I had the best idea to write a whole bunch and then just edit it when I'd written like 10k words...not the best idea I've ever had but I at least have more chapters written they're just a bit all over the place. So, double upload and I'll get more out for xmas :)
"I can't believe you fried me." I said again with a shitload of indignation aimed at the senile witch.
"But did you die?" She replied.
I choked on my own spit. "I'm still smoking," I pointed out, shaking an arm that still steamed with an overload of electricity at her face like it would help motivate her to grovel at my feet.
She sniffed haughtily. "But...did you die though?"
I huffed, scowling at her and seriously thinking about sending a cloud of sparkles to glitter-splode her face.
She ducked suddenly, low to the ground until all I could see was her narrowed eyes, grey hair, and that goddess-awful hump-back-boob. "Someone is definitely coming, Hayley, we need to find your dragon and get you both out of here. Your father just tried to control your mind with some fairy woo woo and by your last premonition I'm betting he's not planning on letting you leave."
"Elf," I grumbled automatically, "not fairy." I tugged on the floaty silver dress that been rather blatantly laid out on the bed in the room I'd been given by perv-dad - an obviously glaring suggestion to wear it. It was pretty and whimsical and very elf-like in its styling and sorta did make me feel like a fairy. "And I can't leave yet I need to find out what he was planning." Because not only was I terribly disappointed that perv-dad had turned out to be just as unscrupulous as he appeared but I also wanted revenge with a side dish of 'don't ever fuck with the glitter witch again'. And maybe I'd even let Lucian eat him a little bit too. In a bloody kind of way...not in any other way...ew. I scrunched my face up trying to banish those sudden unwanted images from my head - totally Lucian's fault because he kept making those silly innuendos about him and other men and now I couldn't help but picture him in a man on man sexy sandwich with extra meat filling. Gah. I literally needed to bleach my brain.
"Why don't we just kill him?" Grams asked like it was the solution to every problem.
"No, Psycho-witch, we can't just kill him," I replied firmly because she'd take anything less as optional.
She pouted. "Fine! I'll be back, try not to get brainwashed while I'm gone." She rolled her eyes skyward as if in terrible sufference and scrambled off, hunching low as her boob wobbled between her shoulder blades.
Seriously. That woman needed a minder. And a gag. And maybe a leash too. One where you could just point her at mean people and let her loose for a few minutes but not too long because otherwise there might be blood and screaming and probably some sort of sexual deviancy.
"Hayley." A whip-sharp tone lashed from behind me, preceding those soft and delicate footsteps that I'd come to associate with all elves.
Shame mine were more manic and foot-slappy - though I'm pretty sure I could blame that on tall people and their inability to walk slower and my generally cute sizing. Exactly why dragons were so useful - there was rarely anything faster than a dragon.
Six tall and lithe elves approached - seemed to be a species body type - one that I quite distinctly lacked. Four females and two males, all rather striking to look at with long and fly away blonde hair that made each one seem much more angelic than their facial expressions suggested. Icy cool was a definite trait and if these elves were some of the siblings that perv-dad had mentioned then it was one more thing that was going to set me apart.
Yet again I didn't really fit where I was supposed to. Lovely.
But then again I had to two lesbian-nudist mothers that actively encouraged my random surprise nakedness so really, I think in the long run I definitely win.
Elrin rounded the group of six elves and his black eyes narrowed on me, blinking wide when they took in my ragged appearance. I'm sure the electrified hair was a sight to see, to call it a beehive would have been a serious minimizing of its current state, and I reached up in a pointless attempt to pat it back down.
Before he could say a single word I shrugged, "static shock," and waved my arms slightly to dispel the wafts of smoke still poofing around my head, the scent of slightly charred hair so glaringly obvious that we both knew I was full of shit but I was counting on him not really caring what had happened to me while he'd been gone.
His eyes narrowed for a full minute before an obnoxious sigh tittered out from between his thin lips. "Fine. These are some of your siblings, please introduce yourself. I'll find your father, he should be seated soon anyway, it would be a good idea to do something about all that," he waved a hand to indicate my hair and dishevelled appearance, "before I return with him."
I snorted softly because I really didn't care what perv-dad thought of my appearance now, you know, what with the whole mind control thing.
As Elrin marched off, leaving me with six staring, blonde statues, I noticeably gulped at the new siblings that towered above me. Where the heck was my dragon? His height, not to mention his creepy sharp teeth, would be really helpful right about now.
"It's short," male number one blurted out.
"Yes," the other agreed, nodding while his gaze ran over me from top to bottom, "and fat. What is it?"
I screeched in horror, my mouth gaping at the elf's audacity.
The first male winced. "And loud. What kind of species is short, fat, and grating to the ears?" He turned to his sisters in question.
One of the females frowned and stared at me, focusing intently on each feature before moving to the next. "Troll? Are trolls short? I can't remember."
That high pitched screech left my mouth again, words completely failing to assemble enough to make a decent angry rebuttal. Glitter poofed from my nose as I snorted like a rabid horse, rage burning the skin of my face until I was sure I was even more crimson than Lily.
"Oh," another female exclaimed, "look at that! It's changing colour, maybe a banshee? They're supposed to do that when nervous."
Another female nodded her head in agreement. "That would explain the irritating noise."
The tallest of the female elves, the one who'd likened me to a troll, large icy-blue eyes dominating her face and a bored expression leaving her mouth in a flat line huffed at her sisters. "One of you kill it, I'm annoyed with it already."
My mouth gaped again and I started screaming in my head for Lucian as if he would be able to hear me and come blasting fire at my new murder-happy siblings.
"Tabitha," one of the other sisters warned softly, "you cannot just kill our new sister, father would be most displeased."
Tabitha gave her a derisive glare. "Do I look concerned? Why are you here anyway? Doesn't the king need his favourite pet today?"
She sniffed in reply. "Don't be jealous, it's not my fault that I'm a natural leader and the obvious choice for heir."
Tabitha rolled her eyes. "The only thing obvious about you, Allegra, is that horrendous nose taking over your face."
Allegra gasped, a hand flying up to cover her nose. "It's not big! It's not, is it?" Her eyes snapped to the rest of her siblings, frantically searching out one that would promise it wasn't.
I would have taken that opportunity to run away, but honestly, it was kind of fascinating to watch and I found myself really intrigued by the tallest female with the sharp tongue, even if she'd suggested killing me. I really should work on my danger instinct, I don't think it's been working quite right for years now.
"I'm Hayley," I blurted, pink sparkles escaping on a heavy breath. "I'm a witch, well, half-witch and half-elf apparently."
Tabitha crinkled her nose. "No one cares, Troll."
That screech built in my throat again. "Not a troll! Witch, not troll!" I screamed at her face, proving the other female right in her suspicion of possible banshee.
She seemed to find that almost amusing by the smallest curve appearing in those flattened lips. "Hmm. Maybe."
I was suddenly really excited about introducing her to Serena, I'm they'd start a new snide club where they could trade snippy comments and backhanded insults, and that would either lead to friendship or a deathmatch and in a fight I'd totally put my money on my fire-witch - she had a lot of not-so-suppressed rage.
With the male elves seemingly done with the conversation and melting away to more entertaining prospects, I was left with the four females that looked as if they also wanted to be anywhere else but here. I could totally relate to that but I was also mildly insulted that they seemed to take an instant dislike to me - that had literally never happened to me before. I was the tiny blonde witch that glittered happy juice and sparkly rainbows, everyone liked me - it was that whole mesmerising thing - and if there was ever the rare person immune to my charm then Lucian ate them because anyone who didn't like my brand of sparkles was just plain evil.
The elves continued bickering between themselves, randomly throwing out a troll insult every so often, especially from Tabitha who was plenty obvious with her sly little smiles in my direction. I tried to ignore them but I'd never been good at faking - I was mostly an in-your-face kind of witch - and by the time half an hour had dragged by with a less than vague insult every minute or so I'd just about reached my limit. "Elf-bitches, I'm about half a vaguely hidden troll comment away from glitter-poofing the lot of you and then I'll find my BF and ask her to firebomb you - which, on second thought, might have been a better threat to start with," I frowned, "I should have lead with the fire, right?"
Tabitha raised a severe eyebrow. "Could be fun, I haven't had to duel with a flamethrower for a long time."
This chick was crazy. "It's not supposed to be fun, it was a threat dammit," I pouted.
Tabitha opened her mouth to reply - probably something laced with general meanness and middle child syndrome - but was stopped in her tracks by the sudden smashing open of the doors leading outside and the following hush of silence. A loud, mournful call reverberated around the high-arches of the room, a stumbling slap and shuffle of footsteps following the urgent voice. "Mmeergh."
"Oh," I blinked, "that's my zombie."
Tabitha crinkled her pert nose at me. "Yours?"
I nodded frantically. "Uhuh, some ancient, half-dead, probably should have been burnt at the stake witch gave him to me," I replied. "I should probably get him." And I hopped off the throne to go grab the zombie. It really wasn't my first choice of things to do - somewhere around the picking Lucian's teeth clean of dead people kind of way down the list - but also, my siblings were turning out to be proper arseholes so it seemed like as good a time as any to get away from them.
"I can come," Tabitha blurted out.
I snapped my head back around and frowned at her. "Um, why?" Glitter poofing back towards her hard enough to poke her in the forehead.
She slapped at it irritably. "Don't poof at me!" She snapped, then lost her scowl and toed herself a step forward. "I hate my sisters, you are new and interesting," she mumbled then caught my slight smile and amended her words. "I mean, for a troll anyway."
"Harpy," I hissed at her then rolled my eyes. "Fine, but if we find my BF on the way then I won't stop her setting you on fire when you're mean to me."
"Pfft," she replied. "Allegra tried to stab me through the heart on my sixteenth year of birth, a little fire is nothing."
Oh. Well...that is one sister I'll be sending to Lucy for a midnight snack the second she looks at me all stab-happy.
"Come on then, Dead-Eric sounds impatient."