ARRGGH Virus and Alcoholocaust
In the Colony of Shangri-Large, a boy named Antee Solotek
Felt resentment of the giant Queen, which he could not retain in check.
Quite disgruntled that she wouldn't let him have an amulet for jumping
Off to earth and back. He wasn't up for liking such a thing nor lumping.
Ambloome visited his colony. He asked if she might demonstrate
Her own amulet. His genius mind had lacked the skills to replicate.
He surmised its circuitry was based on wireless internet transmission,
Technologically, to use the means to teleport from one position.
He designed his own device, which had the means to start and then transmit
His own digital infection, which would indiscriminantly hit
Any amulet within its path. Antee transmission mode was wireless.
Every amulet the Queen's friends used was shot by Solotek's ARRGGH! Virus.
He had named it A.R.R.G.G.H! which really was a most descriptive acronym:
'A' for 'Amulet,' 'R's for 'Remote' and 'Redirection', (pleasing him);
'G's for 'Guidance' and for 'Glitch'; and 'H' for 'Hindrance'. Such abbreviation
Came to ARRGGH! and caused each amulet to miss the user's destination.
Ambloome meant to visit Lily-foot and make a speech to earthling boys.
But she accidentally teleported to the Island of Lost Ploys,
Where the leaders of invasions, which had failed to win, were sitting, swapping
Words of tactics, in discussion, until Ambloome's sudden random popping.
When she popped in, she assumed the Fire Furies leader caused the glitch,
And she knocked him in the water, saying, "Send me back, you little snitch."
"I did nothing," said the Fire Fury, "Maybe that Dimension Tiding
Of the season when you shouldn't use those amulets has been misguiding."
"If Dimension Tide could cause this, it would happen when I tried to reach
Earth's dimension, and it wouldn't bounce me off to this forgotten beach,"
Ambloome said, "But I'll believe your word for now. I'll try to use the right disk
For the trip I planned to make just now, and you can hardly be a flight risk."
Since The Island of Lost Ploys was out of range of Solotek's remote,
She could activate her amulet, and leave that place without a boat,
And arrive at Lily-foot, without another destination altered.
Yet with other people's journeys, they soon saw that amulets had faltered.
Judge Admyra accidentally landed far from her own huge floor boards,
In a park, where council's mayor presented some Small Businessmens Awards.
Caught at giant size on earth, at such a function, of all times and places,
She examined all the stunned surprise on several tiny earthlings' faces.
She'd been dating Bryce, and hanging out with his friend Rover and the lass
Rover dated named Alexis Merrilong, whose humour (sometimes crass)
Had been rubbing off. Admyra liked the earthling woman's witticisms.
She applied it now, while in the face of amulet's apparent schisms.
"I'm so sorry. I'm big business. Maybe my event's around the block,"
Judge Admyra said, alleviating some of their apparent shock.
Then her amulet performed its task, while free from Solotek's transmitter.
Meanwhile Jenyfer and Krees made use of Maura's latest babysitter.
Alicindra was about to take the baby off the couple's hands,
While the lovers made some business trips to their own separate local lands.
Kayte was there as well, with Bernard. Stawmi would assist with infant minding.
Then the use of someone's amulet would bring new problems there for finding.
Krees attempted to depart for earth, but found himself on something moist.
It was dark and narrow all around. He had no sails with him to hoist.
Then it moved. He realized he was in a giant woman's mouth, unable
To get out. Had Kayte discovered how to draw him in, to feed her fable?
Then the mouth began to open. He saw Kayte's face looking in at him.
So was Alicindra. Jenyfer must be the one, who felt him skim
Forward in her mouth, to reach the front; and then her finger slowly entered,
Curled around his leg, and pulled him forward, when she felt that he was centered.
She made sure the middle of her tongue would be his path, quite soft beneath,
As she brought him to the exit doorway, missing all her outer teeth.
She removed him from her mouth, and dried his face on tissue paper after
He was safe, while Kayte continued bursting out in unrelenting laughter.
"Did you do that somehow for a joke?" asked Jenyfer, but Kayte denied
That she could have done it, since a teleporting trick (of course) relied
On an amulet, and she had none. Then scientific Stawmi tumbled
To an amulet malfunction, making destinations rather jumbled.
He advised that they should walk to Ambloome's palace. They soon met with her,
Once her Lily-foot address concluded. All of them would then confer
With each other, and Admyra, who reported amulet malfunction.
"I was heading for my house, and ended up in Petty Voters Junction."
"Oh Admyra, please, you've got to stop attempts to use Alexis' style
Of such humour," Ambloome said, "Now Stawmi, tell us what's been happening, while
We've attempted using amulets. We've noted that their application
Goes awry, when we're around this palace or a fairly close location."
"I'm convinced somebody's built a way to override the signal sent
To the proper destination. They were working after Ambloome went
To the Island of Lost Ploys, just like Admyra's worked in my own sector
(Of the universe, not here). The hacker's messing up our outbound vector.
If we plot the starting points of both of them and Krees, before the fate
Of misguided journeys faced them, we can then (I hope) triangulate
To the source of what's affecting all our amulets, and then go searching."
Back in Shangri-Large, young Antee Solotek was with his ARRGGH! tool, perching.
When they caught him, Ambloome picked him up, and said, "You're lucky none of us
Tried to travel off in time, just where the losing leaders would discuss
Their poor tactics. Maybe I should send you there, but I've a better penance.
I've a tiny cage for naughty boys, and you can be its next of tenants."
Ambloome sentenced him to one month as an exhibition for her guards.
Then she shrunk to normal size and challenged him to play a game of cards.
If he won he'd stay in Shangri-Large. If not he'd go to earth, excluded.
He was glad to win, especially since his cage time, when he'd sat and brooded.
"I'll give you another chance in Shangri-Large, but it's the last you'll get.
If you ever build another way to sabotage an amulet,
You'll be back to earth forever," Ambloome cautioned him to use his talents
For inventing something helpful. Antee promised he would meet the challenge.
In the future, Kayte aged 53 said, "Skee, perhaps you'd like to play
An exciting game, where everything depends on if you get away.
There's a lovely forest near a field, where you could have a lengthy head start.
Then I'll come to find you. You will have to reach a tiny model red cart.
I'll have placed it as your one safe spot, to reach before I've captured you.
If I get you first, you know exactly what I'll then go on to do.
Well my little friend, you've heard the details given in my short pre-amble.
Would you like to take the trip up there and then indulge your greatest gamble?"
"I can't wait to try it," Skee replied, "I'll even get a lasting kick
From anticipating what will happen, if you find and catch me quick."
"You believe in living dangerously," she said, "You've been a great catharsis
For my middle age, reminding me of things I did in high school classes.
My first husband didn't mind at first, but later on he disapproved.
When we had our final row about that business, he packed up and moved.
He annulled our marriage, since he was your size as well. But this new friendship
Will excite me up until the day when you at last begin your end trip."
Kayte went up the hills alone at first, to hide the cart well in advance,
So that Skee would have to run and hide and search and think, for any chance
To escape the giant woman, whose advantages were complemented
By the lesser risks she faced from this new game that she had just invented.
Then she met with Skee not far from where he lived, and let the young boy ride
On her shoulder, as he looked at all the grand surrounding countryside.
It was beautiful, and raised the stakes of what she'd have as future scenery,
And he wouldn't ever have again, unless he won her challenge keenly.
While she walked still further, Kayte began to eat some food and sip some gin.
As he watched the outside of her neck, he wondered how things were within.
Then she reached the forest, put him down, and said, "I've just done all the walking.
Run away, while I lie down and rest; and soon I'll come and do some stalking."
But instead, he played a hunch, and stayed concealed, but somewhere just nearby.
When she rose, he watched her look towards the woods, and saw her twinkling eye.
She had rested it upon a spot and smiled, then took a new direction.
Sure enough he found the red cart there, so pleased with his own circumspection.
From the window of the cart, Skee watched the future Kayte start hunting
With her back to him, and thought, "When she comes back, I'll tell her one thing."
When she gave up looking elsewhere, and came back to check the cart,
He said, "Kayte, you may have lost the chase, but you have won my heart.
You're the most exciting woman I have ever met. I realize
That you really only see me as a quarry made in meal size.
If there's any chance that we could be together as a pair,
I'd be willing to repeat the choice of taking up this dare."
"You're a wonderful young friend, and lovely. I don't think our ages
Or our sizes are the factors that a woman's radar gauges,
When she wonders who to be with. Tennyce left, because of that
Which has kept you so excited. He thought I was one big brat.
But I partnered up with Bernard. So I can't return your feelings.
I just hope that it won't mean the end of more of these great dealings,
Since I love our little chasing games, and hope I'll one day catch
You, but in the meantime, maybe I can help you find a match."
So she took him to a LATERALDATE event, coordinated
By herself. Her Mom had aged a second time, retired and stated
That she wanted time alone with Stawmi. Kayte was now the head
Of the business. Skee was willing to apply what she had said.
At the first two functions (parties held at giant ladies' houses),
Though confronted by the sight of such a lot of giant blouses,
Skee was only really interested in one girl, aged nineteen.
He did not know how to start things off, though Kayte saw he was keen.
Kayte suggested that he buy a card, which she would help with writing,
With her giant fingers. Then she took him shopping, for a sighting
Of the closest thing the giants had to cards for Valentine.
They were blank, and had no words there. Yet the pictures would be fine.
Then she told him how he'd used a lovely power of self-expression,
When he'd offered up to Kayte his feelings in a brief confession.
So he did the same for this new girl, while so pleased his friend Kayte
Used the giant pen to write the words that Skee would so dictate.
He was waiting on the floor, next time they had another party
As a LATERALDATE event. He did his best at feeling hearty,
Walked the room, and held the card well balanced, found the girl and gave
Her the card, but was surprised at how she chose to then behave:
Once she'd read the card, she laughed and scrunched it up, distinctly saying,
"Are you joking, little fourteen year old boy? Go back to playing."
Then she dropped the ruined card beside the boy, about to scoff
Somewhat more, when Kayte (who'd seen it all) approached and told her off.
"You're the rudest person at these functions. This boy found the gumption
To prepare this card and come to you, because of his assumption,
That you weren't so cruel and mocking, that you'd choose to ridicule
His affections in a crowded room. Now leave, you little fool."
"I'll apologize," the girl replied. In fact I could be paying
For the card he gave me. Can I have another chance at staying?"
"In another year, you'll have the chance. For now I will suspend
All your membership entitlements. That boy is my dear friend.
I don't want to see you here again, until I start reviewing
My decision in a year from now. Perhaps I'll be renewing
You for membership. Now leave this function," Kayte said. She was loud,
In her vocal tone, and Skee had never ever felt so proud.
Kayte invited Skee to dance with her as friends, and then went walking,
In the garden, where the two of them began some further talking.
"In a way, I'm glad she's gone," said Kayte, "I'd miss our secret game,
If you found a dating partner, but I know it's not the same."
"I admired the way you turned the girl away, thereby suspending
Her, because of me. I've never had a special friend defending
Me before," said Skee, "And anyway, she was my second choice
After you, whom I can't have. She had an awful teasing voice."
Kayte began to cry. He asked her what was wrong. She said, "Such teasing
Was the reason that my first love Tennyce found me so displeasing.
I was worse, though I could not admit it, not 'til I just saw
How that girl made you feel bad and dropped your card towards the floor.
I was laughing, when I first met Tennyce, never once affording
Him the chance to even tell his feelings. I was merely hoarding
Him for purposes, which I found fun, while he was terrified.
Mom prevented me from that, and I grew up to be his bride.
I will never force a boy to face what I forced on a being
From your world. I'm glad I've found a friend who's willingly agreeing
To the challenges we've had so far, but now it's up to you,
If we gamble for you in the future. Otherwise I'm through."
"I'll keep looking for a giant girlfriend. Love's my aspiration
For excitement, but when I feel down, I'll still gain consolation
From our challenges. Perhaps you'll win before I ever find
Someone. After what you did for me tonight, I wouldn't mind."
Future Kayte, without discussing Skee, told Bernard she'd no longer
Want to victimize the colonists, and wished that she'd been stronger
Several decades in the past, when she had caught the colonist,
And enjoyed her life for decades, with her meal not even missed.
Bernard knew she wouldn't ever try to put him in such danger,
Since maturity and self reflection did so much to change her.
He confessed that he had been the one (who'd tricked her to the hilt,
With her Mom's help), so that she could now discard her needless guilt.
(It had happened back in Ambloome LIII). Now Kayte was hearing
What he'd done. She said, "I think that you have been the most endearing
Man I've ever met, to stay with me for decades after I've
Made it clear your secret was the only reason you'd survive."
Future time was looking bright for giants. Kayte was 58.
She was more in love than ever with her husband, who saw Kayte
Not as frequently as she'd have liked, because she spent time leading
LATERALDATE, and playing hunting games with Skee, when she was needing.
Kayte knew something had to go; and so she handed all the reigns
Of the social group to Alysonne, who found within her veins
All the tendencies of leadership and love of lateral dating
Ever since she'd woken from her sleep in ice not used for skating.
Kayte retired from running LATERALDATE, which left her much more free
For enjoyment with her husband and those rounds of chasing Skee.
She designed a board game they could play, with Skee as his own token,
On a Start to Finish trail of squares with joining lines unbroken.
There were coloured squares with nothing written. Others were a punt,
Stating, "Now this game is over. Go outside and play the hunt."
There was even one square on the trail, which said, "The boy is beaten.He agreed to play this game, and now he simply must be eaten."
Kayte presented Skee with her new game, and used it to entice
Him to take the challenge, walking squares, when she would roll the dice.
It was pure excitement all the way, with Skee just barely dodging
That distinctive square, which would have made her tummy his next lodging.
After only three games, Skee decided risk was far too stacked
In her favour. So he said, with every word of careful tact,
That he'd rather take a break from taking chances on foregoing
All his future trips to LATERALDATE, with safety in the knowing.
Skee was 18 and the thrill was wearing off as he matured.He believed his time with Kayte had satisfied and later cured
His great appetite for risk and danger. Now he felt predestined,
By surviving all those games, to have excitement somewhat lessened.
He was ready for a real romance, a proper fairytale,Where the giantess would marry such a boy and never fail
To be there for him in years ahead. Kayte said, "Perhaps it's duly
Just as well I never satisfied my longings well and truly.
Though for 30 years I thought I had. Well maybe that's enough.
I'm so grateful to my husband Bernard, glad he chose to bluff,
Or whatever you could call the way he kept on masquerading
As the new boy in my life, while I believed the old was fading."
They were sad to say goodbye and go their separate ways, but Skee
Would encounter someone else and spend his years in wedded glee.
Kayte and Bernard loved their down time too, and traveled out, exploring
Every part of Ambloome's world, with Bernard there for much adoring.
On the future earth, Lee-John and Ambloome found that time had forced
Them to witness further warnings of a coming holocaust.
All the scientists on earth had reached the same dire expectation.
Their discoveries were founded on the world's inebriation.
In the last few decades, alcohol consumption had increased;
And the many open vats and jugs and bottles had released
Such intoxicating vapour, which was gradually replacing
All the oxygen on earth, by means of molecule displacing.
It was technically denoted as the Booze On Layer threat.
Even then the culture was decayed. Folks would not give up yet
On intoxicating liquor. Such a time was ever creeping
Up, when all the breathing space on earth would bring on deadly sleeping.
Even those who didn't drink would have their nerves completely dulled,
Sleep themselves to rank starvation, like the ones who'd gladly skulled
Several cans a day. The world was on the brink of so imbibing
To extinction, with no answers in what doctors were prescribing.
Ambloome grew to giant size, while Lee-John rapidly prepared
The United Nations leaders for the news that they'd be spared,
If they listened to what Ambloome said, and started implementing
Her advice, while all the atmosphere of earth was still fermenting.
Ambloome stood outside the building, saying, "Decades in the past,
I saw warning signs that life upon this planet would not last.
I built colonies for earthlings on my world, and they are thriving.I'm prepared to build a hundred more, so you can be surviving.
You've already seen your global population so reduced
To a quarter of its size, since Booze On Layer threat was loosed.We can save the rest, with only one important stipulation.On my world, we won't allow the drink that brings intoxication.
You had prohibition here on earth, and took the retrograde
Step of bringing back the danger. Now the bed's been badly made.I have heard your scientists explain that there'll be no reversing
What has happened for a hundred years: the time for such dispersing.
I believe that when that's happened, in a century, the air
Will be back to what it was. Your future works. I've traveled there.
Your descendants can return and start again, without consuming
All the liquids which have proved themselves the means of so much dooming.
Ambloome oversaw construction of new colonies, and gave
Giant amulets (from Stawmi) to her troops, so they could save
Many earthlings in containment boxes, which the giants lifted
To their new locations, while the air on earth could not be sifted.
Any alcohol, no matter whether bottled, brewed or canned
Was (forever on the giant world) explicitly quite banned,With a Detox Dungeon built for any earthling found transgressing.
Ambloome couldn't leave the future of her planet up for guessing.
So the Alcoholocaust of Earth was narrowly escaped
By the masses, who enjoyed the way the giant flora draped
All the scenery near their colonies, prepared by every welder
In the kingdom where Queen Ambloome had become a reigning elder.
All earth's leaders lost their titles, though they nearly lost their breath,
Having realized that their people almost drank themselves to death.Since they owed their lives to Ambloome, they quite gratefully submitted
To the giant ruler's reign. They understood where they now fitted.