Lizard's Sparkle

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Chapter 2


“So...if I was an elf where would I be?”

Judging by Serena’s face, that was probably a stupid question, but seriously who the heck knew where to find an elf when you wanted one?

“Firstly, you’re half elf now, Hails, so there’s no ‘if’ about it, and secondly, did you think we’d just drive around shouting out elf until one magically appeared?”

She gave me those eyes that suggested I may be slightly lower on the IQ scale than she’d originally thought and so I smiled brightly in response, knowing that she’d be forced to feel guilty about her snarky behaviour and end up apologising instead. One day I’ll be queen of the whole world, having smiled and pouted my way to the top and I’ll make her my court jester and she’ll have to poof fire just for my entertainment.

Lost in my own little fantasy, I almost missed her grudging huff and short apology.

“I hate it when you do that,” She sighed.

I grinned. “I know, but you’d look so pretty in those big spiky hats with the bells on.”

Serena screwed her face up at me in question - a have you gone slightly mad kind of question.

“That was mostly in my head but we should just move past it anyway,” I grimaced at her, not willing to share my little fantasy.

Serena snorted, “Okay, Gypsy, keep your crazy secrets. Besides, I have a plan to find the elf and it involves someone much more insane than you possibly are.”

Shoot. She was totally about to get me almost killed again. I started the car, my foot tapping against the accelerator in preparation. “Are we going to get Grams?” Because there was no one more insane than that psycho witch.

She grinned at me and shook her head. “Oh no, much worse than Grams.”

I sucked in a worried breath. “Is there such a person?” I’d seen that old lady strip naked, cover herself in chocolate syrup, and run through the public streets of town after one particular Soltice screaming that she was the reincarnation of Lady Godiva. I fail to see what witch could possibly tip the scale in their favour after that.

Serena only chuckled with glee. “We’re going to see Endora.”

I gasped, blinking my wide eyes at her smiling face. “Oh, the heck, no.”

She grinned wider. “Get going, Hails.”

“Fuck off, PG.”

She laughed again which made me think she really wasn’t listening to me. Well, unlucky for her, because I was driving and therefore, if she wanted to go see that witch then she’d be walking or I’d like to see her physically remove me from this car and steal it.


Twenty minutes later, after some heated discussion, near-asphyxiation from glitter poofing, and some rabid hair pulling, I was angrily tapping my fingers against the steering wheel as Lucian attempted a calming nudge of his tail to my cheek. Sneaky little lizard had crept up the back of the driver’s seat and lost himself in my now ragged hair, using the mass of tangles to his advantage and was now safely ensconced in his own personal hair-nest.

Honestly, I’d really missed my lizard, and so for once I didn’t try and flick him off over my butt hurt feelings. After having lost the fight to Serena, it was nice to have someone on my side who probably would have agreed with me in thinking that this was a stupid idea and we shouldn’t set one foot on Endora’s property. Not least because the old bat probably had the whole place rigged with traps for unwanted visitors.

Endora was something of a complete nutcase. She rarely attended a Solstice anymore, or a council meeting even though she was still technically on the council. The old witch was somewhere north of Grams’ age although no one knew exactly how old and no one dared to ask. I’m pretty sure she should have been dead way before I was born and was currently being held together by dust and superglue.

To say she was a recluse, would be a bit of an understatement. Every couple of years whispers of her emerging from her castle in the mountains pass through the town, a glimpse of frizzy grey hair or a shiver of icy gnarled fingers as her hunched back brushes by.

I have nothing against the older witches in general, but that particular fossil is both powerful and off her rocker with a large side of pure fricking evil. I may be biased however considering the last time she’d attended a Solstice, I’d been a sparkly child with premonitions I hadn’t quite understood and she’d attempted to murder me with nothing but a table knife and a flower bouquet.

“She didn’t try to kill you, Hails, it was an accident.”

I scoffed, because what kind of accident began with having a heavy glass vase thrown at your head? “She tried to jump across the table, waving her cutlery at my face, screaming that she was going to vanquish the devil child,” I huffed at Serena and pouted, “I couldn’t glitter for weeks afterwards.” And it reinforced my belief that I should keep my big mouth shut and not be so honest about my premonitions.

Serena snorted. “You not so quietly whispered that she had weird fetishes and the entire West Coast still thinks she’s some sort of sexual deviant. You were a bit of a devil child.”

I gasped. How dare she! “I was trying to help! Besides, she is a sexual deviant!”

Serena burst out laughing. “Well I kind of like her, and I have no doubt that she’ll be able to give us the Information we need.”

I pouted, mainly because I was more likely to get my way with a sad face and I had no qualms about using whatever it took to avoid that witch. “Don’t make me go, Serena,” I whined, then hissed on whisper, ”She’s evil.” As if Endora was in hearing distance and had an army of vicious flower arrangements ready to aim for my head - it wouldn’t surprise me, I’m sure that woman had spies everywhere.

It seemed however that my BF was finally beginning to resist my manipulations, and unfortunately I only got a solid head shake in return and a slight grin that showed me she kind of enjoyed my reluctance. I swear, if she didn’t start being nicer to me I was totally going to glitter inside this car until she choked and died.

Okay so maybe not died, but definitely some choking.

“You have a big fucking dragon, Hails, what is one little old witch going to do to you?”

She was not seeing this from my point of view at all. And so what if I had Lucian? Endora had a screeching black crow, and that prickly noisy bastard shifted into something resembling a freaking dinosaur - I don’t know exactly what it is but I’m pretty sure it should have died out in the ice age. Besides I didn’t like birds as it was - pecky little fuckers.

I sighed in displeasure - my inner monologue seriously needed to be rinsed out with soap - I spent way too much time with Serena and Grandma Minnie, it was warping my mind.

I huffed at her question instead of answering, just in time for her precious kitty to shift into naked human with a scowl of impatience.

“What is taking so long? And the dragon is not special,” He added quickly, “He is barely useful.”

A long lizard tongue hissed out from his hair nest, his little reptile body shivering against my neck in anger. While Serena turned to reprimand Cat, I took a sneaky peek at his naked form - no one can judge me for looking, it’s like being told not to push the button, it just makes it that much more inviting.

Besides, I hadn’t seen a lot of penis, and seeing as he waved it around so much I just figured it was only polite to study it.

I’d managed a few fumbles in spell school, you know, over the clothes stuff when you’re trying to figure out what’s supposed to go where and you haven’t quite managed to kiss someone without feeling a bit grossed out by the amount of spit you’re both producing. I’m sure it’s supposed to get better with age and judging by Serena’s face when Cat grabs at her, then it must be a pleasurable experience with some people. But so far I’ve managed to almost suffocate a guy with awkward glitter when he attempted to put his hand down my pants and almost bite another guys penis off when I wanted to try the whole blow job thing but obviously hadn’t done enough research before hand.

Of course that was over a year ago now because since Lucian had appeared, there’s not a single male witch that had been brave enough to try. Humans sometimes did, but they often became so distracted and weirdly enamoured by the sparkles that it felt a bit like I was mesmerising them and I felt a bit too icky about that to ever let it go further than a polite smile.

At this point I felt like the oldest virgin in the West Coast which to be honest was probably quite accurate seeing as most witches tended to veer towards the slutty side of horny and were definitely not shy about showing it off in public. I liked naked as much as the rest of them but when you had a massive dragon between your thighs, it was kind of hard to get a male to swallow his fear enough to also try and get between them.

Perhaps I’ll find an elf that’ll be brave enough to tackle my dragon and who’ll also like my glitter. They seem a bit shiny so far - like those human males who spend an inordinate amount of time grooming and like to slick grease on their hair and spray-tan their muscles on - but I suppose my father hadn’t made the best of impressions and it probably wasn’t fair to tar them all with the same brush. I smiled a bit with rising hope, thinking a trip to the elf realm might not turn out so bad if I got to finally get rid of that annoying virgin label that consistently had me living vicariously through Serena’s dirty antics with her overly honest kitty.

“Will you cover that up!” Serena yelled at Cat, pointing at his now straining erection. I personally believed he liked it when his witch shouted at him, it certainly seemed to make all the blood rush to his penis.

He grinned smugly and shrugged. “I have no clothes, perhaps you’d like to make it go away?”

I snorted while Serena glared at me, glitter poofing through the car and dusting everyone in shades of purple. “Aw, kitty wants a scratch,” I said with glee, watching her irritation rise.

She narrowed her eyes for a moment, before blinking at the windscreen and then smoothing her face into a calmer smile. “Well, looks like he’ll have to wait a while,” she pointed into the distance on my right, “I think Endora’s expecting us.”

I flicked my head to the right, staring in the direction she pointed, slamming my foot on the break and bracing when the seatbelt tightened against my chest before the sudden stop flung me back in the seat. “Nope, no,” I shook my head adamantly. “We’re turning around.” I put the gears in reverse, slapping at Serena’s hand as she reached to try and stop me.

“Ow! Gypsy! You crazy whore!” Serena yelled as the sharp slaps echoed through the car.

“You can’t make me go!” I yelled back.

“I’ll fucking drag you there by your ratty hair!”

Oooh, what a bitch. My hair was shiny and bouncy, thank you very much. “Why don’t you just choke on a furball you big pussy-pounder,” I screeched, still slapping at Serena’s hand while Lucian attempted a nudge of his tail to my cheek.

“Quit it!” She replied, her chest heaving in little pants as she grabbed a hold of my hand and forced me to a halt. “Now it’s just a little welcoming party, that’s all, Gypsy, no need to overreact.”

My voice became a squeal of hysteria. “Welcome? There’s dead things waiting to kill me!” I tried to get my hand free again to resume the slapping. “Zombies, Serena, it’s zombies!” She was totally missing the fact that surrounding Endora’s land, standing in motionless silence in the near distance, a solid line of bent and awkward, ragged clothes wearing, dripping and oozing dead people awaited us, their eye sockets empty but somehow still staring right at me.

I was totally about to die.

“Pfft. It’s just a few dead people, Hails. You have zero faith in me,” she huffed, “as if I’d actually send you to your death.”

My mouth dropped open. “You’ve nearly killed me like five times.”

She shrugged. “Well, yeah, but not on purpose.”

Oh, well that’s alright then, as long as it wasn’t on purpose...

I locked my free hand around the steering wheel, digging my feet under the pedals, tightening my jaw into a firm line. “I’m not leaving this car,” I grunted, “You want to see Endora?” I questioned. ” You go, I’m staying here.”

My knuckles turned white from their grip on the steering wheel and my toes started to hurt where they pressed against the pedals but I totally didn’t care. I was not getting out of the car and she could tear my hair off trying to move me but I’d just glitter until she couldn’t breathe - completely adamant that there was no way I was going anywhere near that old bat of a witch.

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