All I have ever known is pain. I can’t remember a time when I did not ache. It has become the norm for me. I do not know what it feels like to have the sun on my face or to look at the moon and stars. Truth be told I do not know what they are.
I have been locked away for my entire life.
Beaten, tortured, tormented.
All I know is my four walls. I have a pile of hay on the floor for a bed and a bucket for a toilet. To me this is normal.
I only have one person visit and he claims to be my father.
I do not know if it is true or not. I have no other frame of reference in my dismal little world. I do know that I hear voices. Well one voice.
She tells me she is my wolf and that she is there to keep me strong. She does not want me to give up hope of escaping this hell. At one point, she had convinced me to let her take over and since I have nothing else to keep me occupied, I let her. I was four years old. The pain was excruciating but it still was not as bad as some of the beatings from my ‘father’. I could feel my bones breaking one at a time and it felt like my skin was being peeled from my body. During all of this, I never uttered a word or whimper.
My vocal chords had been cut a long time ago so that my ‘father’ did not have to listen to my screams when he tortured me.
After the pain was gone, I awoke to a very different world. I was able to make out more of my little room and all my senses were sharper, clearer. I was also looking at everything from a different height.
When I looked down at my hands, I saw paws. I was confused but did not think anything of it, as again I had no one to tell me that this was not normal. My wolf spoke to me and told me that this is what we looked like when she took over. I had asked if I could come back and she let me.
It did not hurt this time and I asked her why. She told me the first shift is the hardest and anytime from now on would be easier. I shrugged and went to sleep.
Ever since then my ‘father’ would ask me to shift. My wolf told me not to. Saying that if I did then it would be worse for me if he found out I could. I listened to her and never shifted in front of him.
I do not know how many times he asked me this question. I have no idea how long he was going to keep me locked up away from the rest of the world.
One day I would get out of here. One day I would know what it felt like to be out in the open and no longer caged. One of these days, he will ask his question and I will show him what I am and get away from him.