I struggled for awhile after returning to pack life, the dreams had continuously gotten worse over the last couple of months to the point of me purposely not sleeping, Ryker was worried and insisted that I see a therapist to see if that would help calm the nightmares or make them easier to cope with and I actually agreed with him on that.
For awhile the sessions weren’t helping and the nightmares continued to get even worse, they were a constant replay of being tortured and sexually assaulted and it was wearing my body down, it was weakening me and the pack was noticing. A lunas worst nightmare is her pack seeing her in a weakened state, other females were starting to sniff around Ryker and that was dangerous. I wasn’t about to lose him to another female that wasn’t worthy of my position.
I knew he wouldn’t leave me for another woman but I was afraid that the pack would start losing respect for me and from there I would be dethroned. That’s why I’m having 4 sessions of therapy a week, I need this to stop immediately. I’ve already been seeing the therapist for 3 months and so far nothing.
“Luna, how well did you sleep last night?” Dr. Braverman asks
“I got maybe 3 hours of sleep and even during that 3 hours I was still in a nightmare. I’m going a little crazy, I need some help and I don’t care how I get it, hypnotize me or do shock therapy I don’t care I can’t live like this.”
“Well we aren’t at shock therapy yet but I do have ideas for some concoctions I can give you. I have medication and some essential oil blends to help clear the mind, I think we’ve reached the point of trying other sources to help with the insomnia. Our sessions of just speaking about the incident aren’t working and I think you would benefit from a sleep aid, so I’m gonna go ahead and give you some pills.”
“Are they going to affect my mental state? I can’t help lead a pack if my mental state is compromised.”
“Have you ever though about the benefits of medical marijuana? Or even just CBD oil? There have been studies that people who’ve taken the oil have helped with PTSD and physical pain in the body.”
“I just said I couldn’t be under the influence of anything that altered my mental state, pot is not a good idea for me.”
“Cannabis oil isn’t going to get you high Luna. Shall we try that?” he asks
“I guess it’s worth a try. Are you going to prescribe me any other medications?” I question hoping to get some answers
“Lets just try the oil for now and then we can go to the pills if we need to.”
“I’m so tired Dr. Braverman, If this doesn’t work I really need something stronger.” I am practically begging him, I would say I’m pathetic but at this point I’m beyond desperation.
Leaving the office with the oil in hand I start the drive back to the pack house so I can explain to Ryker what is happening. My heart beats rapidly when I think about seeing him, I don’t think that’s ever going to change honestly. I drop the recommended dosage on my tongue and cringe at the foul taste, it’s not disgusting but it’s also not cotton candy flavored.
Pulling into the drive I step out of the car and smile at the pack members who are filing in and out and they do the same. As I step through the doors I inhale his scent, it’s pressed into every fiber of this house, it instantly calms me down. Knocking on the door, I wait for him to answer back but when he doesn’t I just press my ear to the door to see if anybody is in there. I just hear steady breathing and I open the door quietly.
Ryker is asleep at his desk, I should know that he hasn’t been sleeping well either, with waking up to me screaming and hitting in my sleep. My poor mate has been suffering at my hands for months now and I feel terrible, I don’t know whether to wake him or just let him sleep and help take some of the workload off.
The moment I get near him he stirs awake and grabs my hips, I gasp in shock, I didn’t expect that to happen. No words come out of his mouth but he pulls me into his lap and I straddle him naturally. Rykers hands grip onto my face, his fingers running over my lips gently before bringing me closer to his mouth.
Our lips meet frantically, tongues dancing together simultaneously. I moan into his mouth and his body instantly responds, my shirt is ripped down the middle exposing my breasts, his hands explore my torso roughly, his teeth leaving swollen red marks across my chest.
“Ryker.” I moan arching my back so my breasts are closer to his mouth.
“My god everything about you is so perfect Alethea.” he whispers removing my bra hastily. Every time our skin touches it’s like the first time he’s ever touched me, my mind travels back to when we weren’t able to touch, it feels like forever ago now and I am beyond lucky to feel the intense pressure of his fingers against my skin.
Our eyes meet and I grip the edge of his shirt and tug it over his head, my hands roaming across his abs, feeling every hard inch of his torso. I smash my lips to his and our chest meet, I hiss at the contact of his cool chest.
Warm fingers gently rub across my back, he’s always gentle when running over the scars on my back, they’ve been really sensitive lately. My fingers fumble with the button on his pants, instead he stands wrapping my legs around his torso, his forearm meets the desk and everything that was once on it is now on the floor with a loud bang.
My back meets the frigid wooden desk and I inhale sharply, Ryker removes my pants and undergarments in one swift move leaving me completely bare to him, he wastes no time in removing his pants and soon we are connected and I’m not quiet about it.
Rykers groans turned me on more than they should have but it’s been awhile since we’ve been able to be together in this way, a very long time and that’s my fault entirely. Rykers fingers dig into my hips and his body pushes into me roughly, his chest connects with mine and his arms wraps around my shoulders to keep me from scooting away from him.
“I want you to come with me, are you close Alethea?” he groans into my neck while thrusting into me deeply.
“Yes, Ryker, yes.” I writhe underneath him, lifting my hips I beg for him to continue.
His warm fingers tease my nipples and my body tightens, a few more thrusts and I’m crying out below him. Quickly he pulls out of me and turns me so my chest is against the desk and pushes into me deeply. Ryker’s not gentle in this position, he’s pounding into me roughly and now the whole pack house knows exactly what their leaders are doing. Within a couple of minutes he pushes into me one more time before he releases his seed into me.
Rykers breathing heavily, his warm lips kiss down my spine and I smile satisfied, his fingers carefully tracing some of the scars across my back, I can’t help but shiver.
“My beautiful mate, how did your doctor appointment go?” he asks kissing my face and then moving to my neck.
“He gave me some oil to try, he suggested I smoke some pot but I told him I couldn’t take mind altering drugs and help run this pack.” I gazed up at him taking in his handsome features, his stone carved jaw line that was lined with stubble, his ebony eyes that pulled at my heartstrings and his plush reddened lips.
“I don’t think marijuana is going to alter your mind enough to effect your ability to lead this pack babe, I hope we can find something that will help you, I hate to see you in this much pain.” his eyes staring into my soul.
“I know it has been effecting you too Ryker, I know this needs to get under control so we can get back to a slightly normal life.”
“Love, I don’t want you worrying about it effecting me, I can handle this. Together we will figure this out.” his lips brush against mine before deepening quickly. I could already feel his body hardening, preparing for another round.
A brisk knock halted our second round, but before we could remove ourselves from each other the person who knocked enters abruptly. Squealing I try to shield my body as best as I can and luckily Ryker pulls me into him so only my bottom is showing, even then Rykers hands are covering them. A low rumble from Rykers chest tells Grayson that he’s interrupting and it was very unappreciated.
“Oh god, I’m sorry sir. I’ll come back in 5.” the door slams closed fast, my face is burning with embarrassment.
“Tell me that did not just happen.” I groaned laughing into his chest.
“Oh believe me, it just did. It just had to be the man that loves you, who decides to walk in.” he groaned tilting my neck so he could kiss me briskly.
“He doesn’t love me anymore Ryker, he accepted Maggie.” I step away pulling on my clothes
“Don’t tell me you’re that naive Al. Just because they’ve accepted each other doesn’t just mean his feelings for you went away, you didn’t just see how he looked at your body, he’s lucky I didn’t rip his eyes out.” I stare as he pulls his clothes on, the way his jeans hang so deliciously low that his V is showing.
“I guess I didn’t think of that. I really thought he had moved on, the poor man deserves a mate who doesn’t reject him because of a scar on his face. Can you honestly believe that she rejected him just because of that? I wonder if there’s more to the story then what I heard.” I ponder on that thought, I don’t want to be nosy but I really wanted to hear Maggies version.
“I’ve never asked her, she always flirted with me but whenever Grayson came around it was even worse. I couldn’t stand her because of it, I don’t know how anybody could reject their mate unless they were abusive in any aspect.” I nodded agreeing with him, the bond was an incredible opportunity, and the rarest most beautiful experience that wolves ever got.
“I’m glad Maggie never charmed the pants off of you.” I giggle laying on the sofa, all of a sudden I was feeling drowsy. Nap time.
I dozed off but not before I heard Ryker head to the door and invite Grayson in. I don’t hear the specifics of their conversation but I do hear Ryker ask how things are going for him, even though everything that happened with Grayson marking me, they’ve been able to put it behind them but their friendship will never be the same.
“She’s pregnant.” Grayson sighs, I feel the excitement come off of him, but I also feel the sadness radiating off of him.
“You’re gonna be a father? Wow congratulations Grayson.” peeping my eyes I intrude on them, I see my mate pull his friend into a bear hug.
“It wasn’t supposed to happen, this was our first.” his voice drawing out toward the end.
“Grayson, you two created life together, your lives will forever be altered. This child may change your relationship for the better.”
“Thank you Alpha.” Grayson still stuck to formalities when speaking to Ryker but it was just out of respect at this point.
“How has our luna been doing?” Grayson’s voice holds more emotion than I expected it to.
“As well as she can, still struggling with sleeping but she’s doing better than before.” I feel the familiar burn of Rykers eyes on my body.
“That’s good. I was stopping by to let you know of some business related issues, for example the Alpha king is asking about Alethea, he want’s to know if she’s recovering well. I told him to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine but apparently he’d rather hear that from you or Alethea.”
“That wolf has a death wish. I will have her call him and tell him herself how she’s doing. Is there anything else?” Rykers voice held a sudden edge to it.
After hearing that I find myself slipping into unconsciousness.
“Wake up angel.” warm arms scoop me off the sofa and into a hard chest.
I stared up at Ryker wide eyed, it’s dark outside, I’ve slept the entire evening away. I pause realizing I’ve just slept for the very first time in months without a nightmare.
“Ryker.” I say excitedly
“I know, it’s about time you slept. I’m bringing you home now, that way we can sleep in our bed together for the first time in months.” he whispers bringing his lips to mine quickly.
Nodding we exit the office together hand in hand. Ryker is quiet most of the car ride and I think it’s because he wants to tell me that Ares called and is expecting a call back, even after all this time he thinks I’ll leave him for the Alpha king.
The smell of home always comforts me, I’ve always taken pride of having a clean, beautiful smelling home. Getting to the couch I relax turning on Netflix so we can binge watch altered carbon, but Ryker is off on a completely different planet.
“Ares called, he wants to speak to you and see how you’re doing.” Ryker finally blurted, sighing heavily.
“Is that what’s been bothering you babe?” I snuggle into his hard chest, relaxing as I breath in his scent.
“I know it’s ridiculous, I don’t know why he gets under my skin. Maybe it’s cause I think he’s more worthy of you than I am.” he kisses the top of my head gently, sitting up so I’m staring into his eyes, I speak.
“I will tell you this however many times it takes for you to understand, you’re it for me Ryker. I will choose you in a hundred different lifetimes, it’s always going to be you. I know who I deserve Ryker, and Ares could never measure up to you. I have standards for myself and Ryker, you measure up to every single standard I have.” Our mouths meet deeply but he pulls away quickly, holding out his phone for me to make the call. Sighing I dial his number.
“Alpha Ryker? Is something wrong with Alethea?” his voice laced with thick emotion.
“It’s me, Ares. I heard that you wanted to ask how I was doing. I am doing better now, everyday I’m getting stronger and I’m sleeping better.” I sigh into the phone, slightly irritated that I have to speak to this wolf again. He’s so arrogant and it annoys me to the core.
“I’m glad to hear that. Has he impregnated you yet?” Ryker growls loudly but steps away from me, heading for the kitchen.
“I don’t see why that’s any of your business, Ares. I am not pregnant and when I do get pregnant it will still be none of your business.”
“If you can get pregnant together. If you were with me I know we would be able to make a beautifully strong child, Alethea. When he can’t impregnate you with a pup, call me love.” I can hear the smirk in his voice and my lip curls up angrily.
“I can’t wait for you to meet your mate. She’s going to make your life miserable for speaking to other females as awful as you do. Goodbye Ares, don’t call me again.” Hanging up the phone I toss it on the couch and head for the kitchen where I hear Ryker breathing heavily.
Sighing I pull myself on to the cool marble counter tops and wait for whatever is coming next.
“Alethea, will you promise me something? If I can’t give you a child, please don’t be afraid to leave and find somebody who can. Please promise me that.” I stare at him stunned, he will never believe me when I say I’m his, always.
“Stop it dammit, we just had this conversation! If we can’t have a child together, so be it! There are other ways to be parents, Ryker. I am not going anywhere.” he moves closer to me so he’s standing between my knees.
“Plus, I don’t want a child yet. I still want to practice.” I whisper spreading my legs wild, smiling. And just like that, he’s back.