I never doubted that I belonged. Everything seemed to fit into place. I found that life gladly decided to fold out nicely in my little world, even if there were a few bumps in the road. That's the process of traveling; no road is perfectly smooth and straight.
Of course I wasn't one of the popular kids in school. Who realistically is? I would have to agree though, that I had it good.
With A's and B's in basically every class at school, a decent group of friends, a simple home and a huge crush on the most charismatic guy, my life was as typical as you would expect.
My best friend, Jay Tottle, was one of the rare types of people in the world that were not only extremely attractive, but are the kind of person you can completely rely on. If you asked him to do something for you, he would typically do it with no question at all. Jay was sort of the most Disney-like guy you could dream up.
Unlike most pretty boys at my school, Jay wasn't a player of any kind, cocky, or arrogant. I know I make him sound flawless and unrealistic, but just go with me on it.
If you couldn't guess, Jay was my dream guy.
We grew up in Milford, Pennsylvania. If you haven't heard of it, don't sweat it. The last time we checked, the population was 979 people.
It's not the most popular place. We've got a bunch of old stuff, like the Milford-Montague Toll Bridge and if you're really excited to run through a field of grass, there's the Liberty Farm as well. All I'm saying, is that without tourists, the knowledge of our existence would be scarce.
One of the main attractions that really reel in the temporary add-ons to our population, would be our Silver Sands State Park.
I'm not one to lie and the sunsets there, are breathtaking. Walking along the beach, it gives off an otherworldly effect.
I'm not trying to describe some kind of chick-flick for you, but let's just say that we've had plenty of wedding ceremonies the past few summers.
My little family lived next door to Jay's in a common industrial, two story house. We weren't the richest of families, but sharing two bathrooms wasn't that bad.
Out of the seventeen years of my life, my family had lived in that same exact spot for as long as anyone in the community could remember. Despite the home including three separate bedrooms, I spent my days growing up as an only child.
On my sixth birthday, I begged my parents to at least give me one friend to play with other than Jay. I wanted a playmate who I could have slumber parties with every night and share my wondrous secrets and imaginations with.
I soon gave up on the effort though. It looked like they were set on one and only one.
At the moment, I couldn't focus on anything, even if my mind depended on it. If someone broke into my room, they would have every opportunity to toss something at my head and I would do nothing to stop it.
I was laying on my stomach on top of my bed, with my legs swinging impatiently in the air. My mind was preoccupied on frequent daydreams about Jay and I couldn't complete my essay for English at the same time. Multitasking was a skill my brain could never grasp.
I know it sounds extremely cheesy and my priorities were probably struggling, but give me some credit. Don't deny that you daydream about your dreamy crush as well.
I had been planning on sharing my feelings with Jay in one way or another, but every moment I get close enough to saying the words, I either lose confidence, or there is an interruption. It's pretty typical.
I dropped my pen that I was fiddling with in my hand and snatched my phone off of the edge of my dresser. Scrolling through my contact list. I found Jay's located in the favorites section and immediately hit dial. The phone rang four anticipating times and then he finally picked up.
"Hi Jay." I smashed my phone up against my ear, fumbling with it. "I was just wondering if you would like to go out sometime tomorrow after school..."
Yes! Hallelujah. Dang, that was a lot easier than I thought.
"...We could hang out at the beach or something."
Nope, nope, nope. What was I doing? I had it in the bag and then just spilled its contents all over the place. Hang out? What was wrong with me?
I quietly face palmed myself, instantly regretting for being a coward.
There was a pause and Jay sighed. Sorry Izz, I can't tomorrow. I have... a test... and a whole load of studying to do."
All of my embarrassment deepened and my face flushed red.
"I can on Saturday though." he continued.
That just made my disappointment worse. I let myself fall backwards on my bed, my head softly bouncing on my pillows before finally settling.
Saturday, my family was having a reunion a few hours away. There was no way that I could escape all of the choking hugs and boring conversations with distant relatives I didn't even know were a part of the family tree, or who I was barely even related to at all.
I forced myself to smile and hide my discouragement in my voice. "That's okay. We'll have to do it sometime next week then. I have a family reunion on Saturday. My mom would never let me skip it if I tried."
The line was silent for a few seconds and then Jay finally spoke up. "Alright, well have fun then. If you need anything, you know where to find me."
A quiet shout of his name came from the phone and there was a muffled "okay" in the background.
I could hear Jay press the phone back up to his face, speaking a little quicker than before. "Well I've got to go. Mom needs some help with the dishes. See ya."
After hanging up, I rolled over on my stomach and buried my face into my pillows. I let loose of my grasp on my phone, letting it drop down on to the carpet.
In hindsight, I actually saved myself. If I hadn't backed out and suggested a hangout, Jay would have had to decline to a date. Which I'm sure would have been a lot more awkward than I had already made it.
I sighed, letting my eyes droop shut for a few seconds.
For all those out there who are socially awkward when it comes to expressing yourself, I applaud you for your efforts. The struggle of opening up is highly underrated.
Some days, I wish that I could just be Vulcan. That way, I could suppress any emotion that I had and get on with whatever I was trying to do. Life would be so much easier that way.