“Is my baby okay?”
Jay’s face paled and he wouldn’t look me in the eyes. It looked like he was having an internal debate on whether or not he should tell me the answer to my question.
Of course that only made me worry more.
He shook his head and without looking me in the eyes finally said “It's not my place to tell you.”
My blood boiled. What was that supposed to mean?
“I’m going to find out sooner or later so just tell me.” I snapped, instantly feeling bad for the outburst. I didn’t mean to get snappy with him but he shouldn’t keep information about my baby from me.
“Liza I want to tell you but I really shouldn’t. You’re still weak, you don’t need any more stress. All you should be worrying about is getting better right now.” He told me, his voice soft and comforting.
He made it seem like the baby wasn't okay, but I needed to hear someone say it out loud before I could believe it.
“I’ll be more stressed worrying about how my baby is. If you don’t want to cause me stress, just tell me.” I persuaded. Hopefully he’d just get tired of arguing and give in.
“I really shouldn-” He started but I cut him off, already knowing what he was about to say.
“Just tell me Jay!” I snapped again, my voice just below a yell. I was done with the games, he needed to tell me.
He opened and closed his mouth a few times before pulling himself together and finally telling me.
“Your baby isn’t okay.”
Panic ran through my body and suddenly I had a burst on energy.
I shot up from my laying position and quickly made my way to the foot of the bed where Jay was. I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him close until his face was only inches from mine.
“What the hell do you mean?” I growled.
The fear that flashed across his eyes would have made me feel guilty on a different occasion but right now I didn’t care. The only thing I cared about was my baby.
“When Jason was beating you he targeted your stomach. He killed the baby.” Jay whispered, sadness taking place of the fear that was there only seconds ago.
I let him go and sat on the bed, just staring at a plain white wall in shock.
Jay turned me so I was facing him and started saying speaking but I couldn’t hear him. All I saw was his lips moving to form words my mind couldn’t register.
I was numb.
“Liza you can’t stay cooped up in that damn room for the rest of your life!” Becca yelled through the door.
Ever since I found out my baby was dead I’d been locked up in my hospital room, all alone. I wouldn't let anyone come in and I hadn't spoke a word since I got the news.
Even though I fell pregnant from Jason taking advantage of me, I still got attached to the baby. I loved it just as much as I would've if it were Asher’s, so it crushed me when I found out the baby was gone.
“C’mon, you’ve been in there for three days! This isn’t healthy.” Becca said, breaking my train of thought.
She’d been saying stuff like that for the last three days.
Jay, Ava and Becca all took turns trying to get me out of my room. But the strange thing was that Asher hadn't tried once. The last time I saw him was when I woke up in the medical wing of the house.
I let out a long sigh before getting up from my bed and walking to the door. I lifted my hand and grabbed the doorknob but I was hesitant to turn it. What would everyone say? Would they call me a dramatic? Would they think I was just looking or attention?
I was about to turn around and go back to bed but then I stopped. Who cares what everyone thought? I’d never cared before so why should I care now?
With new confidence, I turned the doorknob and swung the door open, casing Becca to tumble into the room.
When she got up from the ground I was greeted with one of her bone crushing hugs. “I haven’t seen you in forever girl! Don’t ever do that to me again!” She screeched into my ear.
I guess Jay and Ava heard Becca because suddenly they were both hugging me too and telling me how worried they were.
“Okay guys, you can let go now.” I choked out with the little air I had left in my lungs. My three friends were squeezing the life out of me.
They all instantly let go and quickly apologized but I waved it off with a laugh.
After answering some questions they had for me me, we headed downstairs and into the kitchen.
Ava made enough macaroni and cheese to feed a small army so we all got heaping bowls of it and began watching a movie in the living room. I was actually having a pretty good time considering everything that had happened recently.
We were in the middle of watching The Breakfast Club when a thought struck me.
“Where’s Asher? I haven’t heard from him in days.” I asked.
Jay paused the movie and the three of them turned to me.
“He said he had to go somewhere for a while, but he didn’t say where. He left you a letter though.” Becca told me, then she got up and rushed upstairs.
“That’s strange.” I said, more to myself than to anyone else.
Moments later Becca came back into the room holding an envelope.
She handed it over to me and plopped down in the spot beside me.
I ripped the envelope open and unfolded the letter inside.
It was written in Asher’s neat handwriting.
My dearest Liza,
You’re probably wondering where I am right now and why I wrote this letter.
Well to answer your question; I don’t know where I’m going yet. All I know is that I need some time to figure things out.
As for why I wrote this letter; I felt that you needed some kind of explanation. So here it is.
You’ve been in danger so many times because of me. I almost got you killed on more than one occasion.
I’ve also hurt you myself when I didn’t trust that you would stay loyal to me. I ran away without even confronting you and ended up finding comfort in someone who's hurt you your whole life.
And in the middle of that I ended up being bait for a trap that you fell into. I feel so horrible for everything I put you through and all the pain I’ve caused.
I don’t want to leave you, trust me its tearing me apart, but it has to be done. I can’t put you in danger anymore.
I don’t know what I would do if I ever lost you because I messed up. We’re mates because you needed someone to save you and all I did was put you in more danger.
I’ve failed you and I don’t think I could ever look you in the eye without feeling an immense amount of guilt.
I know this letter is probably hurting you but it would hurt more if I left without an explanation and never came back.
It’s going to be hard right now but over time it will get better, I promise.
Jay lost his mate and eventually he was okay again. If he can get through this so can we.
And as for my Alpha position, I already made arrangements for Jay to take over after my father.
I love you to the moon and back, forever and always. I want to spend every minute of every day with you but that’s just not possible.
I’ve already failed you more than once, I can’t do that again and I know I will. I always mess everything up.
Now you’re free to do whatever you want, be whomever you want to be, you’re not chained down to one person anymore.
P.s - If it’s not to much to ask for, promise that you won’t forget me. I know that’s selfish but I couldn’t bare that.
I dropped the letter after rereading it over and over. Finally I looked up at my concerned friends through blurry, tear filled eyes.
“He’s not coming back.” I sobbed.
In the blink of an eye the three of them were holding me, and I was holding them back like my life depended on it, and maybe it did. They were the only thing I had left, the only thing keeping me from cracking and going insane.
How could Asher think leaving me would be what was best for me? Didn’t he know that he was best for me?
That was why we were mates, not because I needed rescuing from Jason.
Asher was the the one that was supposed to make me happy when I got sad, or take care of me when I get sick.
He was supposed to always be there for me, the one person that never left.
He was the only one for me.
But he left me, and abandoned his family. How could he do this to me? To them?
My friends were muttering encouraging and soothing things but I wasn’t listening.
There was a pain in my chest that I couldn’t describe. I wondered if this was what a broken heart felt like.