Two months, fourteen days and six hours. That’s how long it’s been since my beautiful mate left this school.
It’s been two months and fifteen days since she rejected me.
Although, it feels as though it has been so much longer. Losing her felt like I lost a part of myself. The saying ’you never know what you have until you lose it’ is so accurate to this situation right now. I guess you never know how important someone is to you until you don’t have them anymore. I didn’t have Lily for long, but I should have been more grateful for the time I had with her. Now that she’s gone, I don’t know what to do with myself.
I attend school, I help Arden with pack business but it’s all robotic. I have gone into autopilot mode and I don’t want to get out of it. It hurts to be present. It hurts to think about her.
Some nights I sit under her window in wolf form and recall the pleasant memories I have of her. I like to picture her smile. Her left dimple would pop out and her eyes would shine brighter than any star. I hold onto that image for dear life—scared that if I lose it, I will lose every single memory of her.
Arden and Talia try to help me. They attempt to talk to me about it, but I always brush them off. I’m thankful to them but I don’t want to talk about my feelings. I want Lily back.
The clock on my bedside table ticks loudly beside me, announcing that another minute has gone.
Another minute without Lily.
My aching heart struggles to find the motivation to care about anything else but work. The pack is frantic right now, searching for the rogue that attacked Lily two months ago. Shortly after capturing it, it managed to escape. Arden is furious about it—he has been dedicating most of his time scanning the woods for the rogue. He’s convinced the wolf is still hiding out in the woods, waiting for the opportunity to strike again.
I think the rogue is long gone. Rogues aren’t stupid. They know that we would expect it to return. It would be foolish to return.
Talia visits me every day. Sometimes she will sit down and talk to me about her day. Other times she will just sit in silence, letting me get lost in my thoughts. I’m grateful she’s doing it, but I wish she wouldn’t. I hate the pity in her eyes. I don’t want her pity. I don’t want anyone’s pity.
Shortly after the rejection, my parents called me to their house. They said it was an ‘intervention’.
My father told me I had two options. One, I could sit around moping all day. Or two, I could either chase after my mate or find a new one.
I blew up in his face when he mentioned finding a new mate. I made the mistake of denying my mate—I am not going to do that again. I know Lily will return. I know she will be back one day. She will see the mistake she made and will come back to me. Some may say I’m delusional for thinking this, but I call it hope.
Since then, I have avoided any talks with my father.
A sharp knock at the door alerts me of someone’s presence. Begrudgingly, I sit up in my chair and make myself more presentable. Sniffing the area, I snap my eyes to the door when I realize it’s Talia.
“You missed Art again,” She states as soon as she enters the room. Her brown eyes immediately land on me and my dishevelled form. A frown mars her beautiful face. The face I used to love. She sighs and combs a hand through her wavy hair. “Arlo, you have to stop moping around. You’re going to get kicked out if you continue to skip lessons.”
I shrug my shoulders, apathetically.
She releases an aggravated sigh and drags her eyes away from me.
“Look, I know it’s hard, but you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself!” She says, exasperated. Talia used to come in here to comfort me. She would sit down and hug me. But these past few weeks, she’s been getting fed up with my lack of care. She wants me to ‘seize the day’.
I lift my eyes to hers. “You don’t know what it feels like, Talia. You haven’t experienced this before. You have a mate that cares about you.” I retort, bitterly.
She arches an unimpressed eyebrow at me. Her lips turn downwards, and her body stature morphs into one of anger.
“The reason it’s working between Arden and me is that he didn’t flat out ignore me for months!” She yells, furiously.
As soon as she said it, her face falls and her heart rate increases. Regret flashed in her brown orbs.
“I’m sorry, Arlo. I didn’t mean it like that,” She apologizes, softly.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I blink away the tears that threaten to spill. “No, you’re right. It’s my fault this happened.”
Talia sends me a sympathetic glance. That glance causes my stomach to stir with resentment. I don’t want people looking at me like that. It’s my fault I’m in this mess. It’s not like I was cursed. I don’t deserve it.
“Arlo, I’m just trying to say that if you want to get Lily back, this isn’t the way.” She comments.
I know. God, I know.
“What do I do then? How am I supposed to get her back?” I question her, desperate to find an answer.
Talia takes a seat on the sofa opposite me and clasps her hands together. She blows out a breath, causing a strand of her to be misplaced.
“We’ll work out the logistics later. Right now, you need to get better. You haven’t been eating or sleeping properly. I need you to focus on your health first.” She explains, giving me a meaningful look.
Thinking about food causes my stomach to rumble.
“Let’s get you some food,” Talia suggests, concerned.
Before I can argue, she’s forcing me up and towards the door.
The hallways are quiet. Most people have gone to tea by now. Beside me, Talia hums a familiar tune. A lullaby. I remember my mother singing that to me when I was little. It would always calm me down.
When we reached the dining room, I became aware of all the eyes on me. One pair of eyes stuck out from the crowd though—Trinity’s eyes. Surprisingly, she has stayed away from me since Lily’s departure. I think she can tell I’m not in the mood at all. Even she’s not that stupid.
“I hate their eyes on me,” I murmur to her. She purses her lips together in understanding. As the future Luna of the pack, she always has eyes on her. She is being watched twenty-four seven. If she makes a mistake, everyone will see.
Arden and Cabe are already at the table, waiting for us. Arden appears shocked that I’m here. His wide eyes examine me from head to toe.
“How are you, brother?” He asks me, the worry as clear as day in his eyes.
I shrug my shoulders as I sit down at the table. Cabe gives me a respectful nod when I glance at him.
“There’s a pack meeting tomorrow night. Will you be attending?” Arden asks me instead, the hope of me attending clear in his voice.
“I don’t know.” Comes my short reply.
Arden’s features harden as he tries to control his anger. He has always had a temper—a temper he has no control over. It’s his worst flaw.
“Stay cool,” Talia whispers to Arden, gently placing a hand on top of his. Arden drags his eyes to her and stares into her eyes. They communicate over their private mind link for a few moments.
Arden eventually turns his attention back to me and releases a tensed breath. “Arlo, I understand you’re hurting right now but you can’t just forget about your responsibilities. Whether you like it or not, you are the future Beta of this pack. We need you. I need you.”
My brother’s eyes plead with mine. I have never seen Arden desperate before. He believes its weak. So, seeing him like this now tells me a lot. Arden is struggling to keep things under control, and he’s worried our father will have to step in. If our father steps in, it will look bad on Arden. This rogue infiltration is Arden’s responsibility. He has to bring justice.
I can’t keep staring at him for too long. It causes unwanted guilt to rise in my stomach. “And I need her.”
“Arlo, you will get her back. It will take time though. She needs to find out what she wants.” Talia reminds me, calmly.
Clenching my teeth and fists, I fight the urge to slam my hands down on the table in frustration.
“Time. I have given her time.” I claim, hotly.
She shakes her head, “Not enough.”
Lily has been gone for two months—she has had no contact from me. Surely that’s enough time to realize she needs me. Mates are meant to be together. I see that now. I was foolish to think otherwise before.
“How much time does she need?” I query, failing to see things in Talia’s perspective. “Have you spoken to her? Do you know how long she’s planning on staying there?”
Suddenly, Talia’s demeanour changes. She nervously bites her bottom lip and avoids eye contact with me. I watch her strangely, curious about what she’s hiding.
And then, it clicks. It’s as if someone switches on a light bulb in my head and the idea pops into my mind. My heart pangs painfully at the thought and my wolf whimpers.
“She’s not coming back here, is she?” I state, a matter of factly, searching for answers from any of them. I know they have all been in contact with Lily. They didn’t want to tell me though, scared of how I will react.
Their silence is my answer.
If it’s possible, it feels as though my heart is being ripped out of my chest. My chances of getting her forgiveness is slowing disappearing. My delusion that she will be running back to me is gone. And I’m faced with the harsh reality that I might have lost her forever.
Leaping to my feet, I storm out of the dining room, with Arden hot on my trail. I ignore his cries for me to stop and continue rushing through the school. I throw the doors to outside open and catch my breath.
Arden comes to a halt a few meters behind me and lets me have a moment.
I don’t cry. I don’t shout. I simply stand there, staring at the forest.
I don’t know how long I spend staring at the forest. Arden seems to worry about it though because he approaches me cautiously.
“She misses you,” Arden blurts out, causing me to stiffen.
Glancing over my shoulder at him, I check for any signs of deceit. “She does?”
He nods his head, maintaining eye contact with me. “Yes.”
I am unbelievably happy that she misses me but also devastated that even though she misses me, she won’t call or text me. It hurts. God, it hurts. This must have been what she felt all those times I was harsh to her.
“I want her back,” I tell him, my voice cracking. “I want her back so badly.”
Arden doesn’t reply. He doesn’t know how to answer to that.
My need for Lily is like his need for Talia. Arden can’t function without Talia.
“We should get back inside,” He says instead, placing a hand on my shoulder. Exhaling loudly, I nod my head and turn away from the forest.
We walk back to my room. I’m greeted by the same dreary walls. Sadness flows through my body as I think about all the times I spent with Lily in this room. My heart stings as the thoughts over wash me.
Arden sends me a worried glance, figuring out what I’m thinking. “Don’t think like that. Think positively about the future.”
I nearly snort at his comment.
“Future? Right now, it feels like I don’t have a future.” I tell him, honestly.
Arden purses his lips together. “You do, you just don’t know it yet.”
I know it's short and I'm sorry. So, are you ready to start this new journey?
I have no idea when my next update will be though. Hopefully soon *fingers crossed*.