We don’t see each other very much this month, I don’t know if it’s because he’s trying to figure everything out or if he just doesn’t want to be by me. I’ve been feeling nauseas lately, with Ryker being so absent since his PTSD episode I’ve been getting more and more worried that their will be no us and that’s what makes me feel so sick. I’m terrified that we will never repair what is broken.
I’m at the hospital where I’ve been spending most of my time working, helping both doctors with surgeries, it’s taken my mind off of everything, like right now I’ve spent the last 12 hours helping assist with major surgeries and it has been a godsend. The only thing I think about while helping with surgeries is the outcome of how many people we are able to save.
I am feeling good about myself, I’ve been training again but only by myself. Brian refuses to even look at me. I haven’t gotten the courage to talk to Alexandra but I have been able to make new friends, the women who cook the pack meals are incredibly friendly and they love when people help out in the kitchen.
“When you cook, he eats every single bite of food.” Marissa whispers in my ear as we prepare dessert for the night. I can’t help but blush.
All I ever do is work and work and work. Ryker still isn’t coming to see me, I’m growing sicker by the minute and I don’t know why. I’ve never been this ill before in my life and I can’t seem to shake whatever bug I’ve caught.
I need a girls night out, so I invite Marissa and a couple other girls to dinner and bar hopping, thankfully they all agree. Everybody piles into my room squealing like little school girls as we all do our hair and makeup, luckily Marissa’s friend Lupe knows how to do makeup and hair because I still haven’t learned how to do it. Piling into Rebeccas SUV we head to the diner where Ryker and I had our first date, of course I didn’t choose this place.
The minute we step in the diner my throat tightens, Ryker is here and he’s not alone. A beautiful dark haired woman sits next to him, he’s here on a date and a double date at that, Brian and Alexandra sit across from them laughing like nothing is wrong in the world. Alexandra is glowing, her hair is so shiny and healthy from the baby, I wonder what she’s having, it should only be a few more days or a week or so before she gives birth to their little miracle.
Ryker sees me first and freezes, the woman next to him looks at him and follows where his eyes are and she gives me a small apologetic smile. Bitch. The entire table turns around to see who he’s staring at, they see me and their faces fall.
“Alethea, we can leave.” Marissa whispers in my ear grabbing onto my arm ready to hold me up. Pulling my eyes away from them, I stare into her brown iris’.
“I think I could really use a drink right about now.” I choke out, my stomach feels like it’s in my throat so I gulp down the pain and we leave the cafe in the rearview mirror.
To say I was buzzed was a given, I think I’ve tossed back at least 5 tequilas and 4 shots of something called fireball. Marissa is just handing me drink after drink and I gladly take them from her.
All the girls begin dancing to God is a woman by Ariana Grande, and I can’t stop myself from swinging my body around the dance floor seductively. I see Grayson just sitting at the bar all by himself, I know I need to cheer him up somehow. Grabbing his hand I drag him onto the dance floor, he’s surprised but doesn’t stop me. I know this is a bad idea but Ryker has moved on.
Pressing my back against his chest I grind my body against his, his hands pull my hips into his and I actually like it. Snaking my hands around his neck I tug at his soft hair and I feel his hands move the hair away from my neck, smooth lips meet my flesh and I moan happily.
Turning so I’m facing him I bring his lips down to mine, we are both insanely drunk, because if we were sober, neither of us would be doing what we are doing, yet we still do it.
After a couple more drinks the girls and I decide its best to go home, we let Grayson join us. Sitting next to me his hand rests against my flesh just below the end of my dress, I like the way my body heats up from his touch.
Grayson helps a stumbling me to my room while I have a fit of drunken giggles, I almost pee my pants when I trip over my own feet and fall to the cool floor, Grayson laughs right along with me. We must have sat there and laughed for a good 5 minutes because someones door opens up staring at the two of us angrily.
“Grayson, get up and go into the room and sleep it off.” Ryker orders angrily, I’m too drunk to tell if he’s annoyed or not but I’m assuming that it’s annoyance dripping from his tongue.
Picking me up off the floor Ryker brings me back to his room, setting me into his bed I giggle. Sitting up I need to get this constrictive dress off of me, moving back to Ryker I move my hair to the side silently asking him to unzip me, luckily he does so.
“You smell like him.” he growls quietly
“Maybe he should have tucked me into bed tonight.” I whisper seductively crawling into his lap, the only article of clothing he has on are his briefs and my dress is scandalously short.
“Grayson is my best friend Alethea, watch what you say about him around me because I don’t want to kill him but for you I would. He has been here for me ever since we were infants, don’t do this to me again.”
“I’m sorry, I’m very drunk.” I say pressing my lips to his but he turns away
“I can’t kiss you when his scent is pressed into every pore from your neck up.”
“That woman you were with, where is she? She is very beautiful.” I climb off
“My sister in law is a very beautiful female but she is not somebody you should be worried about.” I could see the resemblance between his mate and her now, I was thrown off by the dark hair.
“I love you, but I’m beginning to wonder if you will ever love me back again.” i say letting my drunken state take over and lull me into slumber.
“You’re the only one for me.” he whispers, slipping the covers over my shoulders I fall into a deep darkness.
At this point in our relationship or whatever it is that we have, everything is beginning to fall into place. I think the wall he’s built is beginning to crumble because he just started allowing me to eat dinner beside him again, he’s not as cold as he used to be, but the coldness is still there.
“Alpha, are you doing alright? You look ill?” Grayson says gazing at Ryker sternly, he does look peaked.
“I’m warm.” is all he gives us but I’m worried, wolves don’t get sick usually.
“Maybe you need to see the doctor.” Grayson mentions
“Enough Grayson, I don’t need a mother.” he snaps.
“Yes Alpha.” his eyes go back to his mound of food.
“Ryker he’s right.” I whisper so nobody else can hear
“I said enough.” he growled biting my earlobe
We haven’t slept together since the night of Rykers nightmare and I still keep my distance from him, I let him come to me when he needs me and luckily tonight he needs me.
After we finish I lay my head on his bare chest, I love listening to his heart beat.
“Ryker, what’s holding you back? Haven’t you punished me enough?”
“I’m not punishing you anymore, I’m just afraid of loving you again.”
“How can I help you not be afraid?”
“Keep doing what you’re doing baby.” he whispers into my hair.
Closing my eyes I try to sleep but even the sound of his heartbeat doesn’t lull me into sleep, I listen to his snoring but can’t seem to find the comfort to sleep. His body heat is only increasing, I’m starting to sweat. I get more concerned when his skin starts to burn mine, something is really wrong and I’m afraid that I might lose him.
“Ryker! Wake up!” I cry when his skin sears mine
“What’s wrong?” he sits up quickly assessing a nonexistent threat, he’s at the door within seconds with his ear pressed to it, trying to hear anything.
“You burned me.” I say breathless, I’m really scared for him.
“Your skin burned me.” I say again
“My wolf is changing Alethea, he’s getting stronger and bigger. I don’t know what that means but it is affecting my human side. It’s not making me sick, I promise you.” he whispers reaching out to me but pauses before our skin makes contact.
“Is it normal for this to be happening? I thought he matured when your human side did, I thought he also matured after meeting his mate?”
“I thought he did too but apparently something about you has him worried that we wont be able to protect you, he’s worried another male could do better.”
“Why does he think that?” i wonder out loud
“Grayson.” he whispers without making eye contact.
“I was drunk Ryker, I’m so sorry.”
“I know you were, and I know that you love me but my wolf took it more personally than I did.”
“Grayson has a mate Ryker, so do I.” I speak confidently trying to puff up his wolfs ego.
“Grayson has a mate that doesn’t want him, you gave him hope for something that you know will hurt him.”
“I didn’t think anything of it, I was just lonely.” I bow my head shamefully
Truthfully I really was lonely, I needed the comfort of somebody and Ryker had been refusing to even look at me, I know what I did was completely wrong and I wasn’t trying to give Grayson any hope on a future between the two of us, I mean it was just a kiss, nothing more.
“It may take some time for him to get over it, but I can think of so many different ways to erase Graysons lips off your body and fighting about it is not one of them.”
“I like the sound of that.” I whisper moving closer to him
Lips press into my neck, the heat is no longer unbearable. Running my fingers across his back, across his scars, I love the way they felt on my fingertips, my fingers get to his biceps and I dig my nails into his skin letting him know I like what he’s doing. Everything he does sets me on fire, his lips trailing down my body leave little red bites on my skin, and we forget about everything outside of this bedroom.