Libby - leaving Patrick
The college year fully over, I couldn't believe how quickly it had come around. I suppose that's what you get when you're actually enjoying it and scared for the break. I look around my mostly empty dorm room, everything here now in two suitcases my camping bag and 4 boxes everything else chucked away. No matter what happens this year, I won't be returning to this room, even if I make it back to college next year to be able to graduate. Grandmas already paid for next year it turns out, so she obviously thinks I'm coming back or plans it as an alibi. But she hasn't booked me into a dorm building yet, but we got weeks until we need to pay for that, plus I suppose there are houses around I could stay in. maybe money has got tighter. or maybe she knows I'm not coming back. I'm trying not to panic, to think of this as the great adventure its meant to be and not the danger that it also is. I look around my empty room worried, I don't want to forget anything. even though it's tempting to leave something, just so the room knows I was here. something of me will always be in here. I'm being sedimental and silly. Patrick stands next to my stuff looking around himself, but I keep catching him watching me.
"you going to miss it here?" he asks me.
"Yeah," I say and I will.
"I've had this room almost a year, I'm going to miss the building, the ceiling," I admit, hell I know I make no sense, but even being in a building is something I'm going to miss for the summer break.
"Ceiling?" Patrick asks me but he's smiling.
"I'm being weird," I admit.
"Yeah baby you are but its cute. it's okay if you're going to miss your dorm room," he says seriously.
"where are you staying next year?" he asks me.
"I dunno yet, haven't really sorted housing out yet, I have got to talk Grandma about it," I admit truthfully.
"Let me know okay," he says worriedly.
"Alright," I say, I look around my dorm room again. looking at the cream walls absent of my posters. looking at the room that only 3 days ago was covered in evidence I lived here, from my college posters, my pi posters, and pictures of me with my friends I've printed off from the school year. My door knocks then and I know who it's going to be, my friends to take everything to the car, to take me away from here. to take me away from Patrick. I'm being mushy again, but I don't want to go. until I met Pat I was all ready for this, but now. I'm scared. I open my bedroom door, I have no choice but too. its now or later, there is no option for never. Aimee and Immy stood there, in little dresses, I had promised Patrick I would introduce him to my friends today, it was now or now obviously.
“you all packed?” Aimee asked she sounded so excited I wanted to scream at her, I'm not ready.
“Yeah,” I say though trying to believe that.
“Good, because we need to be out of here in the next 20 minutes. If we are going to make it before it gets too dark.” Immy tells me, I know she has a point, I will want to get somewhere I can sleep safely before it gets too dark tonight.
“Guys I would like you to meet Patrick,” I say introducing them to Patrick, even though this may be the one and only time he meets my friends. this might be goodbye forever.
“nice to finally meet you,” Immy says looking at Patrick like she's a deer caught in headlights.
“likewise,” Patrick says with a smile, he holds his hand out to my two friends to shake, I see him taking them both in, his eyes settle on their bare feet and I see a smile on the corner of his lips.
“My name is Patrick you two are?” he asks interestedly. I should have given names, I realized that when he said it.
“I am Immy and this is Aimee,” Immy says indicating Aimee whos actually still stunned silent. it's a miracle.
“nice to meet you both,” Patrick says with a smile, Immy surprised me she shakes his hand, but she looks at me like what the hell did I just do.
“Are you all going to the same place?” Patrick asks interestedly.
“kind of we are dropping of Libby first as shes got a long walk ahead of her home,” Immy admits.
'Don't tell him Immy I haven't.' I send to my friends head. She looks at me like she can't believe me. Patrick looks at me interested. I admit I have really glossed over a lot. kissing him gets him off a conversation. I learned that quickly, I needed to, as I didn't want to lie to him.
“We aren’t allowed the car near my home,” I admit to Patrick because that's true.
“ah,” he says he seems interested, I think because I've got away with not talking about my home.
He looks at the girls' bare feet again, he looked Immy and Aimee over again as if he was trying to work something out, but he couldn't put his finger on it. he seemed to be paying there marks a lot of interest. they look like tattoos but its green leaves all over Aimee going up her arms and legs. Then on Immy is mostly blues and dark greens going up her body in swirls and patterns like the ocean. Mostly because Aimee is an earth Fae and Immy is a water Fae. Everyone’s was unique. no two Fae have ever had the exact same pattern. I will get my own when I discover who I am. if I live through it that is. Patrick took them both in, I was expecting him to question about the tattoos. but instead, he just asked.
“you do this regularly?” as if he was worried that this was a bad idea.
“Every year, all our lives,” Immy informs him. She gives me a look like can we get out of here now?
“Do you have cell phones?” Patrick asks them, I can tell he's talking to them both, even though Aimees still a mute.
“um.” Aimee manages to get out, she says I'm bad with guys?
Thankfully my sister kind of saves the day. Or made it worse. it was hard to decide when she pushed her way into my room saying.
“Alright bitches ready to go get stoned.” Destiny was not the most subtle person alive. She went wide-eyed when she saw Patrick, they hadn't met to this point, it wasn't the fact I tried to keep them apart. it just happened like that. Patrick took in my sister, her blonde hair that was a slightly darker shade to my own. I hated it but as he looked over my sister jealously hit me. I had never wanted to compete with my big sister. but right now I felt like I was loosing. Destiny was amazing I wouldn’t blame him. He took in her tree pattern all over her body in browns, reds, ambers, yellows, and greens. my sister's marks were beautiful. What I didn't expect right then was for Patrick to pull me close to him, look at me like I meant the world to him straight in the eyes, put his hand on my cheek and say.
“no tattoo.” deadly serious. I wanted to laugh, I kind of didn't have a choice, but they don't have to be visible. normally they aren't they glam them, but we are going home so they aren't right now. there all ready to go straight home and be themselves without fear or worry.
“She has to,” Destiny says, I really wish she didn't. Patrick takes her in, then he looks at my guilty face as I glare at my sister.
“is this more of the whole finding yourself baby?” Patrick asks me worried. I just nod at him.
“think about it seriously, you can never really undo a tattoo,” he tells me. I nod I know that.
"Beleive me, Pat, if I get one I will have thought about it a lot," I assure him. he had no idea how much.
“Patrick this is my big sister Destiny. Destiny this is Patrick. My um.” I start deciding to introduce Patrick to Destiny properly even though I know he already knows who she is.
“her boyfriend,” Patrick says holding her hand out to Destiny. Was Patrick my boyfriend? he felt more than that but at the same time, we have never put our relationship into words. or have we?
“that’s to be decided,” Destiny says ignoring Patrick's hand.
“are you ready we need to be out of here soon, like 20 minutes ago,” Destiny informs us all, looking at me, then Immy and Aimee in turn. Somethings up with my big sister. I know that my sister can be a lot of things. but rude isn't normally one of them. oh whom I kidding shes often rude. but not nasty like this. or was I only think she was being nasty because I wanted her to get on with Patrick, the thing was I couldn't even see myself. maybe time away from Patrick is going to be good for me. I'm not being me, currently.
“I’m ready,” I say I know I sound deflated.
“Come on then, we haven’t got time to waste,” Destiny says, then she walks out of my room, Aimee following close behind her.
“I don’t think your friends like me.” Patrick sighs, I know and that kind of hurts. I just kind of thought they would be happy for me at least a tiny bit. even if it's just till I leave them for the month to discover who I am. just so that I don't go in feeling like I've made mistakes. although looking at the man whos looking at me like I'm the most precious thing in his life and his heart is breaking letting go of me, that his hold on me trying to keep me close for just that moment longer. doesn't mean everything. that I don't know in my heart that I love the man I've grown to know these last few months.
“Shes just stressed. Todays worrying for her.” Immy says I know that. deep down I know Destinys scared and stressed. That shes in a hurry and I'm the one who changed the plans we've had for almost a year last minute. because I wanted to introduce them to Patrick, because I wanted to have one more night being held just in case I never come back.
“why?” Patrick asks I can tell he's interested, he's possibly wondering what the hell we have to stress about. more than I could ever explain. oh, how many times I've tried since the concert. how many times I've tried to say. Pat, I'm not human. how many times the words have dried on my mouth and stuck to the back of my throat. or we've been interrupted. hell if I merely try to bring it up near the end someone would interrupt. half the time they don't even remember what they came to say.
“it’s a big deal,” Immy admits to him.
“Why?” Patrick asks interestedly.
'Immy careful I haven't told him remember.' I send to my friends head.
“well today marks Destinys last day of college, shes only coming back for the graduation,” Immy says thankfully leaving it at that.
“ah and she’s worried.” Patrick guesses.
“well next year we won't be here. It's worrying.” Immy says seriously. she gives my dorm room a look over herself. I wonder what she feels currently. she has all these plans for learning from the mers, next year.
“Oh,” Patrick says he looks at me so worried.
“we have to go,” Immy says more to me than anyone else. we have to go, three words that now seem to break my heart. go.
"we have to be home before it gets dark,” Immy says seriously. I nod I know that.
“Because you have no electricity?” Patrick says seeming to understand that it now might be safety reasons I leave right now.
“yep,” Immy tells him.
“Any trouble you ring understood, even if you have to borrow someone’s phone,” Patrick demands from me looking me in the eyes. it wouldn't work. I put my filters on and never took them off. all my feelings for Pat are mine alone.
“I’ve been doing this all my life,” I tell Pat, trying not to let on my fear, trying not to outright lie. I have been preparing myself for this my whole life. I've been living outside my whole life. just never like this. never alone. He gently kisses my head.
“I will be here when you return understand?” he asks me so torn. he runs his hand over my bare skin on my arm. I nod trying not to let my tears fall.
“I am going to miss you,” Patrick tells me.
“you’ve only known her a few months,” Immy says rolling her eyes. I kiss Patrick wrapping my arms around his neck for dear life. I want to tell him everything. I want to tell him how scared I am. I want to tell him that I might never make it back. I want to tell him, but instead
“It's only the summer break.” comes out my mouth, when we break apart. it feels like the truth and a huge lie at the same time. How I wish with all my heart that I'm telling him the truth.
“I know.” He says so worriedly.
“but anything let me know,” Patrick tells me.
“I will, I gave you my parents address so you can write to me, I promise I will write back, the moment I can,” I tell him the truth.
“Leeroy Patrick Carter,” Pat says firmly like I could forget that conversation.
“I know I know put Lees name on the envelope and yours as the middle so it doesn’t get stopped as fan mail,” I say with a weak smile up at the man I know deep down I love.
“Are you sure I cant simply visit?” Patrick asks me worried. no, I've made that clear, I can't have him visit whilst I'm not there.
“Not till later in the summer, I will talk to my parents about it and let you know. But do you really want to see my dad running around naked.” I say to him trying not to show how much the thought of him visiting before I get there worries me.
“Eww it’s the worst part of Libby's home,” Immy says I can tell she's got a weak smile trying to tease me. trying to make this less painful. Immy picks up a box from my bed.
“How much is coming?” she asks me.
“everything," I tell her truthfully. it really isn't that much, is it? I look at her as she pulls a face, and sarcastically she says.
“yeah alright then, if you say so. It's all going to fit.” it does make me smile especially at the face she's pulling.
“no wonder Aimee and Dest run.” Immy grumbles.
“All this is staying of sight as well right?” she grumbles at me, yep, but I can't just leave it here. it's not an option. we knew that when we come, that everything has to go back at the end of the year.
“You got everything you need?” she asks worried looking at my camping rucksack. I nod lifting up my rucksack.
“Alright.” She mumbles.
“Why don’t you two go down the car, I got it,” Immy says looking at my stuff like this is going to be hard. I knew she wanted to use her magic but couldn’t with an audience.
“Do not worry. Lee and Abicus will take your items down for you Libby.” Patrick tells us both, obviously seeing the not so suttle hints from Immy that this was harder than she thought it was going to be.
“Thank fuck for that.” Immy mumbles. I smile at her, least shes got me to smile again.
“thank you, Patrick,” I tell him, even if its Lee and Abicus I should be thanking.
I put my rucksack on my back, as Patrick goes out of the room for a few seconds to get Lee and Abicus.
The 3 men, Immy and I take all my stuff down to the tiny car, that its a miracle all our stuff fits in. it takes a lot of maneuvering by Lee to make it.
“is this all going to fit?” Patrick asks worried watching him struggle. Abicus and himself giving advice but noticeably not helping. Lee sends them both Glares and we all hear him mumble.
"Oh you could always help you know." but everyone ignores him. eventually, he does manage to make everything fit, even if we do end up with stuff on laps.
Patrick gave me a huge long kiss whilst Lee finishes packing the car, right now I wish I never have to leave his arms.
"Look after yourself,” Patrick tells me worriedly. I nod to him.
“God shes 21 in a few weeks, not 5.” Destiny snaps from where she is sat in the front seat. Something big was wrong with my sister. or I was being unreasonable making them wait so long for me to say goodbye.
“Come on.” Destiny moans. Immy climbs in the driver's seat. if I survive this summer, I need to get my human driving licence, maybe I will get dad to teach me on the tractor he's always said he wants to be the one to teach me what human parents get to teach there kids. will I ever get to see my daddy again? Is this goodbye to everyone?
“Couldn’t you go after your birthday?” Patrick asks me torn as hell.
“no, she can't,” Destiny says and she then slams the car door shut.
I kissed Patrick gently, trying to memorise the feel of his lips on my own, of the tingly feeling that he gives me.
“Be safe,” he tells me.
“I will try,” I assure him.
"Fucking hell just say goodbye already," Destiny says.
“Goodbye Patrick,” I say putting my hand on his face.
"Goodbye, Libby I love you," Patrick says, he kisses me again and it really does feel like the last kiss. for the first time, I fully understand the scenes in movies where people say goodbye and why it makes me cry. because the people on the screens hearts are literally breaking like mine feels like it is right now. even though it could just be for the summer break.
“Goodbye Liberty,” Patrick says when we break apart. I kiss him once more gently.
"Bye Pat I love you," I say, then I climb in the car and quickly shut the door. I don't want him to see me cry. Patrick stands outside the car, Immy starts the car and drives me away from the man I know I love. the man I don't know if I will ever see again. the man I will never be able to explain everything to now.
“He's not human,” Destiny says like that's big information that I haven't revealed.
“I never said he was, in fact, I swore I told you he was an Amaris a few times,” I tell her, I can't see her face and she can't mine. I carry on looking out the window. wishing everything to be able to go back in time.
“you did,” Aimee assures me from next to me, she takes hold of my hand and squeezes.
“He's like famous ain't he?” Immy asks me. yes and I've told you all this.
“he is kind of a Rockstar.” I find myself saying, even though I know they all know this.
“His world is dangerous,” Destiny says matter of fact. A bit of my heart settles with her words, is she just worried?
“I know he's not exactly the safest person for me to be with,” I say truthfully, hell I get that.
“does he know what you are?” Destiny asks me worried.
"No, and I never revealed what I am to any of them," I assure all of the car. she seems to sigh a bit of relief then suck her teeth.
“I just didn’t want to see you hurt, Libs. Your at the age where you discover who you are. I don’t understand why you want to get a man involved in that. Especially one there is no long term. A nice Fae man! A nice human! Even an Elf. if you even make” she stops herself from her next words. if I even make it back.
“or merman.” Immy pipes in during the uncomfortable silence.
“Anything but a vampire,” Destiny says.
“Why do you like him Libs?" Immy asks after a long time of silence.
“I don’t know, just something about him. I feel like when I'm with him I can fly.” I admit.
“that’s possibly you warning yourself to flee,” Destiny says.
"when he touches me, he lights me on fire,” I admit to them.
“more fear!” Destiny says
“It's like butterflies are in my stomach that want to explode when I'm with him,” I say truthfully.
“more fear!” Destiny says like it's the most obvious answer to everything.
“it's like my heart breaks everytime he leaves me,” I admit quietly.
"its like I know deep down how much I love him, even the little things. I love how he talks to people, I love how he puts all his soul into his music. I love how he looks out for everyone even his staff when its there jobs to protect him, he still wants to keep them safe." I say truthfully, remembering him with Abicus and Lee on that Plane. making sure they both had their parachutes on correctly. How he bro hugs Lee. How he and Abicus have jokes. how there the whole relationship of them all wanting to keep each other safe and happy works.
Aimee looks at me as if shes seriously thinking through what I'm saying, and what I'm not saying.
“I doubt he will still be here when I come back. He's a Rockstar and vampire. To him, I'm just a human college student.” I say sadly, I'm just tempory. thinking through my words.
“Im just a distraction, he will be over me quickly,” I admit weakly, hurt by the words, even though it's me saying them.
“didn’t King Eugene tell you no or anything!” Destiny demands from me.
“he told me to get to know Patrick and I did," I say trying not to cry.
"what I did learn about him I loved, even his flaws that he showed me," I admit truthfully.
“and what did you feel?” Immy asks but she sounds like she already knows.
"That I love him and I want to know more about him, I want to know everything about him," I say tears falling down my cheeks. I don't even try to stop myself from crying.
"Just don’t do anything stupid. The Amaris are not welcome in the old council anymore.” Aimee says seriously.
“Don’t you think that its time they get another shot?” I ask, knowing what's going to happen in there world soon. wondering how my friends and sister don't think that changes everything.
“it's been over 2000 years. That’s 4 of there generations at least,” I say truthfully. its been a hell of a long time. look how much humans have changed in that time!
“precisely four generations for them to forget about us! What if you getting involved with him outs us!” Destiny questions me. tears fall down my face faster, it is not often me and Destiny disagree.
“I don’t want to fight with you Libs. Todays important for you.” Destiny says.
"Hell if you... I don't want our last conversation before you go to be a fight." Destiny says tears falling down her own face when she looks at me.
“I'm just so scared for you,” Destiny tells me.
“I know how hard it was for me.” Destiny admits
"and then he came along and distracted you." she says.
“Are you all worried I cant do it?” I ask slightly in disbelief they are all thinking this is goodbye, none of them think I can survive this.
“It's not that we don’t think you can do it,” Aimee says squeezing my hand.
“But,” Aimee says weakly.
“We aren’t sure what's going to happen,” Immy admits truthfully, she is still driving so can't look at me.
“what you mean?” I ask even though I can guess.
"Fucking hell Libs you're telepathic! What is your soul going to be like? What new powers will you get? Will you be able to control them without the need to stay on homeland for years. if you even make it home!” Destiny says voicing every single one of there thoughts I realise.
"Not everyone's come back! what if you don't!" Destiny says and she breaks down in sobs. omg, I broke my sister. I lean forward and take hold of her hand pulling it into the back with me.
"Dest, if I don't come back, that's what's meant to happen. I promise you though, I have no plans to turn myself into a tree," I tell her truthfully.
“I will have that in writing,” she says tears running down her face, her eyes a few shades different than my own sparkling with so much magic and tears that I just want to stop time and comfort my sister until she's ready for me to leave her. I thought she was ready for me to do this. hell, I am starting to see that shes fearing this more than I am. and that's not an easy feat.
“We are almost there, I don’t want you going in with fears,” Destiny says looking at a road sign.
“I love you, no matter what. I love you. Even when you make stupid mistakes.” Destiny says her voice breaking a few times.
“I love you,” she says as if those words alone can protect me.
“I love you too so much Destiny,” I tell her truthfully.
“I love all three of you,” I assure them all because I do with all my heart.
Immy drove us into the trees, I know it's my time now. time to discover everything that I need to know about myself. Immy parks randomly in a very small clearing, that you wouldn't even notice if you weren't looking for it. There are two fairies and two elves stood there, looking like they have all the time in the world. like they aren't waiting for me. I open my door and the four of us climb out, I pull my rucksack out and put it straight on my back. it doesn't matter right now if I'm ready or not. now is time and I either enjoy the journey or hate it. but its the adventure and I'm going to choose right now to enjoy it. I will follow my heart.
“Good luck,” Aimee says hugging me first.
"thank you." I say and I mean that as I hug her back holding tight. then I hug Immy.
"Good luck Liberty follow your heart," Immy tells me.
"Thanks, Immy I will," I assure her. then I see Destiny. shes crying so much.
"I love you, never forget that. no matter what we will all be proud of you." Destiny tells me hugging me tightly.
"I love you so much Destiny," I say seriously, I hug my sister tight but eventually I have to let her go. I look over at the waiting Elves and Fairies. It's time. I walk over to them, taking deep breaths trying to calm my nerves.
"Princess Liberty Fae." one says as greeting more than a question. I know he knows who I am. it's not a question but I still say.
"Come its time." One of the Fairys says. I nod.
"Have you got anything you wish for us to take in case?" One of the elves asks calmly. they possibly do this all the time. I pull out a pile of sealed letters from the front of my rucksack.
one is a letter to Patrick, one a letter to Destiny, one to my parents, one to all my siblings, one to my friends, one to grandma. they are my just in case letters. letters to only be sent if I don't survive this.
"We shall make sure they get them if you don't come back." One of the elves said taking them.
"thank you," I say and I mean that.
“come its time.” one of the elves say, I nod and I follow them into the trees, leaving my friends and sister in the car behind me.