I felt safe and loved as we held one another to sleep.
The moment of falling you know the one that can jolt you awake or knock you into a very deep sleep. Well I had that moment but it felt wrong as I kept falling no end in sight as the feeling of wind blew past my falling body. I wanted to scream..to ask for help but it was of no use I was too frightened to even open my mouth. I cried to Violet and she was calm and collected as she spoke.
Everyone has a journey they must travel. The challenges they face will determine their future based on the outcome of each choice.
“What the fuck was that suppose to mean; I have had enough challenges in my life with just having had been with Luke.”
I knew without a reply that he was just one challenge for me to overcome so that I could be at peace. No matter how much I want to believe that out of sight out of mind could help it would not stop nor fix the issues he caused within me. He broke my little bit of peace just when I was making a breakthrough. I hadn’t noticed I was no longer falling just floating in air as my surroundings changed.
I was back in the place I set on fire but it was no longer a pile of ashes no it was as if it never happened. I watched as I was walking to the living room with a smile on my face holding a book that ..no it can not be..there is no way I would have a book about what to expect during pregnancy. Maybe this is a sign of what is to come but why this house of all places ….this is the one place I felt alone no matter if Luke was there or not. This has to be wrong but just when I was coming to terms and figuring it was not real he walked in.
Hey babe look I have to work late again tonight so I will be really late coming home.
“I wish they would let you come home more often..I miss you and ever since you passed the bar I never see you.”
Honey; you know I want the same thing but passing the bar meant that we are now set for life not to mention I gave you a date. I am not complaining since well you gave me something in return.
“About that; i have some news to tell you. I was going to wait until tonight over dinner but since you will be out late…”
Babe what is it? Just as Luke had asked his phone rang and he did not hesitate to answer it. Hey; Jasmine how are you?... No; I am never too busy for you….of course I love you; but I am with my fiance at the moment...ohh okay one moment. He placed the phone on speaker and I was not prepared for the message she gave me. Hey faith i know you are still mad at me but i need to see Luke tonight. We have unfinished business.
Luke smiled and laughed ..wow we already moved on but if you need a quicky all you had to do was say so; Faith knows the drill now. I watched him as he gave me a kiss on the cheek and hung up on Jasmine.
I will not be seeing her tonight; I already have a work meeting and then I am seeing Jennifer so as I said I will be out late tonight...Ohh yeah what did you want to tell me?
“Nothing important really; it can wait.” I watched myself watching Luke as he kissed me goodbye and left. I watched myself collapse on the floor and cry my eyes out. How did it happen this is not real there is no way I would be okay with this...ever…. NO!
And that is when my surroundings changed to me watching Luke with Jasmine at a table being all touchy feely but instead of walking away like I did before I crossed the street stopping in front of them and slapping the living shit out of Luke. His look of surprise only infuriated me more and I did not know why. I never was this brave and outspoken even in a physical manner.
Baby; what the fuck is wrong with you? Luke managed to speak while still holding his cheek from which I smacked.
“What’s wrong with me? Are you fucking kidding me ...Luke you are cheating on me.”
Look sweetheart you can have him back after I am done having fun with him.
“You think I want him back after this?”
Ohh my sweet baby you have no one else or anywhere to go. You forsakened your family and they have never tried to contact you. Do you think you have any choice? Luke spoke with so much truth it hurt as I watched my other self slump and look at him as if she believed him and I know she did. She was me. I was sure that my family never wanted to see me again so I knew I believed him but I know better now they are not like I imagined.
I watched as she/I let him hug her and tell her he was here and that he still wanted to be with her and how much better it was now that he did not need to sneak around. I screamed on the inside realising this could have been how it went down if I had not just went home. This is not what I would want for myself and I started to cry. My tears fell from my eyes and changed my surroundings.
I now stood outside of my family home but I turned away before being found and I watched as my sister watched me walk away but I soon found myself changing into a wolf all on my own and the pain was much... much worse because I didn’t know what was going on with me. I could not stand seeing myself hurt in more than one way. I was broken and changed into a wolf but what scared me the most was that I stayed in wolf form and I knew why because others had told me what happens when one changes on their own they die and/or lose themselves and sub come to the beast within. My human state was weak and I watched as Violet ruled the forest near my home. I never met Liam and I never was ….claimed ....no I was one with nature...a simple life that was free.
Yet; I felt the loneliness that consumed my wolf. She was incomplete and my human was at fault for that, for it was...the human side that was too afraid to go further toward my home to show my sister that I needed them. I cried for myself knowing that could have been me if I had not returned home.
I felt dizzy and I saw my surroundings change once again and this time I was with Liam as he held me close to him whispering in my ear the sweetest things. I watched as he walked me to a picnic by the lake near my family home and I smiled. The simple act of his gestures make me happy but I knew I was closing myself off to him. Would I have let him deepen the kiss if I was sober would I have even dared to let him in? I already knew the answer to my questions and they were no. I would have ran from any emotional attachment I could; even if it hurt myself. I was afraid of what he makes me feel just by the way he looks at me as if I am his whole world. He doesn’t even know me yet he is willing to wait for me and yes it sounds cheesy but that is what I feel from him.
What would have happened if I had let him leave that night? I questioned and tried to imagine it but all I saw was my wolf in front of me howling at the moon. I felt her sadness in the howl as if she was calling for someone but no one came. My heart broke at that reality was this how she feels without him was he who she called. I turned to her once again and joined in her howl to aid in her call for she deserves to be happy. I can live with my own sadness but she had only just begun to live and that was my purpose to let her live and to be happy. Hse did not let me drown in my own misery ..not alone so I will not let her be alone. My neck felt like it was on fire as I was spinning then I heard him calling me Faith; Please wake up. Faith please I hear your call. I am right here...Faith I will always be here. I felt the tears run down my cheeks as I opened my eyes I realised they were not just my tears I felt ...no Liam cried with ..no for me.
“Why are you crying?”
You have been out for over a day and you were screaming no and your tears broke me Faith...what happened?
“I don’t know I was seeing myself go through things that could have been ...I think.″ I say this because my memory of my dream was fading...was it though it was a dream because it was scary to see myself so weak…”
It was a nightmare…. but a necessary one.
“Why did you howl? It was like you were calling someone... but who?”
That was a call for one’s mate...or the loss of one...it's only when a wolf feels a loss or needs their mate to survive.
I looked at Liam as he stared at me with eyes full of tears..but why was he crying?
“Why is it I am the one with the nightmare and you are the one cring?”
Y-you were calling for me...I could not wake you and your call told me you were...were hurting. I am crying because I could not fix or return the call...it broke my heart to hear you in pain.
I reached out to him and took his face in my hands and just placed my forehead to his hoping he would understand me. I was not ready to be as brave as I was before with him but I can show him I am trying.
My worries disappear with he releases a breath of relief from my simple gesture. This man may be the death of me but based on how happy Violet is I may be willing to die.