Can You Dream?

Chapter 1

Morning Fascination

I woke up wrapped in his arms

Like ribbons over a present

I've never seen this place before

I got anxious, both afraid and excited

Last night started to cluster in my mind

As if someone emptied a puzzle box in front of me

I smiled

The record player next to us gathered dust

But displayed a brand new record

My attention began to linger on the wall before me

It wasn’t light out yet, so the room was perfectly lit

Just beautiful

On the wall there was a shadow of a tree

It kind of danced on the wall

As if begging to get out of the dirt and twirl for me

The wind was assistance though

As it swayed to and fro and side to side

Then I looked at him

He looked perfect just sleeping there, it was really fascinating

If he wasn’t holding me I’d trace his face like a blind girl

Just to confirm he’s real

I closed my eyes

I came back to life

I woke up

Where is he?

I called his name

Twice before he responded

My heart began to travel back in its right position

He entered the room

‘Where are we?’

If I didn’t prepare that question moments before he came in

I would have just gawked

He just stood there looking at me in amusement

I threw the blanket over my head and closed my eyes

Like a two year old playing hide and seek

He let out a barely audible laugh and I heard him walk out without answering my question

I got up and moped around the place looking for a washroom, then I asked him

‘It’s down the hallway, the first door on your left.’

Okay I found it

I didn’t look too bad

I wasn’t wearing much though

So I did what one had to in a washroom

Turned off the light and went back in the room to find my pants

Chapter 2

Fall In My Ambiguity

Ouch! His hands are too… cold

I can’t stand the cold

What if I whispered in his ear?

As all these people walked pass us?

Tell him something to make him hot or water his eyes

The lamppost is as cold as his hands

I stand between two freezing objects stealing my warmth

At least the sky was gorgeous, filtered out all average colors

Lined it with a surreal purple and sparkling blue in an unreal sunset

I smiled

He began to pull me away and we started to glide on the cement, I hate cement

It bores me

He was still pulling me along a crowd and his hands were still cold

I looked up and tried to read a sign that I couldn’t understand

Nothing here makes sense, I’m missing out

I don’t understand the combination of letters or see a word

We walk in

The building was colder than outside, colder than him

A shiver crawled over every crevice of my spine like a slithering snake

I’m so uncomfortable

‘Do you trust me?’

He asked me like I had much of a choice

As if I would respond beyond anything other than yes

He still held my hand, and we went down a few stairs

Six

I counted

I heard music all of a sudden, like my hearing chipped in after hearing his voice

We walked into a dance party, it was so dark

I couldn’t see him anymore, I just felt his hand

He held on tighter as if to seep his coldness into me, or perhaps not to lose me

He walked closer to the music and I could no longer hear my thoughts

People bumped into me and touched every part of my body that was exposed

Then we stopped

I was distracted by this ambiguous place

He turned around his heart matched the beat of the music

He lifted my chin and looked into my eyes

It was interesting that I could make out his face and that his hands didn’t make me back away

As I swam in my now audible thoughts, he kissed me

His lips were a frozen texture and I kissed back

He held me closer

I came closer

His heart matched the beat of the music

It was beautiful

Chapter 3

Cadence of Screams

We indulged in this foreign city yet again

I was still trying to create that day in my mind

It was so hard

His hands were warmer today, still cold

We had to leave today, go back to a less ambiguous reality

I felt like I wasn’t deteriorating as fast here, I was a little sad to leave

‘I’m sorry.’

He took his seat in the plane

‘Why?’

I decided I shouldn’t break eye contact with him

I took my seat at his side

It was as if he was trying to tell me with his eyes

I can’t read him

I’m tired

I found a nice spot in his shoulder and tried to sleep there

My mind rushed a full hour before I went to sleep

Suddenly I feel a brush across my face with almost death like fingers

He whispered

‘We are here.’

He touched my thigh and my eyes sprung open, he held my hand and we left

We both had to go home, he said he would call and we parted

I got home and took a shower

I was so cold

I was shivering after and before I took my clothes off

The bathroom looked different

I took my last glance before I walked into the shower

Then I closed my eyes and allowed the controlled water to glide over every inch of me

I just stood there

Then there was a buzzing sound, like that fly you just wish the spider would kill

I like spiders

The buzzing wouldn’t stop

It was him

I got my phone with my wet hands, hoping I wasn’t destroying it

‘Déjà vu.’

‘What?’

‘I’ve been in this exact moment before.’

‘Yea me too.’ I smiled

‘You’re wet do you want me to call you back?’

‘Yea, in…’

‘Ten, will do.’

I got ready, and then watched the news on mute and he called

‘Don’t despise their ignorance, devour their flaw.’

His voice was like a cadence of screams

Chapter 4

Twisted Sensation

‘Do you love my insides?’

I asked him as he was lost in his own world, rubbing my thighs

‘What?’

He asked me, still lost in a daze, I stopped his hand and he looked up at me with that smirk

I closed my eyes and I inhaled deeply while arching my back

‘I love every inch of you.’

He said as his hands went up my thighs, I pushed him away

‘Don’t touch me!’ I got up and walked to the door

‘Leave.’

‘At ten?’ He smiled at me

I closed the door in his face, that smirk was making me sick

It was only eight o'clock, I had two hours

I closed my eyes and I could feel his hands touching me everywhere

I opened them and decided to take a shower

I came out then took a nap immediately, still wet

The phone rang, like a siren stealing my dream

I picked up the phone, ten o'clock

‘Do you want me to take you away?’

I didn’t answer, I could feel the smile growing on his face

‘Why do you want me?’

He chuckles

‘The same reason you want to be close to death.’

‘And why’s that?’

‘That fascination you get with the unknown and obscured power you gain with something you can only have for a moment.’

I smile, I know he can’t feel me

‘You have a gorgeous smile.’

‘Fuck you!’

‘Tell me the time and place.’

I hang up the phone, I get up, I get dressed

I do up my hair and then I just wait

Staring at the designs on the ceiling and reacting to everything I hear

The door opens, I close my eyes

I lay there so still, my chest barley moving, he comes close and I tell myself not to react

He touches my leg with one finger and he goes up my body until he touches my lips

His finger stays there for a moment and then he kisses me I kiss him back

Just before biting his lips, he likes that

‘What’s your plan?’ I ask, and I get off the bed and grab my jacket and shoes

‘That’s your choice tonight.’

I stop with my arm going through one sleeve, and then I continue

‘Really?!’ I respond with joy

He takes my hand and we leave

Chapter 5

Moments Dreams Are Made For

‘Push her I know you want to.’

The words he whispered were like the flow of his tongue in my mouth

I smile

She just stood there sobbing, it was magnificent

‘Please, please… I’ll do anything.’

‘I can’t hear you, you’re mumbling. What?’

‘Please.’

‘You’re already dead. I’m doing you a favor.’

I threw her on the floor, and she cut her knees and jaw on the gravel of the rooftop

She had a beautiful jaw

But with the moonlight and the crimson shine

It was to kill for

River stood behind me caressing my stomach and side as I plucked the hairs from her head

One by one

Her sobs became screeching screams

Then she started cursing and fighting me

I grabbed a fistful of her hair and said clear into the night

‘I will stop playing with you Barbie, and throw your rotting body off the side of this hospital, don’t fuck with me.’

Blood was dripping from her scalp creating a stream down her face

‘Look River, she’s beautiful.’

I tore the blue hospital dress off her body

And watched it dance its way down the building

River held her for me from behind

I watched her trembling body squirm in his arms

I went closer to her and grabbed behind Rivers neck and kissed him long and hard

I heard her making noises

Crying like a fractured animal

I didn’t want to let him go

These are the moments dreams are made for

I broke the kiss

Then found a bunch of dead fluorescent lights just lying on the rooftop

I cracked one of them on her legs

I got closer to her

‘We know what you did before you were sick.’

‘Let me go.’

I mocked her failing voice then I just nodded yes and said ‘No.’

I stabbed her with the broken bulb then threw her body off the roof

I watched her flailing limbs dancing in the breeze

And listened to her flowing screams

I turned my attention to River and held his gaze in mine

Then whispered

‘Make love to me.’

Chapter 6

That’s More Like It

I just lied on my bed

Waiting for the end

‘I feel like the reason the simplicity of death is so fascinating is because it’s so definite.

There must be more.

But what was everyone before they were anything?

Nothing, life is simply nothing embodied’

‘You’ve said this consistently for the past four days, ever since Emma Court. We know this.’

‘Who?’

‘The hospital lady.’

‘Am I annoying you?’

I turned around

He didn't answer my question

‘Let’s go out and dance.’ He paused

‘What do you want?’

I paused and thought of his question

As if I never heard him

‘Let’s dance.’

‘Okay let’s go.’

‘No, here.’

I put on my favorite song and I was lost

I twirled my way to him

Closing my eyes while singing the lyrics

He held me closer to him and we just danced

Stealing each other’s energy

I turned my back to him

He glided his hands over my body

His touch was something I had never felt before

He began to undo my blouse

Then he turned me around

‘You’re so beautiful.’

‘Don’t speak, I know what you’re thinking.’

I kissed him

Tasted him, then I threw his body on the bed

‘The dead bitch turned me on more.’ I said

I straddled him

‘Really?’

He gave me this sly look and I nodded and smiled

He grabbed my neck and threw me on the bed then hovered over me

I tore his shirt off

He kissed me

Then wrapped his arms around my waist and put me on top of him

I smiled and stole his glance moments before he ravished my body

‘That’s more like it.’ I whispered

Chapter 7

Draining

‘Are you ready?’

I shuttered

‘Yea.’

‘Do you remember what we did before we left?’

‘Why does this have to happen?’

I began to burn from the inside out

‘Tell me anything you remember.’

I ran and sat in a corner

He left the room and the record stop playing

The water from my eyes was blurring my vision

‘Give me your arm.’

I gave it to him without making eye contact

I winced

‘Can you remember anything, it should be flowing in.’

Blood from my arm was painting the floor

I began to see myself walking in an empty field in the dead of the night

There was no sound, only stars decorating the sky

I gasped

I was back in my apartment ‘What do you re…’

I was gone again

River was with me, his cold hands flowing into mine

Then someone else appeared

A man

I fell back into the apartment for a moment

I was back on the field, on top of the man, River took me off of him and cut out his tongue

‘Stop!’ I screamed

‘No, it’s my turn.’ He held my heart with his eyes and I smiled

I gasped

I looked up at River holding me, I was so cold

I was back on the field

There was blood all over us and the man was dismembered all over the field

I looked at River

‘I wanted to touch his insides.’

He kissed me, his tongue trailed the crevice of my mouth

‘I love your insides.’

I lost my breath, I pushed myself out of River’s arms and lied on the floor in my apartment like a child, covered in my blood, draining

‘Okay, I can heal you now.’

‘No!’

‘You’re draining.’ His voice was so calm

I fought him and he held me down and licked my wound

I screamed and cursed him

Then I faded

Chapter 8

My Lover, My Curse

‘You always have more fun than me.’

‘That’s a lie. Just stop it Aéolyn, it’s not good for us.’

‘Can we go on the Ocean?’

He nodded

‘I’d like to go soon.’

I looked at the healing wound on my arm

‘I wish you would have let me stay longer.’

He walked out of the room

I lied on my bed

Staring at the designs on my ceiling

It happens to us at least once a year

It’s healthy to remember your past

But sometimes it can be painful

Addictive

When you go searching for things that you should have never known

It’s easy to get there

It’s harder to get out

Last Month River had the same experience

We can’t heal each other while we’re in the past

Usually you only come out for a moment

You want them to discover enough to make a memory

But when you go under

You always want more

It was harder for me to lick his wound because of his strength

But if we drain for too long we can take the torture within ourselves

You only forget moments of killing another soul

Others have seen their lover lose limbs

Be ripped apart before their eyes

There’s nothing you can do

Without that connection, we go insane

Our bodies begin feeding on itself

We need to do this

It’s a part of who we are

‘We can go on a cruise, it’ll be beautiful.’

‘As long as we’re on the ocean.’

He smiled at me like he had never seen me before

He let out his hand

I took his hand

Got off the bed

Then I put his arm around my waist

‘Thank you, my love.’

Chapter 9

Opposing Confusion

‘Christ!’
‘There isn’t one.’
‘You know what I mean.’
‘You can get another one, don’t worry.’
‘I don’t want another one, I want this one.’
‘Why are you arguing with me? I didn’t kill it.’
‘Nothing is more disgusting than seeing a dead bunny.’
_______________________________________

‘Please, hold me.’
Our luggage was dressing the entrance of his apartment
He walked slowly up to me holding his gaze in mine
Then he wrapped his arms around me
The world stood still, our heartbeats pulsated throughout the apartment as one
Our scents collided, I felt his grasp tighten, no sound, our movements seized We landed in each other’s minds, I twirled in his world and he found a seat in mine
‘The sky is truly beautiful.’
‘Yours is mesmerizing.’ I looked up at the scorching sky fading with colors of black and red I felt my heart grow warmer, it felt familiar again
River sat in the field of my mind with purple and blue skies
An image of a decaying woman with a rabbits head approached him
‘Something’s different.’
‘What?’
Our bodies separated, our minds retreated
I smiled at him then picked up my things and walked to the door
‘What is wrong with you?’
‘You won’t understand.’
‘Who are you talking to?’
He walked closer to the entrance turned me around and kissed my forehead
‘Tonight at eleven I want to know everything. You’re making me sick, something isn’t right.’
I felt everything in me collect in the pit of my stomach
Then I fainted
I woke up to the image of a spinning city and the feeling of a cold seat River was next to me holding my hand in a cab
‘I’m so sorry.’
He said nothing and he kept looking ahead
He held my hand tighter and I did the same for him

Chapter 10

Always

The water is where their secrets lie

All the answers to the questions they ask saunter in the labyrinth of the oceans and seas

The secrets camouflage so well

They’ll never know

I know their secrets

We all do

But it’s not our place to say

‘I love the ocean.’

‘Isn’t it gorgeous?’

‘Yeah it’s so beautiful.’

It was early in the morning

Everything felt new

River and I walked the deck in silence

I questioned his thoughts the whole time

His heartbeat hadn’t slowed since last night

I turned to him breaking the silence

‘It’s your turn.’

‘Yeah I know. I haven’t found anyone yet.’

‘Well you have all day.’

I smiled

‘Maybe we shouldn’t do it here.’

I kissed him, his lips were quivering between mine

But then he gave in

He broke the kiss

‘I want to maybe take a nap, come with me?’

I looked at him in a confused and amused way

We just woke up

‘Of course.’

There was a walk in closet

A king size bed

And a floating mirror above it all

I lied on the bed next to River

He held me tight

I felt his heartbeat slow

He fell asleep

I twirled my fingers with his

Drew circles in his palm

Losing myself in the rhythm I created

I turned my body facing him then

I began tracing the features of his face

Then I held him close and whispered in his ear

Gently

‘Only this moment exists.’

Chapter 11

Familiar Glance

‘She’s so beautiful.’

‘Yeah, and she knows it.’

‘Better reason than any.’

Her naked body was tied to a pole in our room

With duct tape over her mouth

Cold skin

And black tears

‘Are you sure she’s not here with anyone?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Doesn’t matter if she is anyway.’

I walked up to her and touched her body

‘Vanity is a sin love.’

She made a sound as if she was choking on her own spit

‘You will be one of a kind.’

I could feel River walking behind me

His heart matched the beat of the music

It was beautiful

I turned around, he held a pair of scissors in his hand

Then he held me with his other hand and whispered in my ear loud enough for her to hear

‘I always wonder what a body would look like when blood seeps from the navel.’

She started sobbing and I could hear her body moving on the pole

River let me go and walked up to her

He glided the tip of the scissors down her body

From her throat, to between her breasts, down her stomach, and then penetrated her navel

Vomit and blood started seeping from the duct tape

‘Wow.’

The blood created a river that was alive

Rushing

Growing

‘It’s picturesque my love.’

He dropped the crimson scissors and walked over to me, picked up my body then kissed me

He walked over to the wall and started making love to me, right in front of her draining body

He made me feel so good

The music was loud but I know he could hear me

He was alive

As he was inside of my body I looked at him and he stopped

‘Her eyes… they’re scaring me.’

‘Kill her for me.’ I paused

‘Now!’

River put me down, he walked over to her and brushed the hair from her face

‘What does she deserve?’ She looked at me, her eyes flashed with a coat of blue and purple

‘An empty stomach.’ She looked at me in terror

I closed my eyes and listened to her empty out on the floor

Chapter 12

Like A Puzzle

She was the most beautiful cadaver we had ever seen

A masterpiece

She stood there like a sculpture, her skin like marble, her blood like roses

Her face... like a dead rabbit

‘I feel… different.’

‘What’s wrong?’

I sat there in complete silence while my mind was rushing as fast as the blood in my veins

‘Huh…what?’

He started to play with a penny in his hand

The scent of the copper was making me sick

As all his attention steered toward the penny in hand

He mumbled ‘Do what feels right.’

I heard his heart skip a beat and butterfly wings brushed against the lining of my stomach

I couldn’t breathe

‘Don’t over think, everything will be okay.’

I felt the tears building as my face began to hurt and my throat constricted

Then I fell apart

River sat beside me and held me as if I were a little child

I sat there quivering as if everything was over

I sunk my head in his chest

Then I looked up at him and saw a tear fall from his eye

Then he looked down at me and smiled

‘You look beautiful when you cry.’

We kissed and I could taste his tears lathered on my tongue

I sat on top of him facing his direction and I kissed

His eyelids

And his cheek

And his chin

And his nose

And his forehead

Then I kissed his lips

He held me closer

He traced circles on my back as I stroked behind his neck

I broke the kiss and pushed him on the bed

Then I took off my dress and threw it on the floor

He looked at me as if he had never seen the body of a woman before

‘I could never show you anything as beautiful as you.’

I smiled and he leaned forward and pulled me down

He turned me over and whispered

‘Look above.’

I looked, then I pulled off his shirt fast and threw the blanket off the bed

As we made love I got to view our connection from a different perspective, we just fit together Like a puzzle

Chapter 13

Everything Is Beautiful

I wouldn’t mind just sitting down for hours just staring at something

I would never want to break something down to a single molecule

It takes away from the art the molecule was made to create

But when you admire something for what it is

And just look at what’s right in front of you...

Everything is beautiful

You begin to appreciate the fraction that’s not symmetrical

Or the part that appears unexpected

Everything in his apartment was so neat and put together, contradicting the chaos in his mind

I could smell nothing but his scent and the Scarlet Carson’s I bought him last night

‘Do you know what this reminds me of?’

He was reading the back of a book he bought

‘Hmm... what’s that?’

‘Remember that guy we killed with all those comics?’

‘Kinda.’

‘Well I remember the scent of his house and there’s this feeling I get when I’m here, much like when I was at his house.’

‘Really?’ He turned facing me

‘It’s like this feeling that something is brand new and you’ve never been there before and you’ve never seen it. But this other feeling overwhelms you reminding you that you’ve been there once. It’s not quite déjà vu though. Do you know what I mean?’

River looked at me with all seriousness and said

‘No.’

Then smiled

I looked at him and frowned

‘What?’

I ignored his question and smiled ‘Well are you ready to set out into the night.’

He grabbed his coat and we left

‘Some people find pain very... inspirational.’

‘Please... don’t stop.’

The man stood there cringing as he cut his own wrist

We stood there under an ancient brick hill

We had no intentions of killing him

But the event was mesmerizing

The contrast of his dirty skin and the cherry blood

With only a dwindling fire illuminating the event

Like something only witnessed in the imagination of a lunatic

After the experience

River handed him the fifty as promised and I handed him a tourniquet for his arm

Without another word we left his world, a man with a smile and a piece of paper

Admire it for what it is, when you break it down to the last molecule all you have left is pennies

The scent of copper makes me sick

Chapter 14

The Moon Started Whispering To Us

Today was a holiday

Celebrated with explosions in the sky

And objects bloated with helium

Attracting ladies and gentlemen that like the motions they make when a cigarettes in hand

Just begging to pass time

That neither of them has

River and I walked around with pink and blue cotton standing erect on a folded piece of paper

We made out on carousels and danced with strangers

We spun each other around until it was necessary for us to find the grass as our beds

We whispered to each other words unforgettable

Watched the others before us

Until they made us sick

‘River... I don’t feel too well. I just see grimace faces and evil eyes.’

He smiled and said

‘I thought I was the only one.’

He let go of my hand and he walked in front of me

I held onto the back of his shirt like his body was protecting me from an awful wind

We walked on the road opposing the explosions with the stars

Our destination being the convenient store up the road

We sat down on the curb of its empty parking lot

On the boring cement

Sitting there for the longest time looking at the sky

With only our shoulders touching

Without any warning I grabbed his hand

He began to play with the lines in my palm

We sat there still as if nothing had changed

In cohesion we got up and took a stroll down an empty street

Lanes relaxed

Shades of black and blue

With sounds muffled in the shadows of established structures

River and I walked between two buildings

With the moons face dancing between them

He pushed my body against the coloured cement of the left building and said

‘The Moon wants to watch us make love.’

He looked up

Smiled at the moon

Then looked at me in this way as if asking for permission

I kissed him

That was my consent

He took off my lavender dress and it lied there like a rose made by the Gods of gardens

He admired my body as it was lit by the seemingly brightest moon

We made love like a form of art as the moon twirled above us in arousal

As the world rotated the moon looked for others and said its goodbyes

Chapter 15

Moonless Sky

Like the noise of a whining tree

Only audible to the ones that really listen

Our attention was swayed

The streets were glowing from stars and street lights reflecting off the vehicles and tar

We found ourselves in the midst of a beautiful playground aged with stories and memories

A bush shuffled and there was no wind

So we followed

We found a woman being compressed beneath a much older man

Her tears mixed with his sweat

Her cries being swallowed by his groans

I was repulsed

He had not seen us as he was too wrapped up in her nightmare

Moments before River made his first move

She gripped me within her eyes

River grabbed him by the collar of his shirt

And the second noise out of his filthy mouth was a disgusting gag

River threw him on the ground and stepped on his neck as if it was the cement we walked on

I pulled her up and said

‘It’s not your fault. Go home, he’s ours now.’

Then I looked at this helpless piece of meat beneath Rivers shoe

‘Now for you, you deserve a different kind of lesson.’

He laid there with his prick lingering outside of his pants

A flushed face

I looked up at River and he smiled at me

‘Our turn.’

We began to take off his clothes

He fought and tried to get away many times all in vain

River dragged his pathetic body to the architecture standing in the sand

As I took his clothes off the grass

We laid him down near the structure

And I sat on his naked body

As his back pressed on the prickling sand

‘What you do onto others should never be forgotten.’

I touched his face and brushed my fingers over his thin eyelids

As if he was a child of mine

Then I slapped him

I got up and River handed me a stick and I saw one in his other hand

We sat down on the sand with the man separating us and at the same time we changed his life

His eyes now perforated

A sound that we had never heard before released from his mouth

So beautiful

So simple

‘I’ll never forget this.’

Chapter 16

Glittered Playground

‘Should we tie him up?’

I looked down at him, as he cried through his mouth

Blood shivered down his cheek and danced down his neck

River ripped his shirt in two and handed me the other half

He tied his arms to the railing of the stairs

And I tied his right wrist to a poll

I took a step back and looked at our work of art

His eyes magnificent and his face almost picturesque

River walked away while I was lost in a daze

I turned around to watch River sever the limb of a tree

He walked my way and stood in front of me with glowing eyes and this comfortable smile

That smirk

I gave him a peck like a twelve year old girl

Then I looked at him and smiled

He grabbed behind my neck and kissed me as if he was deprived of my existence

We stood there and played with each other’s tongues

We stood there holding each other’s heated bodies

We stood there doing the same simple things as if this was the way to live

Forever, in that time, in that state

We seized the moment and turned our focus to the project at hand

River held the branch and stood in front of the man like one who would stand on base

With one swing it had just begun

The playground glittered in his blood

It slid down the slides

Played and dripped from the railings

And River looked like a God, each blow

Lethal

Beautiful

Magnificent

I watched him in joy

The man’s blood seeped into the sand

And dried on his skin

Splattered on the land

And created music

Before River made one last hit I grasped his wrist and threw the branch away

I kissed him feverishly, I was so turned on

‘That was fun.’ He smiled

‘Let’s get out of here.’

I held his bruised hand and we walked out of our playground

We entered a new world where that man did not exist

For with each death and birth we enter a new time

I like looking at this world from a different perspective

I prefer when its utter chaos and everything is upside down

Chapter 17

Like A Rose

‘Stop it.’

‘What’s wrong?’

‘Just stop tapping on the wall. It bothers me.’

‘Okay?’

I took my jacket and I just left, I don’t even know why I left

I didn’t need space

Or time

Or air

Or anything

I just left without thought

Outside was colder than I anticipated

I was walking with no direction or goal

So I choose to focus my attention on colors and a shape

Specific ones

I couldn’t find the shape I was looking for

In streets of complete simplicity and boredom

I decided to walk out

Leave this place for just a moment

The longer I walked

The further I walked

The more I missed him

I got a feeling that someone was caressing beneath my skin

And I felt a sudden sickness

That’s how I feel when I miss him

I continued and I found a new world

In the darkness I found the shape I was looking for

And I was content

I lied on a bed of leaves in a forest painted with just black

And lined with silver

I laid there for as long as I could and nothing happened

Moments after I made my decision to leave

My body got really soft, my limbs got weak

I could feel him

Around me

Beneath me

In me

Touching me

Loving me

My breathing picked up speed and my skin got hotter

I felt heavier

‘River?’

‘Yea?’

‘I feel like a rose within a bed of leaves.’

Chapter 18

Connection With A Stranger

‘How have you guys been, haven’t seen you two in so long.’

‘We’re doing well.’ River said

I smiled at her, and then admired her dress

‘Come in, it’s gotten colder outside.’

We came in and hung up our jackets but kept on our shoes

River kissed my forehead

‘Tonight will be fun.’

He smiled ‘I promise.’

I gave him a light kiss on the cheek and we walked in

I sat down and observed the room I was placed in

And I watched River, his ability to just talk to anyone, his confidence was admirable

‘Nice party, eh?’

He tore my focus and I needed time to process his question

‘Hmhm, yeah.’ I looked up at him from my seat and smiled

He stood there with a smile that would melt any woman’s heart

‘Hi, I’m Taylor.’ He shook my hand

It was warm and soft I could feel the blood rushing in his hand and infiltrating me

‘Hi, I’m Aéolyn.’

‘That’s a beautiful name.’

‘Thanks.’ A dry silence filled the air and the people at the party seemed to be tuned out

‘So how do you know Kathleen?’

He held a laugh in his throat ‘You’ll just laugh.’

‘No I won’t, trust me.’

I looked at him and our eyes were locked for a moment

Then I looked down at my pealing nail polish

‘Well... I met her at a book store.

We were both looking at the same one and we began talking and we hit it off.

Been friends ever since really.’

‘That’s nice, what book was it.’

‘Dreamside by Graham Joyce.’

‘Very nice.’ River appeared as if he was a part of the sky that fell

I looked up and smiled at him and he kissed my forehead ‘Hi, I’m River and you are?’

‘Taylor, nice to meet you.’

I notice Taylor began to retreat to another corner and River wore this smile on his face showing he got a warmth from having me as his possession

‘He was very nice.’

‘Yeah I’m sure he was. The man was practically fucking you with his eyes, pardon my French.’

I laughed I found the whole situation comfortably awkward

‘Really?’

‘Yeah.’ He looked up in Taylor’s direction and I trailed my hand up his thigh

And he looked down immediately

‘What are my eyes doing to you?’

Chapter 19

Imaginary Mind

He moved my hand to his lips and kissed my fingers

I felt a tingle travel through the veins in my hand

And I closed my eyes

I was lost inside myself

River held my hand and we walked over to a crowd of people just talking

I silenced everything and just listened to their laughter

It danced around in the image of a ballerina in a yellow dress

I followed her in curiosity and listened to her footsteps lightly grazing the wooden floors

The color of the room changed to shades of green

She looked like a yellow lily of joy

I lied on Rivers shoulder and closed my eyes

I could hear his voice echoing in his shoulder

Like a hollow sound that you’re destined to look for

For the rest of your life

I felt so alive, as my imagination ran away with me

‘Well Aéolyn seems a little tired. We’re going to head home.’

I made a tired smile and whispered ‘It’s okay we can stay.’

He laughed at me then draped my jacket over my shoulders and we left

I entered the cold car

I felt bumps rise on my skin

Causing an ambiguous kind of pain

I lied my head on the cold window and stared until my eyes watered

Until everything was painted with a part of me

River was quiet and in his own world

The music played like a fictional ambiance

Infiltrating everything

We stopped and River opened the door on my side

We entered my house and it was pitch black

With a shade of red illuminating the floor from the alarm clock

I twirled and danced as tired as I was

And I wrapped my arms around his neck

‘Do you know something?’

‘What’s that?’

‘River.’

I looked at him with a kind of innocence that tells no lies

‘I love you so much.’

I let go of him and I lied on my bed

I could feel he hadn’t moved

‘River?’

‘Yeah?’ he seemed disorientated

‘Could you help me out of my clothes?’

I heard him laugh

‘The pleasure is all mines.’

Chapter 20

The Doctor

‘River, what’s wrong?’

He sat near the kitchen counter

Scraping his chest as if he was gutting a pumpkin

‘I don’t know,maybe we should go see him.’

We put on our jackets and entered the elevator

I stared at the flickering numbers above

Each transition went slower and slower

Then the door opened

Lazy and insensitive to the situation

We got to The Doctor’s house

I went to knock on the door and it creaked open before my knuckles touched it

‘I’m sorry you’re here.’

We walked in and I held River in my arms

The Doctor walked towards us and touched River’s face and said

‘River, what’s wrong with you?’

‘Help him please!’

I interrupted then I readjusted him in my arms

‘I feel like my heart is taking a break when it feels like it.’

He made a sad smile

‘Place him on the table Aéolyn.’

I looked at the table he was pointing to and it was filled with everything one could think of

He walked over to the table and knocked everything off with an unexpected force

And everything landed on the floor like feathers

I walked over, following a labyrinth on the floor

I sat River on the table

‘You should probably go sit down.’

I nodded and found a seat in the corner of the room

It gave me an angle where I was able to see The Doctor and River

‘River pay attention, okay.’

The Doctor just stood there and did not break eye contact with River for forty seconds

I counted

Then all of a sudden River went limp

I began to bite my tongue I was so afraid

The Doctor placed his hand on Rivers chest and it disappeared within him

‘Wha... what are you doing.’

He placed his fingers to his lips

I was beginning to feel sick

I closed my eyes and I just listened

The bubbles from the fish tank, a TV on low, a consistent dripping from the tap

The sound from inside of River

I opened my eyes and there he was, okay

I smiled

‘Aéolyn... you’re bleeding.’

Chapter 21

It’s Not The Same

‘What’s wrong with her?’

‘Wha...’

I could feel blood licking my mouth

It had dripped down my face and I had no clue

‘River, you died on the table. I’m sure you are aware of the effects it has on your partner.’

River walked over to where I was standing and held me

‘Is she going to be okay?’

My blood kissed his shirt

‘Yea she will. Just take her home. She needs you.’

I looked up and saw fear in River’s eyes

We walked towards the door and River turned around and said

‘Thanks for all your help Doc.’

‘We have no other purpose.’

He made a crooked smile and we closed the door

I sat in the car next to River and a coldness glazed over my body

He sat there tapping the steering wheel

My tongue was beginning to hurt

‘Are you okay?’

‘Yea, it’s so weird. I didn’t know it was happening at all.’

He held my hand and it was like he placed a thicker skin over my body

I could feel my tongue healing

‘I don’t even remember doing anything, but when you were on that table I went into a new reality and I was... alone.’

He gripped my hand tighter

He brushed my face

Then he looked at me

With a kind of curiosity in his eyes

‘No matter what, we will always be together.’

I smiled as if every word and syllable was as sincere as the air I was breathing

I focused my attention on his seemingly simple eyes

I looked away and the light turned green

I began to get that feeling back again

That feeling that things are the way they should be

When he was on that table

This world lost the simple beauty I always admired and adored

I could feel a kind of emptiness residing in that moment

Everything would still hold a beauty but never in my eyes

It would not be the same

It would not hold my attention

Every moment would be an inch away from true happiness

Just because he wasn’t there with me

Within me

And now I know why

Chapter 22

Blue & Purple Eyes

Some things are so fascinating

I could feel the heat rising inside of me

We sat on the train

The sun was setting and burning the left side of my body

River sat beside me rubbing my knee

Rhythmically

I bet moments after he stops

I’ll still feel his touch

Suddenly he asked me to close my eyes

With a sudden excitement

As if there was all this pent up anxiety

Just waiting to flow over

I closed my eyes and all I could see was red and fine dots

I heard shuffling and the consistent shivering of the train

‘Okay, open them.’

I stared in amazement

I looked at her blue and purple eyes and I knew it was her

‘I know it’s amazing.’

He smiled with complete joy

I wrapped Frederick in my arms

‘Thank you.’ We kissed and I love how I could feel him smiling

‘So...how did this happen?’

I drew circles in her fur and smiled

‘Well The Doc, he killed me and he brought me back, right? So I thought he could maybe bring back a small animal. And he did, it was kind of a sticky process though.’

‘You don’t have to go into detail.’

I smiled and then I looked into her eyes.

‘She looks the exact same, she’s beautiful.’

‘I’m glad you’re happy.’

‘Are you going to ever tell me where we’re going?’

‘Now if I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise.’

I smiled

With a kind of anxiety that shined in my eyes

We continued on our journey

To my uncertainty

With comfortable silences

Laughter

And true happiness

But deep inside, I was aching

It’s been too long

And I’m tired of waiting

Doesn’t someone deserve to die?

Chapter 23

Surprises

‘Just don’t open them yet, please.’

I stood there listening to his every word

He begged me with a tone of seriousness that must be followed

I waited for the longest time

Hearing him move around

Whispering words to himself

And repeating ‘one second’ between two minute intervals

I felt like the room was closing in and heat was dancing around

Then he held me

‘Alright, stand right here.’

Then I heard him walk to my side

‘Okay, open your eyes.’

And there they sat

Tied to wooden chairs in an empty cabin

With fear in their eyes

That was one of a kind

But mimicked the other

With tears glazing their cheeks

Painting them like cheap dolls

‘Do you like?’

He held my hand

I refuse to answer his question with words

But through a kiss

I stopped midway and gave him a smile with my eyes

And walked away to admire my toys

I took off my jacket and placed it in the corner of the room

Then I put my hair in one

I walked in front of them and I sat down

I looked back and River leaned against the wall

Like a parent watching their child

Then I looked back at them in fascination

‘River, what did they do?’

He didn’t answer

I looked at the cave the bone in her neck created

Looked original

Unlike

Their eyes

‘River?’

He brought them here

But he didn’t even want to tell me why

‘They killed their two kids.’

I admired her neck once again

And imagined what it would feel like in my hand if I broke it

Chapter 24

Barely Listening

‘What’s the reason?’

‘Could any reason discount for the killing of your own children?’

River held a frustration beneath his skin that turned me on

He was going to enjoy this just as much as me

‘I was just asking.’

‘Well Christ, the murderers are right in front of you.’

He stood far away just waiting and watching

I walked over to the father

Sweat revealing his true scent

His eyes the image of a painting

And his skin... beautiful

I sat on his lap, just to get closer

I touched his cheek and whispered

‘Shame.’

‘Huh... why?’

I looked at him in surprise

I like his voice

But I wasn’t talking to him

‘Who was speaking to you?’

I got off of him disgusted by something he did

But something I couldn’t recall

‘Is it true what you did?’

He lowered his head

‘Is something wrong with you?’

He looked at me with failing shame for what he did

I held no pity for him

I slapped the cheek I admired in pleasure and pain

What a shame

I walked away from him

‘Hi mother.’

I stood there in front of her

Admiring her neck

I couldn’t wait to hold it in my hand

To close my eyes

To capture the sound of each bone break and fracture in her neck

‘Are you going to answer my question pretty lady?’

‘What is this... hell?’

She looked around the room and my eye caught an x necklace around her neck

‘You two are frustrating me, answer my fucking questions.’

She stared at me

Our eyes locked

She tugged at my heart strings

‘River, she’s evil.’

Chapter 25

Killer

‘Stand right there, don’t move.’

I watched as her chest heaved and danced with the rosary around her neck

She stood there naked and trembling in her own sweat and the dry air

I wrote on her stomach ‘killher’ with a pale pink lipstick I found in her purse

‘She looked better with clothes on, don’t you agree?’

He smiled and held me with his eyes

I walked up to her

Her body against mine, her hair stood on edge beautifully

I grasped her neck and played with the crevice in her throat

Then I slid my fingers around her neck, she closed her eyes

I rubbed my hands around the back of her head

Then I backed away and placed my finger on her lips

Then I placed my hand around her mouth

Then I slammed her head against the wall

Blood splattered on the canvas as if I had killed a little bug

Just she wasn’t dead

She sat on the floor holding herself

Bleeding

Crying

Her skin bruising

I picked her up then I slammed her head against the same part on the wall again

A bigger splatter

A deader bug

She withered to the floor lying there

Barely conscious

I picked her up and she resisted more

I slapped her and slammed her head again

Now the back of her head

Bleeding

Sticky

A mess

River had gotten a seat and I didn’t even notice

He sat there watching with a look of entertainment and happiness

‘Is this entertaining you?’

He smiled

I took my hair out of the ponytail

And asked myself out loud

‘Does no one answer my questions?’ I smiled to myself

Then I looked at him with admiration

I sat on his lap

‘Thank you.’

I kissed him to show my appreciation

And he kissed back to show me how he felt

Chapter 26

Bravado & Tears

‘Don’t shake. I hate to see you tremble.’

I danced around him

Twirling like a little girl in the summer breeze

I could smell him more and more

His scent made my nerves quiver and my senses stood on edge

I held the father and put our heads close together like we were taking a picture

‘I like him River.’

River smirked and let out a sound I couldn’t hear

I turned away from River and looked at the father with complete certainty

‘When she wakes up, I want to let you know I’m going to break her neck.

I want you to watch okay?’

He let out a weak childish sob that made him unappealing

‘Shut up!’

I untied him from the chair

‘Stand up.’

He was taller than I anticipated

I heard River move closer

Protecting me

I began to unbuttoned his shirt and I moved my hands up his chest

To his shoulders

Then I pulled off his shirt

His arms were amazing

Then I looked at him and smiled

He smiled back

I made a frown and I punched him

Hard

‘Bitch!’

I grabbed his hair and threw him on the floor

I kicked him in the stomach then straddled his body

I grabbed his face with both hands and said

‘You’re gorgeous when you cry.’

I punched him again

And again

And again

Until my hand started to hurt

Blood drained from his eyes mixed with his tears

I smeared it off his face

‘I love the sight of you like this, it’s perfect.’

I heard his wife making noises, I smiled

‘Why look, mommy’s awake.’

He screamed then pushed me off and ran to her

My shoulder hit the chair

‘You two look so ugly together.’

Chapter 27

Bleeding Heart

‘Get away from her you pig!’

River faced him

‘If I were you, I’d listen.’

He got up and stood his ground by his wife’s barely conscious side

‘I’m not afraid of you two.’

His confidence was turning my stomach

‘Is that right?’ I smiled

‘Baby get up, we have to go.’

She slowly got up and the blood from the back of her head smeared his arm like a paintbrush

I watched them in amusement

He walked to the closest door

Holding her

Protecting her

I watched them in amusement

And I followed

I followed quietly

When I got close enough I closed my eyes

Searched for her neck in my darkness

I grasped and heard every bone shift in her

And I opened my eyes and watched as her body fell to the ground with grace

Then I slammed his body next to the wall

And he turned around to me in shock

A tear shed from his closed eyes

I walked close to him and kissed his neck then whispered in his ear

‘The doors locked, you idiot.’

I took a razor from my pocket and grazed it across his chest

Ever so lightly

Then I deepened the pressure

As I went lower and lower

He pushed me off, again

And without any warning

River walked up and slit his throat

Then he grabbed him by the neck

Blood seeped from the space between his fingers

He tightened his grasp

Then River threw him on the floor

He walked over to my distracted body

Smitten by the art that was just performed

Then he picked me up

He held me and I watched the father bleed out

The blood creating an image of a heart

Just for me

On my day

Chapter 28

Deadly Solace

I never thought I would say this

But

I’m surprised I’m not dead yet

With the basic frailty of life

And the seemingly coincidental mistakes and mishaps

Why haven’t I laughed myself into an oncoming bus?

Or jerked my head until my spinal cord dislocated?

I’m surprised

I turned on

Woke up to the sound of his heart beating

I rose and fell with him

Steadily

Breathlessly

I dreamt of chaos that took me away from this uncomfortable world

I went into a world that made no sense

But seemed comfortable and similar

I could feel his thoughts crawling into mine

Biting into my skin

And I watched him

Breathlessly

My mind swirls

I worry about everything

I decide to turn off my mind like the switch of a lamp

And I stare at his seemingly simple face

And the complexity of the room

I don’t think

I just stare

I indulge in whatever it is that I see in front of me

His eyes open

Suddenly and beautifully

He smiles

‘You make me happy.’

I smile back

I think of something sweet to say

That won’t mimic his words and all I could think of was

‘You make me happy.’

I touch his face

And he holds onto me tightly as if I said I was going to leave

I move in closer by an inch

And I could feel him aching for me

I found his lips with mine

I lost myself inside of him

In my solace

Chapter 29

In A Time Of Perfection

His breath was shallow above me

I could feel his fingers sinking deeper into my skin

Tracing me

‘I can taste you.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah.’ I smiled

‘What do I taste like?’

He slanted his head like a curious intelligent child

‘Like something I’ve been yearning for.’

He smiled at me

Lovely

He lowered his head and kissed me

I smiled in the kiss and leaned forward

Laying him on his back

I lied on the bed beside him and said

‘I can’t imagine what it feels like to live in the stars.’

I looked up at my plastered ceiling and smiled

‘I adore you, do you know that?’

I looked at him ‘Thank you.’

He said it with a sincerity that was melting me

I looked at Fredrick in her large cage and she looked at me with a message

‘Can we go for a walk?’

I sat upwards

Using the blanket to cover my breast

I could feel the cold air lathering my back

‘Sure.’

He lied there comfortable and staring at the clock on my side table

Then looking at me happily

‘Okay get up!’

I looked into his eyes and we smiled

I ripped the sheet off the bed and smirked

I walked backwards facing the washroom

He lied there looking at me wrapped in a sheet only covering a third of my body

‘I’m just thinking, I’m really happy.’

He stood up and walked towards me

I stood there like a startled dame as he walked over to me

His body perfect

I put my hands around his neck

And the sheet dropped to the floor

And we held each other, I listened to the sounds in his chest

He held me so nicely

We stood there

In a time of perfection

Chapter 30

Caged Perfection

We walked with our fingers entangled together

Like a box of loose strings

The town was decorated with the snow from the night

Lightly

Perfectly

I watched as my footprints painted the floor

I watched the clouds release from our mouths

And we walked in a comfortable silence

A delicate silence

But impermeable to any other sounds besides our own

So we maintained it for as long as possible

Communicating through our bodies

We walked towards an open field coated in ice and snow

There stood a pine tree in the center of it all

We stood just meters away watching it

Admiring it

It held more snow than it could handle

Snow just slept on its branches with contentment

We walked closer and it began to open

Like the detachment of a 3D puzzle

A teal light sprung from within it

Promising disaster and uncertainty

We walked towards it and enter the trees base

A white floor

And then it disappeared from beneath us

I felt a sickness as my stomach came too close to my lungs

Then we landed

Splashed into a bed of sunflowers dancing in water

River and I exited the pool

And there we were, in front of them as they played behind caged bars

In a perfect world

‘Hello.’

A young girl who appeared to be only twelve whispered

She sits there playing with a flower in her hand

With a sun behind her in a permanent stage of attempting to settle

And let the moon rise

But it would never happen

‘Hi.’ I smiled as I looked at her flawless existence

She smiled, ‘Flattery will get you nowhere Aéolyn, and how are you River?’

River made that familiar smirk and he looked at me

‘I’m happy.’ He held my hand tighter

‘I can tell.’ she looked at him with a smile and fierce eyes

He looked towards the floor

Chapter 31

Essence Of A Dice

The orange sun from her world blinded me

I felt so warm

I watched two boys behind her playing a sport

In a land of hills green with perfection, in an orange lit world

‘So what is it that you would like to know?’

Her lips moved and her world pulsated to every syllable

‘Lydia, I’m happy as well.’ I took a quick glance at River

‘But ever since the death of the girl on the cruise, I haven’t really been okay.

I’ve been dreaming of my death, and taking in negative images into my mind.’

‘Who killed her?’

River raised his head

‘I did.’

‘I can tell you my thoughts.’

I sat there watching her and the boys

‘If you want?’

I nodded as our eyes connected

‘River isn’t well and he will die for killing her. Then Aéolyn you will suffer.

Her eyes told you Aéolyn, Frederick told you to stop.

You had no reason for killing her.’

My body fell beneath me as a shock blew through me

‘I don’t understand.’ River held me to his side

‘I created you all with rules in place, you knew them.’

‘Is there nothing we can do?’

I felt my world decrease to nothing but the essence of a dice on a board game

‘Go to your Doctor.’

I couldn’t look at River

The thought of him made me unravel

‘Get Out!’

Her playful world turned red and black

The boys stopped playing

And stared at us with threat in their eyes

The bars began to melt

The room got cold

And the sun disappeared behind the once green hills

River took my hand

I cringed

We left

I

Can’t

Breathe

Chapter 32

Burden Of My Wish

‘Your hands are so cold Aéolyn.’

He held my hand tight

I moved my hand

I don’t want to feel

I sit there tormenting my mind with lies and imaginations

‘Look at me.’

I stared at the spider on the floor

Wondering how it doesn’t get stuck in the cracks on the floor

He sat beside me and he took my face into his hands

Gently

‘No matter what, we will always be together.’

I release his hands from my face and looked back at the spider

My mind wouldn’t let me escape

‘Hold my hand, please.’

He begged me with sadness in every peak of his voice

Whatever happened to being alone?

I don’t remember being alone

I bit my tongue, it hurts

‘There was a girl that wrote her imagination on paper and begged for her world to come to life. She cried on paper beds and sank into them.

She was then devoured into her created world. Now her current reality and she couldn’t wait to put the burden into someone else’s hands, so she created boys.’

‘Where did that come from?’

I lied on the bed

‘Just be quiet please?’

I felt the inside of me constrict

I know if I blinked for too long I would cry

I looked in his eyes and imagined myself runny fast on a deserted road

Devoured by trees on each side, I wanted to run away from any pain, from him

‘Hold me please?’

He held me without question and I held him tighter

I could feel our hearts beating in cohesion

My mind disappeared and I was no longer in this world

I was in him

It could end now

Is it okay if I want it to end now, could it get any better than this?

We separated

‘What are you thinking?’

I looked at him and I smiled

‘Us.’

He smiled and I touched his lips and sunk into his chest

Moments later the music in his chest turned my body off

And I felt better

Chapter 33

Play The Game

‘Fuck!’

I cut my finger

‘Are you okay?’

‘River... I’m draining.’

I looked at him in shock

‘She’s beautiful.’

I looked up at River and he licked my wound

I fell back

‘She’s picturesque my love.’

Her body is so beautiful, but I shouldn’t be in this memory, I never forgot it

I’m not the memory

I’m watching it

I was back with a coat on

‘River what’s going on?’

He looked at me in fear

He knew I should have never been draining

I fell back

I was on the floor rearranging her guts

I was spelling something

Play

I looked up at myself as I watched blood crawling up my arms

And lathering the dress I wore that night

And I looked up at myself

And smiled

I fell back into the car

I looked at the cut on my finger

It already healed

And I looked at my jeans, blood covering them

‘River?’ I looked at my finger then I looked at him

‘I’m okay.’

‘We have to go to the doctor anyway.’

We drove up to The Doctor’s house and we walked to the door

And it opened before we knocked

The entire house was empty with nothing besides a white couch that camouflaged with the now white walls

‘You are my last.’

I couldn’t believe his words, is this for real, are we going to die?

‘Sit down.’

We looked around the room

‘Sit down!’

His voice was raspy and annoyed in the blatantly simple room

We sat down, against the wall

‘Hold hands, close your eyes and don’t get up.’

Chapter 34

Switch

He put something between my lips and it dissolved

I felt it seeping into me

Like cold air

‘Don’t talk.’

It traveled through my fingers and I felt it disappear

And then I felt something hot travel in the same direction

It reached my lips and I gasped for air

River gasped at the exact same time

We sat there our eyes closed

‘Get out!’

We got up and looked at him

‘Out!’

He closed the door behind us

And once the door was shut

We heard a crash that made the ground tremble

We opened the door and it looked like an abandon building

The walls no longer white but brown

And no longer one white couch

But several pieces of decaying furniture

River closed the door

I looked at him

‘What’s going on?’

He shrugged

I held his hand

And he let go

I looked in his eyes, he was afraid

But he would never tell me

He broke eye contact with me

‘Come with me.’

And he walked to the car leading the way

He went in the car and started the ignition with caution

As if it would blow up

He seemed so distant from me

Leaving me

I said nothing

‘What are you thinking?’

His voice held a tone that danced in the silence

‘Just that something is wrong.’

The light turned red and he looked at me

I saw dread in his eyes

‘We just need to get away from everything.’

We kept driving north towards the white hills

We drove up to a thick forest after a two hour drive and too many silences

Chapter 35

The Profound End

‘Take off your clothes.’ I looked in his eyes shocked and begging for an answer

‘River... It’s freezing?’ I was begging him to rephrase his demand

‘You won’t feel it, trust me.’ His shirt was already off

I trusted him

In minutes we were both naked, after manoeuvring our bodies in the small space

Using each corner as a peak to stretch our legs and arms

I held his hand again and he didn’t move

‘Okay, we have to get out.’

He let go of my hand and we got out

He held his jacket in hand and locked one of his fingers with mine

We walked in the untainted snow and I admired the feel of the snow melting beneath my soles

He was right, I was okay

We walked our way towards a cave, alive with all sorts of things I didn’t wish to see

We entered it and the heat that lived in it was amazing

The walls were layered in sweat

The cave almost took breaths, as if it was the mouth of a large creature in rest

We stood there in the dark with slight illumination from the oncoming moon

And the reflection of the whitest snow

He moved my hair behind my ears and traced my skin with his roughly soft hands

From my ears to my neck to my breast

Then over my nipple then down my stomach then he stopped at my belly button

My breathing slowed, but every inch of me begged for him, each touch precise and on point

‘I can’t.’

I kissed him and moved his hand lower

‘It’s okay.’ He kissed me back and I felt bumps over his body like sand grew out of his skin

‘It’s okay.’ I threw the jacket on the floor and laid down

I closed my eyes as his body caressed my skin

I indulged in every touch, as he explored my body like a map or a new species

He kissed my neck and I felt my nipples graze his bare chest

His hands touching me in very responsive areas, then he kissed me and I felt his want for me

I could breathe

Then he filled me, like no other, catching me by surprise

I wrapped my legs around his back, begging for everything to be endless

I could feel him beneath me, above me, watching me, wanting me, in me

He looked into my eyes, with heavy breathing and that smirk ‘I love you.’

‘I love you too.’ I smiled and said it with no hesitation

Then immediately everything was endless like the ocean

He went deeper and deeper

And I felt every nerve stand on edge, responsive and pleasured

I held on tighter to him

Scratching his back, begging him

And I could feel the whole world responding

I was hot then I was cold, again, I love him

Chapter 36

Play The Game

She emerged out of the depths of the cave like a ghost

Moments after our heavy breathing slowed

We laid there collecting ourselves

On a jacket that we just realized was too small for the both of us

She stood in front of us and tilted her head in curiosity

Then she leaned against the wall that dripped from perspiration

With tears falling from her eyes like sap from a tree

She stood there caressing a sick bat

As its wings made spasms and flickered in her knowing arms

‘I’m glad you two played the game well, it would have been heart throbbing to lose you two.’ She looked at us in admiration and smiled, with the same mystery in her eyes

Play

‘So...’ I whispered

‘... This was all a game?’ River finished as he held me close

‘It was to test if you two could be there for each other through rejection and distance, but to remind you of where you came from.’

I looked back at him as he played with my stomach and we smiled

I touched his face and got lost in his eyes, almost forgetting Lydia was there

He looked up and I turned around and she was gone

We heard a fluttered and saw the bat fly across the face of the moon

___________________________________________________________________________

We went back to our lives

But I couldn’t seem to shake an uncomfortable feeling

I woke up with a twisted view on the world

I honestly just wish it would end

But I know I don’t mean this literally

I got up out of my bed slowly so I wouldn’t wake River

‘Where are you going?’

‘I don’t know. I’ll be back.’

I was only wearing underwear and I walked into another room

I sat beside the couch on the floor

Distracting its purpose

I turned on the TV and watched it with fake enthusiasm

Laughing at bad jokes and blatant simplicity

I laughed and I needed that

I got up and I walked back to bed

River wasn’t facing me and I held him and played with his hair

Somehow I went to sleep with a smile on my face

I hated this world

But at least I hated it, with him here

Chapter 37

Twice At Once

We walked into a shack of a house

Dressed in old magazines, an endless supply of beer bottles, and decaying microwave dinners

He exited the washroom surprised to see us

I smiled and tilted my head

‘You’ve been a bad boy.’

He tried to run away and River pushed him onto the couch

And it broke

We watched the springs and wood protrude from it so suddenly

I jumped on him and peeled off my jacket and placed it down beside him

‘We’ve seen your slick hands at work.’

I took his hands into mine

‘What a shame.’

He ripped them from me ‘Fuck you, you crazy bitch.’

I smiled, then made a frown of sadness then just I stood up

I walked towards River

River pushed all the garbage off the table in front of him and sat down

‘What’s your name?’

‘I’m not fucking telling you!’

River punched him in the face

Hard, then he punched him again on the right side

‘That’s for her. Now what’s your name?’

‘Nathan.’

He spit out blood onto his carpet and began to cry

‘You’re pathetic.’ I whispered

Then I walked out of the room and looked for a knife or two

River sat in front of him smiling

‘We’re just going to make sure you never steal again, or at least not for a long time.’

River got up off the table and pushed it close to Nathans

‘Place your hands on the table.’

‘No.’

Tears soaked his face

River walked behind him and grabbed his hair

‘Listen to her.’ He said it with such calm

‘No, I can’t.’

River slammed his head on the table twice and broke his nose

‘Listen to her.’

His hand trembled as he placed his left hand on the table

‘And the other.’

‘No.’

River slammed his head on the table again

Both hands now on the bloody table

I took the knives from my back pocket and stabbed them into the center of his hands

River and I took the stolen wallets and walked out

Chapter 38

Blood In Your Head

The snow began to melt, displaying the carelessness of others as it was coated in white death

Covering mounds of garbage and decaying leaves

The world looked worn down, as if it had gone through too much

I sat in River’s room and played with the sheets on his bed

I listened to the water force itself out of the shower head

And waited for him to come out

He came out dripping in water with a white towel over his waist

I looked at him in admiration

‘What?’ He smiled

‘Nothing.’ I looked down

‘Aéolyn?’

‘Yeah.’

‘I want to know if today I can wonder through your mind.’

‘That’s fine with me, why do you ask?’

He sat down beside me

Dripping and holding his towel at the front

‘I’d just like to know what you’re thinking, really.’

‘Okay.’

I closed my eyes and I began to cry

He held behind my neck and kissed my eyelids

I felt a shock flow through my body

Then I opened my eyes and I was with River

Kissing him over dead bodies drenched in blood

Then it disappeared

I turned around and a skull crashed into my face

My breathing slowed and it went further

The skull pushing forward, I smiled, I smiled again

I could feel every bone shift in my face, then I fell to the ground

I got up in a pile of leaves as a little girl playing in the woods with a boy

With River

We did nothing but laugh and whisper to each other

Then leaves danced everywhere and I was back in River’s room

I sat there with him and he kissed me and began to dress in silence

I watched him, holding onto his towel as he dressed

‘River, are you okay?’

‘Mmhm, why wouldn’t I be?’

He held my eyes and took my hand and told me to follow him

He grabbed my jacket and threw it over my shoulders and we went in his car

We kissed until the car warmed up and then we drove away

We drove to an abandon cottage somewhere in the country

We got out and he held my hand and began to play with the lines in my palm

I followed him in silence and comfort, we walked to the back of the cottage in the woods

And out of nowhere there was a pond

Chapter 39

Unicorn

‘River... is that an eye?’

It blinked in the corner of the rock that was in the shape of a huge unicorn head

He smiled ‘Lydia is here.’

The day was dark and coated in sadness, I felt heavy

River pulled me toward the pond

‘River?’

‘Trust me.’

We reached the rock and the water reached the center of my stomach and River touched it

I followed

Then we began to sink almost as if in quick sand

The eye seemed black and silver

The water reached our necks and sucked us in

And we stood in front of Lydia’s cage, completely dry

She was being held by one of the boys, comforted

She slowly turned her head towards River and let go of the boy

‘So River, why are you here?’

River cleared his throat and gave her a smirk

‘I’d like to give Aéolyn the chance to sense what it would be like if we were children.

Much like you are now.’

‘That can be done.’ She mimicked Rivers smirk

And we woke up on a summer day in an unreal forest with a little tree house

There was a piece of paper on the floor ‘Two days, two nights.’

The paper shrivelled and burnt

River and I looked at each other’s childish eyes enticed and curious

‘Cool.’

There was a patch of daisies to our left that mimicked what we said then giggled

We ran to them in amazement and we said nice words that we wanted to hear them say

Then fairies appeared and they examined us in excitement and joy

Two girls and one boy

‘Follow us, Lydia has much to show you.’

We walked and saw animals speaking in their own tongues and we understood their language

The wind whispered to us and everything felt right

We reached a waterfall that was unearthly

The water glittered purple and fell but made little sound

And the water was body temperature

‘You will feel as you’ve never felt before.’

We took off our clothes and went into the water

We could breathe under the water

Then the fairies whispered their departure

They promised to return

And they vanished into the dancing leaves

Chapter 40

LOVE

We played in the falls like children and began to communicate under the water

We floated and we couldn’t feel our bodies

And it was just us

The night appeared and we watched the teal moon and visible stars shooting threw the sky

We made thousands of wishes and fell asleep on the heated grass holding hands

The morning came and an orange sun appeared similar to Lydia’s

It woke the world with hope and meaning

The fairies came

They guided us to hills

The same shape and size as Lydia’s world

River and I held hands

And warmth laid over us

The world was suddenly drenched in a dark light

Like an autumn dawn

Wet leaves danced on the floor

Glistening from what seemed like a passing rain

I let go of Rivers hand

Bent down

Picked up a pile of leaves

And threw them in the air

Then I looked at my hands

They were immersed in blood

I wiped it over my dress

And I looked at River

He held my hand

Then took one of my fingers into his mouth

He wore that beautiful smirk on his childish face

Then he took a pile of leaves from the floor and threw them at me

I did the same to him

And our laughter danced over the smooth hills

We finally laid in the leaves

Soaked in blood

And our hearts pounding from laughter

River turned to me

Took my face into his hands and kissed me

I could feel him smiling and I followed

Then he whispered

‘I love you.’

I turned around and lied in his arms

Like a creature withering into a cave

Then I held his fingers and said

‘I love you too.’

Love & Terror: The Beginning

To me, River compliments the moon

He’s my will to live

He’s beautiful

‘Are you okay?’

‘I don’t know.’

I felt a shift in my stomach

A pleasure flew over my skin

Like a rush of blood lathered the inside of my body, warm

Stimulating

I gave him a weak smile

And I took his hand and we left the house

‘Where are we going?’

‘It’s a surprise.’ I smiled in excitement

We flowed through crowds of people in the warmth

We stopped at a movie theatre

River squeezed my hand, he knew where I led him

We walked up the stairs

Passing the scent of popcorn and cheap soda

I went in my pocket and took out a key

I knocked the door twice and unlocked the door

Maria was on the floor out of breath and Jaedyn sat there biting his lips

‘Hey guys.’ I felt like I interrupted something beautiful

River gave Maria a hug, and walked over to Jaedyn

I gave Maria a hug, and for a second I could feel her pleasure

We parted and she smiled ‘How are you two?’

She laughed out loud ‘Did you not feel that?’

I held her hand and she squeezed tighter

We turned and looked at River and Jaedyn

They both sat there on a single bed talking intently and smirking at jokes

We looked at them

Amused

River made eye contact with me

‘Hey, do you guys want to come over?’

Maria jumped in joy, still holding my hand

Jaedyn bit his lip and smiled ‘Sure.’

We left their safe haven and walked to my apartment

We entered and a heat rushed out of the open door

Maria and I immediately took off our coats

Jaedyn and River picked songs to listen to

And we just danced, hypnotized

I could see nothing but her

And her heat was hotter than my room

I felt like we had become a watercolour painting

‘You guys want to have a little fun?’

Jaedyn had a sly look on his face

And Maria’s skin got hotter

She twirled over to Jaedyn and sat on his lap

Then she looked at us and asked again

‘Wanna have a little fun?’

River held my hand and smirked

‘Let’s go.’

The night shimmered as Maria led the way

Her excitement was intoxicating

It’s hard to go looking for people

But Maria knew, you could tell in her eyes

We walked into a beautiful house that mimicked all others on the street

There was a man and a woman sitting on a couch watching TV

Jaedyn walked behind them and grabbed their heads

River walked over to the guy, pulled him up and pushed him up against a wall

‘Why?’ River asked Jaedyn

‘Ask Maria, she’s the one that sent us here.’

She started humming softly

Then she lied down and started to cry and rub the wooded floor

‘Downstairs.’ I whispered then I picked up Maria

We all walked downstairs, and Jaedyn and River brought the couple

After three steps into the basement, the recent jasmine scent disappeared

A damp reek odour smogged the air

I walked fully in the basement, looking at a girl in cage

She looked about the age eleven

Tears defined her skin

The girl looked at us so frightened

‘They hurt her so much.’ Maria started to hum and cry again and I held her

‘Let go of me.’ She whispered to me

I did and I walked over to the cage and took the little girl out, the scent was so strong

I turned around and Maria was in front of River and the man

She touched his face ‘Why?’

He began to open his mouth, and she punched him with so much force you could hear cracks

Then she punched him again

River picked him up off the floor

And he looked at me and smiled

‘I can feel her pain in me, around me. It hurts so badly.’

Jaedyn held the woman by her neck, then walked over to Maria and held her

‘Kill them for me, please.’

He looked at her, and kissed her, then he smiled and bit his lip

We all walked upstairs to create a masterpiece

Jaedyn threw the woman next to the coffee table

You could see her blood leaking out of her like a dripping faucet

He kicked the couch towards the entrance

And Maria looked at me feverishly

Humming

Jaedyn walked back over to the woman and grabbed her hair

A screech made an exit from her mouth

I stood with the little girl and Jaedyn walked over

Dragging the woman over like a broken doll

‘Where is the place they hurt you the most?’

She touched her stomach and then cringed

Maria appeared behind me and pierced the woman’s stomach with a pen

Jaedyn threw her to the floor and Maria jumped on her

She held the woman's neck, suffocating her

She fought as much as she could

Then she just stopped moving

I looked at River holding the weeping man

Watching his world shift like sand on the ground

The little girl started to sob

‘If you want we can stop.’

She looked at all of us individually

‘Are you Angels?’

Maria started to laugh and clap as she got off the woman beneath her

The wet blood created small polka dots that decorated her shirt

‘Little girl, only if you want us to be.’

She held my hand and I walked her over to the couch so she could see better

I walked over to River and the man

‘I missed you.’

He smirked, ‘I missed you too.’

I began to kiss him as he still held the man in his arm

I grasped the man’s neck

Choking him

Asphyxiating him

River grabbed my waist and held me closer

I could feel the man’s throat constricting

I could feel his bones and cartilage almost cutting me

River parted and looked at me

He offered me the disoriented man and I took him

I picked him off the wooden floor and admired his lips

I turned around and pressed my back against the front of him

Then I grasped his hands

‘River... could you get me a knife?’

The man began to squirm and fight

Maria and Jaedyn moved in closer

‘I got this.’ I whispered

I turned around and began to touch his lips

I closed my eyes and traced them

‘What’s your name little girl?’

I looked over to her

‘Chelsea.’ Then she gave me this innocent gorgeous smile

River appeared with a perfect knife

As if reading my mind

‘I want you to grin just like Chelsea.’

I put the knife close to his eyes

And he closed them

‘I hope you enjoy your hell, just as much as you enjoyed hers.’

I put the knife in his mouth and he

Bit it

Squirmed

Cried

Moved his face

So I took the knife out through his cheek

A shriek came out of him that made his blood quiver

In that same moment

I put the knife through the other side of his mouth

Mimicking Chelsea’s Grin

Maria grabbed the woman by her hair

She took a scary gasp for air

I dropped the man on the floor

And Maria brought him his lover

Her blood destroyed her clothes and the floor

It looked disgusting

Tears now bruised her face

And she held him

Jaedyn and River moved to our sides both holding blunt objects

Maria and I walked over to Chelsea and sat with her

River began

Within three blows they were already gone

Her blood dressed the room

Finally... it was beautiful

Maria and I looked at Chelsea grin

The sun seemed to hold up the sky

Animals climbed out of their shelters

Jaedyn played with the cuticles on Maria’s nails

And River played with the line in my back

We sat in front of the pond

The water

‘How don’t they see it as an answer?’

The frustration in her face was still beautiful

‘There’s a lot they don’t know.’

River’s voice echoed over a pond

Pulsating

‘Do they even care?’

Jaedyn began to bite his lip

‘I always wondered why they decide to live for so long, what drives them?

It’s absurd how the smallest beauties in life are strong enough to make them continue suffering.’

The wind blew with his voice

And we sat there in silence, staring

I stood up, and River stood with me

I held his hand and felt his veins beating

‘I want to go home and sleep. Do you want to go out tonight?’

Jaedyn and Maria smiled at the same time

Jaedyn said ‘Sure.’

I had a sudden urge for River to just hold me

Sadness layered my world

We walked to his apartment

I could smell the heat steaming his sheets

I closed the door behind me

And watched him walk in front of me

‘Could you just hold me?’

He looked at me

Afraid

He wrapped his arms around my waist

And I put my arms around his neck

I could feel his warmth diminishing as it went into me

I closed my eyes and watched red as the sun glisten over my eyelids

After two minutes of just standing River let me go

He looked at me and smiled

My only decision was to smile as well

‘Come with me.’

He walked me to the washroom

Locked the door

Turned on the faucet

Moved in the dimming light

Brushed my hair behind my shoulders

Put his fingers underneath the strap of the dress

Slid it off my shoulders

Kissed my neck

‘I found you.’ The words leaked from our mouths

My nerves alert as my dress circled around my feet

He took off his clothes and I watched him

Beautiful

When he was finished he just looked at me

Seemed like he had something to say

I stepped out of my dress and kissed him

He lifted me up and we walked into the tub

River pulled the lever for the shower

The steaming water electrocuted my sensitive nerves

I still kissed him, amazed

I felt new again

I stopped and looked at him

He put me down and looked at me

He made that smirk and I touched his face

Turned off the shower

I sat down in the water

Moved forward

He sat behind me

I lied on his chest

Then he held me with delicacy

Like a monster holding a flower

I began to shiver

I felt a ripple go through me

A sad ripple, promising death

‘What did you see?’

‘River, I didn’t see anything.’

I sat there feeling like death

‘Can we go see Maria?’

I got up and grabbed a towel

River stood right behind me

‘You okay?’

I handed him another towel and just walked away

I rushed and put my clothes on

I left the apartment without River

My hands became blood hot, steamed dressed my hand like velvet

River touched my shoulder and I went dead cold

The elevator opened and we walked inside

My tongue lingered at the end of my throat

I was unable to say a word

We drove to Maria’s

I knocked the door

Once

Forcing a fist to touch the door

Twice

Clenching my fingers to touch the door

River almost pushed me out of the way

And turned the knob

It croaked, like secrets that don’t want to be found out

I felt the acid in my stomach double

Maria held out her hands to me

Blood tears drained from her eyes

She bit little pieces of her tongue and blood painted her lips and chin

Jaedyn’s head in her lap with his stomach cut open

His white shirt now crimson red

His left wrist cut

‘He’s drained.’ River touched my back

I went to Maria and I held her

I found my voice crawling towards my mouth

‘Is there nothing we can do?’

A tear fell from his eye and River nodded ‘No.’

Maria held Jaedyn, his complexion went from white to blue

His skin felt like the texture of a rose

I pried Maria’s hand from his

She started scratching her arm

I picked her up and the blood on her made a Rorschach reflection on me

I looked at her and the color drained from her eyes

She trembled, still scratching her arm

I felt so helpless... so hopeless

She touched her hair

Strands of her hair stayed entangled in her fingers as her arms dropped to her side

‘River are the effects suppose to be so quick?’

She moved me aside with slow force

Looked down at Jaedyn

Let out a croak

Dropped to her knees with full force

Glided her hands down his face

And just before her fingers reached his chin

She slammed her face against his

She let out a scream and slammed her face against his again

The speed of her actions

Magical

River ran over to her and pulled her back

She let out a screech and looked at him with drained catlike eyes

She dragged Jaedyn closer to her with surprising strength

I couldn’t recognize his now purple face layered in red ink

She slammed her head against his again over and over with speed and accuracy

I just stood there

Tears clouding my vision

Creating a dreamlike picture in my memory

River held my hand and pulled me out of the room

‘I love you.’ I whispered

She looked back at me with a red face

The color came back in her eyes, she connected with me then turned away

River locked the door

River held me with a hollow heart and I broke in his arms

He dragged me back to his car and we sat in the back

Moisture from the heat and my cries lathered the car

I lied in his arms like a child

And I was taken by a dream

Svetlana was her name

She wore a dress that felt like cold grease

It fell on her body like wet paint on a canvas

She stood before me with white hair and Aubergine Dream eyes

She looked at me with hidden joy

She gave me her hand

The coldness of her touch sent a shock through my spine

I stood before her

My body emerged from black oil seeping out of golden sand

‘Aéolyn.’ she said

I let out a gasp as she said my name

A tear fell from my eye

‘You will find your other half soon.’

I walked with her through the sand

Oil dripping from my body at every step

I looked down at myself and smiled

She looked back at me

‘You are very beautiful.’

She held back her joy once again

We continued to walk until it was dark

She spoke to me softly

Holding my hand

Telling me stories

The sun set

The moon rose

My body no longer had an inch of oil

I stood there completely bare

I looked down at my feet

I looked up

Right in front of me stood River

And another woman that resembled Svetlana

With black hair and Lactarius Indigo eyes

He looked at me with confidence

And that smirk

Svetlana looked at the other and they released their joy

Then they let go of our hands and held each others

They then started to slowly merge in front of us

One side with black hair and blue eyes the other side with white hair and purple eyes

Then the dress on her skin started to melt away

Taking her with it

Like she was a lit candle

River and I held hands, a rush went through my body and we both looked in each other eyes

With lust and horror

Svetlana was gone only leaving residue of her nude dress

Suddenly two hands emerged from the sand with force and grabbed our legs

Dragging us down into a pool of floating sunflowers

‘Aéolyn...River.’

An echo lingered in our ears as the shock from the water made its mark

We exited the pool

And Svetlana led the way

‘You will meet your maker.’

I sprung out of my sleep like a crow gasping for air

Tears were caked onto my skin

Rivers arms left impressions on my side

I slowly snuggled closer to him to wake him up

Make him know I was happy he was here with me

He made a noise and touched my face with his thumb

We were breathing in our own air

He started to sit up, and I moved out of his arms

He held my hands and I looked at him

He turned around and opened the door

The road was bare

The air no different than what we bred in the car

The only light source came from the theatre

With beating light bulbs

Pleading to just drain out

I looked at River again and words pried from my lips

‘I dreamt of how we met Svetlana and Lydia.’

The words pierced the air

Echoing

He smirked

‘I remember her voice echoing our names as we delved deeper into her world. The sun always on the verge of setting, the warm fragile grass, the two boys with distinct personalities.’

River seemed to have placed himself exactly in my world

Beginning where my dream left off

We began to walk and I listen to him paint the night with our becoming

‘Her eyes painting you and I

She played with that orchid in hand like a child wrapped up in the creation of the species.

Once we emerged on the land the boys stopped playing, and began to walk towards us, with clever smiles and bright eyes.

They both stopped and then one proceeded to walk right in front of us.

He seemed to be no much older than Lydia, just taller, with red lips and eyes that seemed to water but never cried.

He began to pace around us.’

River looked down at me

I nodded

‘Yea, he began to pace around us, whispering

Warum willst du and’re fragen...Sieh mein Aug’, ich liebe dich. Das Leben ist ein Erlebnis.’

Suddenly we were so close together, as if wrapped by an invisible ribbon, we looked back at Lydia and he was standing by her, holding her hand, she looked up at him.

‘Thank you Sal.’

The world pulsated, the sun got brighter, the grass warmer

The second boy approached us, shorter, but holding a much more sinister demeanour

He stood before us, and looked at us with his head facing down a silver coat lined his eyes

With an invisible speed he held our throats, with a strength that was remarkable

He lightened his grasp on my neck and I started to feel pain in my stomach

Then he grasped my neck harder and you cried out

Lydia let out an angered voice

‘That’s enough Lestat... I said that’s enough!’

The world pulsated again, this time diming the sunlight and making the grass cold and wet

He let go and we both fell to the ground, he stood over us and said with a smirk

‘Liebe ist nicht zu starren einander an, sondern starrte in derselben unendlichen Raum. Tod ist unvermeidlich.’

The grass got warmer and we both tried to stand up but we couldn’t move

Lydia walked over and sat between us

‘I've created you, all of you, with the urge to do the things that I can only imagine. You know wrong from right, and your actions will mirror how you feel. You will be your own God's in the flesh.’ A tear fell from the corner of her eyes and it fell on the grass and it was like we were blown out of her world, I woke up in my apartment without you. I saw a note ‘I will always be here for you, now go find her.’ The paper shrivelled and burnt in my hand and like a compass in hand I found you and I never wanted to leave you again.’ We sat in front of each other on grass wet from the heat of the night, playing with weeds and smiling at each other

‘Her name is Lydia December.’

He sniffed the sterile hospital air

‘Her condition is unknown

Appears to be akin to the comatose condition

But much more advance.

Look at her eyes.’

He directed the other doctor and pointed his pen to my eyes

‘Her brain activity is consistently at a conscious level

Her eyes are rapidly moving with no intentions of stopping, as if she is consciously dreaming.’

‘Like a lucid coma?’

‘Exactly! It’s as if she never sleeps and she is aware of everything inside her world.’

‘Interesting, how did she get here.’

How did I get here?

Simple right?

Quite the contrary

And I’m in no mood to discuss it, or hear about it

These hallways have been my shelter for almost 4 years

I’ll let you know one thing before we leave my room

That doctor

Dr. Anthony Gere

He’s in the right ball park

I am always dreaming, I’m creating a whole new world

A whole new species, in my mind

I’m aware of everything inside and outside of my mind as well

And with this ability I’ve managed to merge the two into one

Playing a God of sorts

Aéolyn, River, Jaedyn, Maria...

They’re all out there doing exactly what I want them to do

What no other person is willing to do

To live

To die

To make their own reality

Love & Terror: The End

Chapter 51

I Just Want to Swim Inside of You

Lydia’s idea was what better way to know your victim then to make love to them

Sex

The most intimate state you have with another

Even more intimate then witnessing the life drain from their eyes

Or breathing in their last breath

We spend our lives killing people

Ones that we believe deserve nothing more then what we have in store for them

But in the midst of all the death we sometimes lose the real purpose as to why we do it

So we swim

Swimming inside of them

Seeing them for what they truly are, and not who we think they are

I saw Damien for who he truly was

Not the mask he wore

Or the roles he played

But the man naked behind closed doors

His skin felt like rubber

And the scent that pried out of his pores smelt like roses

Real roses

Not the idea of what a rose smells like

I held him by the wrist, running down a long narrow street

The lights brushed past us like the blurring image of a candle

Right at that point where you’ve stared at it for too long

River walked behind us slowly

Like a father that wasn’t trying to lose his children

Something in my brain shifted and I stopped

The blurry street lights became sharp

The scent of the roses brushed by me

I still held him by the wrist

I looked down at him

‘What are you doing down there?’

He didn’t answer, instead he spat blood on the floor

I took two steps back, and tugged at his arm

With any intelligence he knew I wanted him to get up

I let go of his wrist

River came to me

And Damien attempted to run

River grabbed him by the neck

Still looking at me

‘Are you ready?’

He held my hand

Prying my fingers open with his

I let out a weak smile and sound

‘Yea.’

Chapter 52

I Just Want to Understand You

Damien Water was his name

He was the monster parents would tell their children about

The ones in the closets

Under the bed

Down the street

The type that would destroy children forever

I refer to them as innocent thieves

‘Okay, let’s go.’

Rivers voice echoed through the artificially lit night

We breached the thickness of the woods

Trying to find a place with soft soil and open space

It was found

River grabbed him by the wrist, and they stood in front of me

River gave me a look of assurance

I smiled and looked down

The man stared, frightened

I closed my eyes and slid my fingers down their eyelids

Then down their lips

And tears started to fall

From my eyes

From their eyes

I kissed River

Then I kissed Damien

My eyes shut in a natural blink

And they were one

They started to take my sweater off

And I kissed them

It was fascinating

Like touching a familiar stranger

Swimming inside their bodies

Their minds

Their space

Their insides

‘I’m ready.’

Here we lay begging to reach inside of someone

Or needing someone to reach inside of us

I swam inside of him

Scratching the inside of his veins

Prying through his pores

Falling from his eyes

Making love with the synapses in his brain

Being introduced to his pleasures, fears

Dreams and nightmares

Chapter 53

I Just Want to Destroy You

He shifted and a pleasure blew over me

Like the touch of a tidal wave

Every memory slid through me

Everything

Goosebumps rose from my skin filtering through the morning air

I gasped for breath

The tears inside me begged to be released

My skin got numb as the heat rose from my head

I looked at both of them

I slid over to River

Auburn leaves sticking to my thighs and stomach

He held me

Before Damien opened his eyes

I straddled him

I took a mental photograph of his face

Then punched him

Clawed at his face

Beat his face

Destroyed his face

I could hear the blood rising up

Making a pool in the back of his throat

Damien

I saw no beauty in him

Not like the others

I wasn’t taken away by his hair, or his azure eyes

I only saw the daemon that lingered beneath his visage

He lied beneath my naked body

Unconscious, shallow breath

Bleeding gorgeous crimson

River peeled the leaf off my thigh

I looked at him

He gave me that smirk

‘It’s okay it is only a reminder of why we do what we do.’

My breathing skipped on its own demand

And he held my hand

We left Damien there

To choke on his own blood

We crawled out of the woods at the break of dawn

The trees all had white trunks

With bark that peeled off like paper

The leaves the color of red

Unseen by any eyes

It surpassed the definition of beauty

Chapter 54

You’re Nothing Like Him

Stains of diluted blood were on my face

My mind felt like a blank slate someone contaminated

I threw up

Everything foreign inside me, showed its face on the soil

I looked up at the orange sun and it warmed my face

River pulled me closer and we walked home

I walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind me

I felt unclean

River couldn’t touch me this way

I turned on the hot water

Tugged at the shower knob

Then walked in

The heat stung me

And everything on me

The longer I stood there

The cleaner I felt

Then goose bumps rose

And I got out

Once I opened the door I saw River

Just standing there

His clothes lay in a puddle next to the bed

He held me with his eyes

Then grabbed me by the waist and kissed me

I combed his hair with my fingers and he lifted me

With one arm

And pressed me up against the wall

I felt him inside of me and gasped

So familiar

So safe

We looked in each other’s eyes

Communicating in so many ways

He put me down and we walked over to the bed

He laid on the bed and I sat on top of him

I traced lines on his chest with my fingers

And he held my face

I glided my fingers down his arm

I smiled and touched his hand

Then I wrapped my tiny fingers around him

Then I took him inside of me

A wave of familiarity slipped inside of me

I felt Damien disappear

I understood everything

It all made sense I was ready to create art

Lydia

My senses were too much to handle

There didn’t seem to be treatment or help

I smelt the future as…

It dripped off flustered women

Tasted the familiarity of …

Another’s saliva

I felt the air licking the…

Hair at the back of his neck

I could smell the music

Nothing was like it used to be

Things weren’t simple

Everything mattered

Every action had months of an ongoing reaction

Life evolved from a simple molecule

And outside of me

It began to breathe without me

It thought on its own

When reality isn’t worth it

And death isn’t an option

Where do dreams slither in?

One morning I woke up

I opened my eyes

And there was nothing

Not a white room

Not a black space

Just nothing

Emptiness

That space that is endless

That feeling of true emptiness…

A colorless light of emptiness

It was now visible

I felt understood

Then my mind began to race again

My room came back

As if it was out of focus

And I was awake

My imagination slipped away from me

Like always

I wished I was still sleeping

Chapter 56

It’s My Will

The blood started to spill from my nose

Losing its path within me

It fell on the surface I walked on

A rose

I looked around for River

The blood rushing out of me faster

‘River?’

His presence was near, I could feel him

But I couldn’t see him

Am I delusional?

I search for him

My blood making a new path

On me

Around me

Leaving footprints

The coldness of his skin washed through me

Penetrating me

I closed my eyes

‘Come back, come back.’

The words becoming one

The letters becoming one

His fingers edged around my midriff

Grazing my skin with gentle pressure

His body pressed against mine as if I walked into him

His head nestled against mine

Our hair fusing

Our breath

Our scent

My nose bled faster

My eyes watered and everything was red

Blood licked the inside of my mouth

Roses

Roses were everywhere

‘River?’

I gasped and blood drained from my mouth

He held me

Silent

Statuesque

He held me tighter, silent, and statuesque

I peeled away and fell towards the floor

I rolled over on my back

And his hands were there to glide over my stomach

His fingers cold and comforting

He looked at me smirking

His eyes piercing mine

I bled

Roses everywhere

His fingers crawled, caressed, and ventured up my stomach

He took his eyes away from mine for a moment

He looked at my exposed belly button

Then he tore my shirt off

My chest now bare, my stomach

His eyes wondered back to mine

After processing the map of my body

I laid there

Bleeding

Roses as far as I could see

His fingers began where they left off

Touching the organs my skin hid away

The cold left trails of his passing

‘River?’

He kept his eyes on me

And they spoke

His fingers dug between the spaces the bones of my ribs didn’t cover

A pain drilled in me

A pleasure

‘River?’

He closed his eyes and his fingers touched my left breast

The softness of it

The bump that separated my nipples from my ribs

His fingers admired them as his eyes admired mine

The coldness of his fingers collected my nipple

His voice pried through the statue of his being

‘Why is this happening?’

He touched my face

Wiping the blood away

I pushed him over on his back

An energy surging through me

The blood found its path within me

But the blood that was out painted the whole world around me

Roses were all around

Growing

River was beneath me, his chest rising

He was growing

I ripped off his shirt

And he peeled off the remains of mine

‘Because I want it to.’

I gazed in his eyes as my fingers ventured around the design of his chest

I placed him inside of me

A feeling I couldn’t prepare for

He held my waist

Squeezing my insides together

Rising further inside me

The roses grew higher around us

The thorns cutting, scratching

Like my nails would on River’s back

His fingers climbed towards my breast and noises peeled from our lips

His hands crawled behind my back and he pulled me down

His chest fell

When mine rose

I could taste his scent

Then he rolled me over

The sky was white, illuminated, magical

Blood was all over us

Scratches

Scars

Cuts

The scent was like a copper flower

There was no end to us

No end to the roses that grew towards the sky

No end to the scent

The feeling

The sights

No end to the blood around us

No end to the magic we created

The lives we lived

The energy between us

It wasn’t death

Not love

Not murder or cries

It was the energy

Growing inside us

Around us

Between us

My eyes rolled open and I was awake

The sun peeling through the spaces of the blinds

River held my hand

‘Aéolyn?’

I looked at him and smiled

‘Did you dream of anything last night?’

I rolled over and laid in him

‘Yea I did, how’d you know?’

I smiled and looked around the room

The door started sweating

Slightly pulsating

There seemed to be water in the air

Then something else with taste

I shivered

I touched his face

The way a river of sweat would swim

And he moved

Slightly

Silently

Coldly

He looked me in the eyes

‘I can’t remember a thing.’

I got up from the bed

I walked to the kitchen

Feeling the soles of my feet heating the cool floor

I walked back to him and took a moment to capture the hair that stroked his forehead

He let out his hand and it slightly hit the bare skin of my inner thigh

I cut him ever so lightly

Hoping the blood wouldn’t show its face too quickly

It didn’t

Like a shy thing looking through the crack of a door it slowly came to say hi

‘It’s flowing back.’

He panted

Like a wounded octopus

His chest heaved out to me

It was as if he had wings, all his energy filled me

He shut down

Then came back gasping for air

And giving me a smirk

Then going back

I took his hand to keep him close

And he pushed himself from me

I watched him scared

‘How far are you?’ I whispered to myself

Conscious to that fact that he was unconscious in this world

His eyes swam behind his eyelids

And I knew it was time

I grabbed his hand firmly

And he tugged it back

Tugging me with him

I fell on him

I felt my elbow plunge into the soft of his stomach

And he looked at me

I pulled his hand to my lips and licked his wound

He held me to him and we laid there

Hearts pounding in opposing directions

‘Who did you forget?’

‘Anthony Gere.’

Like new epidermis

Breathtaking crimson coated my skin

His organs in hand

On his desk

He lay before us

Amazing

Pale like the illumination of a light bulb in the darkest forest

He glowed

Even his dead eyes sang to me, serenaded my mind

He looked at me and I tilted my head

I touched his lips

I adored the holes in his body

The blood didn’t touch his face

We pulled it all out

An empty man

A heart

Lungs

A stomach

Intestines

‘Don’t do this.’

River chuckled in amusement

He gave me a knife

My patient

My specimen

I laid him on the table

Slowly

Softly

My prize possession

His energy covered me

I held his neck

I brushed my fingers through his hair

Strawberry silver

‘Beautiful.’

The scent of him and his cologne enticed me

Dr. Gere chiselled into the door

He called out to us from the hallway

River let go of the knot our fingers created

The linoleum floors

I looked down

The fluorescent lights

I looked up

River held my hand as we strolled in an empty hospital

Tool

Chapter 61

It’s like that tug on your tongue

Like that rats nest beneath your stomach

That clawing over every vein

The twitch within your left eye

His presence insulted me

He was beautiful

Carved from broken marble

His hair fell in all the wrong places

But his hair fell beautifully

I tied his hands over his head

Allowing every breath to reflect the muscles that hid underneath his skin

He shivered

Perspired

There was a glare in his eyes

A quiver in his left index finger

River could feel the heat blowing out of me, despite that the room seemed to hold onto the cold

He sees the tears forming in my eyes

As I gaze at this man, this creature

I walked close to him

My fingers loose

Relaxed

The quilt unraveling in my stomach

I looked in his eyes

He looked in mine

Trudging through my fucking soul

I closed my eyes and I walked away from him

Tears marred by the makeup around my eyes

I walked over to River

‘He saw me River, he sees me.’

River looked at me saddened and shocked

His head looked away from me

And focused on Tate

Tate

My head puzzled in the crease of his arm and torso

He looked down at me

‘Aéolyn, what did you do?’

My gasp echoed in his sentence

I took a step back and I closed my eyes

River kissed my eyelids and slipped into my thoughts

Holding on to River’s fingers

Walking down summer hot cement sidewalks

Eyes squinting to make out faces

The sun’s light constricting my eyes

New eyes prisoned with mine

A clever shock went through me

River swam further in my box of memories

Tate standing in my room

A reflection of me paralyzed in a stance

Tate morphing into an image of River

Unfamiliar hands grabbing me

Unfamiliar lips kissing me

A blur of torn clothes, mangled sheets, torn consciousness

Him on top of me, inside of me

The whole night

A Pandora of pleasures

The image of us faded, and his face showed again

Even in that memory his eyes spoke to me

I screamed Rivers name, it echoed through the walls of my mind

I told him to get out

I fell to the floor crying and holding myself

He stood over me

A tear from him fell on my hand

He stepped over me and walked to Tate

A smirk still managed to form on his face

River knew that Tate wouldn’t be around for much longer

He dragged his nails down his skin

His arms

His chest

His stomach

I moaned stop, and River didn’t even budge he just kept doing it, in a rhythmic way

Then he stopped midway

Tate’s skin resembled Blaschko’s Lines

Blood blushed his skin

As little bits of him squeezed under River’s nails

He walked over to me and picked me up

He touched the middle of my back and kissed my forehead

‘Aéolyn, kill him now or else I will.’

He didn’t explain why he did what he did

I walked over to Tate, slowly gathering myself with each step

I stood close to him, his breath fogging my skin

My fingers found their way behind his neck

Playing with the little hairs and finding comfort in the warmth of his skin

He smiled at me softly ‘You won’t do it Aéolyn.’

A tear fell from my eyes

He forced his face towards mine and kissed me

With a battle in me, I kissed him back, and then my free hand dug into the soft of his stomach

He spat blood into my mouth

And I moved back

‘You taste the way I want you to.’

I walked back, closer to him, his skin already drained and pale

His skin already getting colder

My bloody fingers found their way to the knots around his hands

He fell on me

So heavy

I placed him on the ground and I lied next to him

Portions of my mind forgetting River was in the room

‘Tate?’

His breath shallow and calm

I grazed my fingers over his wound

The way he cringed was lovely

The muscles that tensed was art

I started to paint his skin with his own blood

Some parts of his skin

Beige

Pink

Red

Crimson

I painted him

His blood warmed the air

The iron stung my tongue

‘Tate? Talk to me.’

I put my fingers in my mouth

And I nestled closer to him

I looked at him

Touching the wounds we made

My skin slowly cracking as the blood caked on

My fingers glided towards the elastic that blocked down his pants

I dug my fingers through

‘You loved every second of it.’

The words slithered from his blood soaked mouth

River grabbed my hair and pulled me away

‘Stop.’

His voice calm and ambient

He let go of my hair and walked over to Tate and just stomped on his face

I screamed stop

‘He’s one of Lydia’s, he has no path, and he is half, half a story, half a thought, half a man.

He isn’t finished.’

He said it fast and rapid, anger surging through him

I went to grab his hand

And he moved it away from me disgusted

‘Don’t touch me.’

River walked out

Chapter 64

My Tears Heated My Pillow

The weather outside bit me

It scared my skin

I hate the cold

I could feel that River was too far

I got home and immediately took off my clothes

Blood still on my hands

Painting my nails

I lied in bed

Closed my eyes

Imagined River holding me

Losing my mind to the beat of his heart

Sleeping

The door began to feel like it was being pushed closer to me

I got warmer

Slowly my hearing chipped in

I heard knocking

River

I got up

Leaving the sheets where they were

I opened the door

Looked in his eyes

Then he looked down at me

‘Aéolyn put on some fucking clothes.’

He moves himself into the house

Slithering through the doorway

Avoiding my touch
‘I’m not going to.’

I walked by him, sat down and crossed my legs

He shook his head

Then I got up and I walked up to him

He didn’t move an inch

I touched his face

He whispered into his shoulder

‘Please put some close on.’

‘Warum willst du and’re fragen...Sieh mein Aug’, ich liebe dich.’

‘Aéolyn, fuck, you can’t just do that.’

I got closer to him

Feeling him

He took a step back ‘Take a shower, I can still smell him on you.’

‘River? Come with me?’

I looked in his eyes

Pleading, yet seductive

He smirked

‘Aéolyn, I have already forgiven you, but we need to talk.’

I held his hand

We walked into the washroom

I watched him take things off

Then we walked into the shower together

‘Aéolyn, never do that to me again.’

He closes his eyes then grabs my neck

‘Never again.’

He grabs my thigh

And rubs his hands up and down the inside

‘You’re mine. Honestly how could you do that to me?’

The water was getting colder than I wanted it to

I could feel my nerves reacting to it

Noticing it

‘Riv...’

‘Exactly, you have no fucking clue.’

He dropped my thigh

I went to kiss him

He allowed it

But didn’t reciprocate

‘You smell like him.’

He moved the shower blinds and got out

I showered, the soap and my tears burning my eyes

The water just got colder

I came out

‘River?’

Drips of the cold water gathered together as it glided down my back

I looked in the mirror

My body just a blob

Grey all around

Just a blur
My tears fogged my iris

I froze for a moment

Then I opened the door

Looked out into the room

Searching for River

I couldn’t see him

I walked to the bed, my feet slowly slipping on the wood floor

Leaving pools of footprints

I felt so cold

I used my sheets as a towel

A blanket

I curled up in my bed

Following my mind as it wandered

My tears heated my pillow

Define consciousness

Exactly, if you really think about it... it just appeared

But is it being alive?

Awake?

Dreaming?

Thinking?

So while I’m lying on this bed

Unconscious

Or...

Lucidly comatose

Dr. Gere

He orders the nurses to take a break

Then he walks around the foot of my bed

Towards the window

He closes the blinds slowly, as if trying not to make a sound

But failing

Then he hovers over me, watching me

The way he has, so many times before

His mind goes over this process for the last time

Then he walks to the door, and locks it

He begins to do everything

Methodically

Neatly

Carefully

He begins to slowly drag the sheet off my body

Holds it to him and begins to fold it

Then places it on the chair near the window

He mumbles something to himself then touches my hair

If I could move I would take every organ out of his body

He moves his fingers towards my neck

Then tugs at the white lace of my gown

Then he just drags it off, as if he lost all control

He unbuckles his pants and starts mumbling

He goes on top of me

Prying

Struggling

The bed squeaks

As if someone was swinging on a rusty door

He finishes, leaving pieces of himself inside of me

I ignite

He gets up, tugs on his pants and groans, a filthy person

He puts my clothes back on

I finally hear something he says

‘She’s burning up.’

The anger inside burns my skin

My tears heated my pillow

His broken ribs

His rustled hair

Clayed muscles

And frozen lips

He’s perfect

In every way...

Imaginable

He could listen to my thoughts

The only one

He was looking for me

Then he lost his way

Her name was Haley

Delicate

Vicious

I wanted him to leave her

Her paper skin

Her violet eyes

He was mine

Not hers

I watched as his affection for her dwindled

She drained, and he barely tried

Selfish

As it seems

I protected him

He would not be scared in her demise

I wanted him to be with me, but he had to find me

Through me

Through the ones I created

To be with them

Love them

Get inside their heads

I knew, I knew

But he suddenly started to go back

He rewrote his path

I realize he would never be mine

Tate was Aéolyn’s, and she was his

I found he went to Aéolyn often

Assuming there was something similar with her and Haley he was drawn to her

He began to become a memory of hers I couldn’t erase

He was a flame out of control

River needed to know the truth

Everything changed

I cried

My tears heated my pillow

Chapter 68

Tachypnea

I woke up to the whines of thunder

Pathetic Fallacy

At its finest

I shivered in my damp sheets

Uninterested in my current reality

River was close by...

But not close enough

My body yearned for him

I started to notice my breathing

No longer silent and humble

But increasing

Screaming for attention

Getting heavier

Every inch of my body wanted his touch

I twisted in my sheets

Mumbling Rivers name

My body needed him

He came

Walking like he knew

My breath and heart mutually rapid

Panicked

‘River, I’m so sorry.’

I got upright on my bed

My damp sheet dripping off my nipples

I reach my arms out to him

He came to me

I tore off his clothes

‘Shh…’ he said

As I mumbled to him

He sat at the edge of the bed and I mounted him

I found him

He was all mine

And I was truly all his

My limbs went weak

He held me tighter

My skin over sensitive

He grazed me ever so lightly

‘You are mine, and I am yours.’

He whispered to me

Just before ravishing my body

My sheets never dried

Chapter 69

Thirty Three Dimensions

He held me after, as we laid there

Our bodies felt like one

I felt like I was submerged in him

The submerged feeling never faded, it was as if I slowly glided into him

Our bodies melted together

We moved as one entity

My mind went through dimensions

Thirty three, I counted

I saw colours I’ve never seen before

Swirling in a kaleidoscopic image

Suddenly I was pulled out of this trance

A slow expulsion, a sad one

I still found myself mounted on River

Him inside of me, with no recollection

‘Aéolyn?’

‘River?’

‘Did you feel that?’

‘I did.’ I smirked

‘River, Happy Birthday to come.’ today was his year

I rolled out of bed and stood up

Naked

My head had a sudden rush

And everything swirled

I kind of stumbled as I walked towards the kitchen

I opened a few drawers before I recalled where I put it

Then I found it and skipped to him

My breast sending little shocks through my body as they bounced

I tried not to bend it, and then I gave it to him

‘October 30th, six am Sweden’s Archipelagoes.’

He smirked at me ‘Sverige eh? What do you have in mind?’

‘Now, if I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise. Let’s get ready, our flights in a few hours.’

We threw random things in two separate suit cases and just walked outside and I called the cab We were at the airport

We sat in the air plane, in an ambient silence

Our energies fused

He seemed to touch me when he wasn’t

Or have talked when he said nothing

We made eye contact by accident

And shifted at the same time

We were one again

In synced

As hours passed and limbs went numb

We arrived

Chapter 70

River, Untamed

The air was dryer

Crisp

The night was approaching

And his gift was still about to appear

When we arrived to our destination

It was a classic modernized cottage

Asian lanterns strung in the air

Like oversized orange stars

With a party of people underneath them

Under the influence of a list of things

A girl came up to me

‘You’re so fucking beautiful.’ She gave me the warmest hug of a stranger

Then what she felt went into me

I held Rivers hand in the embrace and she surged through us

She said goodbye

I looked at River and we went into the crowd

I knew

The way we felt changed

River shivered

In this complex pattern beside me

I smirked unconsciously, mimicking his habits

He twisted my insides

In ways he wouldn’t ever know

I shivered in pleasure

As I thought

He held onto my flimsy fingers

I tingled in no more than a millimetre of skin

Gladly aware of it

I could taste the air

Like liquored breath

Fascinated

He had a way about him, which was distinctive in the dark

We began to dance more

In a slow musk of gravity

We moved like the tails of fishes

Grace of cats

His fingers touched places my mind never reached

I lost myself

Like his actions did

My fingers traveled in his hair

My tongue played with his

Like new lovers in an embrace

The space around us literally fell away

It became only what we could think of

Space and stars

All I can think of

Darkness

Sparks of light

My mind formed a new state of being

That I could lose myself in

That would allow me to experience

Fall in love

River pulled away

A smirk on his face

A grimace, a smile

His eyes took a stroll through my memory

Leaving its presence all around

The land around us was truly green

Illuminated by dull bulbs

The music demanded attention

The world was no litter of darkness and stars

My mental focus came back to a happier thought

River

His scent exciting me

Although inaudible

His lips perfectly pronounced ‘You’re so fucking beautiful.’

I smiled hoping my assumption was right

I move his hand to my breast

An area demanding attention

He smiles and grabs them tighter and holds me

Brushing his hands all over my body

Applying a deadly ingredient of pressure

My knees shiver

River, untamed

Starts whispering all the things he’s going to do to me

Curiosity alerts my ears

Defining every word he says

And pleased with every second of it

I see blackness and specks of light again

This is the true concept of time

No interest in the past

Or future

I understood time

As I was entrapped within his arms

And enticed by his eyes

A side of River I never introduced myself to

It just came to life

Chapter 72

His Hair & Children With Flowers

He moved differently

His smirk

His walk

He

He just changed ever so slightly

He started to peak his head above the crowd

Like a curious animal

I knew what he was looking for

His eyes peered down at me

Doe eyed

Then his smirk came back

I grabbed onto his torso

Like an excited child

‘I found one.’

He whispered

Not truly finishing his sentence

Intrigued by the kill of the night

I walked with him

Touching people in the crowd

Like a child would delicately graze flowers that just bloomed

I walked with him

His fingers playing with my neck

And the little hairs that laid there

My eyes rolled into my head with pleasure

‘Him.’

He looked down at me

I peered through the crowd with my glazed eyes

He grabbed my neck and kissed me

The gentlest kiss he ever gave me

I parted, grabbed his fingers and walked closer to the kill

He swayed with a red head girl in the crowd

At times he had to hold her from falling on the ground

He looked down, his hair falling on her eye lashes

Her nose

Whispering to her

She shook her head, and tried to speak, but couldn’t

He pulled her up, with a surge of strength

As if trying to prevent dropping a huge sack of potatoes

He dragged her out of the crowd

We followed, like excited lionesses

I still danced with River

Unable to help myself

They stumbled through the land

Until he found a spot and just dropped her

The floor feeling a sudden shock

He started sucking off her clothes with his body

Taking them and throwing them to the side

We watched, aroused

We decided to join in

I followed behind River

The grass crunched

Glossed in frost

He was playing with the curves that were her body

Cold bumps glittered her skin

He started to undo his pants once we stood right beside him

I sat down

River stood, I got comfortable

I touched his hair

And like a frightened child he quickly turned his head

Little strands of his hair stayed between my fingers

River grabbed a handful of his hair and dragged him close

The girl laid there

Like art

Her stomach made tiny movements

Her breath left puffs of smoke

I touched her, her skin felt nice, warm, but cold

Her skin

Soft, but rough

Her skin felt nice, I pulled her clothes

Still swaying to the music I heard

I covered her with them

Her limbs like that of a cadaver on a cold metal bed

I forgot about the guy

I looked back at River and he smiled at me

‘I want to kill her River, she’s so beautiful like this.’

Cold, silent

Dead still

Beautiful

‘Just admire her, she doesn’t deserve it.’

The guy still sat under the grasp of Rivers fist

I nodded

‘What’s your name?

I swayed my focus from River to him

‘Sid.’

He whispered, losing his composure

He had such beautiful hair

An aura within it

River tugged on it more

I was jealous

‘River, can I hold him the way you are?’

River loosened his grip

I climbed up like a curious infant

Grazing his arms to his shoulders

Enjoying his neck

Loving his hair

I felt such comfort playing with his hair

Then I grasped his mouth

Saliva lubricating the space between my fingers

I pulled him up

River scooped up the unconscious girl

Sid, he didn’t struggle

Not a fuss

Comfortable in my grasp

Tranquil

I loved his hair around my fingers

The grass crunched beneath us

At times louder than necessary

I shivered as I held him

His hair

We reached our hotel

Colder than outside

As if holding onto it for comfort

I watched River place her on the bed

Like a bouquet of flowers that were once held by tiny fingers

Sid

‘Sit down.’

I let my body part from his

My fingers released in his hair

I quivered

He sat beside her

His hip grazing the side of her feet

She mumbled

I walked beside River

He slid his fingers up my shirt

Finding the dent, my spine

My eyes rolled up higher

Until I closed them

I turned around and looked at River

He smiled at me

‘I need you.’

I whispered loud enough for Sid to hear

I pulled my underwear off

Slowly

Every tug sent a sensation down my thighs

Outside, and in

Once they landed on the floor, I separated them from my feet

River pulled me up off the ground

He walks over towards the door

I tug at his pants

Just before I get pressed against the entrance

It rubbed against me, and he took it out

I unhooked my arm from his shoulder

And I let him in

I let out a sigh

Hitting my head against the door

It went deeper and my body flung closer to his

My eyes locked with Sid

He smiled at me

Unmoved

My body trembled in his embrace

Intense

Tensed

My arm moved near the wall and the lights went out

A blackness that didn’t exists

I let out noises arousing the whole room

Sid’s hair glared, shining in different angles

My eyes rippled the space

I whispered in his ears

I loved him

Him

Him inside me

Piercing me

He put me down

My body begged for more

I switched on the lights

I looked over at Sid

He smiled, I smiled

I looked up at River and he smirked

His eyes moved inside me

He touched my face, arousing me again

It pulsated around the room

I looked at Sid

He was looking at me

He was endearing, enticing

He groped an organ necessary in my body

Sid...

Trying

Sitting

Plaguing my body

He sat there

Sadistic

Enigmatic

I was going to tear his face off

I tugged at my skirt

My knees dancing beneath me

I touched River’s neck

Then slid my fingers down his chest

Then I walked to Sid

Swaying, dancing with him

He smiled, as if experiencing joy in a dream world

He knew what I’d do

A sadist

I touched his hair

He moved forward

Moving my fingers as I touched it

I wanted to straddle him

I thought of River and stopped

I sat beside him

Pushing him

The girls feet dangled off the bed

She let out a deep sigh

Alive

‘I know who you are?’

I questioned myself

More than I questioned him

I stared at the simple pattern on the carpet

Then I looked at River

‘Yeah, I know, I can feel you.’

He leaned back

Pressing his hand on the bed

Shifting his weight

He smiled

‘I know Aéolyn.’

I got off the bed

Walked to River

I stood beside him

He cuddled my side

I mumbled ‘It’s Tate, River.’

I didn’t believe what I was saying

I was excited

Tate got off the bed

Looked at River

He pushed his hair back

‘River, do you think she’s dreaming?’

He looked at me

‘I think she is.'