March 20th, today is March 20th! One and a half months to go. But, I’m going crazy, now more then ever. I’m passing out and I’m losing time. I don’t really talk to anyone anymore.
Two more bodies were found, but that’s classified information. Restricted knowledge that I always find out, I have my sources. The only advantage is that they keep Brad away and busy so no he didn’t pick me up the day after the day I was half dumped. I think it’s more half dumped, because we were never really together and also it’s less embarrassing, but I don’t know because that also means we were never really together.
I have stopped leaving my room even at meal times, my only change of scenery are my trips to my bathroom and closet. I haven’t eaten in a long time, but I’m fine not even hungry. In fact I think I haven’t eaten in three weeks maybe. I guess I just no longer have an appetite with the corpses laying around. Each more gruesome then the next. First Kimmi with her puncture wounds, then one of my half-sister’s whom I don’t-didn’t know very well who had her neck broken and then a chef with his throat slit open, still bleeding when discovered.
But, the look in their eyes was the most haunting thing of all, this lifeless glare. I’ve seen dead bodies before, but it wasn’t like that, this was people who’d literally had the life sucked out of them. All of the corpses’ skin was this greyish pallor. The bodies looked aged also, worn out like they were old enough to be natural cause deaths.
But the evidence suggested otherwise. You can smell it too. Or at least I can, I don’t think anyone else seems to notice it, but how would I know, it’s not like I’ve seen or talked to them. Or you know made contact with anyone.
Not even Karly, she never seems to be around anymore; always off with some friend or on a date or being social or something stupid like that. Good for her.
Apparently, isolation is officially forbidden, because one day Karly finally does show up, accompanied by all of her entourage. I think I’ve been suspicious enough to be classified as a suspect or at least a possible threat to Karly’s perfect existence.
“Hi!” Ugh, would she shut up I have the hugest head ache from thinking, it’s so hard.
“Uh,” I wave my head in a lazy greeting and try my best not to sound like a deranged, psychotic stoner, but I don’t think my loneliness is doing me any favours.
“So like me and my friends are like totes hitting this club and stuff later to like meet up with Markus and stuff and you’re like totes lonely and prob going craycray,” I can hear her gum chews between words.
“So yeah we were like wondering if you like wanna come, cuz everyone else is and like Brad is coming and you can like hook up and stuff, yeah.” I resist the urge to smile, but a laugh escapes me.
“Out, NOW!” They practically trip over each other as they frantically attempt to get out the door.
Good for everyone.
A while after that the noises in the hallway alert me that everyone’s leaving. Good about time. I wait 20 more minutes as an extra precaution after that for late partygoers to get on their way. The wait time is agonizing.
The nock on the door jolts me up and I’m on my feet without thinking.
“Hey Lacey are you in there?” stay quiet or reply? What to do, what to do? Then again he wouldn’t be asking if he didn’t know the answer.
“You don’t like asking questions you don’t already know the answers to.” I say amused.
“Can I come in?” Lucas asks quietly.
“Like I said before, you don’t like asking questions you don’t know the answers to, the suspense drives you crazy.”
He opens the door carefully and stares at me, I’m lying on the bed and he stares at me sadly, but reproaching.
“You don’t like asking the questions, you want the answers to, you’re proud that way and cocky.”
“Did you just call me a penis?” I say shocked, glaring.
“No,” he replies exasperated, but since I broke the tension he has to be the one to say what we’re both saying.
“I can’t be with you.” I nod slowly confused like the words aren’t registering-which they are not-even though it’s obvious.
It hurts, when someone says something you’ve been forcing yourself to believe it’s true but some small part of you keeps hope. It feels like my lights burned out and I’m going to drop dead and become one of those grey skeleton like corpses that are reoccurring. Useless and lifeless that’s how I feel. I then proceed to ask the stupidest question possible.
“Why?” the heat rushing to my cheeks and I refuse to cry so I bury my head in my pillow and force the tears I’ve summoned to retreat. The restraint is tiring.
“Because,” he starts, but then pauses; fidgeting with his fingers uncontrollably not meeting my gaze. Averting my eyes which I’m purposely trying to get to bore into his. Searching for the answer he can’t formulate into words.
“Because I can’t tell you.” Wow, I can’t help it, it hits me and I’m so angry now so I just let it go.
“UGH!” I scream, luckily there’s no one else present to hear me. “YOU CAN”T TELL ME? YOU STARTED-“ and then he practically tackles me against the bed with a long, hard kiss.
It’s passionate and warm and better then I remember. It’s like everything good about this world multiplied by a thousand. Better then anything I can think of except maybe getting my mother back. Getting my family back out be better. The kiss itself is just better even with my surprise and outrage. I’m too caught off guard to protest. It ends just as fast as it started. Too soon, he breaks away.
“Don’t tell,” he whispers. I grab a hold of wrist, hard, so he can’t break away.
“No, you’re not leaving here until you give me an answer. Why can’t you be with me, you’re not leaving until I get a full explanation.”
“Because, you and my brother are in a complicated relationship and I wouldn’t want to mess that up and have either of you getting hurt,” he says with a lack of confidence.
“Since when do you care about your brother?” I ask challengingly.
“I-I don’t,” he sighs reluctantly, slumping down aside me on the bed.
“It’s just you act like you know everything and you probably think you do,” he says.
“I don’t,” I say exasperated rolling my eyes annoyed at his untrue accusations.
“You didn’t let me finish. You act like you’re ready for everything and you can handle anything, but I don’t think you can. You can’t even handle yourself, you won’t be able to handle me.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I know about you.”
“Know what about me.”
“That your eyes change colour and they reflect your mood and you know change in colour also means change in ability.” I put my head down immediately and glower at my hands.
How does he know that? That’s private information, that he isn’t supposed to know.
“Yeah so that’s not that bad okay, you know my secret, why can’t I know yours?” I ask now kind of suspicious if I have like a secret files somewhere in demon headquarters.
“You don’t know,” he whispers so quietly it’s barely audible, inexistent to a regular person’s ear.
He doesn’t say anything.
He pauses for a long time, right when I feel like giving up, that he’s decided he’s not going to say anything further, he does.
“You have a right to know, but I’m warning you now, there’s no turning back once you know this information, it will change you as a person.”
“Well, what could be so bad about me that I can’t know?”
“You know how they found those bodies-err-people?” he asks like it is common information.
“How do you know?” good question.
“I guess I just sense it … but you already knew the answer to that,” I reply.
“I wish I didn’t.” He says sadly.
“Lacey you don’t sense them, because of you ability, you sense them because you are the one that killed them.”
I can’t tell if I faint or have a power surge or I just randomly chose to close my eyes and not open them, but all I know is my world is suddenly spinning out of control, I feel hysterical and all I see is darkness and the world spinning to fast.
Someone’s holding me, saying something to me, but I don’t understand.
“Lacey? Lacey? Lacey can you hear me? Lacey it’ll be okay I felt the same at first, it’s harder in the beginning.”
“What!? You knew and you didn’t try to stop me!”
“I couldn’t. Why do you think you’re never hungry and you don’t want to be around people, The more frequent power surges, when you’re out of it is when you’re feeding.”
“You mean killing?” I ask reluctantly.
“Well you have to kill to feed,” he replies shrugging. It’s not really you feeding, it’s the ability feeding. You, you’re not like the others. You’re ability it’s not rooted in good and you’re mother never told you and nobody else could. She, she had to do it too, it’s the only way to survive at least until May fourth. It’ll be easier after May fourth I promise for both of us, it’ll be better.” I look him in the eyes to confirm what I so desperately need not to be true.
“I don’t want to,” I sound like I whining child, begging.
“I’ll do anything else instead. Please. I, I’ll eat food again, lots of it, I’ll start going out more I, I’ll” tears are streaking down my face now leaving heavy, thick, wet trails running down my cheeks.
“Eating food might help satisfy cravings and lengthen time between feedings, but they will occur periodically. You need isolation, controlled and composed emotions. The less you feel, the less power you use, the less you need and the less you feed. I’m sorry.”
“Do you feed?” I ask tentatively meeting his eyes my eyes now puffy and the redness from crying and swelling matching his own.
“I don’t know, I guess. I’m never exactly present for it fully.” I nod trying to look smart and composed like I understand.
“What’s on May fourth?” I ask unsurely.
“If you live to then I guess you’ll find out, if I live to then I guess I will too …”
“It ends right, when you reach your birthday. Boys start later then girls, so it ends on their eighteenth but for girls it’s their sixteenth. May fourth is both of ours birthdays and if we can survive to then it’ll be easier for us individually. But you know as a whole it will be much harder.” I say with a crazy smile.
“On May fourth-“
“Don’t, don’t say it Lacey.”
“On May fourth-“
“We both know it, just confirming.”
“On May fourth we get to start trying to kill each other.”