The End Part 1
I was only 16 when i met Luke he was popular and liked by everyone. Me a nobody who he found cute. I cannot even tell you how many times I had turned him down but he eventually won me over.
“The flowers were beautiful,” I say to Luke knowing I sounded shy. Anything for you Faith now will you please just say yes and go on a date with me, He says with a glint in his eyes. I said yes and ever since then we have been together.
We had grown so close the first year together and he remembered everything; my birthday when we met ... and every special moment we had together. Time flew by and my dream of going to college changed when Luke said he wanted me to move in with him while he went to law school. At first I said no because I wanted to be a teacher and the school I got into was four states away. He had disappeared for a few days when I had told him and no one knew where he was. I was worried and he was not answering any of my messages or phone calls.
His mother yelled at me and said it was my fault that he left and I knew she was right; I had made him so upset that I had chosen to attend my school instead of being with him. It was not like I meant we had to break up but I had to fix it so I messaged that I was wrong and would live with him and defer my schooling. I was giving up my dream so that he would be happy and it worked. He messaged me that he would be home that night and to be ready to move in a week. My family was not happy and told me that Luke was no good for me but I did not see it that way.
Me and my family had drifted apart because of my choices and relationship with Luke. He had changed when we moved in together but I assumed it was due to the fact that we were away from family and friends. I had lost touch with all my friends because Luke did not like them or had told me they tried to hit on him when I was not around. Not always believing him caused us to fight... more and more but I had pushed it to the back of my mind because all couples fight. So I mainly had Luke and I believed he was all I needed.
Five years have passed and we have had our ups and downs but came out stronger in the end. Today is our anniversary and I was almost done with dinner and had to get ready before he got home. Luke hated it when I didn’t have dinner ready for him after work. He always told me he is working hard and will be better when he graduates and his internship is finished. He is interning at a law firm about 2 hours away after his classes and has 2 classes after work as well.
I wanted tonight to be special so i made his favorite food and called my job at a daycare and told them I would be out. My coworkers have convinced me that he will finally set a date for the wedding since he should be done with school soon. I did not have a huge engagement ring but it is the thought that counts. I have saved myself for marriage and i know that luke gets so pissed when I bring up the fact that i am still waiting until I am fully married. He had gotten me an engagement ring after he found out that I was waiting. I thought the ring was because he loved me and just wanted me to know but he had tried to sleep with me once i said yes...thinking he meant the same bed but i was wrong so when i denied him access per say said and continued trying since using the same line We are engaged that should be enough to show you I am in it for the long hall. I could never break that promise I made for myself I had already isolated myself from everyone and everything I loved. Thinking he understood this...so I continued to stay strong and wait.
Dressed up...set the table and waited for him to come in the door but soon hours passed. He had not come home that night which was odd and I was worried so I rang him and left a few messages saying I missed him and hope that he was not injured. I started to reprimand myself for he was more than likely picking up more hours and I was overreacting again. I did not receive any response from him so I messaged again “please just let me know you are ok.”
I put all the cold food away unable to eat myself after thinking something had happened to him. I paced the living room and with every car that passed I got hopeful he would be coming up the drive. My eyes began to get heavy so I sat down in hopes to relax some and stay awake until Luke came home. The sun light woke me as it came through the window and realizing I had fallen asleep I rushed to the room to find an empty bed, empty bathroom and not a soul insite. Deciding that I could not wait any longer I got dressed..well put my shoes back on and set out to his office.
Once I arrived I could not believe how big this building was. I had never been here before so this was like ..wow... just wow. I felt so underdressed even in my black dress I had for my anniversary dinner... I made my way inside and asked the lady at the front desk for Luke and she gave me a dirty look as if I was something disgusting she had just stepped on. I brushed it off as she called him and a smirk crossed her face right as she hung up the phone. I am sorry but he is not seeing anyone at the moment since he is being initiated into the firm after passing his bar exam last month. “What?” was all I could get out before she shooed me away. He said he was going to take the bar exam in a few months time since he failed his last one. Feeling excited for him and believing he had to be really busy last night and that is why he had not responded or come home. I left smiling and somewhat confused but so happy for Luke. This also meant we could really start our lives together.
I messaged him as soon as I got back home “Luke I am so proud of you and all you have accomplished, I love you and cannot wait to celebrate with you.” Knowing he is busy I did not get worried when he did not respond back and would see him later anyway. I got ready for work and headed out to grab a coffee on the way. On my way out of the coffee shop I stopped in my tracks as I saw Luke at a table across the street with a beautiful women. I was feeling jealous and called him and watched as he pull his phone out. He sighed as the women said something and he answered.
Luke I was worried when you did not respond to my calls and messages but I understand since you were busy. Where are you?
I am at work and I have a meeting to attend to so I have to go.
Ok.... well I love you and see you when you get home
Sounds good, bye.
He hung up so fast and is he in a meeting .. ohh, she must be a client. I relaxed some until he stretched his hand across the table and held her hand making her giggle. I just seen her playing footsie with him under the table too? I was shocked but maybe I was seeing or reading into it the wrong way ... he loved me...right? I left deciding I would talk to him when he got home. I was not focused at work and could not take all the questions about how last night went so I left early saying.... I didn’t feel well. Walking into the house I felt like collapsing but I had to stay strong and find out the truth before I broke. Hours passed and I heard lukes car come up the drive causing my heart to race and nerves running on overdrive.
He walked in and I said “welcome home”, which must have shocked him because he jumped and said ohh your home already, I thought you would still be at work. “Sorry I came home early... had a headache,” I told him. Well I just came to get some clothes and head out,. “Where are you going.. Are we not going to celebrate your passing the bar... or talk about the beautiful women you were holding hands with as she played footsie with you?” I had let it all out but not without the power behind my words. To say he was shocked was an understatement as he recovered he became angry at me. I have waited five... five fucking years for you to open up more to me but no you depend on me and me alone... I gave you a mother-fucking ring to show you I cared. “I thought the ring was to say″ I love you and that you would be with me forever?” I say back holding the tears at bay.
You cannot be that stupid to think a guy could go five years with out being fucked or sucked off.... Wait .. you did think I was loyal.. Didn’t you? He was laughing at me at this point and I was so shocked .....making my tears stop from even falling. “You.. you.. Were with other women?” I said..I mean asked. I have not stopped seeing other people the whole time we have been together; I was just wasting my time trying to get your virginity and at some point I think I lusted after you but five year..five fucking years faith...so I moved on.
By this time Faith was unable to fully hear him and his rambling on about how worthless she was and how she was just a toy for him until he finished his studies but did not realise she would not give up her virginity so easily...she missed how at first it was a bet.. who could get her to go on a date.... but finding out she was pure ....he wanted her. But she did hear but your not worth it ... anymore ...
’You are not worth it... anymore.....,” was all I could hear the door shut behind him. I was frozen on the floor of the entryway not even able to cry out the pain I felt. No release...no answers.. No love. All he said did not give me answers just that he used me and never loved me. He had others during our time together as if i was his keeper instead of his girlfriend how much of a fool am I? I was putting myself down and i was still frozen to the floor as if chained there. I curled into the fetal position and tried to cry but nothing came out as if my body refused to accept it. The death of our relationship and I was in the first stage ... denial.