My stay at the hospital was sweet and short, I missed working here, they have a new doctor here now so that’s two total. They only kept me overnight for observation just in case I had a concussion but luckily I checked out the very next morning. Ryker never once stepped into the hospital to check on me and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt a little bit. As soon as I left I went back to the pack house, I desperately needed a shower. I wonder if my room is still my room, if he let somebody else move into it or not.
The moment I step into my room I smell him, he is everywhere in this room. The bed is unmade and I know I made it before I left, one side of the bed is still made up so somebody has been sleeping in here. I see a little stuffed teddy bear sitting on the nightstand and I remember Aspen carrying around that bear wherever she went when we spent our time together.
Moving into the bathroom I turn on the hot water, and decide to see the damage done to my face. It is bad, really bad, my entire face is covered in deep plum colored bruises and is only slightly swollen now, I’m sure it was disgusting looking yesterday, the wolf who attacked me caused blood vessels to rupture in my eyes so both eyes were filled with blood, Stripping down I wait for the water to get warmer, I hear the bedroom door open and I smell Ryker.
Coming into the bathroom he studies my face before grimacing. Unbuckling his belt he lets his pants fall to the floor and he springs free. I watch him come toward me in the mirror, I’m pissed at him right now but I can’t stop myself from staring as he strips out of his shirt, he presses his body into mine, moving my hair to the side his teeth meet my neck nibbling on the skin. Soft lips travel across my shoulders and back, fingers trailing down to my most intimate part of me, his fingers rubbing against my bud but pulls them away all too fast, looking up into the mirror my heart skips a beat as he puts two fingers in his mouth.
Fingers slide into me easily, I can’t stop the moan that escaped my lips. Biting his bottom lip he watches what he does to me in the mirror, I’m not quiet now that he’s watching me.
“I don’t know how else to comfort you right now.” He whispers honestly. I wanted to turn around and tell him that any person would have just come see me in the hospital and hold my hand but I bite my tongue.
“Let me comfort you in the only way I can right now.” nodding I stare straight into his eyes.
Guiding my shoulders down I gasp from the cold contact of the countertop, I gaze through hooded eyelids as he puts the two fingers that were inside me into his mouth, tasting me, moaning he licks his palm taking his member and stroking it before positioning himself at my entrance. Pushing into me I groan loudly, bucking into me my thighs slap against the cupboard.
“Ryker!” I cry out, it’s almost too much for me to handle. I don’t know how he does this to me but he just looks at me and my body is ready for him.
Lifting me off the ground he spins me so I’m facing him, wrapping my legs around him, he pushes back into me, my eyes roll into the back of my head. Opening the shower curtain he places us under the hot water, gasping my back meets the cool plastic of the tub, his hands interlace through mine pushing them up over my head. Black eyes find mine, and we both stare into each others eyes as he comforts me.
I’m close to coming undone and he knows it, my body naturally arcs toward his, bringing my breasts closer to his mouth and he uses that to his advantage, his mouth tips me over the edge. A few more thrusts has him coming undone too, he doesn’t stay long enough to finish the shower but I believe it was a step to healing our relationship. Is sex really going to be the thing that fixes us? Is that actually a healthy way to rebuild a relationship?
I get dressed and let my hair loose for once, maybe it was time to get rid of the braid. Ryker is sitting on the unmade side of the bed.
“Ryker, how do we get past this? I whisper moving in front of him, straddling him.
“I don’t know. I’m so mad, my sister meant the world to me and you didn’t stay for the funeral. You left me after I lost everyone, did you do that because you wanted me to feel the pain that you felt when my father killed your family, when I killed your mate?” his voice is strong without a hint of sadness. Did he really think I would ever want to put somebody through what I went through? Nobody should feel that kind of pain, yet both of us were feeling the pain of losing everyone.
“I never wanted you to feel that pain, I needed to figure out who I was after everything happened. After I killed Julian and I found out that you killed Orion, I didn’t know who I was. I couldn’t love you until I sorted everything out in my head. I know you didn’t want to kill Orion, I just had to figure out how to move past everything. I have forgiven everybody for that night.” I whisper running my hands down his muscular arms.
“I was there for her funeral, I stayed in the back so you couldn’t see me.” I mention
“You stayed?” his eyes lifted to mine with fresh tears waiting to be spilled out.
“I would never imagine leaving before she was buried. I loved her Ryker.” my thumb wipes away a single tear. Aspen meant the world to me just as much as she was Rykers world, I could never just leave before she was put to rest.
“I am so in love with you Ryker.” I cry feeling like we might not get the ending I so desperately want.
“I don’t know how to tear down the walls I’ve built Alethea, I’m different than I was before, I got harder. My brain is refusing to accept that you’re back. My wolf wants to be around you but my human side doesn’t, at least not right now.”
“Look me in the eyes and tell me that you love me, even if it’s fake. Please. ” I grab his face so he looks at me in the eyes, silently begging him.
“I can’t Alethea.” he grimaces turning away from me
“I will be here for whenever you are ready.” I whisper getting off him
“I’m sorry.” he says closing the door behind him.
I hurt him so bad and I didn’t even realize how bad I did, I was so selfish in fixing myself that I didn’t even think of how much I would break him.
I wonder how I’m going to be able to stay away from him and give him the time he needs to heal, just like how he gave me space to heal. I’m just afraid that if I give him the space that he desperately wants, that I’ll lose him forever.
After he leaves I can feel my body shaking with anger and fresh hot tears. Why did he have to wait until I was out of the hospital and behind closed doors to come see me and comfort me? It’s not like I was asking him to marry me, just to be there for me but instead he made me feel like a cheap whore who just fucks for the sake of fucking and leaves. That creates a small crack in the new me.
I’m at the training facility and it’s after midnight, I couldn’t sleep because my thoughts are haunting me and my anxiety is telling me that I will never be good enough to get Ryker back. Screaming I take out my frustration on the training dummies and punching bags, I’m out of breath in about 5 minutes but it feels really good to let off some steam. This last hit has tears rolling down my face, frustration taking over me. My fist ache in protest, but I don’t stop.
“You’re going to break your wrist.” Grayson said sneaking up behind me
“It’ll heal in a few days anyways, it’s not like it matters anyways.” I keep hitting the bag. The anger never seeming to simmer down, it just kept intensifying by the second.
“It matters Alethea, stop seriously.” his voice sounding slightly threatening, but I can’t stop. Grayson wraps his arms around me lifting me in the air pulling me away from the bag.
“Get the hell off of me!” I scream, squirming in his arms trying to break away but I’m no where near as strong as I used to be. His arms never ease up, he just holds me to his chest until I have no strength left to fight him, if I weren’t in love with his Alpha, I think I could have had feelings for this wolf.
“You need to cool down, you’re exhausted and whatever you’re doing is unhealthy.” Nodding I shrug him off and leave the arena heading to the pack house to find comfort in my bed.
Climbing into bed I notice a very large figure sleeping in it, climbing in next to him I just watch as he sleeps heavily. The love of my life is passed out next to me and I may have just destroyed our chances of mending our relationship. Closing my eyes I fall into a light slumber, dreaming of what our life could be like if I didn’t fuck it up at every turn, Ryker tosses and turns mumbling out Aspens name.
“Take me instead, don’t hurt her!” I watch the veins in his neck bulge in agony. Sitting up quickly I grab his shoulders giving him a shake to wake him but his fingers wrap around my neck squeezing the life out of me. Nails dig into his skin, scratching and hitting trying to snap him out of this nightmare, nothing I do is working and I know I’ve met my end, fitting it be by the hands of my lover.
“Ryker stop, please.” I choke out barely feeling my hot tears drip onto my cheeks.
My finger nails dig into his neck trying to get him off me and he finally snaps out of it, jumping off me he stands rigid in the corner not knowing what to do. I suck in air trying to breath but it hurts so fucking bad, tears continue streaming down my face without a hint of stopping. It feels like he broke something because I can barely bring air into my lungs, he must notice because he’s immediately scooping me up, putting light pressure over my wind pipe checking to see if it’s broken.
“Oh god what did I do, what did I do? I was dreaming I swear I would never do this to you, I’m a monster. It’s not broken, it’s really swollen. I need to take you to the doctor right now.” I shake my head furiously in protest, if I was at the doctors again, questions would be raised and Ryker could get challenged.
Wiping away my tears he holds my face, peering into my eyes with so much sadness and regret I can feel my heart cracking. Sitting up I wrap myself around him in forgiveness but he pulls away instantly, I can see it in his eyes, I can see the way he thinks about himself right now.
“You can’t be by me, I’m a monster Alethea. I’m a disgusting excuse for a human being and you should run away from me as fast as you can.” he whispers stepping toward the door.
It hurts so fucking bad but I will not let him leave this room believing he’s a horrible person, I can’t believe he thinks I’d be angry at him because he was having a nightmare.
“Don’t you dare leave this room.” my throat protests awfully, turning away from me so his back is facing me, his shoulders shake. Getting off the bed I go toward him and attempt to wrap myself around him again, my head wrests against his back, his hands pull me around until my head is on his chest. We cry together, his knees sink to the floor dragging me down with him.
I press my lips to his lightly, hoping he will respond but his lips don’t meet mine, instead they feather against my tender neck. Ryker is so careful not to hurt me but his lips are spreading millions of tiny shocks through my entire body, something about this male drives my body into a frenzy.
“Make love to me Ryker, we need this.” I whisper tilting my head up, giving him more access to my neck.
“I’m so sorry.” he whispers against my skin
“You were dreaming. I promise you, I know you would never hurt me. You’ve never once laid a hand on me that I didn’t ask for, we’ve fought one time and that’s when I came here to kill you. I trust you with my life.” I begin unbuttoning his shirt and his fingers lift the hem of my cotton tee.
Our chests connect and I can’t control the moan that escapes my lips, Ryker stands wrapping my legs around his waist, carefully he lays me on the bed and he just stares for a minute before he tugs on the waistband of my yoga pants. Soon his jeans follow and our mouths collide in a passionate battle, his lips leave mine and his eyes stare into mine as he pushes himself into me.
Together our bodies become one, I’ve never been this in love before, with Orion the bond brought us together but with Ryker our bond is completely different. Wetness drips onto my face and I open them to see his face wet with fresh tears, wiping them away I pull his lips down to mine trying to erase the doubt in his mind about this. About us.
“I love you so much Ryker. Don’t you ever doubt that.” I whisper flipping us so I’m on top of him, he lets me take control and he worships me, his reach up caressing my breasts gently but putting enough pressure on me to make me moan loudly. Suddenly I’m on my back and he’s pushing into me harder, he’s coming undone, but he’s not about to be selfish because his mouth has moved down taking in one of my sensitive buds.
“Come for me baby.” he whispers putting pressure on my most intimate part and I do, I come undone loudly. Soon after he follows calling out my name.
Pulling out of me he brings me to his chest and we fall into a deep slumber.