HE couldn't even feel anything. He was completely numb apart from a dull ache found in his chest - the place his heart should be.
Lucas was still in shock from what happened last night. He could hardly register that it was even morning considering he hadn't slept at all. He had been stressed since getting the threatening letter but now... he couldn't even function.
All he had to do was get snacks to bring back for Ava and he couldn't even do that without getting sneaked up on by a rogue. With his mind consumed by thoughts of his mate waiting at home for him, he was distracted enough for the rogue to claw his chest before Lucas even saw it.
After quickly killing the rogue and mind linking someone to clear the body, he was annoyed at how he could be so easily attacked. He was supposed to be an Alpha yet one small rogue managed to cut a large diagonal line across his chest. Disposing of his ripped shirt, he walked home, hoping that his chest would heal before Ava saw it.
Unfortunately, that didn't happen. She saw him and he panicked. He wasn't ready for her to know about him being a werewolf. It was too sudden and he had no time to prepare, worrying that without the right words and actions, she'd leave him forever.
He didn't know how he'd explain his fast healing to her so his first solution was to get her away from him as soon as possible. His brain was completely frazzled, not thinking clearly, especially since he was still angry about the rogue getting past the defences. To get her away was the only thing on his mind.
And he did that... in the worst possible way.
Lucas didn't even know why he did it or how it could happen. He just snapped. The fear of his mate leaving him was overwhelming. The thoughts of what would happen if she stayed and watched his nearly fatal wounds heal before her eyes, repeated in his mind. She'd call him a monster. A freak. She'd leave and never want to be near him again. Never want to see him again.
Last night, he watched Ava run around the kitchen and fuss over his cuts and bruises like he would die. He watched her cry out of worry for him.
Not being able to see his precious mate cry, he shouted at her. He even forced swear words into her clean, innocent ears. He hurt her.
So, of course she left. He didn't blame her. But he told himself he it was necessary otherwise she would've seen him miraculously heal. Lucas had to force himself not to chase after her. He couldn't run after his mate even though every cell, every fibre, in his body told him to.
Minutes. Hours. He sat at that same stool, unmoving. Ava's tearful face and pain filled eyes were fresh in his mind - tears and pain that he created all to keep his secret.
Thinking it all over in his head, he couldn't explain to himself why he didn't tell her right then and there. Instead he crushed his Ava, probably making her hate him. His only relief was the first aid kit she left in front of him, giving him hope that she still cared about him.
Regret consumed his entire being, tears of guilt escaping his eyes as he hated himself for ever raising his voice to his sweet Ava. Since he knew her, he promised her that he'd always protect her from harm. He never imagined that he would be the one to cause it.
After realising his mistake, he ran to his mate, despite knowing that she'd be at the children's home by now. That was the one route she knew well but he still worried about her safety. The threat in the letter hadn't registered in his mind when he watched her leave by herself - the sky already dark.
When he made it to the children's home, he climbed up the tree by her window as he knew he wouldn't be welcomed by Miss Barnaby so late at night. However, he was also evidently not welcomed by Ava because for the first time in years, her window was locked.
Usually it would be left wide open or a crack would be there for Lucas to climb into her room. But this time... this time it wasn't.
He nearly lost balance and fell off the branch at the realisation that Ava didn't want Lucas to cuddle with her. She didn't want to see him and he assumed she wouldn't ever want to see him.
Now, the sun was coming up as he lay on a blanket of leaves outside of Ava's window. He took shelter under the tree and laid there all night thinking over what he had done. He couldn't leave Ava by herself, especially with a threat hanging over their heads so to keep her safe, and just to be near her, he slept outside.
His cuts and bruises were all healed, just leaving dried blood on his skin. The temperature dropped during the night but of course, Lucas wouldn't get ill anyway. There was nothing that would make it any worse anyway. He would welcome some physical pain if it subsided the emotional pain.
Lucas felt empty. He felt like a lifeless corpse. Forcing himself up before anyone would see him sleeping on the ground outside, he climbed the tree once more to try the window again.
It was locked, making his chest scream in pain. A gap in the curtains allowed him to see inside her small room. Leaning precariously off the branch, he found the perfect angle to catch a glimpse of his mate.
She lay on the bed, the bed that they would usually share, with her back to the window. Her little body rose up and down evenly as she breathed, telling him she was asleep. Although disappointed he couldn't see her face, he was also thankful. Lucas didn't want to see her tear stained cheeks. They'd usually be stained with a blush he created, complimenting her so she knew how perfect she was to him. Now they held the remnants of how much he hurt her.
Turning away from his sleeping beauty, this time it was him walking away with tears running down his face.
A knock sounded on the door but Lucas didn't make any move to open it nor did he allow the person to come in.
"Lucas! Open the door man." Ryan shouted as he jiggled the handle of the locked door.
He hadn't come out of his room since coming back from his night outside Ava's house. That was two days ago. Two days without his mate.
Lucas had called Ava, each time going to voicemail. He left messages, begging for forgiveness, until it was full and he couldn't leave anymore. Ava hadn't replied to any. She hadn't given him any indication that she had listened to them either as her voicemail was still full.
He sat in the corner of his room, surrounded by the blankets and pillows that captured his mates wonderful scent. He even hugged the stuffed polar bear he won for her at the carnival, internally smiling at the name she gave it, Lu Lu the Second.
The carnival was one of the best days of his life because he almost kissed her. He felt cowardly though. He didn't have the courage to tell her his secret and he couldn't even press his lips to hers despite being so close. Now, he feared he may never get the chance again.
More frantic knocking alerted him that Ryan was still outside. "If you don't unlock the door right now, I'm breaking in!" Mason yelled through the door so he was there as well.
Usually, Lucas wouldn't allow anyone to threaten him like that but now, he couldn't bring himself to shower, let alone attack anyone. He didn't feel like arguing. Miss Lillian had tried talking to him, wondering what was the matter. His father even paid him a visit but Lucas talked to neither.
The wood of the door shattered, revealing Ryan and Mason squinting their eyes at Lucas in anger. "Urgh. You look horrible." Mason pulled a repulsed face at the sight of him.
It wasn't far from the truth though. Having not showered for two days, he was supporting an unpleasant scent. Dark bags were under his eyes, a sign of his lack of sleep, and a scruffy beard had appeared after not shaving. He hadn't even changed out of his blood soaked clothes.
The solemn look on his face was what was most different. Lucas would be full of happiness just be having his mate around him but now without her, he was an empty shell.
Snapping his fingers in front of Lucas' face, Mason's eyes were wide as he took in the state of his Alpha. "He's looks so... broken."
Ryan stood in front of Lucas with his arms crossed. "What do you expect? He chased his mate away and now she wants nothing to do with him." He stated.
Lucas' heart clenched at the words that he knew were completely true. However, he didn't know how Ryan found out, considering he hadn't told anyone what had happened. Lucas didn't bother asking though and remained silent, staring at the drawing he did of Ava that hung proudly on the wall. He was holding Lu Lu the Second to his chest and imagining it was her.
"If you're wondering, a pack member was walking to the kitchen and overheard you growling at your mate to, and I quote, leave you the f*ck alone." Ryan spat, obviously angry at his best friend. Lucas wished he'd shout at him rather than make the scenes replay in his head.
"How could you do that man?! You know how delicate and innocent she is yet you yell at her and for what?! To keep your lousy secret that you should've told her years ago?!" This time it was Mason yelling. Lucas just blinked in response. There was nothing he wanted to say. He had no strength to open his mouth and yell back.
Shaking his head in disbelief, Ryan said, "you know she's like a sister to me and she's our Luna. I hate you so much for hurting her like this."
"Believe me. I hate myself much more." Lucas' voice cracked as he managed to speak.
Mason scoffed. "Well you're not doing much about it. Self pity isn't going to bring Ava back."
"He's right. Now you go to the children's home and get on your knees to beg for her forgiveness!" Ryan added, getting louder with each word. This motivated Lucas and he actually believed he could do it. Maybe it wasn't too late for Ava to forgive him. Maybe it wasn't too late for her to be his again.
"Yeah!" Mason cheered, fist pumping the air for emphasis but then quietly added, "but maybe take a shower first cause you honestly stink."
Ryan rolled his eyes and hit him on the back of the neck, while Lucas planned what he would say to her.
"What do you mean she doesn't want to see me?!" Lucas shouted at woman. Miss Barnaby just glared at him, blocking his view of inside as she stood at the door.
"I mean exactly that. She doesn't have to see you if she doesn't want to." Lucas growled at the words, his jaw clenched. "And guess what? She doesn't want to see you." The lady was almost mocking him.
"Listen here lady. You can't stop me from seeing Ava because she's mine! So, move out of the way before I move you myself." He seethed at her only to be met with a door slammed in his face.
Lucas punched the brick wall in frustration, his knuckles swelling at the impact. From the corner of his eye, he saw movement through he window next to him. Hoping it was Ava, he rushed to it but was faced with five pairs of eyes belonging to some of the little kids that lived there. They all glared daggers at him. One even dragged its finger slowly across its neck in a slicing motion as it held eye contact with a wide eyed Lucas.
It seemed like everyone hated him. He screamed into the sky in pure agony, probably looking like a lunatic but he didn't care. He didn't care about anything but his mate right now. His mate that wanted nothing to do with him.
"Woah what's up with you."
Lucas looked at Marcus, the scrawny boy that had a crush on Ava, and watched as he left he children's home. He just sighed and started to walk away, already missing his cocoon of blankets with Ava's smell.
"Oh wait I know! You and Ava are no longer best friends." Marcus pouted with fake sadness.
"Watched yourself boy." He warned in reply, stopping from taking his anger out on the human.
"Whatever you did, it must've been bad. She came home crying you know. Hasn't been out of her room once - not even to eat. You're lucky that I care about her enough to bring food to her room."
Lucas didn't know how to feel about that. He wasn't happy that his mate was suffering but at least she wasn't over the moon about their separation. He also didn't like that some other male was close to Ava while he was... away, but also felt extremely grateful that she had someone to look out for her when he wasn't there.
Marcus continued, "we knew it would have to be you that had done something to make her like this. You're the only one she cares about enough for this sort of reaction. The kids love her so they all hate you." He pointed the threatening looking children at the window.
"I know. I deserve it." Lucas admitted and went to walk back to the pack house.
"You don't deserve her you know!" He heard Marcus call from the distance.
It had now been four days since he'd been in the presence of his beautiful Ava. He missed her. He missed her so much.
Laying on the carpet floor of his room, he held his phone above his face. His lock screen was a photo he took of his mate when they lay in bed together on a lazy Sunday morning. She was tangled in his white blankets, a smile as bright at the sun that shone through the window. She truly looked like an angel and he couldn't help but admire it.
He pressed the screen once again as it started to switch off. "I miss you so much." Lucas whispered, tears stinging his eyes.
Suddenly, the screen lit up with Ava's profile picture as his phone started to ring. Startled, he dropped it on his face and yelled out in pain before quickly scrambling to answer the call.
"H-hello?" His rough voice asked, desperately hoping it was who he thought it was.
A sob escaped him at the sound of her quite voice saying his name. It wasn't the nickname she had called him since they met. Battling through his broken heart, he forced himself to be a little happy that he could finally hear her sweet voice.
"Baby. Oh gosh I'm so sorry. I- "
"I'm scared. I think someone's here but everyone's asleep." She whimpered, interrupting his mess of an apology.
Jumping to his feet, he resisted the urge to close his eyes and enjoy the sound of his mate. Lucas had to focus on her and what made her so afraid. At the back of his mind, he thought about that threat but now realised it was just fake and didn't hold any reason to be worried. However, if something has gotten Ava so panicked to the point she'd call the person she's avoiding, it had to be something worth checking out.
"What do you hear?" He asked her.
"Something by the window. Like someone's trying to get in. Please come save me."
He listened as her voice broke, indicating that she was crying. "I'm on my way."
Lucas ran to the children's home, not even worrying about the fact he had no shirt on. Making it in record time, he quickly surveyed the outside of the building, whilst reassuring Ava through the phone that he was coming.
"I'm right here ok? It's alright. You're going to be ok." He told her as she sniffled quietly through the phone.
As he climbed up the to Ava's window, he saw that to the right of him, a figure was indeed hanging at the edge of a window from a different room. He squinted into the darkness and sighed in relief as he noticed it was Marcus. Looking down, he also saw some other people and assumed they were Marcus' friends helping him sneak out.
He had never hated his name more as he wished for the nickname to make its way past the lips he missed so much. At first, Lucas hated the nickname but then found it to be the best thing ever, realising that it was something his mate made. She never made a nickname for anyone else and nobody else ever called him Lu Lu.
"I'm here. Open your window baby." He said and hung up the phone.
Lucas was surprisingly nervous as he watched the curtains slide up and the window to be open. It was too dark so he couldn't see her yet but her scent hit him, making him weak at the knees.
He didn't know what he would do once he was inside Ava's room but as he was halfway through the window, the choice was taken away from him as small arms wrapped around his bare torso.
Tingles covered his body where their skin touched. He sighed in pure content as he hugged her back much tighter. Lucas couldn't believe this was real. He found himself hallucinating Ava sometimes and was worried this was another one but dismissed the thought.
No one could imagine this much happiness.
"I missed you so much." He whispered, almost not expecting her to hear his quiet words. She didn't respond but rubbed her nose on his chest, snuggling deeper into him. "It was just Marcus sneaking out to see his friends. Probably a party."
Ava released a breath of relief, truly afraid of something outside her window. "I saw some eyes following me... that night... and I thought they were here." She explained softly.
Lucas swallowed the lump in his throat as she mentioned the night he made such a huge mistake. "I'm so sorry for shouting at you. I was just annoyed and stressed and I took it out on you."
Suddenly, she pulled herself out of his arms, looking reluctant herself. "You can go now." Ava said in a monotone.
"No! Please Ava baby. I'm sorry. You can't believe how much I regret shouting at you. P- please don't make me leave." He begged her, getting on his knees and hugging her, his head on her stomach.
"I'm just leaving you the fudge alone. Like you wanted me to." Lucas couldn't bring himself to smile at her cute censoring.
"No of course I don't want you to leave me alone. I'd have you by my side at all times if I could. Believe me baby please. I'm sorry and I didn't mean it. I'm so lost without you. People think it's you who depends on me but I can't function without you. You're the one that looks after me because without you I'm just empty. Please baby I love you." He cried into her stomach as her fingers made their way into his soft hair.
"Really?" She sniffled.
"Really baby. I'm so sorry. I'll never shout at you ever again. I promise." He stood up and held her hand to hook their pinkies together desperately. He quickly lifted their joined hands up and kissed his thumb, placing his forehead on hers.
He searched her eyes for any sign of forgiveness, when they turned glassy. Lucas quickly held her perfect face in his hands, wiping escaping tears with his thumbs. "Oh no baby. Please don't cry anymore tears because of me." Desperation laced his words as he stared at her.
"Lu Lu." She whimpered and threw her arms around him and nuzzled his neck like she loved to do. He felt her rub her cheek against his new beard. "I forgive you."
"I love you so much. You have absolutely no idea."
Thank you for reading!
It's been one month since uploading my first chapter!
Happy one month anniversary!!
I don't think people do it for books but oh well.
I've now got just over 50K!! I'm so happy! Thank you guys!
I'm glad they made up.
Much love <3