Scaly-vadge? That was reserved for naked dragon riding only.
I didn’t know what the heck PG was prattling on about, I mean, there wasn’t a single two tonne dragon in sight - trust me, I’d notice such things. And so I very much doubted that I was about to take an impromptu ride in the buff. I peered up at the sky, just incase I’d somehow missed Lucian launching himself into the air. “What? There’s no dragon,” I accused with a pout, because no one liked to be teased with dragons. Then I patted my hair softly, finding his nest and rummaging within the wild curls until my hands quickly came up empty. “Where the fuck is my dragon?!”
Serena snorted. “Naked in the flower pile.”
I was so confused. “What?”
She shook her head, gleefully skipping over to me to grab my wrist, and then yanking until I gave up resisting and allowed her to drag me forward. “I can see his butt,” She giggled.
A snarl came from the grouchy kitty. “Stop looking at the lizard, Witch!”
She rolled her eyes. “Stop ruining my fun! You’re naked all the time, it’s boring, I want to see the new naked guy.”
Cat was hissing and shaking so violently there was a better than decent chance he’d actually explode.
“Who’s naked? Where’s the naked?” I questioned, hoping that Serena would start making some sense any time now.
She grinned wider than I thought possible and excitedly pointed towards a huge, dense pile of those white and pink flowers, and the several straw coloured strands of hair peeking through where the stems were bent enough to create the smallest of spaces. Further along the pile, a good six and half feet down, one single, large, slightly tanned, masculine foot stuck out in the open air, a little irridescent shimmer of gold sparkling in the sun right across the arch and leading straight to the toes.
I blinked. Then pointed. “There’s a foot,” I stated dumbly, then snapped my mouth shut because the foot twitched and I nearly screamed in surprise. “It’s alive!”
Serena snorted and shoved me forward until we were standing by the twitching foot. “It’s also attached to a fully grown man,” She grinned, “I’m literally the most excited of witches right now. I mean it’s almost like the Goddess has been listening to my less than complimentary rants and just given me everything I’ve ever wanted just to shut me up,” She breathed out heavily, “Also, in case you missed that, the new naked guy is your dragon and I’m definitely calling you lizard-vagina...or dragon-poker...or ooohh, ooohh, no! I’ve got it!” She screeched. “Snake-wrangler! Fuck I’m going to run out of these way too quickly.”
It finally hit my muddled brain. Lucian had shifted. Oh my Goddess, Lucian was totally a naked human male...and he was naked...like all the way naked. And just because I was still mildly angry with him, and more than a little hurt, I heaved in a huge breath and screeched as loudly, and as annoyingly, as possible. “Lucian!”
Naked-Lucian sprang to his feet with a snarl, pretty blond hair flying around his shoulders as he snapped his body around to face me, and I totally tried not to look as his penis swung around like a helicopter in the breeze. Mostly.
But dammit, Serena’s comment about snake wrangling was probably pretty accurate.
Lucian’s human form was tall, another few inches above Cat’s already impressive height, with a soft golden-sun hue to his skin and muscles that quite literally made me sparkle-drool. I tried to keep my eyes above his waistline once again but after following his abs like a sexy ladder, all the way to the ‘V’ that just seemed as if it urged me to follow it like some big, pointy arrow, my instant gratification meter dive-bombed its way south and hit my vagina like a flaming torch.
Ha. My dragon fired up my vagina.
I was seriously debating saying that outloud, when Lucian’s stormy grey eyes twitched and narrowed as he seemed to suddenly realise he was no longer scaly, small, and mostly mute.
He grimaced at the silence and flicked his eyes to Cat with a scowl, then immediately back to land on my face. “My treasure,” He greeted, “I did not want to meet like this.”
I blinked at him. “Naked?” I questioned.
He looked down at himself then shrugged, seemingly completely unconcerned with his lack of clothing. “In this place,” He offered, waving a large hand at the rolling hills surrounding us. “I do not like this magic,” he grunted, smoke billowing out between his clenched teeth in a stubble covered jaw tightened with frustration.
“Huh,” Serena murmured. “Mad you got forcefully shifted and now you have to face your witch?”
She was never one to beat around the bush.
His eyes snapped to Serena, a frown dropping arching eyebrows low over his storm-cloud gaze. “Silence, fire-witch,” He rumbled with attitude.
I winced, furiously blinking my eyes back and fore between the dragon-man and my BFF, who was looking decidedly more flush than a moment ago and twitching in the face until it was touch and go whether or not she was about to start a war on our very first day in the elf realm.
Cat was grinning at her side.
I didn’t take that as a good sign - he seemed to particularly enjoy her rabid fits of temper.
Blue sparks lit the very end of her fingers and she took a little step forward.
“Okay!” I yelled and ran to intercept her, glitter poofing in maddening spirals. “Let’s not kill my dragon on his first human day.”
Serena crinkled her nose at me. “I wasn’t going to kill him. Just a little burn or two.”
I rolled my eyes. “Well I like him without burns thank you.”
She huffed. “Fine, but you need to teach him manners, and quickly.”
I looked over to Lucian to tell him to play nice with my bestie, only to find him utterly transfixed by the multicoloured sparkle clouds floating above my head. A heated burn flooded my cheeks and I coughed lightly to gain his attention. “Lucy, be nice to Serena. She didn’t mean to burn your skin and she won’t do it again.” Because he blatantly wasn’t over that time she fried his scaly hide to black.
Serena snorted in amusement as if she wasn’t promising anything but I knew it had totally unnerved the usually indestructible dragon and he hadn’t been her biggest fan ever since. But still, she was my best friend, and he was just going to have to get over it.
I swear to the Goddess that he totally pouted at me right then.
“As you wish, my treasure,” He nodded at me begrudgingly.
Gah. What was this dragon-man doing to my cheeks because I’d swear to them actually being on fire right now.
Serena leaned towards me and pursed her lips into one of her fake whispers. “Bit of an ass-kisser, isn’t he?”
I shoved her, poofed pink glitter in her face, giggled as she coughed and spluttered, then announced loudly that we should all get moving. Mainly because I wanted to talk to my dragon without so many nosey ears listening in.
Cat instantly got yanked after Serena, though not without managing some hisses as he passed Lucian, where they quickly became lost in some weird, silent animal-stare type thing to the point that they had to be physically seperated from each other with violent pulling. Unfortunately, the only part of Lucian that I was tall enough to grab was either his hand or his penis and as I naturally jumped forward to grab his hand with both of my smaller ones, he turned his body in some protective block to avoid putting me between himself and Cat, and that right there is how I ended up grabbing my dragon’s lengthy cock and dangling balls on his first human day.
I think we were both highly shocked at my forwardness.
I poofed so much glitter I nearly choked us to death.
And as we were equally frozen with no idea how to extricate ourselves from the situation with any kind of grace, I could only shriek as his penis started to rise and expand in my palm.
“Oh, what’s it doing?” I squealed. I have no idea why I asked such stupid question, it kind of just fell out of my mouth.
“You’re touching it, treasure, I can’t help it,” Lucian grunted between heavy pants.
I heard roaring laughter behind me and assumed Serena was somewhere rolling around on the ground. “Pull on it, Hails, see if that helps!” She suggested.
Lucian growled. “Do not pull!”
My fingers tightened on his balls and I could have sworn they swelled in response. I couldn’t stop staring at it and even though I was definitely willing my hands to let go I was also sort of marvelling at the feeling. And then everything got even tighter and his penis started twitching and I squealed again until I panicked to the point of hyperventilation. “Is it supposed to look like that?” Because red and purpelish was never normal.
He choked. “Only when you squeeze it, treasure.”
“Oh!” My fingers finally snapped open enough to let go and I sighed in relief
because I hadn’t realised I was strangling his penis quite so hard.
Lucian let out a breath, his grey eyes tightly shut.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, finding it incredibly hard to look at his face now.
Serena was still cackling behind me and I was actually kind of grateful because it meant she didn’t have the breath to say anything.
“It’s fine, it was just unexpected,” Lucian’s tone was still gruff with tension.
“Can I do anything?” Managing a glance up as I offered, because it’s not everyday someone just grabs at your junk.
His eyes twinkled. “Another time, my treasure.”
And there’s that blush again. To counteract my horribly pink cheeks, I frowned at him. “We still have to talk, Lucy. You have a lot to tell me.” I ended with a pout and his face just about fell into distress.
“We will,” He nodded adamantly. “I’ll tell you everything.” He winced a little. “I don’t like it when you don’t talk to me, promise you won’t do that again,” His fierce expression was burning with the need for me to agree and smoke started to billow from between his lips.
I’d obviously punished my lizard for his lies harshly and perhaps it had gone on long enough. “Okay,” I pouted, “no more lies though, Lucy, you’re my dragon and you shouldn’t lie to your witch.”
He grinned, sharp teeth spreading his lips wide, one long finger reaching out to tug at an errant blonde curl covered in pink glitter. His gaze stuck on my hair as the curl sprang back into place and then out again as he prodded at it affectionately. “Not my witch,” He insisted, “my treasure.”
“Like hoarding treasure?” I giggled at the old dragon legends, then stopped at his serious nod. “Oh.” Not entirely sure how to feel about that.
Serena, apparently finally over her laughing fit, nudged my side as she appeared, having obviously left Cat behind us to avoid another staring contest/penis-grab, for which I sent her an appreciative look. “I think Dead-Eric’s over there.” She pointed north. “Everyone grab your penis’ and let’s move out.”
Oh wow. “You’re just freaking hilarious today, PG.”
She shrugged with a grin. “Oh I’m just getting started with that one.”
I poofed blue glitter her way as she walked off but she simply batted it away.
Wonderful. I was now Hayley of Puff the one eyed dragon, and that’s officially the best dick pun, I don’t care what Serena comes up with from now on.
I blew my cheeks out, smiled brightly at Lucian, and slowly started out after Serena because I still wanted that time to talk to my dragon even if it was slightly more embarrassing now than it really should have been. “So...” I started but quickly got interrupted.
“I’ll eat him.” Lucian grunted.
“That elf. I’ll eat him, grab the red-witch and then we can go home,” he stated in his gruff voice, gravel lacing it with a bite.
“You want to eat my dad?” Because I didn’t know how I felt about that.
Grey eyes swirled with smoke. “He tried to take you, he’s lucky he breathes now.”
Oh. That’s...sweet? I trudged quickly to catch up with Serena, my shorter legs making me huff with effort. I was totally going to my coven leader for advice on my familiar and she would have to actually advise me properly.
Ha. She’s going to suck at this part.