Sat on the bed in the hotel my college books all around me I know two things.
1. I should have studied more these last few weeks let alone months.
2. I'm screwed.
I take another bite of my Swedish fish, kind of happy that Abicus decided to treat me to a trip into a supermarket, to get loads of goodies. I had my icing sugar sandwich an hour ago and now I am sat in the hotel room eating candy and studying. what more could I want, I've had a shower to wash the dry blood off and am just sat on the bed in a baggy college t-shirt I normally sleep in at college. my hair is still in the towel, but I'm sure its dry by now. I just can't be bothered to do anything with it yet. When the hotel door opens, I look over at Patrick, he looks worried as if he doesn't know what to say to me?
"What's wrong Pat?" I ask confused. he looks at me worried as hell.
"Are you okay?" he asks me worried, that's when I know he still feels guilty for hurting me.
"Yeah, you?" I ask worried, he comes over to the bed, he sits on the edge.
"I'm so sorry Libby," he says and I know he means that.
"It's fine Pat," I assure him, I squeeze his hand.
"I didn't mean to hurt you, I won't," he says worriedly.
"Hell I know Pat, you were squeezing because Sandy was making you angry," I assure him. I go onto my knees and lift my top slightly, so he can see my sides.
"see not even a mark," I assure him. he looks at my side, he gently runs his fingers over my side, it tickles and I have to try not to laugh or pull away. he still runs his fingers over my side, I see he's hurt. how do I make him feel better? I gently kiss his cheek.
"I know it was an accident, I know you wouldn't have hurt me on purpose," I assure him. he still runs his hand over my sides, he looks so torn. I take hold of his hands and squeeze.
"you would never hurt me on purpose I know that. I trust that" I say truthfully.
"It was an accident," I say to him making sure he could tell I mean those words. he takes a deep breath then sighs. I wonder if he manages to ground himself doing that.
"Was it bad?" he asks looking at my sides.
"No mere scratches Patrick," I assure him. he takes another deep breath.
"I'm sorry, I should have helped you clean them to make sure they don't get infected." he starts worried.
"Patrick, I sent you away for a reason," I say seriously and I realize he thinks that's because I was mad at him, I wasn't.
"I could tell you felt guilty and you didn't need to. also if someones saying nice things to me when I'm hurt, that's when I'm more likely to cry," I admit to him.
"it didn't hurt when you let go, I just needed to catch my breath and be by myself a few moments, I sent Abicus straight out the room too," I assure him.
He looks so torn, his eyes are still a dark blue. I kiss his cheek.
"I take it today didn't go how you expected?" I ask him.
"No baby it didn't," he says worried, he runs his hands through his hair.
"the maybe it was the way things were meant to go today," I tell him.
"What meet my ex-wife, find out about my daughter, see me almost rip the head of my manager and you got hurt? no baby that's not the way today was meant to go," he says.
"that's not what I learned today Pat," I say,
"I learned that you and your ex-wife went through a loss that changed you both, I learned you both still love each other and can remain friends through the hardness that life is," I say seriously.
"I learned that you're stronger than you give yourself credit. I learned that you're loyal as hell," I say truthfully.
"I saw you defend your ex-wife against someone who obviously controls a lot of your life and work. I saw you stand up for yourself and for me," I say seriously.
"I saw an artist who bares his soul to the world. not afraid of his scars. I saw a man who has been through a lot but still finds the strength to carry on. I saw a man you should be proud of, I know I am." I tell him. I kiss him gently on the head.
"I saw more of you, Pat. I still see you, no matter what hurdles you face, your still you. okay, maybe you might have a dark side you haven't shown me yet" I say seriously,
"But so does everyone else," I tell him. then because I want to see a smile on his lips.
"I was kind of hoping that Helena pulled some of Sandys' hair out, and I was raised a pacifist," I say. that does get a weak smile, it's only weak though, I wrap my arms around him from behind in a cuddle, I put my head on his shoulder.
"Pat life's to short for what ifs," I say.
"there you go again with the old comments," he says with a slightly bigger smile. I look at his hair and I do see another grey hair.
"you would think with all your money you'd be able to afford a dye that hides your greys." I tease with a grin so he knows I'm teasing. his smile gets bigger.
"Or maybe you're going for the sexy old guy look, but then when you're saying your 28 and not 194 is that the best idea?" I question teasingly. he shakes his head and laughs. he picks up one of my maths books.
"what's this one about?" he asks me.
"It's a foreign language," I say truthfully because fuck if I know tonight. he flicks it open and then pulls a face.
"Hell you'll never need this baby," he tells me.
"And you know that as a 194-year-old." I tease.
"yep.," he says putting my math book down, he looks at the state of the bed and weakly smiles.
"You on a sugar high by any chance?" he questions.
"Abicus would only let me have one icing sugar sandwich with sprinkles. he took the bag of icing sugar away from me," I admit to Patrick with a pout, he shakes his head but he's smiling now.
"Your such a wild child." he chuckles to himself.
"is that a bad thing?" I ask him interested.
"no baby it really isn't," he assures me. I grab his cell out his back pocket. I look at it confused as hell.
"Um, how do you use this?" I ask him. he chuckles.
"what you trying to do?" he asks me.
"put a song on," I say truthfully.
"why?" he asks me confused as hell.
"Because I've realized we've never danced together and I want to dance with you," I admit. he laughs,
"Baby," he says like he doesn't know what else to do.
"what song would you like?" he asks me.
"Can I get it?" I ask sweetly.
"Okay," he says suspicious he hands it over to me. I turn on youtube now he's unlocked it, he tries to look but I turn the screen and he chuckles. I find free to be me by Francesca Battistelli. I turn it on then I stand up. he chuckles.
"I get the message baby," he says shaking his head, I wrap my arms around his neck and he takes hold of my waist. we then waltz around the hotel room as I let him lead, it's not the kind of dance I expected, it's not the kind of dance that goes with the song. but we are free to be us. and this turns out to be us. he lifts me and spins me and I laugh and smile and so does he the whole way through the dance, after that song he puts on another and we dance to that one too. in fact, we dance the early hours of the morning away, when we fall into bed we do a completely different kind of dance, I'm drifting off to sleep in a bliss of sensations when he says.
"I love you Liberty. thank you, sweetheart." I don't know what he's thanking me for but sleepily I say.
"love you too, Patrick."
"Alright," Patrick says, we are in a VIP lounge waiting for his plane to be ready, apparently it needs to be refilled. Sandy is sat on the couch across the room glaring at us, we have the room to ourselves. well, us and all Patrick's team, which turns out to be a hell of a lot of people. I'm sat next to the window watching planes take off and land, it's amazing if not scary.
"It's still my turn to choose an activity," Patrick says there's a challenge in his voice.
"so you don't want to come gym and rock climbing with me tomorrow?" I question.
"Tomorrow sounds good, what about Tuesday after class," he says.
"gym," I admit.
"Wednesday?" he asks.
"rock climbing and gym," I admit.
"Baby you need a rest day," he says firmly.
"Saturday?" I ask hopefully.
"I have another concert, I would take you. but won't be back till the Tuesday at earliest," he says looking worried.
"I can cancel Tuesday he will have my head, but I'm sure I can get away with it if I put in extra time Wednesday," I say truthfully.
"its a plan," Patrick says shaking his head.
"Its still exercise tell him that," Patrick says with a smile. he's seen how Rion is with me now.
"Will do Pat," I say, I kiss him gently.
"Pat?" I ask.
"what Libby?" Patrick asks me worried.
"My mom." I start, my words sticky in my throat, like they are scared to come out themselves.
"Patrick its time to get going, we haven't got time for you just to." Sandy starts.
"What about your mom baby?" Pat asks.
"Don't worry I'll tell you later," I say with a weak smile.
"we got time sweetheart," he says his hands back on my waist holding me to him.
"she hates flying," I admit. he chuckles.
"and how did you feel about it?" Patrick asks me.
"it's so exciting, it's like your free," I admit.
"that's how I feel about it," Patrick tells me.
"Patrick." Sandy snaps now from the doorway.
"Sorry baby we can talk on the plane," Patrick says. I nod,
"Libby," Patrick says, I want to ignore him and stay in my comfy spot and sleep more.
"Baby I need you to go back on your seat and plug in, we are almost back," he says. I mumble things that don't make sense.
"Baby I don't even know what a hippocampus is." Patrick chuckles, I feel a kiss on my forehead.
"Baby you can go back to sleep once we get in the limo," Patrick says kind of jogging me. I groan at him.
"But the Hippocampus," I say.
"Libby," Patrick says but he's chuckling, I groan as I force my eyes open. Patrick has a huge smile on his face, good he's smiling again.
"Are we there?" I ask blinking.
"almost you need to go back in your seat," Patrick says, I slide off his lap back into my chair next to him. he plugs me in. I yawn. he passes me a bottle of water. I sip it and look out the window as everything comes back into view. I watch everything get bigger and it's amazing, but the moment we hit the ground its like I'm as heavy as a rock. strangely I think I might be the opposite of my grandma and mother and prefer it in the sky. who knew.
"So how was it?" Aimee asks me, its Monday lunchtime and I'm sat with my friend as we pick at our lunch.
"Really good he's so talented," I admit to her.
"I've heard him now, I agree he's talented," Aimee says.
"Just be careful. alright?" she asks me.
"Alright," I assure her.
"You got training tonight?" she asks me.
"yeah and rock climbing, back to back. I'm a sucker for punishment today," I tell her.
"you taking your stuff?" she asks me.
"Yeah I told Rion and Birch I was going to," i admit.
"I hope they take pictures," she says with a grin.
"meanie you could come," I say rolling my eyes.
"I cant today Libby. I got so much studying to do," she admits.
"least your almost done," I say.
"I know, but part of me wonders if that's a good thing," she admits. I know what she means.
"Now test me," she says, so I do. until Destiny and Immy come in, Destiny hugs me and I hug my sister.
"how was flying?" she asks me worried.
"Like your as light as an air, like nothing in life is too much. that you're free," I tell her.
"wow, the opposite to how Gran and mom describe it," Destiny says thoughtfully.
"go by how you feel not other Dest," I tell her.
"I'm trying, it's just so hard," she admits.
"come gym with me? I feel like I haven't spent any time with you recently," I admit.
"I can't tonight, come sleep round mine tonight?" she says.
"tonight okay," I say quickly, I need some time with my big sister.
"Lift yourself Liberty," Rion shouts at me. it feels like hes always shouting at me like that.
"I am." I snap back at him.
"if you were we wouldn't be having this conversation every session," he informs me.
"I hate you," I say.
"two more come on." Rion tells me. I lift myself again, its hard work. I feel like I've got another stone. I do the last 2.
"good now drop and give me 20," he says.
"I hate you," I say.
"think of it as punishment for an icing sugar sandwich," he says with an evil grin.
"who told you?" I question.
"I was looking at your food chart suspiciously and just happened to ask your boyfriend over there what you ate Saturday, as the pasta salad wouldn't have been enough for you," he says.
"I need to tell him to check what I've written before he says," I mumble.
"you need to write everything down," Rion says.
"Now 20," he says, I go to take my bag off.
"with the bag," he tells me. I groin but do 20 push-ups, I'm starting to hope that my challenge will be easier than Rion. if it's not, I don't want to know the alternative.
"Liberty?" Patrick says my name like he's so torn, we are halfway up the wall and I have the bag still on my back.
"Yeah, Patrick?" I ask worriedly.
"What the hell are you doing with your bag tonight?" he questions me suspicious.
"I might go on a rock climbing adventure with my siblings. practice never hurts," I tell him.
"The more time I spend with you baby the more I get scared for your knowledge of safety," he says worriedly. I jump to the next rock.
"Exactly my point," he mumbles. I giggle.
"it's not about the destination Pat, its the climb," I say.
"Wildchild," he says with a smile.
"Oldman," I say back grinning, he laughs and comes higher, following me up the wall. although he's slow he's steady and he's got it.
"So what are you doing tonight, with your sister?" Patrick asks me.
"braiding her hair," I admitted truthfully. Patrick laughs.
"Fair enough baby." he laughs.
"What times your last class?" he asks me. I tell him.
"Lee will be there to pick you up. I will buy you an outfit," he says.
"what we doing?" I ask worriedly.
"surprise," he says with a grin.
"Free to be us remember," Patrick says.
"I remember," I tell him. I grin down at him.
"come on Pat you can get to the top today," I say.
"I don't think so," Pat says.
"Beleive in yourself and you can achieve anything you set your mind to," I tell him. I jump again.
"you can also give your boyfriend a heart-attack," he mumbles. I smile down at him.
"love you," I say.
"yeah yeah," he mumbles and climbs higher but he's smiling.
"Parachuting?!" I demand in disbelief. I look at Abicus.
"you told him rock climbing was dangerous but you're not stopping jumping from a moving plane millions of miles in the air?" I question in disbelief.
"Its perfectly safe Libby, Edgar here is fully safe and you'll be strapped to him. I wouldn't take you, baby, if it wasn't safe." Patrick says. I look at the plane scared stiff.
"believe me baby your safe in the air," Patrick assures me pulling me into his arms, I wrap my arms around his neck, kind of holding on for dear life.
"If people were meant to fly, they would be born with wings," I mumble.
"Wheres your adventure spirit wild child?" Patrick asks.
"Okay but if I die I'm coming back to haunt you," I tell him.
"you have my full permission," Patrick assures me kissing my head in a gentle calming way.
"you ready?" we are asked.
"yep.," I say meaning that, because it's now or later, I don't think never is an option.
(skydiving adventure will follow, but I need more research into it first)
"Wow," I say a huge grin on my face.
"enjoy that baby?" Patrick asks he's grinning himself.
"it was amazing Pat," I say.
"I knew you would enjoy it, I can't wait to take you to hang gliding, it's my favorite, but you need training before that and we haven't got the time currently," Pat says. I kiss him still on an adrenaline high.
"I think I was wrong, I think some people are born to fly," I tell him, now desperate to have my wings, and for the first time ever I understand why my big brother flew into a hurricane.