Mistakes. What’s the biggest mistake you’ve ever made? Betrayed a friend or loved one? Cheated on a test or your boyfriend/girlfriend? I wish that was my biggest mistake. Then I wouldn’t have this guilt hanging over my shoulders. The guilt of the lives I’ve destroyed and the guilt of the lives I’ve taken.
You see, when you hit rock bottom, it’s hard to come back. Especially when rock bottom for a wolf is insanity. Your wolf takes over and your human side dies. You’re doomed to forever roam the earth crazy and angry, killing anything in your way without a second glance. But there’s also the slim few who’s human side survives the transformation into a crazy wolf. They go dormant until the day they awaken and take control again.
That was me.
It wasn’t my intention to let my wolf have that much control. I was only ten and didn’t know how to defend myself. I was newly shifted and couldn’t control her properly.
A rogue had stumbled into the cave I was living in, beaten and bloody. He was looking for a place to rest and heal, but wasn’t willing to share, not even with a pup.
He had attacked.
I was on my death bed for the second time in my life and bleeding out, fast. I was ready to give up. Who would miss me? I was just a lonely pup. No one, that’s who.
And I did. I closed my eyes and waited for that peaceful death I had been waiting for, but my wolf had other plans. She wanted to survive. She wanted revenge on our parent’s, the rogues we had crossed in the last three years of our lonely life, and on anyone else who tried to hurt us.
So that’s what she did, she survived. She took control while I went into a deep slumber.
I can’t remember everything that happened in the six years she took over, only bits and pieces. The memories come back to haunt me in my dreams mostly. I’ll wake up scared and angry. Angry at the world, my wolf, and myself.
After I took back control at sixteen, I was already the most feared rogue in the states. No one messed with me anymore and part of me was thankful for that, but the other part wanted someone to talk to or a permanent place to call home. I knew that couldn’t happen though, not after what my wolf had done. So, I only let her out to play when it’s absolutely needed, and I only kill the ones who deserve it. Not the innocent, not anymore.
Yes, I have Crowley and the rest of my family, but I know what they think of me. I know they fear me. I’ll never have that one person who will look past my mistakes and regrets. That’s why I shall live in exile on my own where no one can find me. Not even my mate.
It’s why I will run to the ends of the Earth if I have to, to escape my past and hopefully live peacefully on my own. That’s why I’m saying goodbye to my family, knowing I won’t see them for a while. If they need my help though, I’ll still be there in a heartbeat to save them.
“It won’t be long before Alpha Roman picks up on our scent.” I say sadly as I look on at my family. “You must leave to safety and have no contact with me unless absolutely necessary. I already have new homes lined up for you all. They’re scattered in different states and the documents on you will be burned. I can’t give you any information on where I’m headed, but if you need me, call up Cal. He’ll let me know that you need my assistance and I’ll come.”
There are a few cries from Sylvia. I’ve known her ever since I was abandoned. Six months into my new life style of being a lone wolf, I stumbled into pack territory. The Alpha spared me but wouldn’t let me live in his pack. I was a filthy rat compared to them.
Sylvia saw me get tossed out, a lonely pup. She followed me to a little hut of sticks and leaves I had made and took pity. She brought me food every other day, got me clothes, she even let me play with her pups. All the while, she was trying to convince her Alpha to let her adopt me.
About a year into living outside their borders, her pack was attacked. They of course won, but I had gotten scared and ran off. Sylvia, feeling like I was her child to take care of and protect, thought I was either kidnapped or dead. She ended up blaming her Alpha and getting kicked out for disrespecting him.
She spent months and years searching for me with Warren and her kids. By the time she found me though, my wolf had already taken over. I was thankful that she recognized Sylvia as the woman who took care of us and spared her, and her family during our rampage.
She has been known as my mom ever since.
“It’s okay Mama, I’ll try my best to get this sorted out so we can have contact again. For now, I have to do this to protect you and your children. Roman will stop at nothing to find me now that he’s met me, and I meannothing. He’s ruthless and not above hurting you if you get in his way.” I turn away from my mother to face the rest of my family.
“We did well to cover our scents on our way here, but that will only by us a few hours. We have to move now.” Small murmurs of agreement pass through the room as I look towards Crowley. “Crowley, Anne, grab anything that’s important to you and that’s it. We have to get you out of here and burn down the cabin to cover all our scents.”
They nod in understanding before running off to get photos, clothes, and anything else. “Jack and Jake, go get as much lighter fluid as you can.” They don’t say anything as they leave the room and I turn towards Sylvia once again. “Cal and his witch friends will be here soon with cars and directions to our new houses. I want you guys to take my car and leave ahead of us though.”
“Celeste, no! We can’t leave you!” Sylvia holds onto my arms as she speaks to me. “Mama, Austin has the biggest pack in the States. My calculations could be wrong on how long it’ll take for him to find us. He could be thirty minutes away for Christ sake. I need you to leave and get to safety now. My car is programmed with your new address, so go.”
I direct the last sentence to Warren, knowing he’ll listen.
He grabs his wife gently, leading her away and out of the house. I give him a grateful nod before turning to my brothers and sister. “I guess this is goodbye.” I laugh a humorless laugh before engulfing myself in a bear hug with them all. “Take care of Mum and Dad, okay?”
“Of course. Take care of yourself Celeste and hurry up with ditching the Alpha so you can come visit.” Tommy speaks for the three of them.
Soon I’m saying my final goodbyes to the Andrews family as they drive off.
Time to get down to business.