51- The Regretful
It’s been almost two days since Yoongi’s adoptive parents died, and I’ve been by his side through almost all that time, but I didn’t have the courage to show myself to him not to mention that he seemed like he wasn’t able to sense my presence so I thought it was better to stay hidden.
Jungkook ignored my presence multiple times throughout those two days while he stayed with Jin and Yoongi. A couple of hours earlier, I was watching as Yoongi lay in Jin’s bed while Jin sitting beside him, and Jungkook standing by the bed.
“Is he among us now?” Yoongi sadly asked Jungkook.
“No, he isn’t. He doesn’t care about anyone other than himself,” Jungkook replied while glancing at me with disappointment in his eyes.
At that moment, I realized that my presence will only cause Yoongi more pain; therefore, I left Jin’s place and went down the streets, walking as I opened up my senses taking in all my surroundings in an attempt to empty my mind.
So many voices came through to me, but all that I heard were the voices of angry humans, cussing out at my name and begging God to get rid of me. My body froze from the overwhelming feeling of regret. If only I hadn’t killed Dowen, none of this would’ve happened.
Why is my punishment so hard? No one remembers my name. No one knows who I really am. No one comforted me when I lost my first friend.
“Why do I feel lonely?”
After uttering those words, I quickly lifted up my head when I felt God’s sudden appearance, but I wasn’t able to see him. I fisted my hands and ignored that feeling then walked ahead.
If he wanted to speak to me, he would’ve shown himself in front of me. I bet he is angry too.
I aimlessly roamed around ’til I found a deserted area which seemed like a perfect place to cool down my chaotic mind. I sat on the top of a hill and looked down watching the nothingness with only the dark sparkling sky accompanying me.
The atmosphere’s tranquillity made me close my eyes and shut down all my senses as I slowly slid my body to Nowhere. At that exact moment, I slightly understood God when he told me that he created that place to give his mind some peace. This place is as silent as a deaf person.
I stood up and walked ahead even though there was nothing in front of me other than grey sand and silent fake wind which I didn’t feel when it passed by me. When I say fake, it means, even my hair won’t budge if it passes by.
The sky has the same color as the ground underneath me, and there is no sun or moon, it was as if God forgot to put a switch button. 100 years might pass by and I won’t even notice the time passing. This place doesn’t show time and doesn’t make anyone feel it either.
As I kept walking and eventually surrendering to the peace surrounding me, God showed up in front of me. He didn’t say a word and just kept staring at me with his white eyes which sometimes gave me shivers.
“What are you doing here, Taehyung?”
I looked away the moment he asked me that because we both know, he knew the answer to it.
“Do you want help with something?” God asked which ticked me off. I don’t understand him, shouldn’t he be pissed?
“Why are you calm when I’ve taken away two of your creations lives? Shouldn’t you be a little bit mad at me?” I asked him in wonder.
However, he showed me a smile and didn’t reply as he walked away so I increased my pace and caught up to him then stood in front of him, saying, “You didn’t answer me. Why aren’t you mad?”
“Why! Did you expect me to throw you back in Hell as a punishment?”
“Huh! No, I’m just wondering why you are so calm. If I was in your position, I would’ve been mad.”
“Well, I’m not you and neither you are me. You clearly showed your anger towards Yoongi’s adoptive parents by killing them, so tell me Taehyung, was it the right way to show your anger?”
“Are you trying to preach me?” I inquired with confusion filling my voice.
“Have you really ever asked yourself what was your mistake?” His sudden question surprised me. “Seems like you didn’t. Take your time to answer that question, you have eternity,” He flashed me a fake smile and disappeared.
And for my surprise, for the first time in forever, God kicked me out of Nowhere. The instant he left Nowhere, I was pushed out of it and was back to Earth, surprisingly in front of Jin’s place.
“He never freakin explains,” I muttered in disbelief after checking he wasn’t around anymore.
I teleported inside Jin’s house and only got to see Yoongi there. He was sitting on the bed with his legs spread and fidgeting with his fingers. However, He shot his head in my direction when he felt my presence.
“Who is it?” He asked because he was still unable to see me. “Is that you Jimin? Can you show up? I want to ask you a question,” he continued.
Jimin! Does he really not want to see me?
I bit my lips and showed myself which made his eyes grow wide. He stared at me for a second then said, “What are you doing here?”
“I-is it- hmm- is it too late to apologize?” I stuttered and cursed myself for it.
A snort came of Yoongi which caught me off guard as he drew his eyebrow in a straight line, stating “Taeh- no I don’t even want to say your name. Listen there Mr.Devil, I want you to disappear from my life.”
I took a hesitant step back but I instantly remembered the curse and said, “I can’t. I’m connected to you. The curse-”
“The curse is meaningless. You don’t even feel pain when you are away. So stop trying to trick me and find someone else to curse his life or just go back to Hell,” he hollered at me, cutting me off which left me shook.
What am I doing wrong?
I thought he would be by my side no matter what. Was I wrong?
“I’ll give you a hint. How about you lift your powers and feel the pain of the curse?”
I unintentionally turned my body to look at God who said those words and then looked back at Yoongi, who looked a little bit confused by my sudden action.
I exhaled and slowly lifted my powers, but the instant I did that, a wave of tremendous pain overtook every inch of my body, making a loud roar leave my throat which shook the whole building.
I suddenly noticed Yoongi’s hand on my shoulder as he said in a worried tone, “What is it? Are you okay?”
I looked into his eyes.
Why is he concerned? Didn’t he just wish for me to disappear? And I don’t understand why I still feel a stinging pain even though Yoongi is at safe proximity?
“I don’t understand. Why is this pain unbearable?” I said while holding eye contact with Yoongi.
A second later, God decided to confuse me with his answer even more, “That’s Yoongi’s pain. Namjoon knew well that this Human suffers so much and that’s why he chose him to connect you to. I gave you a human heart Taehyung for a reason, but you seem like not using it. Humans feel pain all the time. It’s not always physical and that curse on you, gives you all types of pain Yoongi feel.”
I blacked out for a moment while rethinking every word God uttered to me, and I remembered all the signs which showed how blind and stupid I was.
This curse was supposed to make me understand Yoongi more, but instead, I just built a wall between the two of us.
Seems like I was doing everything wrong.
I abruptly hugged Yoongi tight and whispered to him, “I’m sorry for being stupid. I will never put that ring of power around my human heart again. If I didn’t put it in the first place, I would’ve known what you were going through all alone.”
“Does this mean you regret what you did?”
I hummed to him and nodded.
He pulled back and suddenly the angry and sad look which painted his face turned into a soft smile as he said, “since you seem genuine I will forgive you, but before that, you need to find Jungkook and talk to him. If that curse was connecting both Jungkook and you, your body would’ve shattered from the pain.”
“Come with me,” I said.
However, he shook his head and told me, “You guys need to have some serious talk. I’ll only be in the way, so hmm- let’s say I’m allowing you to use your powers one last time.”
He winked at me, and I disappeared to find my agonized friend.