Chapter Twenty Three
Not being in Milan before in this time period I had no idea the layout of the city. It was only by luck we didn’t end up in inside a damned stone wall. Not sure whether that could actually happen or not, still it wasn’t unknown to end up in a lassie’s bedroom frightening the shite out of her and her family.
We scurried to the closest dark lane, hoping no one saw us appear. It didn’t look like it, no shouting.
“Well you thought that one out, didn’t ye?” Dougall’s voice full of sarcasm.
“Haud ye wheesht, I got us here.”
“Ok so where tae now?”
I clutched the half pendant and felt nothing. “I don’t feel Morgan.”
“It could be that she isn’t wearing the pendant, it dosna mean she isna here.” Dougall patted me on the back.
“I think we need tae find clothing and then we need tae find Leonardo da Vinci, if anyone kens where she is it will be him.” I looked down at myself, I hadn’t bothered to put a shirt. Standing in an alley in Milan in 1495, I don’t think my bare chest, and my shoulder covered in bandages will go unnoticed.
Dougall’s dress of black leather pants and white shirt may pass but it’s not worth the risk.
“Right then, lead the way tae Marks and Spencer’s.”
“Ye are no funny, dumb ass.”
“Oh aye, I am.” Dougall grinned.
We kept to the shadows until we found a tailor’s shop. I used the pendant to get us inside. Racks of clothing stood to one side, it was only by the rays of the moon streaming through the front windows that we could see anything at all.
I searched the racks looking for something to wear, which wasn’t easy considering my height. It would seem most of the men in this time period were rather short, and by the clothes prissy to boot.
“Aren’t you dressed yet bràthair. “Dougall’s voice came from behind me, I turned my eyes going wide as I took in the clothes, he was donned in.
Bright yellow and green striped tights, a red embroidered tunic that barely covered his ass, a coat the same length with long floor length sleeves, pointed red shoes, and a hat that looked like it was made for a feminine pirate, with a bright yellow feather hanging over the side.
“What the fuck are you wearing?”
“Oh, this is all the rage in Milan in 1495.” He said as he twirled, fluttering his eye lashes to my horrified look.
“I’m not fucking wearing anything like that, ye look ridiculous.”
“Why? I think you would look rather distinguished in this?” Dougall said making a derisive sound in the back of his throat. “Females ken a good thing when they see it.”
Suddenly candle light appeared at the back of the shop.
I grabbed a few things from the racks and as soon as Dougall reached me we transported out of there back to the alley.
I moved back from Dougall to look at him again, still not believing what he was dressed in. I had seen some pretty stupid get ups in my time but none as absurd as what Dougall was wearing.
“Stop looking at me and get dressed before someone sees you. Shite Conall you’re going to make me self-conscious.”
“Self-conscious ye look like a chicken, an that skirt is no hiding much. If ye sneeze.” I said pointing at the apex of his thighs. “Ye cock is going tae bust through that, then ye’ll look like a turkey with its neck hanging ready for the cook pan.
“Laugh it up bràthair, you best get dressed I can hear voices coming this way.”
I looked through the clothing I’d grabbed, my stomach turned at a bright blue pleated embroidered doublet, which was definitely not going to cover my arse. A pair of white shorts that looked like knee length men’s underwear. An orange undershirt with flowers covering every inch. I moaned shaking my head.
Grimacing I put them on. There were tights too but the highest I could get them was mid-way to my thighs, so they weren’t going to do at all. The doublet was a tight fit, it was made so that the middle was puffed out as if I had a turkey stuffed under it, even the sleeves were puffed. I am going to look like a fucking clown in this get up, not as bad as Dougall though, nothing could be worse than what he was wearing. The white pants were strangling my legs not to mention my sensitive bits.
Dougall watched me with his arms folded and when I thought I was finished dressing he burst out into a fit of laughter.
“Ye look like and overstuff blue balloon bear ready to float away. Least if you fall on yer face ye will be save by the belly. I like yer underwear, dosnae hide much though, especially the bulge in them. Well the lasses will love ye, that’s fer sure.”
“I’m no interested in lassies but one.” I grumbled through gritted teeth.
A small smile touches the corners of Dougall’s mouth. “If’n Morgan sees you that it’ll give her something to laugh about if it dosna give her a fright.”
“Bite yer arse eejit.”
The few bits of clothing left we shoved behind some boxes down the alley. The pants were so constricted it felt like my balls were being strangled. The jacket was tight, if I flexed my arms the seams would surely snap open. I just hoped I didn’t bust any of the stitches, Ula would resew me with a sack needle, an unpleasant thought.
We walked down to the end of the lane keeping to the walls, my face strained at the strangling tightness of the clothing.
“Conall you are walking like you have a stick shoved up your arse, it’s not a good look.”
“Says the chicken about to turn into Sunday’s turkey roast.”
“At least I look better than you. Could ye not have picked clothing a little larger?” Dougall shook his head.
I growled at him. “Ye think I picked these on purpose, can ye no see I’m struggling. Me cock feels like it’s trying to punch a hole in me body and I think I’ve done permanent damage to me balls. I might never have bairns because of this.” I whisper yelled throwing my arms in the air, bad move as a seam in the shoulder tore, shite just what I needed. “We need better clothing I cannae stay in these.”
“Settle down Connie, we’ll find better ones.” Dougall pulled me further against the wall. “Hush someone’s coming.”
Two men walked past the end of the alley looking us up and down and then began to laugh before moving off.
I caught the words one said to the other and groaned. “Intratteniotore omosessuale.”
“Connie, what did they say?”
“They called us homosexual entertainers and quit calling me Connie.”
Dougall gave me a wide grin. “So, we look alright then, they think we are entertainers.”
I slapped him in the back of the head.
“These clothes are not going tae do. I can’t walk around Milan dressed like this and these pants.” I grimaced trying to pull the material away.
Dawn was just breaking and as we walked down the road keeping up against the wall, well not me I was staggering still clawing at the material crushing my sensitive areas while trying not make the tear in the shoulder seam any larger.
I caught site of two gendarmes’ arm over arm tottering drunkenly along. They weren’t as big or tall as Dougall and I, but they were bloody close.
“Come on.” I called quietly to Dougall and took off after the two gendarmes agony searing between my legs. The pants rubbing my crotch red raw as I hop ran after them. Coming up behind the soldiers I banged their heads together. Not that I thought they weren’t far from collapsing in the alley from too much to drink.
We dragged their bodies to a load of empty tubs. These two would be out for some time. We switched clothes with them. Although their uniform was a little tight, they were far better than what I had been wearing, fuck I missed my kilt.
“That’s a shame.” Dougal said attaching the short half shoulder cape.
“I kind of like those clothes, they were bright and cheerful.” I rolled my eyes at him.
We were still wearing tights of a fashion, but these were thicker and a little looser, and the doublet only puffy at the sleeves. The hats looked like someone had started to make a cushion and had only half finished, I tucked mine under my arm. My crotch though was damned relieved.
I stopped a man rushing out of a street. “Scusami dove posso trovare la casa di Leonardo da Vinci?”
The man eyed me suspiciously. “Vive nel palazzo di Lord Sforza lungo la strada svolta a sinistra. Non puoi perderlo.”
Dougall grumbled when the man took off down the street. “Well that was all Spanish to me.”
“Italian.” I said shaking my head. “He said that Leonardo da Vinci lives in the palace of Lord Sforza. The palace is down the street and a turn to the left.”
Dougal chuckled. “Well tis a good job I brought ye then, I don speak Italian.”
A shout came from behind us, we turned as one to see six gendarmes racing towards us, swords raised.
“Guess they found the two gendarmes we stole these clothes from. Dougall ye up fer a run?”
He winked at me with that silly grin still stuck to his face. “The winner wears the travel pendant while were in this place.”
I raised my eyebrow at him. “Dougall.”
Before I could say another word, he was off in the opposite direction of the gendarmes that were nearly on top of us. I huffed and shook my head and took off after him. I am so going to beat the shite out of him.