Libby - no clue what we are doing
Art comes storming out the trees, come off it! what the fuck! I’ve only just arrived back, I haven’t even cut the first cucumber yet! how could he and Patrick even got to the point in their conversation where they talk! let alone where they fight! But Art storms over to me, his eyes sending daggers at me. I want to know what the fuck I’ve done to piss him off. fuck he’s had plenty of girlfriends over his life, I’m sure not everyone has liked his either! he hovers over me, glaring down at me, why do I have to be the shortest in my family. kids not included, I want to stand on my tiptoes so I’m more equal ground. but then that would make me more likely to fall on my ass.
“you’re breaking the law?” Art demands from me, there’s so much in his question. Disbelief anger hurt, then worry fear. he’s cross at me but he’s worried about what I’m doing. Immy and Aimee next to me cutting veg look at him like what the fuck same as I do.
no, I’m not. being with an Amaris is not against the law.” I say completely confused as to where my big brother is coming from.
“So your not on birth control and using condoms?” my brother snaps at me.
“Dude gross we don’t need to know the ins and outs of Libby’s sex life,” Aimee says. She has a huge point!
“Your using condoms?” Art snaps at me.
“that’s not against the law anymore ask the queen. She canceled that law by voting 5 years ago.” Immy informs him for me. technically my pill is against the law, but the condoms aren’t. As long as Patrick hasn’t out that I’m on the pill, it doesn’t need to come out. Hell so are Dest Immy and Aimee.
“What?” Art snaps.
“Art I voted to have it canceled when I was 16 years old,” I tell him.
“Yeah, there are only certain ones we can use,” Immy tells him shrugging, shut up Immy. remember the saying there’s always telling the truth, then there’s telling too much!
“but we can all use birth control now.” Aimee shrugs.
“why are you cross I’m on birth control no kids for me for years is a good thing,” I say to art, fucking hell I am not ready to be a mother!
“it’s not against the law anymore?” Art questions me.
“Have you been living under a rock Art?” Destiny asks him. he looks so relieved.
“Art I’m not going to have kids until I’m a hell of a lot older,” I assure him.
“That’s good to know,” Grandma says whos looking at me and Art like she’s about to laugh her head off. Art could have made this more private!
“Art have you been living under a rock?” Grandma asks him interested, but the smile across her face, says she enjoying this.
“apparently so.” Art mumbles. We all giggle I think to relieve the tension he has caused.
Grandma looks at me, “we need to have a talk though Liberty as your brother has pointed out something that does need addressing.” she tells me.
“In private?” I ask hopefully.
“Yes as I think talking about your sex life in front of your father is a bit much for him,” Grandma says.
“you think?” Dad mumbles.
That’s when Patrick comes out the trees, he’s red-faced and I can tell he’s been running.
“As the air spirit, you and Eban have a lot of responsibility,” Grandma says, I get that. fuck I get that. but right now isn’t the time for me to be forced into making decisions I barely know what I want to eat tomorrow or wear let alone big decisions that will affect others!
“Yes, we do,” Eban says seriously.
‘hey don’t side with her.’ I send to his head.
I’m not siding with her.′ Eban says in my head.
“but we are both the spirits and as such we shall do things when we need to,” Eban tells Grandma. Queen Daysi looks at him seriously.
“You know what I’m getting at, did you two wish to restart the council of spirit?” Grandma asks us both, shes being serious. I hate it when she goes serious. I hate the fact that I don’t want to disappoint her, but I’m not ready to give my answer. I look to Eban to see what he wants to do. maybe I should let him make the decisions and I just follow my heart until it brings me back.
“not yet, not till Fire and Water are reawoken and ready they are both under 16 currently and not awake. we aren’t ready. Neither is Harmony.” Eban says for me.
‘how long we got to get ready?’ I question in his head, he seems to know a hell of a lot more than me. maybe because he’s been awake longer.
‘Years, we don’t need to rush.’ Eban sends to my head.
“that’s even if things happen like they are meant to,” Eban says seriously out loud.
“I understand that.” She admits. Grandma looks at Patrick who looks so worried at the scene in front of him, he’s still stood by the tress as if afraid to approach. Grandma looks at me she looks so torn.
“You still have a hell of a lot of responsibility on your shoulders Liberty. It’s your choice when your ready to make changes and we shall discuss them together.” Grandma says. I nod not sure what that even means. Grandma looks at Patrick.
“Like if and when we should except the Amaris back,” Grandma says looking torn as hell. Come on even my grandma has a problem with my boyfriend?
‘she’s not saying that Libby.’ Eban says in my head.
‘you know what they did to your kind.’ Eban says in my head. I know he has a point.
“We should except the Amaris back and should have done years ago,” Eban says to her looking at her firmly.
“we personally told you not to separate,” Eban says his voice sounds like it is coming from somewhere deep, it’s not dark just deep and earthy if that makes sense his eyes shine dark green then and I know deep down it’s the Earth Spirit and not Eban telling my Grandma that. Wow! I know Eban is the earth spirit more than Eban currently as he has points he needs to be made understood. Grandma nods,
“I remember,” Grandma says but she sounds so torn.
“can you remember?” she asks us. Eban’s eyes still shine green, I watch him torn, does he have those memories?
“I remember everything I have to when I am not present when I am present I remember everything since the earth’s beginning,” Eban says his voice still earthy. I watch him not sure I ever want to go as scary as him, that isn’t me. I put my knife down I had been about to cut the salad with and walk over to Grandma. I take her hand,
“trust me,” I tell her my own voice not sounding like my own, right now I sound childlike I realize, it’s really weird as it’s me, but it also isn’t just me. I’m looking at her with eyes that do not feel my own I see her for the first time in a different light, I have a feeling my own eyes are shining maybe that’s helping me see the tiredness behind my grandma. her youthful look is nothing to the years she has seen. she has seen her kind face extinction. then here I am, trying to invite the very people that almost caused that, back into our world.
“I always have.” She tells me, taking hold of my other hand in a way I know she’s trying to comfort me as much as I am her.
“I don’t have a clue what I’m doing,” I tell her, but the funny part that’s the air spirit telling her that too.
“Just because they’re a prophecy doesn’t mean they have to come true. You forget about free will. I have always followed my heart and I always shall.” I tell Grandma still with the air spirit. but I agree with her.
“I just wish to follow my heart where it takes me. it’s not the location I get to, it’s the journey,” I tell grandma.
“Okay, Liberty.” Grandma sighs, she pushed my hair off my face, I can see her staring into my eyes. my eyes that still feel foreign.
“Follow your heart, just keep yourself safe,” Grandma tells me.
“I will keep everyone safe if I can. The child isn’t responsible for the sin of the parent.” I say.
she sighs. ”I know,” she tells me that.
“I know, you’re the one who told me that,” I say to her. my head feels weird and I sway as if I’ve been on a bender. Grandma takes hold of my waist to steady me.
“I got you, Libby,” she whispers just loud enough for me to hear, I blink at her. I feel empty.
“I’m so hungry,” I say. Grandma kisses my head.
“you’ll feel like that often if you do that.” She tells me, I’m ready for bed too. Grandma looks over at Patrick whos looking at us both so worried.
“the birth control pill you have been using isn’t suitable for vegans and is against the law,” she whispers in my ear. shit! she actually knows that! I bite my bottom lip.
“But as it’s against the law for him to have a child with you currently,” she whispers in my ear.
“I won’t mention it. but if you’re going to use a birth control that’s against the law, may I suggest you actually use it?” she whispers. shit! my eyes go wide I haven’t taken it in over a month and have had sex with Patrick 2 times!
“you do after all have 4 years left in your college program. it would be interesting to see you do all this with a child,” she says. Shit no! neither I and Patrick are ready!
“Alright, what’s for lunch," Grandma says as if nothing is up or has happened.
“Salad,” I say not sure what else to say.
“Okay, I’m going for a nap,” Grandma says then walks away. I look at Destiny who shrugs at me.
“Sorry, Libby I didn’t realize the law had been canceled.” Art says.
“It’s fine Arty. you just want what’s best for us all.” I assure him.
“But you can help cut the salad now,” I say.
“Alright,” he says, I look over at Patrick who is still stood there looking worried, Abicus and Lee have joined him.
“you can help too if you want,” I say, they come over I smile at Pat.
“Alright what do you want me to do?” he asks me.
“Peel the carrots,” Destiny says pointing at the hugest bag of carrots.
“Wow, this is a lot of carrots,” Patrick says.
“there’s a lot of us, and the horse’s unicorns pegasus.” Destiny shrugs.
“This is going to take a lot to get used to.” Patrick mumbles.
“Libby,” Patrick says, we are back in my hammock. looking up at the stars in the clear night sky.
“Yeah?” I ask him, turning to look at him.
“What’s your plan for tomorrow?” he asks me worried.
“I got to clear out the stables with Destiny first thing, then I was thinking I might pop to town as I need to check my emails and texts and sort everything out at college for next year. do you fancy coming? I will show you around. show you where I went to school.” I say with a smile at him. he moves my hair off my face.
“I would love to come,” he says.
“What’s your plan for college?” he asks me interested and torn. why is he torn?
“well, I just really got to sort out my housing,” I admit to him,
“register for dorm or find an apartment or something,” I say seriously.
“Do you want to live in a dorm?” he asks me torn.
“I don’t mind the dorm. I can’t really room with my human friends,” I admit to him.
“you could move in with me,” he says, he sounds so worried about his offer.
“Patrick, I would love to live with you. but I don’t think its possible,” I say seriously.
“Why not baby?” he questions me, I move so I sit up. the hammock rocks and Patrick grabs my waist as if worried I am about to fall out.
“It’s safe Patrick,” I tell him,
“I can’t live the next 4 years in a hotel though Patrick,” I tell him
“Baby, I would get a house close to the college campus,” he says seriously, I look at him wondering why he’s offering that.
“Patrick,” I say worried.
“The question isn’t where we will live baby, it is if you’re ready to live together,” he says he looks at me so worried.
“Yeah,” I say not sure what I mean with my yeah, yeah I’m ready? yeah, it depends on if I’m ready.
“Maybe its too soon,” he says,
“But being away from you these few weeks showed me that I don’t want to be again,” he tells me.
“I don’t want to be away from you either Patrick,” I say seriously.
“So what would we do? get a house? what about Sandy? what about the paparazzi? what about your world?” I ask him, has he even thought about it?
“I want to say yes Patrick,” I say looking at him seriously.
“Fuck I would love to live with you,” I tell him.
“I’m just not sure its possible yet,” I say worried.
“do you trust me baby?” he asks me.
“Yeah Pat, I do,” I say and I mean that.
“Then trust me I will sort it all out, it will all be okay” he assures me.
“Even if I assign Lee or Abicus to be with you,” he says.
“Patrick I don’t need a bodyguard,” I say seriously.
“No I know you can take care of yourself,” he assures me.
“But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to take care of you,” he says, we both go silent, I think both not sure what to say right now for the best.
“Okay Pat,” I say after a while.
“Okay?” he says confused.
“I would love to live with you,” I say truthfully, he looks me in the eyes his eyes are dark blue today. he looks at me like he can tell everything from my eyes. I know he can’t but that doesn’t mean I don’t want him to.
“I will start looking at places.” he starts.
“Rules?” I question.
“Do we actually need rules?” he asks me laughing.
“Yes,” I tell him smiling.
“Why?” he asks me stroking my hair off my face.
“Because without them what would we break?” I ask him sweetly.
“Ah now I really do understand you.” he chuckles he leans up on his elbow.
“So birth control.” he starts.
“I was wondering when you would get round to that,” I mumble nervously.
“it's against your laws?” he questions me.
“it was,” I say trying to twist around the issue.
“why didn't you tell me?” he asks me.
“Because why would birth control be against the law if I was human,” I say.
“why is it now?” he questions me seriously.
“it's not anymore,” I say.
“Libby,” Patrick says but he's smiling at me.
“Why was birth control against the law?” he questions.
“Fairys were going extinct, so the anti-birth control was brought into place, because rather than tell everyone they have to have kids, which isn’t grandmas way. she simply said that no one could protect against having them. But if someone isn’t ready to be a parent we have others who can’t have kids who take the babies on and love them. its been the same ways for over 2000 years but it recently changed” I say seriously. Patrick sits up so he’s sat fully up, I sit opposite him, he takes hold of my hair in his fingers and seems to worry it in his fingers.
“But you’re on birth control,” he says,
“Libby I’ve seen you take the pill,” Patrick says seriously.
“The use of birth control was changed when I was 16 years old,” I say truthfully.
“So your kind is no longer endangered?” he questions me.
“We are,” I say truthfully.
“It hasn't changed that much,” I admit to him.
“So you can use it or you cant?” he questions.
“the pill I was using was against the law. I'm not in trouble for it and grandma knows I was taking it. but the reason behind me taking them was in the law so its pardoned.” I say truthfully.
“So the reason you were taking them?” he questions me.
“I get away with taking them for a few reasons,” I say.
“How?” he questions me.
“Because you having a baby with me is against the law,” I say seriously.
“What? against yours?” he starts worried.
“No against yours, its illegal for you to have a halfling baby isn’t it?” I question him. he looks nervous.
“not actually having a baby, just raising,” Patrick admits.
“Well Patrick because of that, I’m excused for taking it," I say seriously.
“but you were on it before we met,” he says looking at me.
“Doesn’t matter, because I had to be on it when I met you," I say seriously.
“Because we were always going to meet,” I say seriously.
“I'm confused baby,” Patrick says.
“So am i. Patrick. but the thing Grandma has to go on is if someone breaks the law, they are meant to. because no one breaks the fae laws just to break them. even if we like breaking rules, we don't break laws. its weird I don't know how to explain it.” I admit.
“Let me work it out, baby,” Patrick says seriously, I can tell he’s thinking.
“So you’re still on the pill?” Patrick asks me.
“That's what grandma whispered to me,” I mumble.
“what she told you to stop taking it?” he questions looking worried.
“No, she said, if I'm going to take birth control that’s against the law, she would recommend I actually remember to use it,” I mumble avoiding looking at him. he swears and seems torn.
“Patrick I have 4 years left of college at least, I want to be a teacher,” I say seriously.
“I’m not going to stop that ever baby,” Patrick assures me.
“I know that neither would a baby, I know that. but I also know I'm not ready. I also highly doubt you are.” I say seriously.
“your right I'm not.” he says,
“if a baby happens its meant to, if not it's not. I will get my prescription in town tomorrow.” I assure him.
“your pill that's against the law,” he says as if he is torn.
“I can swap what I use to one that's better,” I say truthfully.
“But there really isn't a vegan birth control,” I admit to him. we both go silent, the hammock rocking in the wind.
“Baby,” Patrick says after a long silence.
“Yeah Patrick,” I admit.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” he says truthfully.
“Same, I'm just following my heart,” I tell him, he sighs and lays back down. I lay back down in his arms, he wraps them around me.
“So where do we go from here?” he asks me.
“I don't know Pat, I really don't,” I tell him.
“Same baby.” he sighs,
we both stay silent as the hammock just rocks us,
“we are getting a bed,” he mumbles after a long time. I try not to giggle but look at him again, he's staring up at the sky as if he can make it make sense.
“and not have nights under the stars?” I question.
“I am enjoying the view, the freeness of sleeping outside,” he says seriously.
“but you're not a fan of the hammock,” I say.
“I am not a fan of the hammock,” he says seriously, I smile at him and kiss his cheek.
“I’m sorry this is so hard,” I say.
“it is only as hard as we make it,” he says looking up at the sky.
“True,” I say, I smile at him as he still looks up at the sky.
“so how many bedrooms?” he asks me.
“I will leave the house hunting up to you, I've never lived in a house,” I say seriously.
“Wild child Liberty,” Patrick says smiling up at the sky. I snuggle in his arms, its cold tonight.
“I love you,” he says into my hair.
“I love you too,” I tell him. we both lay there silently as we drift off to sleep, neither of us knowing what we are doing.