I’m standing in a wide white space with nothing but some boxers on. Well…didn’t know I’d have to get forcefully stripped to play this game. But…no one else seems to be here, so it’s not that embarrassing?
Checking my surroundings; I am indeed alone, which is great for my personal privacy. However a blue window suddenly pops up in-front of me.
Welcome to Insanity Online.
We are adjusting the final configurations of your game. Please feel free to get used to your virtual body meanwhile.
Completion rate: 2%
… I guess I’ll take a jog around the place. Kidding!
I immediately start doing Kung fu, well try to anyways. I at least have the ‘Wai’Ya!’ Sorted out to the perfect tone, but my actual kicking and Kung fu level is well…non-existent.
Thus begins my short training session with Masta’ Bluwindow as I bow repeatedly to the window and try to reproduce some Kung fu I’ve seen on all the great Chinese Kung fu films (I absolutely adore them). The best I can do is a side kick, which seems poor but is strong enough to send the window a large distance from me.
Why’s the window over there?
That was…odd. Never thought I could interact with the thing.
Jogging lightly towards the window and then taking a quick breather, I begin the second training session with Masta’ Bluwindow.
During this session, I found out two things: Firstly I can interact with the window with punching and kicking. Secondly, it has little resistance.
The second thing was a problem because every time I hit it, it ended up moving away a decent bit. Thus the running fist came to be (I…had to run to it every time I hit the window)!
The little resistance became a small problem at the end of my training session…Well it ended the session: I kind of did a mighty uppercut sending it flying into the air. It…hasn’t come back down yet.
I’ve just broken the game, whoops! Well guess I better start crying while rolling in fetal position.
As I am preparing myself in fetal position, I suddenly rise into the air a bit. Looking down I notice the window flat like a board beneath me.
“Aha, I am sorry Masta’ but you are now beneath me”
Sadly it seems the window had some feelings. So it flipped and dropped me on my butt and then almost pushed itself onto my face.
Welcome to Insanity Online
We have completed the final adjustments
Welcome to the world of Insanity
Clicking the Login button with my hand, the window disappears and my world turns black, as if someone turned off the lights.
I smile a devilish smile because I know that now, this moment is my time.
“Within the darkness, the blackness of the worlds, a being of no special power was born. They were normal, mundane among the magical and heroic of the world. They were not seen as worthy of holding the title of…Legend. However…this being rose to the challenge and tempered its muscles and will in the forges of battle. Thus it grew and became recognized by all as the Legend it had become despite what others had told it along the way. This being was not born a legend, but through their own fiery will, perseverance and strength they were made a legend! For they were…A TRUE NORD!!”
Somehow, gloriously deep trumpet music along with beating drums of war started up in the middle of my speech which I only noticed just now; I thought it was just my imagination that my speech was being accompanied by some epic music.
Perfectly in sync to my ending, the light flashed on and I find myself looking at a large line of spectacular beings of all kinds standing upright facing me, arms raised to skies as if beseeching the heavens (Just like me, and my god they look awesome!).
Wow there’s got to be a lot more than 20 different races here!
The one thing that looked slightly out of place was the adorable looking blond-pigtailed girl who is vigorously jotting something down on a window.
“Um hello?” I question lightly
She looks up with a deadpan face (her face is feminine so I believe she’s a girl, but I do get these things wrong quite often so it’s always a challenge) and she skips over to me with the window, swiveling it round to me.
Raising my eyebrow at her, I look at the window…In complete and utter joy: Seems like she wrote down my short monologue word for word.
I quickly grasp her hand “Thank you, whoever you are? I always say something and then forget it and I would’ve liked to keep this speech so that on my great debut I can say it with passion to all who would listen. And now I can!”
“It amused me…”
Well that just shattered my image of a cute little girl: Her voice is completely monotone, emotionless…not to mention her face is a complete deadpan.
“…By the way, who are you?”
“Allie…erm nice to meet you, I’m…the name is undecided for the moment. So they seriously got an employee for everyone joining the servers today? Jeez that’s a lot of people”
“Employees” (I believe she was confused?) she looks at me with her emotionless face before landing her fist into her palm “I am the Ai who runs this world”.
Pushing my mouth to a close, I try to get to terms with what’s happening: She’s the freaking super Ai which has the level of god-knows how many supercomputers and she is running this entire world!
Well Anubis did release some stuff about the technology side of Insanity Online (aaand as a bit of a computer nerd, I did find this information about 3 minutes after it was released……...).
“I see” My mind has had a little bit of a melt-down so I require a few seconds to reboot
Right, where were we-ah!
“Allie let us go and create my being!”
“Looking through the arithmetic sequence of probabilities of what race as well as skills you’ll pick based on your words is mathematically obvious.” (I’m amazed yet at the same time, I feel like this was just child’s play to her)
“I’ll pick a large male, human looking bezerker class”
“No errors in my calculation”
She walks towards the line of strange races and then spins them round till she stops at the ‘Barbarian’ race: they look like big strong tough humans; perfect in other words.
Picking the male, I begin to chisel his body, carving his abs and removing all fat from his body. He is pure muscle although lean muscle so his shape is very nice indeed.
I add a few claw scars on his back as well as down past his left eye and onto his jaw. Making his hair grey, short but well combed back, he looks like a man well past his prime; If not for his chiseled jaw, strong eyes, thick brows and light stubble. Not to mention the fact that his body is completely chiseled too.
Giving him crystal blue eyes, I make them radiate slightly.
He looks like a complete and utter badass...
The manly sweat which came from creating such a chiseled masterpiece drips from my eyes and I collapse kneeling to the floor.
I feel a small hand on my surprisingly muscular shoulder (I work out, but not enough to have that much muscle) and notice Allie is standing looking at me with her deadpan face. I’m not sure if she’s comforting me or just unimpressed…
Aaah…only She could sum up this masterpiece in two unimpressed sounding words…
Holding back some slight choking sounds I muster my strength “Yes…he is, but True Nords are not born, they are made”.
And with that I cancelled the process leaving the masterpiece crumbling to nothing…
I stand up and look at Allie who looks at me without emotion(which is extremely unnerving).
“……Please…Show me the female characters only”
Although Allie is an Ai with the ability of god knows how many supercomputers it still took her a whole second to process the information.
“…My calculations have faults”
“You heard me…a True Nord is not born, they are made”
This was the penalty for defeat against Mickey.
Yes we had a challenge and the loser would have to pick a female as their character (We can have 5 characters in total so it’s not a complete death sentence). A True Nord keeps his promises and I’m damned to want to uphold my new ideals. Because if I break them at the beginning there is no point to my existence in this game!
Allie deleted all the male characters only leaving the females of each race.
I spent a whole 25 minutes creating his perfect visage…and it was all thrown away because of my pride and ideals…
I sigh once and close my eyes. Then I reopen then and begin creating with new vigor.
Swiping the races across one by one (figured that out by watching Allie earlier) I am put face to face with a number of interesting but grotesque figures. There were goblin women of almost a meter tall but there weren’t any signs to show they were women. Also, there were rotting ladies who looked as ghastly as the Female troll. However there were pretty elves and alluring Djinns.
“Hmm, Allie is there a way to filter out options I don’t want?”
Going to tell me how or
…guess not then!
Thinking on it for a few seconds, I decide to flick the Female troll to the sky and she flies in the air as if punted by a great force. Quickly her figure disappears in the distance. I am quite impressed with this.
Allie gives a single clap at my efforts, well thank you!
I chuck a couple more; pretty much all of the classics (goodbye pretty elves) as well as the more grotesque (so pretty much all the undead, even vampire as I ain’t a blood sucker, as well as all the beastmen; yep even the kitsune). The demon and celestial races went (I don’t like the whole good and evil side thing these always have going on). Now all I’m left with is the Fantastical races.
Immediately flinging the fairies as well as all the elementals I now had some more human like things. I got rid of the weird ugly fantastical creatures as well as the mermaid, simply because I had a bad time when I read the true story behind the little mermaid.
So after chucking a good 70 races into oblivion I’m left with 4: Djinn, Iffrit, Satyr and Nymph.
While Djinn and Iffrit were both alluring and great looking…they didn’t have legs but clouds as feet so I had to sadly, dismiss them from the line.
Now all that’s left is a quite sexy satyress with small curved horns and a nice pair of legs (although full of goat hair). Also she looked mildly human which was a bonus.
The nymph was slightly elvish looking however the only similarities was the slightly pointedness in the ears. The nymph was way more beautiful; she simply radiated, which made me cringe back in fear somewhat as no way in hell could I be such a beautiful woman; I’d be ogled at for the rest of my gaming days.
I am stuck, because I honestly don’t know what to do with my character now that it’s a female. It’s just extremely confusing as to where I’m supposed to go with this…
Huffing I play around with both, changing their styles, but to no avail after a good 10 minutes. Added with the 5 minutes of flicking races I have since passed the opening time, a shame.
“The ratio of upper to lower body proportions are mathematically implausible. The slang term for this is; pear shaped.”
Thank you Allie for the helpful contribution, I knew I could rely on you to help me in my time of need…
“I…I just don’t know how to make a woman, like how are they supposed to be?” (I did make the nymph look like Missy but it was too brutal and I know I would be massacred if she ever found out, so my one idea is a definite no-go).
Allie, who was standing beside me, put a finger on her mouth thinking (or processing data, just saying… or telling me to shut up…) for a couple of seconds before she decided she came up with a good answer.
Tha-that’s a brilliant idea?! I hug and twirl Allie around before dropping her again and restarting on creating my character.
Creating a male-looking female satyr looks pretty nasty…so sadly, Whoosh!
And…I’m left with the too gorgeous to be true nymph. Oh Lady Luck, how you hate me.
So I began with the simplest of things; cutting the hair to about shoulder length but making it a fiery red. I then lowered her chest proportions to a minimal and since it looked a bit weird, I added some curve on her hips (though the butt stayed small, no man would have a round ass, or shouldn’t at least). The face I made less alluring by making the lips a little less red and by making her face slightly less angular as well as sharpening the eyes. I leave the skin a fresh white to contrast the red hair and blue crystal eyes.
Falling to my knees in despair I bang the floor with my fist letting out wails of despair “Oh Lady Luck is it my fate to be a trap? But not just a trap, I am a fake trap so those who fall for me will actually be rewarded by the fates. Why, why must the beginnings of my True Nord be a fake trap? Of course True Nords don’t cry; they just sweat profusely from the eyes in hard moments.
Allie turns her head to face me offering nothing but her expressionless face.
It is the harshest fate a man can have; to be a man that looks so much like a women that other men will fall for them. A trap. And I have now joined the ranks, but as a fake trap; which just means I have no proper reason to stop their advances. Oh the sweat from my eyes just won’t stop!
But gradually they do, as I get accustomed to the brutal reality that is to be my gaming life.
I stand up and with a decisive nod, I announce my choice.
“Allie, I wish…to become this fake trap of a nymph. For her who looks like a he that may be a her, shall be my beginning, my starting point and my untempered steel that needs to be forged in battle so that others will not look at her as a he that may be a her, but as a warrior, a True Nord. “
Allie jotted it down with ease…woo, that’s 2 already!
However the decision has been made and with it, the dazzlingly cute nymph, that I would be hard pressed to determine whether it is a guy or girl, (although I did some quick reconstruction on the face a second ago to not make her look so loli-like. She is about 14 at most it seems. WHY can I not make her look older?!) disappeared.
Looking at my arms I see they have lost muscle and have become small slender arms with, when I touch them, soft and smooth skin, a beautiful white. Sweat reaches my eyes once again because I know just how beautiful I now look and because I know just how beautiful I look.
I glanced to my right to see Allie eyeing me up; I instinctively hide my body (although there is nothing to hide).
“An appropriate adjective would be; delicious”
“Don’t say such an erotic thing with a question-like tone, that’s super creepy, much more because you look like an 8 year old!”
I quickly notice that my voice is…well…my voice. Which is great. Except for the fact that I am in a trap so it feels off, really really off.
Ah can I not even have my own voice, My Lady? I sigh to the supposed ceiling. I look down at Allie who is still crawling her eyes all over my body, as if looking for a flaw, even after I half-yelled at her.
“Umm Allie, we’ve got a problem”
Without stopping her scanning, she walks behind me and I suddenly feel very exposed.
“No problems in sight.” Suddenly I feel two little arms encase around my stomach and I stiffen in shock mostly, partially because Allie is warm like a human.
“0.83 hip to waist ratio which suggests either sex. Overall body figure does not suggest either sex. Also-“ she somehow swivels to the front and grabs my face “the face does not express either sex definitively. Hair adds to the ambiguity”
I am impressed, don’t get me wrong, but it’s still…weird for Allie to say all that, especially with that monotonic voice of hers!
I created a good trap because well…I’ve read a lot of gender-benders back in the day. Pretty much every one of them that were out in the day. I’ve racked up quite a lot of experience on what a perfect trap would look like, but to actually use that knowledge and become it myself? I am truly destined for worse horrors to come.
Slowly removing Allie from my face…
“Allie, Can I change my voice?”
“Vocal problems sighted. Will be sorted in 1 minute 2 seconds” She turns around and then windows start flying up and get discarded seconds later.
After a minute and 2 seconds (literally on the dot) Allie closes all windows but one and turns back round to me.
…Wow, that’s just amazing, in one minute 2 seconds huh. I have got to meet her maker. Anyways back onto the topic.
I check out the voice configurator and see it to have 3 separate sliders. The first is voice tone, the second pitch and the third is vibration. Now Vibration apparently makes quite the hell of a difference as those with a lot sounded like they were summoning the demons of hell (more so with a deep tone and pitch, truly frightening).
After a good 20 minutes of playing around with the voice’s I finally picked on a clear light pitched voice but with a tone set to ever so slightly masculine. To those who hear they will first hear the voice of what may be a boy but when added to this body, the ambiguity just oozes out.
Satisfied (Sweat still coming out of my eyes) I nod to Allie and she whisks away the board.
“So what now?”
“Tone suggests male but sex is ambiguous when body is included” Looks like I made it right “Moving on: Choose your resource; you have a choice between rage, energy and mana”.
Hmm heard of ’em all before, used ’em all before. It’s a no brainer.
“Give me the power that I feel at this very moment, RAGE!”
“1 calculation was correct so far. Moving on, you get to choose a weapon and some armor”
A long list of weapons splurged in front of me, too easy. “Hah, a True Nord only uses one weapon” without hesitation I click on the one-handed axe
“Another error; I calculated axe but 2 handed; for one handed only does a base of 9-10 damage instead of the 2 handed 18-20 which is a calculable difference.”
“A True Nord uses 2 handed axes yes, but not all, for we are a diverse bunch. As long as it is an axe whatever kind it may be, it is considered the weapon of a True Nord.”
She passes the armor windows to me: There are 5 sets of armor: Cloth, leather, chain-mail, scale-mail and plate.
“Which armor gives penalties to casting spells?”
“Spells are not a part of my calculation”
“Ah that may seem so, but a True Nord always has the ability to use one spell, or he’d never be able to fight against the Gods. But it is every True Nord’s shame since it is our dream to use only our axes…but without this spell we cannot survive our reforging”
“Chain-mail will only give a small percentage of failure for arcane spells and heavier armor is not recommended. The calculated usual is either cloth or leather.
“I’ll take leather wristguards, boots and some leather shorts.”
“…Helmets and chest armor are not present within your choices”
“Ah but you are still naïve to the True Nord way. Allie, a True Nord truly needs no chest armor for they must bare it for the enemy to try strike it as they please.”
“Against all survival instincts and my calculations. Historical articles do suggest the bravest wearing less armor or even less.”
She literally just looked that up?? Well to be honest i’m not that surprised since she is like a super Ai...
“Hah only scared children hide behind plate. Now Allie let me onto this world and spread these ideals”
Oh right…I need one of those
“Iskadi. No last name”
“Meaning Dweller of the ice is based off Skadi the frost giantess”
“You know your Norse mythology well, well you are an Ai with god knows how many supercomputers worth of processing power so I guess finding this out will be easy for you. However the name in a sense means she who dwells on the ice”
“Gender neutral and almost translates to cold”
“It took a while”
“Kal… one who was not born to be a Legend in this world but has the utmost desire to become a True Nord, I set you free upon this-”
“WAIT A SECOND”
That monotone voice…
“What” Allie looks at me deadpan.
“One, I do the monologues and fancy talks. Two…just no. and three, can I choose my starting place? Preferably someone where there’s snow and cold. Fourthly what’s the deal with classes and lastly how do I get magic. That is all my Goddess” trying to summon my most demanding tone was completely pathetic.
“Apologies. Classes: You stay a wanderer till you hit level 10 and then you choose your class then. Until then, Spells will be only gained through training by another or a skill-book. Until then you don’t have any magic, unless you chose to begin with a rod. Finally you may soon begin in the snow and cold.”She is oddly descriptive when it comes to game terms…but then again that is kind of what she’s programmed for.
However I just picked up on something
“Soon? But shouldn’t I be way behind everyone?”
“Time here is 3:1 with the real world”
Ah, how that works eludes me but it’s nice to know that I now have tripled the game time, makes me Ecstatic!!
“By the way how long did I take to make my character in the end?” Just some pure curiosity. I usually take a good 20 minutes per character
“25 minutes to make man, 5 minutes to discard races, a further 10 minutes to decide on the final two. 48 minutes 1 second on creating and finalizing Iskadi”
Wow almost half the time was used on my voice. (it was 20 out of 48 minutes). With that I’m quite satisfied with my hard work and as I count down the seconds I give Allie one last wave.
“May we meet again Goddess and may you hear of my growth into becoming a True Nord.”
“There were errors in my calculations.”
With the final farewell my vision went bright white, like pure snow.
I have a feeling we both missed something quite vital…