Ghosts of Haunting Past

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I was weaving quickly through the thick forest underbush, my breathing coming out in quick annoyed huffs, tail lashing angrily from side to side bumping into tree trunks, bushes and occasionally into a muscular leg of a certain somebody who insisted on going with me even after I lashed out on him and threatened his man parts.

The stupid bear had one hell of a stubborn head.

He didn’t want to turn into his animal, claiming that he was much faster as a human. It was half believable but I felt like there was more to it.

I did have to admire his persistence though. We had been running without a pause for two or three hours and his breathing was still even.

As much as I hated him and loathed spending more time with him than necessary, his presence did bring certain benefits. He was carrying a backpack full of food and some clothes when I had to change, a blanket and a winter coat that I borrowed from Binah. I didn’t feel bad in the slightest and he wasn’t complaining.

I guess he needed rest after a couple more hours of alternating between running and walking. I was tired as well so I relented when he grabbed my tail and told me to stop.

I was glad to give myself a break but I also wanted to end this trip as soon as possible since he decided to come with me. I refused to change back when he asked me to and instead sat down a little further away from him sweeping my tail lazily across the snow-covered ground.

“Do you have to be so difficult? You always find a way to remind me that you are still a child inside a woman’s body.”

I snapped my jaws in his direction, he was the one basically raping me and I’m the difficult one for some reason. If he was trying to get me to shift I wasn’t going to budge. No matter what he said.

I hated this situation, alone in the woods with the person who had been continuously hurting me for weeks and never showed any sympathy towards me or my children. I loathed him, even more than this dumb fucking situation.

As I was working myself up over something I wasn’t able to change he managed to finish the sandwich he had been eating and we continued on our way to my true home.

It took us almost two days to reach our village. Two days of itching wet fur, blistering paws, occasional breaks and snarky remarks from a very annoying bear.

At the beginning of this trek I thought it wasn’t possible to despise him any more than I did, but he proved me wrong and I was growing more agitated with every passing hour.

There was a chance that some of my unrest was because of how close we were getting and I was dreading seeing what remained of our long lost home. But I was more than happy to push it all on him, occasionally relieving myself by biting his ankles. It usually resulted in cursing my way and more clever accusations about my childlike behaviour.

I stopped abruptly when I caught a familiar scent. Faint smell of many foxes running through the greenery around. It was weak, forgotten under layers of fallen leaves and fresh snow. These paths hadn’t been used in a long time. They could have used different ones.

While I slipped into my human body and put some clothes on I was persuading myself that some of my people were waiting for me in the village. That they found a way to flee the hunters, just like me and the kids. They had to be there, cold and a little hungry but alive nonetheless.

I dismissed the offered coat and silently walked the short distance towards my past.

On shaking legs and with my arms wrapped around me I reached the premises of what remained of my old home.

I fell to my knees where I was standing, unable to move or do anything. Smell of blood was hanging in the air, almost as fresh as the day it happened. Ashes were blown all over the untouched sparkling white snow.


No one was here.

Nobody was waiting for me. Death was the only thing prevailing amongst the ruins.

I was thankful for the snow covering the bodies, it spared me from more suffering.

My whole body was shaking, lips twitching, eyelids trying to close. I was exhausted, my body wanted to lie down and rest with my people. I tried to lie down into the snow but a hand stopped me and roughly pulled me up against a hard and warm body.

I remembered who it belonged to and quickly stepped away from him, snatching my hand forward, placing it over my heart. Tears were blurring my vision but I noticed one house still standing against the will of nature.

Memories of my childhood flooded my mind.

House near the forest. The forest which me and my parents held dear in our hearts. The same forest which hid the hunters until the last second, before they...

I started running towards the house. It was hard to fight my way through tall snowdrifts piled by wind against half-fallen brick walls. I heard the alpha following closely behind but I didn’t care about him.

When I finally reached our house I wasted no time and ran straight through the gaping hole which used to be our front door and up the stairs towards my parent’s bedroom. Of course there was no one. There were signs of struggle as somebody dragged my mom outside. Bloody trail littering the hall and continuing down the staircase outside. I somehow ignored it when I ran inside.

My knees gave out under me for the second time that morning and I hit the floor with a loud thud. I stayed frozen like that, laying on my side while tears fell and wetted the ice cold floor.

Muscular hands lifted me off the floor after some time.

Maybe he realised I wasn’t going to move on my own.

He wrapped me in the borrowed coat and carried me down the stairs, out into the bright light of the morning, through the ruins and into the uninviting woods surrounding us.

There was no point in staying here any longer, but I doubted I would had been able to walk away. Even if I could walk, I wouldn't had been able to leave.

I had no words to say, but many tears to shed. So I cried until I fell asleep and then whenever I woke up, cried more until I fell back into a dreamless haze. I savoured it, it was welcoming and pain free, unlike the harsh reality that dawned on me whenever sleep left.

Every time I woke up, I was in the arms of the man I hated the most, tucked away safely from the rest of this cruel world.

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