night.
I should have kept it in. I should have pushed him away. I should have just stayed up, so I didn’t have nightmares. If I didn’t go to sleep then the nightmares couldn’t get to me.
I felt him shift towards me a little, too. God, I didn’t want to get up.
Even though most people would say that snuggling with someone like this would be warm, for me it isn’t. Since Storm’s skin is so cold it had a nice calm effect on me. Ever since the incident I can’t take a hot shower or get overheated since it just brings me back to the time.
Then I felt him waking up. I panicked and kept my eyes closed, and my breathing even. Pretending like I was asleep.
He untangled himself from me when he fully woke up, trying not to wake me up. He left quickly, and once he did I opened my eyes. I turned over so I was laying on my back. I can’t believe I broke down like that last night, especially in front of Storm. I needed a smoke.
With that thought I got up off my bed, and got dressed in a sweater, and tights. I grabbed my cigarettes, and a lighter, climbing out the window. I usually smoked up here where nobody could see me. Where I could be alone.
I inhaled the smoke, letting the calm fill me. Even though smoking was so bad for me, it was a constant craving that was hard for me to break the first time. I guess you could call this a relapse.
I was so disappointed in myself for relapsing like this, but all this stress was too much for me, and not even exercise was reaching me. Calming me. Making me forget all my obligations, and pressure that was on me.
After that cigarette was done I climbed off the roof, and back into my room. I checked the time, and saw the dining hall was still open for breakfast. I went down for breakfast, and saw that Camden and Storm were there, but Iris was nowhere to be seen. I got my food, and sat down in my side of the booth.
“So, Blaze,” Camden said, “Tomorrow, unfortunately, classes are back on, so be ready for that tomorrow.”
I nodded my head. I started eating enjoying meal. I really loved food.
Once I was done I went back to my room to read, but decided that I didn’t want to read in my room. I went to look for a place that I could read, and found a small garden with a bench in it. I made myself comfortable, and started reading. I was reading one on Elamantti creatures.