To Hate Love

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Chapter 7


“The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.”

-Wayne Dyer

I have now had two consecutive good nights of sleep. The wonders that rest can do to the human body are quite remarkable and even though I had to sleep with Roman for one of them and down three small capsules for the other, I am satisfied. I’m not an avid drug user, in fact I have never been one to emerge myself into the chemical world to better my body unless absolutely necessary but the option to stop thinking for a few hours proved to be too great for me to pass up.

All I can think about is Roman, more specifically what he said yesterday in the forrest. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I am being a petulant little child about so many things. I thought, I don’t even know why I thought, but I thought that things happened so differently. It’s like I am being bombarded with so many new ideas, each one challenging the things I already believe to the extent that my mind is a raging battlefield. I guess ever since the take over I presumed that the wolves were to blame for everything, that they seized control over us merely because they wanted too and everything that has ensued since then has been out of unjustified malice.

But is it justified? I wouldn’t really think so, but then again after experiencing the pain inflicted to me by Roman I’ve had no problem with wishing revenge upon him. And in the grand scheme of things I haven’t had it that bad.

It was my understanding that werewolves revealed themselves in a whir and nobody knew of their existence beyond that. I never expected there to have been involvement from the human leaders that I elected into power, let alone an organisation of hunters who would torture them. During the early stages of the takeover there were pamphlets plastered over brick walls and programmes screening onto televisions in the courtyards detailing how horrible humans were, how much the werewolves suffered. I never looked twice, thinking of it as only mindless propaganda meant to brainwash us and whenever I brought it up to Ollie late at night he would hastily agree that I was correct. It was just lies, all lies.

But what if it wasn’t? What if Ollie knew it was true and that’s why he was always so quick to push any information handed to us away? What if the reason running deeper than that was to do with the fact that he was a hunter? The thought makes my stomach lurch on its own because he would never harm anybody, not the Oliver I know.

If you back wolf into a corner they are bound to snap, especially if behind them lay their entire pack. I suppose I need to try and see this from his perspective, not just as the divine-spiritual- leader of these people but as a different being all together. It is easy sometimes for me to just forget that he is half wolf, that maybe the cognitive cells that make him up are different to mine and therefore cannot be judged by the same standards. Even then, he has shown that he is more than just a wild beast ruled by primal instincts.

I just don’t fucking know. I don’t know anything and it is at the point that it physically hurts me to think, like every time I try to un-jumble the string of thoughts in my mind a stabbing pain sears through my skull. I’d rather live in poverty, blind to the inner workings of the upper world and fully indulge myself in the saying ignorance is bliss because it is. Oh how blissful it would be to just switch off my thoughts and pretend that nothing was going on in the world. I could just isolate myself in the library and spend the rest of my life reading through novels of heroes with the courage to do the things that I can’t.

I’d have to appease a beast, maybe say hi to him every now and again, most probably sleep with him and give him a child and god I want to vomit just thinking about it. I don’t want that. I don’t. Maybe I have zero fucking clue how I am going to get the millions of people out of poverty and maybe it isn’t really my job to fix it for the person who fucked it all up in the first place but Roman has a point in saying that someone has to. God I don’t want that person to be me. By wolf standards, I have been chosen as a puppy mill to carry on a lineage and be a good little mate for my big, important love. Not to be some saviour.

I’m a freaking med student, that is the extent of my intellect. I took a politics course during my first year of studies and completely flunked it, the topic seeming unimportant to someone who intended on slicing up bodies for her entire career. And now I am expected to take on a leadership role that puts me way out of my depth. Fuck, even leadership, my entire life I have just floated through, not being too loud or too quiet but sticking in the middle of society with no issues.

There is a rap on the door and I freeze, my fervent pacing coming to a complete halt in front of the door. The action of a knock rattles me slightly more than it perhaps should but it makes me feel like this room is my domain, the simple action of asking permission to enter significant entirely on its own. However, of course I know that if I don’t open it Roman will eventually just invite himself in anyway.

I smooth out the plain blue shirt I have on and walk up to the door, twisting the handle to see Roman stood in the halls wearing his suit and tie like the very thing was invented just for him. He stares at me through his thick lashes and I notice that he doesn’t look over my outfit twice, at this point he has given up completely on trying to dictate my fashion. As dashing as he looks I can tell that he is tired, the slight rings forming under his eyes and the way he doesn’t make an effort to push me out straight away illuminating this. That probably isn’t a good thing. I know he thinks that he can withstand making me return to his room but if the effects of our separation are already taking a toll on him then that may not be the case.

“You seem tired,” I say, merely to break the ice but also possibly because I want his confirmation. If I am going to need to return then I want to savour my time here as much as I can.

“Good observation,” he remarks like a moody teen, the attitude seeping through his tone.

“Well, I mean, why don’t you just get some sleeping pills? They really help,” I suggest and his blank expression doesn’t change.

“Unfortunately it doesn’t work like that, knocking out an Alpha Superior takes a lot more than a small sleeping pill,” he answers.

“And what would?” I ask, a little to eagerly and his lip raises slightly.

“We have to get to work,” he says gruffly, without a slither of happiness. Well it was worth a shot.

“So I’ve upgraded from prisoner to slave then? How nice,” I comment cooly. He doesn’t find my antics amusing in the slightest and gives me an icy glare. I figured that work Roman would be much more stoic than the person I have been graced with since being here and this interaction only furthers my suspicion.

“We’re not getting into this now, let’s go,” he quips, shooting me a firm look.

“Well it’s the truth isn’t it? I am a prisoner who has to work,” I give him a look and he reaches into his suit jacket, pulling out a thin leather wallet.

“Fine,” he muses, shoving a black card into my hand, “this is your payment, buy whatever you like. Now let’s go, we have a lot to get through.”

I scoff loudly at the object in my hand and shove it into my pocket. I don’t see an opportunity for me to go shopping arising anytime soon and regardless, I don’t want to spend Roman’s dirty money. It didn’t occur to me that he would actually give me money, I intended for my comment to be yet another low jab but he is always quick to rebut. Besides, I am sure he would be fine-happy even-at the idea of me spending his money, becoming more dependent on him.

I step out into the hall and his blank face doesn’t flicker with any emotion I can discern, not like it usually does. Even as we begin to walk through the halls I notice the rigidity that he now possesses, each movement is made with precision and an aura of power. I don’t even think he notices it, but I do. Romans subconscious Alpha switch has been flicked and its enough to tell me that as uptight and regal as he acts around me, when he’s working it intensifies to a much higher level.

“Are Keira and Harper okay?” I ask, filling the comfortable silence as we stroll.

His jaw clenches slightly. “They have both recovered as far as I’m aware, the flaw in our quarters has been fixed so you won’t need to worry about them entering unannounced again,′ he responds and a surge of annoyance ripples through me. If there’s one flaw there are hopefully more that haven’t yet been exposed by them.

“Its not a nuisance, I actually quite like their company,” I comment with a shrug, looking at his blank face as I do. Alpha mode really doesn’t have many kinks does it?

“That’s hardly surprising,” he mumbles and I roll my eyes, stealthily enough he misses it- or chooses to at least.

“Keira actually mentioned something to me that I thought was kind of important. Something about Harper,” I say and he turns to look at me now, his brows creased ever so slightly. Of course that’d break his face, the possibility of me knowing something I shouldn’t.

“And what’s that?” He asks, his voice calm and even despite the fact that I know he is eager for a response.

“She mentioned that Harpers parents had both been taken somewhere, I think it was like a prison or a work camp or something and I wanted to see if that were true,” I say and if it bothers him greatly he doesn’t show it.

“I’ll look into it, if that is the case however then there is probably a reason for it,” he responds nonchalantly.

“Keira mentioned something about gangsters but I think she was being slightly dramatic. In any case, the poor kid needs some form of contact with her family, she’s very clearly suffering without it,” I point out and his hard expression doesn’t falter.

“You’re probably right, but the girl has her mate now to look after her. If he thought it was a good idea for her to see her parents he would’ve arranged it, wolves only want what is best for the safety of their mate. I’ll look into it however and then we can come to some sort of decision, though I can’t promise anything, I’ll try. Persuading protective mates is never an easy task,” he answers.

“Tell me about it,” I reply facetiously which warrants some form of smile on his face for a millisecond.

“About family, perhaps you and your brother should meet sometime while he is still here, the chance might not come for some time,” he suggests as we move down another corridor and I purse my lips.

“I don’t think a repeat of last time is exactly a good idea,”

“No, you’re right its not. You and your brother can meet on your own terms with more privacy,” his words should comfort me but all they do is remind me of Noah’s allegiance to his mate and unborn child. And if Roman isn’t concerned that meeting with my family member could lead to a new escape plan being forged, he wouldn’t allow it.

I open my mouth to respond but the opportunity doesn’t arise as Roman’s arm snakes around my waist and he pulls me into his side just as a group of young warriors pass us in the halls, sweat gleaming from their half naked bodies that ripple with pure muscle. They must’ve been training, or running in their wolf forms or perhaps even both. They don’t laugh and chatter jovially like many young human men who would train together would but instead look in front of them with eyes of steel. Their mere presence is daunting, even as they bow their head to the man clutching me-staking his claim-scared more of him than I am of them. Still, I lean in closer to the threat that is worse, putting as much distance as I can between myself and the killing machines.

A large woman, possibly double the size of me in muscle mass alone looks briefly my way, our eyes connecting for a split second before she looks at Roman and bares her neck in acknowledgement. Her hair was braided back and her eyes held a daunting depth, like she could tear me apart just by slicing her gaze over me.

The second they walk out of sight I pry myself from Roman’s grip, which isn’t much of a struggle. If he wanted me to stay by his side then I would still be attached to his hip.

“You don’t need to fear them,” he states absently, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

“Who were they?” I ask, they looked stronger than most of the wolves I had encountered here. They weren’t as large as the Alphas, not as powerful, but they held an aura of danger nonetheless.

“Warriors, many of them serve in the top division and have been trained since they could walk to kill. Lethal hunters, the lot of them and extremely devoted to the both of us, meaning you have nothing to fear. They’d never lay a hand on you, after you became their Luna officially they’d sooner cut off their own hand than strike you,” he stamps down my question just as we turn into the pack centre, people bustling around and stealing gazes at the two of us who continue straight to his office doors.

Two guards are posted out the front of his office and their stance straightens when we appear, one of them leaning in and opening the door for us. He can’t even twist a handle and push... pathetic, I sneer at Roman in my mind, not having the guts to belittle him in front of his pack members again.

His hand pushes the small of my back and guides me in first before he enters after me and the door closes shut. The office has been changed, where once the large, single oak desk stood dominating the room two are now positioned. The room has been extended, the windows changed to continue stretching against the back wall and fit my new work area.

“I had the room renovated over the past week, we are to work together from now on and I figured that you were already objected to sharing an office that sharing a desk would be a push too,” he says with a hint of humour and I look at the one to the right, stacked high with papers and a laptop as opposed to the desk on the left which sports nothing at all except a office telephone.

“I suppose this desk is mine then?” I ask and he nods, moving over to his own and sitting down. I follow his actions and take a seat in the large comfortable chair and nearly jump out of my skin when a large stack of papers is plonked onto my desk by Roman.

“There are pens and other stationary items situated in the draw to your left. These are some of the human drafts I have been working on, read through them and make any edits you deem necessary and compile the changes you want into a new folder on this,” he places a thin laptop onto my desk, “once you are finished we will discuss over the issues you see and talk through the changes. I have already outlined the meeting that is to commence this afternoon and given the templates to the other Alpha Superiors, the subjects were kept vague so we can formulate our stance before going in but you need to be prepared for rejection. I have training reports to assess and some security advances to be made but if you need me then just ask,”

He doesn’t look at me for an answer and opens up his own laptop, beginning to type and click away instantly, delving into his work without hesitation. I let out a breath and pick up the first lot of paper, the title reading ‘HUMAN DEVELOPMENTS’ and open the laptop. It has been literally years since I used one of these and it seems that technological advancement haven’t slowed down either, the software completely new. I debate over asking Roman to show my how it works but decide against it and spend a good few minutes navigating my way into a word document to begin typing. I increase the size of the font and begin to read through the opening brief which I highlight at various points, looking at the details of what is to be included in the report.

The silence that fills the room is surprisingly comfortable but I feel the familiar strain of my eyes begin to come in to play and I glance at Roman who is signing some papers by the looks of things. His hands move so diligently across the page, it is weird to see someone so bulky and muscular sat behind a desk doing paperwork. One look at him and you’d expect he spent most of his time on a battle field or training up to become an assassin.

“Is there something I can help you with?” Roman mummers, his eyes still trained on the paper as he continues to work. A blush grows up onto my cheeks and I try to conceal it considering he can see me somehow.

“Yes, actually. I need glasses, I know the type so there is no need for an optometrist but it would help me to see better-obviously,” I add and he stops his work to look up at me a frown on his face.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” He asks and I don’t respond, truth is I was planning on running away Roman that’s why, “very well, write down what you need on a slip of paper and I’ll have it faxed through to the hospital,” he says and I scrawl down on a piece of paper what I need, annoyed that I am already asking for things from him.

He picks up the paper, reads over it and presses a button on his desk before looking at me.

“You don’t have a colour preference?” He asks and I shake my head to which he nods and opens his pen, scowling in big block letters so I can see, HOT PINK. He smiles slightly to himself, amused at his own joke and I snatch up the paper, scribbling over his writing and putting down black underneath.

“If it makes you any happier this can come fully from your new account,” he points to the pocket that holds my new black card and I glare at him, “we don’t have great health care benefits here I’m afraid,”

I try to conceal the small smile that worms onto my face at his humour but it is futile. I wipe the remnants of a smile of my face as a young woman walks in the side door, the same girl whom Roman kissed right in front of me. A scowl appears on my face and jealousy burns through my veins, I don’t even bother to mask my dislike for the woman dressed in a tight pencil skirt and a white blouse that shows off her lacy red bra.

“You called Alpha?” She asks with an innocent tone, battering her eyelashes, she holds what appears to be a tablet in her hands as she looks at Roman with sultry eyes. So this is Roman’s secretary then, how fitting.

“Yes, have this faxed through to Dr Matthews immediately.” He takes the paper from my hand and passes it to her dismissively, his smile too faded.

She turns away and my eyes stay trained on her hips, the way she sways them seductively and flicks her hair over her shoulder, clearly trying to illicit a response from Roman who is already preoccupied with his laptop.

“So if I so much as look at a guy for too long you can get all crazy but you’re allowed to have some hot bimbo waltz in here whenever you please? She kissed you Roman, are you purposely doing this to provoke some kind of reaction from me?” I bark out the second she leaves, looking at Roman with a glare.

“Are you jealous?” He taunts, a smirk on his face.

“I’m annoyed. This bond isn’t something that I want and I would appreciate it if you could stop making me feel things that I shouldn’t otherwise feel,” I say cooly, composing myself as I turn back to my own work and pick up a pen.

“You have no need to envy her, being with someone else would make me physically ill, let alone repulsed,” he comments, catching the flinch that crosses over my face. Is that how I’ll feel with Ollie in the future? Has he limited the people I can get pleasure from to him and him only?

“Just don’t pull that shit again,” I quip.

“Language,” he growls lowly, but quickly focuses back on his work and blocks me out to continue reading through the files in his hands.

“What are you working on?” I peer over to his desk, leaning in slightly and he snaps his folder shut in a split second.

“It’s none of your concern,” he says smoothly but agitation lurks beneath his tone.

“What happened to ruling together?” I mock, eyes narrowed into slits. This was expected I suppose, never in my right mind did I believe the man holding me prisoner when he proposed equality in power. Yet still, I couldn’t help but feel slightly dejected by his secrecy.

“There are some things better left to me.” His tone leaves no room for debate and so I clamp my lips together, letting out a huff before focusing back on my own work, the work that he assigned me, that he has full knowledge of, that he controls.


I know, I know, this chapter is shorter than usual but I couldn’t help it :/ Also yes I did use the work ‘kink’ and no, I am not referring to someone being cuffed it is simply another word for flaw- just so you know.

Also I’ve been getting heapsss of response these last few days from people starting to pick up the first book and then subsequently this book so if you are new and all caught up.... WELCOME!!! (said in a grand voice-kinda circusy if you get my vibe) I hope you guys can find some common friends in the comments and we can all have a blasttt

I am also super stumped about what to POST and I mean like the actual posts-not the stories- on Instagram so if you have any suggestions then COMMMMEENNNTTTTT

Khalesi :)

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