Start in the beginning the Gods created man but originally they were created as one. Two faces on one head four limbs and no private parts. One would think that this would be a terrible existence but to the contrary it was bliss I wish it could have lasted forever.
Most people don’t know the story of twin flames but there are a few who have heard it, let me tell you something what you have heard is wrong. In the story it is said that we tried to overtake Olympus that we took on the Gods in hopes to de thrown them and become Gods ourselves and that we were punished and separated as punishment for our defiance and the Gods showed us mercy by sex organs as some sort of release.
Let me tell you what really happened since I was there, there was no great plan to overtake Olympus we content and happy we weren’t even thinking of it. Zeus was main the one who was mainly responsible for this he saw us as a potential threat to his power and to his reign and the only reason why he didn’t strike us down is because he couldn’t.
Unbeknown to us we had the potential for great power that even surpassed the Gods and in a desperate act they separated us and scattered us and turning people who were once united against each other. The Gods came to each of the new tribes and explained to us the new rules that we were now mortal and could die but that our spirits would live on and that nothing that they could do would destroyed our souls, they explained that we would return to the mortal realm with no memory of our past lives and that they were creating more people who weren’t like us to keep us distracted from finding one another.
As they went they explained that some of these new souls weren’t going to be nice and that they were going to make life easy for a certain few and for the rest a existence of total and complete nightmares, they went onto explain that they tried to separate us completely and were unable to do so that we would always long to be with one another. Zeus offered us a deal if we didn’t go looking for our other half he would make our lives easy and pleasant for all eternity that we would get whatever our heart desires as long as wasn’t our other half and if we didn’t go through with it he would make eternity miserable for us.
I looked around and saw that my tribe was considering it and I couldn’t believe it. I yelled at them, “how can you possibly be considering this do you think that they would consider this?” I gave a long and convincing speech and was unfortunately able to convince them not to take the deal. It haunts me to this very day that not only did I ruin my own existence but I also ruined the lives of the people in my tribe.
It took us years but we were able to find the other tribe and I honestly thought that everything was going to be fine. We ran to our loved ones and first everything seemed fine and they lured us away from one another and once we were alone with them they told us that Zeus came to them and made the exact same deal and he also ordered them to murder us if we came to find them and they did it. We were truly two now but we were once one and whole but now we our separate and incomplete beings.
I saw him with the knife in his hand and yet I still thought he wouldn’t do it but he did. I gazed into his eyes as he shoved the knife into me and then twisted inside of me. As I was about to fall to the ground he grabbed me and then we both fell to the ground together.
I saw blood pouring out of me from where he had stabbed me and then I started spitting blood out from my mouth I knew I was dying by the hands of the one that I loved. I looked at him and was repulsed by what I had seen and I did want to be anywhere near him and I tried to get away from him, that’s when I started to hear the others screaming. At that moment I wish could go back in time to stop myself from convincing the others not to take the deal.
I regret that my actions not only had a negative impact on me but also my entire tribe. As I was crawling trying to get away from him, he grabbed my legs and pulled me back towards him. He held me in his arms and I tried to get away from him but there was little I could do for I was dying and had very little energy to fight back.
The last thing I saw when I first lay dying was my love and I wondered if he had any regret over what he had just done. Zeus kept true to his word and made sure that my tribe paid for choosing love over him. We all suffered at his hands I am talking literally it didn’t matter to him if was a man or a woman, child or adult, at sometime or another he raped every member in my tribe including me.
Not only was I raped my the king of the Gods but I was also raped by other Gods. In most of my many lives the Gods made sure to place me with violent mortals. For thousands of years I have been sexually, verbally, and physically abused by man, they wanted me to see the worse in humanity they never wanted me to see the good.
I’ve never been rich in any of lives I’ve always been lower middle class or poor. Poor was always worse because you didn’t know where your next meal was going to be or where you were going to sleep. And the people were always the worse always there to take advantage of you when you were at your most desperate need.
One would think that eventually that they would have let it go but they never did and at some point I couldn’t let it go because they didn’t. When I am in my mortal form I don’t remember any of this but when I die and go to the other side I remember it all. During my time in the other side I would plot my revenge on them and now after thousand of years it is finally coming together.
During my last visit to the other side I pulled off my long awaited plan and was able to steal ambrosia from the Gods and when I ate it I became a God myself. I knew that they were still much powerful than me and would stick my right next to Chronos in Tardarus if they caught me. Luckily for me I was able to find a cloaking spell that would buy me sometime from their wrath.
The only way I will ever feel safe and to redeem myself is to unite the tribes. I am not some pathetic woman who will go back to a man who has wronged her no matter what he is done but I don’t see any other way out of this. The idea of being around him again makes my skin crawl and I don’t know how I am going to resist the urge to hurt him physically but I know I half to do it.
Zeus always feared us and thought that we were more powerful than him and the other Gods and I hope he was right. People think that everyone has a twin flame but their wrong only few do because there was no way that they would ever make that mistake again. For the people who don’t have twin flames, there just a distraction for those of us that do have them.
It was Zeus’s goal that we never find one another again since he couldn’t destroy us. I think he would have laid seige to the entire planet once mankind turned their backs on the Gods if it wasn’t for us. Even though they couldn’t destroy mankind because of us they were going to make sure that they suffer because of us.
People are much violent than they use to be the violence is evident even in children, massive epidemic of school shooting, children are being arrested and tried for murder, rape, and various other crime, the Gods had their hands in this. The planet is a pit because the Gods gave mankind ideas on inventions that they knew would ravage the planet. I think that their most brilliant and cruelest invention was Fox news.
I look around and see what life has become like on this planet and can’t help but think what life would have been like if the other tribe would have chosen love over a cushy life. Not just for me and the others but also for everyone else on the planet and I can’t help but think that life would be so much better for us all if they would have chosen differently. I have to stop thinking of what ifs, I have to start moving forward and once they are overthrown things will be different things will be better.
I have found my other half and all I have to do is make him love me and I have no idea on how to do that. He betrayed me in the worse way possible and honestly know how to love him or to forgive him but I know that I have to. The only way that this is going to work is if we love each other again and once that happens we have to mate to ascend.
I can’t helped but think that he remembered any of this that he would go running straight to Zeus once I showed myself to him. He’s mortal so he doesn’t remember it and I have to tell myself that all of this happened thousands of years ago and I haven’t seen him till now. I’ve been able to peek into his past lives and his current life isn’t nearly as glamorous as his others.
Somethings remained the same like always growing up in a loving and caring family which is something that myself nor anyone in my tribe has ever had. He is not as well known in this life as he has been in others but I think in part that has to do with the fact that he stopped following the Gods along with his tribe along time ago. My only question is why did Gods still keep their bargain with them for the most part.
The Gods are famous for screwing with people and breaking deals all the time why keep the bargain. I guess they figured that they had to and if the other tribes cushy existence went away then they would realize something was wrong and start looking for us but I doubt that they would. I’m getting off topic, talking about my other half will do that to me because it is such a painful and sore subject.
Anyways he is a semi successful actor on television and I read interviews in which he said that he would like to do more movies that’s never going to happen the Gods will see to it. He’s middle aged, very good looking, and very muscular for someone his age. Most men in that age group start losing their hair and develop a beer belly but not him the Gods have allowed him to keep his rugged good looks.
His wife is eighteen years younger than him and they have a daughter it must be nice to be able to have children. The one thing that the Gods fear more than us reuniting is us having children they fear the product of true love and since we were the ones who defied them, everyone in my tribe was made sterile. His daughter is a sweet and beautiful little girl and I feel guilty for trying to take her father away from her and wish there was another way but there isn’t.
I look at his life and I see a wife that is completely devoted to him and makes his the center of her world and its not enough for him. He loves going to playboy events and hanging out with playboy models and he is also sleeping with the star of a show that he guest starred on her show, he seems smitten with her. His wife and the starlet and both beautiful women in their early thirties, both fit, and they both dress in a comfortable style, and playboy models well dress like sluts when their wearing clothes so I’m sure which style he really likes.
He seems to love all types of sports and I have never been a real sports person and he also seems to love motorcycles another thing that I’m not into. I’m not sure how to make him love but I know that I have to if I am able to defeat the Gods it all depends on this sack of shit who sold me out and murdered me thousands of years ago to save himself. Even though I am a God now I still can’t make him love me because it wouldn’t be real and has to be real, it has to come from him.
I have absolutely no faith in him whatsoever, and I know that I have try I owe it to my tribe. The mere thought of being around him makes me physically ill and the thought of him touching me makes me wish I could find away to erase myself out of existence. Everything about him screams douche but that can be said about all the members of his tribe.
As much as I don’t want to involve members of my tribe I know I need a plan B just incase this doesn’t work. I have to try and unite the tribes, I have to find members of my tribe and have them work on getting their other half to love them again. As much as I hate and detest my other half I’d rather be the one to have to be the one to suffer being around him than my tribe,
My people have to very much because of me and how can I ask them to follow me again when I’m the one who got them into this mess. The one saving grace of all of this is that they don’t remember what happened and when we die the Gods make sure to separate us all because they fear that we would unite even in death. I look at their lives and their just as miserable as mine was and it is because of me that they our suffering.
I need to find them and take them to their other halves and convince them to get them to fall in love with them but I also need to work on my dip shit other half. I find myself stalling and I know that I can’t do that because time is not on my side and that clocking spell is not going to work forever. I know what has to be done and I just need the courage to do it the Gods aren’t going to give me strength I know that so I need to mustard it myself.
I’m having a hard deciding which to do first getting to the asshole that plunged a knife in my gut thousands of years ago or facing the peoples whose lives I ruined just because they had the bad sense to follow me thousands of years ago. Neither choice is pleasant but I need to act and I need to do it soon. The douche I need to meet him first and work on him first because I how can I ask people to try and love the people who betrayed us so very long ago if I can’t even do it myself.
I need to come up with story that will sell with not only him but also with the public because I’m about to do what I only dreamed of in my last life and become an actor. He seems to be obsessed with Italy and I can understand that in a way because that is where it all started so very long ago. My new persona needs to be Italian and extremely good looking that much I know.
If I am to get his attention then this new persona needs to be in her late 20’s and the only reason I don’t go younger is that I think he fears that the general public would think him a pervert and not see his projects. I make my skin turn a nice olive color, I make stomach flat about a size 4, and I give myself Kardashian boobs and ass, and I make myself 5’9, and finally make my hair turn ash brown. I look at myself in the mirror and think that this is woman that he can be very attracted to.
The twin flame tale originated in Greece but greek and Italian cultures were so intertwined back then. We were experiments of the Gods of those lands they were trying to create worshippers but we were a failed experiment.
Now that I have the look and the accent I need to come up with a good story. Family he going to want to know about them and so is the press. I can’t exactly create a family without Zeus noticing so I’m going to have to say I grew up in an orphanage.
Orphanage is the perfect story kids go in and out all the time and there are way too many kids in those places. So many people that the workers or even the other children wouldn’t even be able to remember all of them. I can say that I was never adopted and left the orphanage at a certain point my teens I left because I knew that I was never going to be adopted.
Being a God it gives me enough power that I can I put false records in a place easily without actually being there and not to gonner the attentions of the Gods. I can say that I worked a number of odd jobs here and there to save up enough money to move to the states and pursue my dream of being an actress and again I can falsify the records at these places. I have a plan and all need to do is follow through so can meet that bastard again and get him to fall in love with me and get enough power to defeat the Gods and free my people from their oppression.
I want to feel safe, I want to feel like there is hope those are things that I haven’t felt ever since this has started. I feel as though I haven’t been able to breathe or even relax because they are always throwing massive piles of shit my way. If only they would have left me alone but they didn’t they made me resort to this, they should have just left me alone.
It has been a few weeks but I have started to put my plan into action I’m in Hollywood and I have an apartment and all I need to do is get into acting. Even as a God I’m not sure how to start to get into acting. Hollywood is so full of nepotism that they don’t like giving roles to outsiders.
I’m a God I can do this actually I can do a lot but I have to do it in a way that is believable. I know that is I go into these auditions that I can be the best actor in the room and as a God people will be drawn to me. If any of these casting directors want me to sleep with them with them I can make them believe that I did without actually sleeping with them.
I have to get successful fast if I am going to get onto his show and meet the fucker again. I’ve also have been able to find another member of my tribe living on the streets on Hollywood because his parents recently kicked him out for being gay. In this life he’s a gay 17 year old living on the streets prostituting himself to survive.
I have also found his other half he’s a Republican politician in Nevada with a wife and kids. If you think he’s straight you’re wrong he frequently calls on male prostitutes and has sex with them while pretending to have the perfect life. Again he’s a douche but he’s from the other tribe and their all like that.
He’s going to turn 18 in less than a month and once he does I can get the two of them together some how. As much as I hate doing that to him I have to do everything in my power to reunite the tribes because that is the only way we are going to defeat the Gods. I need to do my part I have to reconnect with my dip shit other half, I need to lead by example, I should be the one to suffer this first.
So for the next three weeks I go to acting lessons and go to auditions and I look for an agent. I go through the motions of what any normal aspiring actor does and it finally starts to pay off. I get an agent and I start making contacts and getting roles I feel as though I am starting to make progress but its not fast enough for my liking.
Even though I still feel like my life is still in utter chaos at least I have one sanctuary in my life my home. The human world believes I live in a crappy apartment it’s not my home I just consider a place I go to, to travel to my real home. For so long I have been relegated to the lowest forms of living but now as a God I can finally get some taste of luxury.
The bathroom door to my apartment is a portal to another dimension of my creation where I am the only one there. My home is a beautiful modern mansion that would put the Spelling mansion to shame. I consider my style to be a cross between futuristic and alien abduction in that all my furniture is floating and there are no wires holding it up and all I have to do for a tv is think about and image pops up no screens, and my color schemes are blue,black, and silver.
It’s nice to finally be able to have something nice, for thousands of years I have been denied so many things because the Gods want to see me suffer for choosing my other half over them. I wish I could go back and change that decision but they have too many safe guards for that. I have to focus on the present not only do I have to get him to love me again which I’m not even sure he ever was to tell you the truth but I also have to love him again it has to go both ways.
How can I love that pig again after everything he has done, how do I let go of all the anger and hate that I have for him. It was so easy for him to let me go and after everything that he did I still loved him, I may not have been aware of it consciencaly but there was always this part of me that still loved him and could feel him hoping and dreaming that he would come to senses and rescue me. I wish I could say that after a couple of lifetimes I let go but it took my centuries to do that, it took the death of hope for me to finally let him go.
Even after letting him go I was still unable to move on with somebody else because anytime I got close to somebody the Gods would make them suffer for loving me. For thousands and thousands of years I watch those around me suffer for loving me and that bastard didn’t have to go through any of that. I hate the fact that I’m the one who has to reach out to him and reconnect, that I’m the one who has to court him and forget everything that he has done, he should be the one reaching out to me, courting me and begging for my forgiveness.
I digress because I know that is never going to happen and I have to do this for my tribe and for all of humanity because if it were up to them they would wipe us all out. I know the shows that he has a recurring role on so I pressure my agent to get me an auditions for those shows and eventually it paid off. I went in and auditioned and I did everything in my power to get it and I got it.
I fly to Vancouver in a matter of weeks to film a guest arc on his show and I can’t believe it everything is starting to form together. I’m excited,scared,nervous, so many different emotions rolled into one. My anxiety is getting the better of me and I feel as though if I weren’t a God I’d be physically ill from this.
It’s two weeks later and I’m on the plane to Vancouver and I am getting closer to him than I have been since he killed me. I start crying on the plane and people are asking me if I am alright and I say I’m alright, its just that I don’t like flying and that is why I am upset and they to buy it. The plane eventually lands on the ground and I get off and head towards the airport.
I get my luggage and head outside and get a taxi and head towards my hotel. As he is driving, I can’t help but think about him and the fact there were actually going to be in the same room together come tomorrow that hasn’t happened for thousands of years. The Gods were determined to keep us apart always fearing that we would find one another and reconnecting and ascending and becoming more powerful than them.
And now with any luck their worst fears are about to come true and we will take them down once and for all. It’s a shame to kill them and wipe them out of existence because I would if I could but they are truly immortal and I can’t. Maybe I can do something worse to them and make them wish they were dead but anything that I do isn’t going to be enough after everything that they have done.
I’m in my hotel room and I can’t sleep I’m so nervous from what’s going to happen tomorrow. I tried to figure out whether or not I should fight it or not and I finally decide not to fight it. I’m not getting any sleep no matter what comes tomorrow I’m coming face to face with the bastard that betrayed me so that he could get a cushy ride for all eternity.
I played over a thousand different scenarios in my head on how things will go tomorrow. Most of my fantasies are violent in one I imagine myself stabbing him in the gut like he did with me and in my favorite one I poof him to my home and skin him alive and bring him back to life and do it over and over again. I wish that I could be more into the mind set of forgive and forget but I’m not.
The day is finally here and I take a cab to the set and I walk onto it knowing that he is near and I keep telling myself not to be scared. I go through the motions of hair and makeup and then I’m done and I walk to the set and watch him do a scene. Were actually in the same room together and I can’t believe it.
I watch him perform and he is magnificent at it and I wonder if he really is talented or if he gets it from me. All great performers have one thing in common being tortured and he’s never been tortured he made a deal for that. I’m the one who has been tortured for thousands of years and we still carry a piece of each other and maybe my pain is coming out through his work.
Eventually he finishes with his scene and I walk towards him and he is about to see me and I get nervous and I walk away. I run outside I start hyperventolating and crying and cursing myself for being such a coward. I find myself being overwhelmed by all of this and I give myself time to calm down before I head back inside.
Of all the ways that this could have played out not once did I think that fear would hold me back. I have been abused in the worst possible ways imagined for thousands of years and survived it and have even become numb towards it. It’s not that it doesn’t bother me because it does its that just don’t let it affect me the way that it use to.
In the beginning I was paralyzed by fear I would run and hide and cry but it never served any purpose. In the beginning I would die from dehydration or starvation or both because I was just helpless to the pain but that seemed to make the Gods happy watching me suffer it delighted them. I knew that I couldn’t make it so easy for them to laugh at me I had to rise above what they were doing.
If I can rise above what they did I can introduce myself to him I can be brave because I have seen horrors that other people can’t even imagine. I go back inside and I see him and start to shake uncontrollably and I know that we to meet for my plan to succeed and as I am about to approach him a PA come up to me and tells me that I am wanted on set. I look at him then I look at the PA, I should tell the PA to give me a minute but I don’t and I follow the PA and walk away from my other half.
I close my eyes and think, “you fucking coward, you only have a certain amount of time before the Gods figure out what you’re up to.” I arrive I set and take my mark and once the director says action I say my lines and do my scenes. If I hadn’t just blown my chance at meeting my other half I could have enjoyed it because in my last life all I dreamed of was being an actress.
Once the scene was over I go outside and I sit on the stairs and start breathing in and out heavily. I put my hands to my face wishing that I had the courage to go up to him and thats when I hear, “I thought you were really good in that scene.” I look up and it’s him and I’m in shock and know if I were human I’d probably be puking by now.
My mind goes blank for a few seconds and then I think say something you moron and then I do “thank you.” He notices my accent and is shocked because I sounded so american in my scenes. I tell him how I always dreamed of doing american television and films because I always enjoyed them more growing up and I knew that I needed to be able to pull off the accent so I took numerous lessons from a dialect coach and was able to learn the accent.
He seems impressed and he ask me what country I am from and I tell him Italy and that instantly gets his interest. He goes on and on about how many times he has been to Italy and what a beautiful country it is, and how the people and food, and how everything is so great there. I indulge him and we go back and forth and he is smiling and laughing seeming to be enjoying himself.
In the background I hear someone say “T.H your needed on set,” he looks over to them and then back to me and seems a little bit sad having to leave. Before he does he introduces himself to me and puts his hand out “I’m T.H by the way, what’s your name?” I put my hand out towards him and we shake and I say, “D.J Martino.” He asks what D.J stands for and I tell him Donetella Josephine and then he ask me why I don’t go by Donetella Martino.
And then I tell him can he guess what the english version of my name is and he isn’t able to and I tell him “Donna Martin.” He goes “ohhhh” and then laughs. I smile because he knows who I am now and he might just be interested in learning more about me. “I don’t want to associated with someone who looks like a horse face, tranny, and who only got success because of their daddy.”
He laughs and tells me how well I speak English and I have to keep my temper in check and I tell him thank you. As he was about to leave I stop him, “why do you call yourself T.H, I know it stands for Tony Harrison.” He stops and turns towards me, “Tony Harrison is my birth name and professional name and birth name and I like the way T.H, sounds it’s better to me.”
I nod at him and heads back in and I take a deep sigh of relief after he leaves. I want to cry but I know better than to do that here I go back inside and check to see if I was done for the day and they told me I was. As I am heading out I watch him interacting with the cast and the crew he’s laughing and smiling and so are they he’s a natural when it come to people.
I remember reading an interview that he did where he says that he loves people and that he was a real people person. It must be nice to the best in people never to see the dark side of humanity, in each of my incarnations the Gods always made sure that I was always surrounded by the worst that humanity has to offer. I’m the opposite of T.H, I hate people I can’t stand being around being people I much rather be alone.
I would gladly give if anything if I could be alone away from everybody and everything in my own little dimension but I know that is not an option. If only they would have left me alone then I never would have resorted to any of this, they will never leave me alone I have to do this. And after what they have done I can’t let this go either they have to pay for not only what they did to me, but also even my tribe, and hell even humanity maybe they wouldn’t be so nasty if the Gods didn’t interfere with them.
I hate him for all the hope and love that he has for life and love that he has for humanity, I wish that I had that. All that hate I have for him starts boiling back to the surface and I figure I better leave before I do something that I’d regret so I do. As I am heading towards to the hotel I can’t help but think of how T.H’s decisions have not negatively impact my life and how all the rotten things have happened since day he stabbed me in the stomach could be laid at his feet.
He refused to fight to stand up against them he coward in front of them and I can’t like him, respect him for what he did. I know that he doesn’t remember any of this I would like to believe that there is a part of him that remembers and that he has a hard time looking in the mirror but that is just wishful thinking on my part. As soon as I am alone in my room I create a doorway to my dimension and enter and as soon as I am there I start crying for hours and hours.
All the pain that I had been holding all this time just started pouring out and I couldn’t contain it anymore. When I am on earth I know that I can’t show this side of me because it would be seen as a weakness and the weak get eatin there. I can’t help but feel as though if I were a man that this would be all easier.
Women love dark and brooding and tortured type while men see it as being psychotic and needy and wouldn’t even touch a person like that with a ten foot pole. I wish I was a man I’d have a better chance at succeeding but I have to soldier on. I don’t feel like a typical female in the sense that I’m not that feminine and that’s his type which is going to make this so much harder.
All I can think about is how unfair it is that I have to reconnect with this asshole to ensure my safety. I conjure up a picture of him and picture of him and put it on the dartboard and then hang it up on the wall. I start throwing darts at his picture and I start feeling better but I still wish I could hurt but I can’t because he is the only hope with not only saving but also saving the world.
T.H, what an idiotic nickname you gave for yourself, I glance at his picture I wonder if there is anything about him that has any real substance to him or did he give that all up a long time ago. I hate this, I feel pathetic having to obsess over someone who dumped me in the worst possible way along time and who doesn’t even remember me. My nerves get the better of me again and I can’t sleep and all I can think about is the past,present, and future.
Time slips through hands once more and it is time to leave this place once more and return to the real world. I get ready to go to the set and I keep wondering if there was any other way I can ensure my safety without involving but I come to the same conclusion that I always do there isn’t. As my driver is taking me to the studio I keep reminding myself that I have to be on my best behavior when I am around him and I can’t show the slightest bit of anger towards him.
I get to the set and I don’t see him I make a half hearted effort to look for him and the finally I reach someone who says that he is not coming in till the afternoon. Again conflicting feelings overwhelm me. I am relieved that I don’t have to look at him and then there is another part screaming at me telling me that time is not on my side, that I need to get him to love me as soon as possible.
I’m in the makeup chair getting my hair and makeup done and the two people who are getting me ready want to talk. I’d rather not but I know I need to come off as being warm and fuzzy to get him interested in me. Lucky for me all they seem to want to talk about is Italy they are so fascinated with my accent.
I answer their question and I keep wondering when they are going to shut up and leave me alone. I can already tell this is going to be a long day I’m going to have to socialize with other people and the only moments I’m going to have is when I have to go to the bathroom if I’m lucky. All of this shit because I’m connected to a jerk that I haven’t seen for thousands of years and neither one of us is in love with the other.
I go around and talk with the cast and the crew and they smile and laugh and seem to be enjoying my company but to be honest with you I can’t tell what they were really thinking and feeling. If I was good with people things would have been so much easier for me but maybe not. Hopefully things went well and they will tell him good things about me and I will get invited to social functions where we can interact.
I’m called to the set and I go through the motions and do my scenes and if things were different I can actually enjoy this more. I get a break and its lunch time and I go to the crafts and carts to get my lunch and I get in a line to order my food. The line is moving slowly and then I hear T.H’s voice behind me.
“I heard that you have been looking for me,” great I have to do this don’t I. I turn around and smile at him, “we never got to finish our conversation from yesterday.” He gestures for me to look back and I can see that it is my turn to order food and I am relieved it’s a small break where I don’t have to talk to him.
I order fish tacos and he orders grilled salmon with a side of asparagus I comment that he is much healthier than me. He says he’s getting older and he needs to eat right to stay in shape I want to laugh but I know I can’t. He can he eat whatever the fuck he wants to and he would still be gorgeous the Gods would see to that.
We find a table and sit with each other he ask me what do I want to talk to him about?.So many things come to mind, why did you kill me?, why did you betray me?, why weren’t you willing to fight for us?, does what you did ever bother does it ever trickle down deep inside of you and if doesn’t how can you look at yourself in the mirror?. I know I can’t ask him any of that so I go with a generic question, “we talk about me so much yesterday, and you really didn’t get a word in edgewise, I want to hear all about you today,” not really but what choice do I have.
Our order came up and he offered to get my plate as well and I let him. I watch him go to the truck and pretty soon he would be back telling me about his perfect life and how everything is so easy for him. He didn’t have to tell me about his life I already knew everything about this life and his past ones.
He has had such a cushy ride ever since he made that deal he has never had to suffer or pay for what he did. It is so unfair and I know that he is never going to be punished for any of it because if I successful with my goals then he is going to be more powerful than the Gods and he’ll have my forgiveness it’s so unfair where’s the justice in any of this. I want to suffer I want him know what it has been like for me ever since he made that deal maybe this is why Gods have kept their end of the deal, maybe they figured if we were to ever find each other again that bitterness over what happened would keep us apart I fear that their right.
He comes back with the food and says that he’s going back to get something to drink and asks me if I would like anything and I tell him that I would like a club soda. I wish all of this could be simple that all we had to do was look at each and that we would automatically ascend and that we didn’t have to do this dance, but why should it be simple my luck has been shit for a very long time now so why should it change when I need it to. He’s coming back with the drinks and pretty soon we will be talking about his perfect life and all I want to do is beat the shit out of him.
He’s walking towards me and then as he is about to sit down I smile at him and I wonder if he can see the hate and contempt behind the smile. Probably not the Gods gave him beautiful body and face that have looked spectacular since the day he was born. Women have always been easy for him they just flock towards him, he doesn’t mind its gotten him laid so many times.
I think about when we were one and wonder if he always wanted to be with other was I ever enough was our time together a complete lie. So many questions I had and that I wish I could ask and if I could ask him it might make it easier to forgive him, then again I might not like the answers he gives me. He starts using plastic knife and fork to cut up his salmon and then ask me what I wanted to know about him.
I take a bite of my food and start to chew and then I gesture to him to give me minute because of the food. I tell myself just get this over with already you need for him to see that you have a genuine interest in his life even though you don’t. I swallow the food and then take a sip of my club soda and then I say, “I want to hear about where you grew up, your family school, basically everything that you are willing to tell me.”
We didn’t really talk about me yesterday just basically places in Italy but he’s so dense I don’t think he even notices. He opens his mouth and words come out and I’m not really paying attention to him I’m zoning out, I smile and nod occasionally and act as though I am following along. As I see his mouth going I just can’t help but wonder if he is ever going to shut up or maybe because I’m miserable time just seems to be going at slow motion.
I have to appear as though I am following along if we are going to reconnect buts it’s hard when all I want to do is slam his face in. He actually stops talking and he is smiling and looking at me. For just a second I felt like we were back to the days when we were connected and all that mattered to us was each other.
I quickly got over that when I realized that time was was a very long time ago something which was very easy for him to forget. He seemed to be able to tell that there was pain in my eyes and asked me what was wrong. I tell him nothing is wrong and that my allergies must be acting up and I also tell him that I enjoyed learning more about him and what an interesting life that he has had.
He smiles and says that he is blessed and thanks the good Lord from above everyday. I wanna laugh he is blessed not just by one God but several Gods, as I said before I’ve looked into his lives and for the past eight hundred years he has been a devout Christian. I know how much the Gods love the one God and how they have been nearly forgotten because of the one God.
He made a deal with Zeus and he hasn’t even worshipped him in over eight hundred years. Why is Zeus keeping his end of the deal? I think that it’s my own pain that is coming through I wish that he had suffered a little. I graze his hand with my hand and smile and look lovingly at him, “aren’t you lucky man.”
He gives me a weird look and it is almost like a temporary moment of where he knew who I really was but it was over as quick as it started. T.H was called back onto set but before he left he said that we should hangout more before my gig is up and I tell him that I would like that. As I watch him walk away I can’t help but think maybe there is hope that all of this can work out in the end.
Hope is something that I thought died a long time ago it’s something that I thought I would never feel again. I’m not at the finish line with my goals but with that look I felt as though the gun went off at the starting line and I started running. I couldn’t eat after that I didn’t even eat half of my food and I threw the rest of it in the trash.
Excitement comes over me that maybe I can get my happy ending after all and it is a beautiful feeling. Shortly after that I was called back to set and I was able to enjoy this more and today was a good day. Hopefully tomorrow will be even better because I actually have scenes with T.H tomorrow and that might help us connect even more.
When I am done with my scenes I head out towards my driver and T.H whispers into my ear, “good job.” I smile at him and whisper “thank you”, and then head out. As my driver is taking me back to my hotel I can’t help but feel like a rockstar at this very moment.
I wish this feeling can always last forever and that nothing could ever ruin this. Once I arrive to my hotel and then go to my room and then to my secret place and once I am there I jump up and down and scream for joy. A feeling of ease and calm come over me a feeling that I haven’t felt for thousands of years.
I needed to get off this feeling because when have things ever been easy or simple for me. Today was a good day but that doesn’t mean that tomorrow will be, I have to take this one day at a time. I was actually able to sleep that night and had a surprisingly pleasant dream where T.H and I were walking on the beach holding hands and in love with each other again.
It might have been a trick by Morpheus he is the God of dreams after all and I don’t know any really way to protect myself from him when I am sleeping. Morpheus does not get along with the rest of the Gods and that is the only thing that is going for me and maybe see a change in the air and wants to get in good with me before it happens. If that is the case then he is one of the few Gods that I will spare.
I hate most of the Gods but not all of them and before this there were only two Gods that I was going to spare. Aries and Arthemis they were the only two that ever showed me mercy and kindness among their kind. When the other Gods weren’t looking they were kind and I understand why they didn’t do more because they were afraid of their father Zeus and I don’t blame them.
Both of them are former lovers of mine and I still have great affection for both of them. Aries would hide me from the other Gods from here and there and I am greatful to him for that. Those moments were always so brief but when I had them I felt as though I could breathe and that I didn’t have to be afraid all the time. People look at him as a monster but he’s not he knows the hearts of man that they will always want war and lays judgement on wars he is the one who decides who wins the war he doesn’t make the war happen.
Arthemis came along during a time in my life when I just was sick of men for the obvious reasons. What really drew me to her was when I saw her beat the shit out of her twin brother Apollo. Apollo after his daddy was the main other God who came after me the most, he like the male Parris Hilton of Gods.
Both them are great individuals and I personally that there would any chance of me dating a God but they made me see past their species. When I was with them it was only time in my life where sex was actually enjoyable. I believe in my heart that they did what they could for me if they would have went to bat for me a hundred percent that they probably would have ended up just like the titans.
Arthemis as much as I care for her and found are time enjoyable I still found myself more attracted to men than women. She’s tough but also respectful and can take rejection better than the rest of her kind. I would have never have dared to do that with any of the rest of them because they would usually curse you before they would give you a clean break.
Aries I did genuinely consider staying with him I never truly had his heart, his heart would always belong to Aphrodite. I think what drew me to him is that were both so much alike in that we hover to people who don’t deserve our love. We both take so much shit from those who are, our supposed soulmates.
As much as I care for them I can’t let them know my plans because Zeus is their father and as much as I want to believe in them I can’t risk them betraying me. Ever since the day that T.H stabbed me in the gut its been hard for me to trust anyone. The only person I can trust is myself which is sad because I think when it come to people I have terrible judgement.
I woke up with a sense of calm and hope for the future which I know I probably shouldn’t have. I might have an allie in my battle against Zeus, I got the attention of my other half I can’t help but feel hope. I have four hours till I have to be on set and I need to figure out what to wear. I want to get his attention but I don’t want to seem like I am trying to get his attention.
I’ve looked into his past he only has serious and semi-serious relationships with women who dress somewhat modestly. He also screws women that dress and look slutty like this one playboy model who he chats with a lot on twitter. She naked in all her shots but covers herself in a way that doesn’t show all her parts in some of the.
T.H really want to screw her I know that much and I can’t help but wonder which way I should go. If I go the slutty route he will lose all respect for me but I know I could get him addicted to me sexually. If I go the modest route it could take me a really long time to get him interested in me and time is not on my side.
I decide to go the slutty route and I hope it pays off i conjure up the tightest, blackest dress that I can think of I need something to show off my figure. I look at it and think maybe it should be white to give it more of a virginal feel so I make it white and I conjure up white pumps. The dress shows off my tiny waist and my large breasts and big butt he will be sexually drawn to me in this outfit.
I look at hair and I wonder it I should put it up or not I decide not to because most actors working on set know that your hair and makeup is going to to done on set. Ok I can’t do my hair or makeup but I can make sure that that I don’t have any pimples or bags under my eyes and that my hair isn’t a mess. I look at myself in the mirror and think damn I look good and I am ready to see him again.
I head out to get a taxi and all the men are staring at me with their jaws open and even some of the women. In each of my lives I have been told how pretty I was but it always hard for me to believe personally. I didn’t feel pretty it often left me an outcast with other women and men coming after me whether I wanted it or not.
I’ve been lynched in a lot of my lives where I got raped by men and then accused of being a witch and the women saying how I put a spell on their husbands to be unfaithful. It always ended the same way me dying some painful and gruesome death by a band of village idiots. I can remember those deaths where I was; drowned, stoned, beheaded, buried alive, and my personal favorite one fire.
Fire was always the most painful and brutal way to go I remember the pain, my skin crackling, and then watching it melt off. Have you ever smelled your own flesh cooking well I have and its not pleasant. I’ve experienced every type of pain you can imagine and I am sick of it no more.
Love got me into this mess and it’s damn well going to get me out. Love is a curse not a blessing and I wish I would have known that from the start to spare myself all of this. As I am heading to the studio I am trying to picture in my mind how things are going to go today but everytime I do it is never what I expect.
I might as well just roll with the punches and just see how things will go instead of trying to imagine them. I get to the studio and I am getting the same reaction that I got from the hotel this is good because I know T.H will react the same way. I see him from the distance and I think oh crap he brought the wife and kid today.
I try to walk away before he notices me but its too late he walks over with his wife and kid. He says that I look nice today, and with the look that his wife is giving me I can tell that she is passing judgement which in all honesty she should. I smile at them and tell them that I am so sick of being couped up that I had do something after work today.
I don’t know if he buys it or not but I can instantly tell that his wife doesn’t looks that she keeps giving me. So I try and pour on extra charm to deflect and I smile at them, “so T.H aren’t you going to introduce me to your lovely wife and daughter.” As I stare at them I couldn’t help but think that they are a cute, lovely, family and I couldn’t help but feel jealous.
The Gods never really a loud me to connect with people and the ones that they did I wished that I never met. I have never had a biological child in my miserable existence or was ever really to connect with anyone after T.H, it’s not fair that he gets rewarded for his rotten behavior and I keep getting punished for loving him.
The girl curtseys and tells me her name and the wife continues to give me negative looks but then she smiles and shakes my hand and tells me her name. I don’t know why she is so upset with me T.H, is still the same douchebag that he always was she should be thanking me for taking him off her hands. I shivered at the thought of having to spend eternity with him but then a different thought crossed my mind that send shivers down my spine what if were joined together like we once were.
I want to believe in my heart we would remain two separate entities but what happens if I’m wrong. Haven’t I suffered enough why does it have to take me having to reconnect with this asshole to be able to save myself, my tribe, and the world. So much is riding on us reconnecting and still wish that there was another way besides having the guy who stabbed me and literally slit my throat be the way.
I had to get out of there and away from and this freak show that is my life. I wanted to go somewhere, where I could drown my sorrows and be a faceless nobody who didn’t matter. I strolled Sunset Strip what seemed like hours until I could find the most loudest and congested club I could fine.
I saw a huge crowd at this one place “The Word” it looked like any typical douchy club out there but judging by the size of the crowd it was the new it spot for anyone who was anyone and the losers who wanted to be perceived as being important. I saw some famous faces going in and I also saw the screaming fans begging for their attention, for them to acknowledge them, for them to be seen as somebodies. Normally I don’t like going out under any circumstances, blame the Gods for that they made sure that with every incarnation that I had that I would see the absolute worse in humanity.
People disgust me, I find myself having panic attacks when I’m around too many people. I can always feel them judging me for anything that I do. I’ve had several life times where I’ve had people laughing and making fun of me because of the way that I ran. When the Gods created humanity they created mirror versions of themselves except the power that they reserve only for themselves.
The Gods gave a certain chosen more influence on certain people than they did most. The ones who were chosen seem to have mistaken influence for actual power and they think their special, better than anyone else and that people who don’t have their status are nothing. The one thing that they all have in common is that they believe that it is going to last their lines forever because their blood is special.
The Gods are fickle they might favor one particular family for several generations but once they get bored they will strip everything away from that bloodline and start a new with a different family. These current rich assholes think that their families have always been influencial but when you have been around as long I have you see it flip real easily. “Absolute power, corrupts absolutely”, I can’t remember which mortal said that but their right.
If I succeed with my endevour will I be as corrupt as the Gods, the humans with influence, or worse T.H. Oh God don’t let me end up like T.H. someone who is willing to betray everyone who ever cared or loved him for influence and easy ride for all eternity. I was my since of right and wrong to stay intact, I want to care about things not just myself, I don’t want this to corrupt me.
As I entered the club one man instantly got my intention Adam Pounder a famous pornstar. Porn fascinates me all that flesh pounding together seeming to enjoy themselves when it comes to that act. I have rarely ever enjoyed it and the times that I did was with Gods no less.
I noticed him looking at me I didn’t know how to feel it was exciting seeing this sexual being interested in me. My inner insecurities took route and I started feeling nauseous I stopped looking at him hoping that he would just go away. I could still feel his gaze I started moving towards this hole this had been a mistake I need to get out of here.
I’m close to the door I’m almost out of here away from all these people. I could feel a wave of calmness coming towards me as I neared the door. It had to have been a few feet away from the door when I felt a hand on my shoulder it was Adam.
All I could think was please don’t puke over and over again why did I come here I am not good with people. What do you expect when I have experienced the absolute worse in humanity for thousands and thousands of years, while T.H. got see the best all that time being coddled, living the life of luxury, having his dick sucked by waves of beautiful women. Look Adam so calm and collective but I do have to admit that he has a beautiful smile and I saw some of his movies and I also knew he had a big dick.
As soon as said “Hi, I’m” I cut him off and told him I knew he was that I had seen some of his movies. He laughed and asked if I was put off by what he did for a living I told it didn’t and then he asked why I was so nervous. I figure why not be partially honest with him, “I don’t like people.”
He laughed and asked what am I doing in a club full of people then. Good question what am I doing here, I got close to his, “I’m asking that myself.”
Adam smiled and said he was glad that I was here. He then grabbed me towards the dance hall but I resist. " I don't know if you have noticed but I'm very white and have rhythm.
He laughed " well that's offensive I'm white too. Adam kept trying to get me to go to the dance floor, "I said no"! If only he knew about the immense power that I have and how easily it would be to smite him.
Luckily for him he backs off of the whole dancing thing. He takes his hands off of me "well at least let buy you a drink." Why is he trying so hard to get to know me "fine I'll let you buy me a drink!"
t writing here…
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