General of Darkness

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Chapter 3: Deal and Discussion

Meeting this crazy God in a second time is a final hell to me. I don’t know how heavy my sins are but why the god gave me this kind of punishment? I don’t want to be around with him because he’s the villain of my life. I’m not being racist just because he’s black.

I may have thousands of black people in my country even some of them are inside the asylum and high with drugs when I was still alive but none of them are unhygienic as this twerp right in front of me. He looks like a beggar–


He’s worse than that.

“You are no god to me,” I said as cold as possible.

“Krak! Why would you say that? Is there something wrong with my appearance? You know... I don’t have an original appearance. Even I looked myself in the mirror, I don’t have a reflection. I don’t even know if I have legs or any parts of my body. The mortals in your world can see me as Abyssal Polar Bear but in Octavia, they can see me as a talking goat while my siblings can see me as a child. I don’t know what race they saw from me. Is it a demon or angel? But it doesn’t matter. I hate them anyway.”

Crack is talking nonsense and all of the rages that stacked after my death finally explodes. I balled my hands into fists, my blood feels like it boils from toes to head and my breathing became erratic.

“You... are... full... of... BULLSHIT!”

“Krak! Take it easy, woman! You’re not you when you’re hungry. I mean, you’re dead. So you’re not hungry. Man! You’re the scary small letter A and F.” He was intimidated by my enraged self.

“You are not a demon... Not an angel... But you are the shittiest sack of shit that I’ve ever met in a second time! You looked like a human but in the most eyesore loser of all losers! You can destroy not 2 senses but 5 senses!”

“By just seeing you from miles away, I can tell that you’re not taking care of yourself as if your parents didn’t teach you the basics of hygiene and that shit hurts my eyes. Even mosquitoes and flies won’t dare to land on your skin. Maybe some of them sucked your blood but they died right away because your scent reflected from your insides. Your laughs and voice... It made my ears bleed even deaf people will cover their ears.”

“Wait! There’s a 6th sense... Because my soul is suffering from your sorry cracked ass!”

I paused just to catch my breath but Crack wasn’t affected by my tantrums as if my words didn’t register to his brainless head.

“Krak?! Me? Human? That’s new! But you don’t have to be so mean. Am I that so hot to you? Is that the reason why you’re acting like you hate me but you love me from the inside? Krak! Krak! Krak! Kraaaaak!”

Is this twerp comparing me to the women who are acting mean to their crush? Is he asking for death? Because I would gladly give him that.

“Hot? You should bury yourself underground... So you can chill in there for the rest of your life.”

“Krak! Krak! Krak! But I already did that a long time ago!”

“Really? But why you’re not yet displayed in the museum? You should be there and named you The True Heroin because the moment they saw you will surely get crazy.”

His smile fades and said, “Uhh... No one discovered me and I felt so lonely.”

“Lonely you say? You’re not lonely because millions of bacteria are your number one friends.”

“Bacteria? Friends? I’m sorry to disappoint you but even the smallest things I saw won’t become my friend.”

I want to continue my outburst of anger but it suddenly fades away as he made an X-sign as a timeout.

“Okay! Timeout! Let’s stop there! I’m not here to annoy you. I sent you here to make a deal.”

“You sent me here to make a deal? I have so many questions here.”

He sighed, “Let’s get this straight. I’m going to make your wish come true in one condition.”

I remained silent because I’m tired to argue with this twerp.

“Krak! Why you wouldn’t believe that I’m a god?”

I forgot that he can read my mind, “If you can read my mind, what wish do I have in my mind?”

He smiled and confidently answered my question, “You want your everything back, am I right?”

Crack continued, “Everything... Is it your country? Your people? Your son? Or... Krak! Krak! Krak! I know the father of your son.”

I grabbed him by the collar and I don’t care if my hand disintegrates, “WHO?”

“SECRET! Krak! Krak! Krak! Kraaaaak!”

Why this freak won’t tell me?

I slapped his already ugly face and made his nose bleed but he’s still laughing. This is useless and I decided to let go of him.

“Since you’re so desperate... I’ll give you a clue. He’s a very responsible dad–”

–I kicked the right side of his face through Jump Spin Kick and now he’s lying on the ground.

“Responsible in my ass...” I said as I glared at him.

He carefully stood up and sat as the chair appeared behind him. Then a wooden table appeared out of thin air as he put his feet on it. He didn’t bother with the damage that I gave him and he seemed impressed by my assault.

“You’re the only mortal who could do that! Here. Have a seat.”

Another chair appeared and we’re sitting across each other at the table.

“So, don’t you want to know what happened to your world after your death?” He asked as the 3D holographic image of the black Earth with a purple hue and Moon appeared in the middle of the wooden table.

I don’t know how that shit works on that kind of table without Photographic Projection Device.

“I ended your world because it’s boring without you.” He said calmly but that’s the vilest shit that I’ve ever witnessed.

The 3D holographic image showed how the Eye of the Apocalypse shoots a ray of purple light and hits the Earth. Then it created large cracks that resemble the man’s crack on his head until the planet disintegrates. I don’t know if I feel angry about that because I’m starting to think that he’s lying or he’s insane and playing god but he gave me enough clues about him so I’m ready to ask him more questions.

“Why are you doing this? Since you always said, ‘your world’... Does that mean you don’t belong there? If you’re not, you have no right to destroy things that don’t belong to you.”

The man laughs and said, “It’s because... Why not?”

He continued, “Let me explain how I got there in the first place.”

I sighed and let him tell a story since I’m bored.

“In the very beginning, our dad created a world. He called his creation as Heptavia because it has 7 continents but he accidentally created the 8th continent so he renamed it as Octavia.”

“His creation is so huge so he decided to poop out babies to govern it.”

“Each God watches over 1 continent but I won’t tell their names because I hate them... The God of Brainfart who commands light and the angel realm...”

I sneered at him, “Wow, you just purposely changed his title. Is it God of Light?”

“Oh come on! You’re no fun!” He pouted.

“I’m not stupid, God with so many names but no name...”

Crack crossed his arms under his chest and continued his story, “The Goddess of Oxygen–”

“–Oh I know! Is it air this time?”

“Yeah... To be honest, she has bad breath when she tried to blow me away from her stupid continent. And stop interrupting my story. Please!”

“Ptf! As if you don’t have bad breath.”

He ignored me, “The Goddess of Photosynthesis who controls earth, plants, creator of spirits for protection and governs the demi-humans... The God of H2O who controls water and governs the mermaid realm... The God of Morgue who governs the undead realm... The God of Lizards who governs the dragon realm... The Goddess of Ugliness who governs the demon realm. She’s the ugliest bitch that I’ve ever known and I made sure that I completely ripped her face off before I left Octavia.”

He laughed maniacally and I’m starting to feel scared. Mutilating someone’s face is a bit extreme.

“And finally, me! Dad put me on the largest piece of land that no living and undead beings could survive.” He said proudly.

“That’s a shitty place that I’ve ever heard,” I commented.

Crack nodded, “I know right?! The humans supposedly lived there but they scattered around Octavia just for survival and I’m happy because I have no work to do but dad smacked me. So I searched for those mortals. Since I’m too lazy to watch over them, I’ll just make their wish come true but none of them appreciated it.”

“That’s strange. Is it because they’re greedy and abused your wishing powers?”

He slowly shook his head as a ‘NO’, “It’s because I’m dumb. All of their wishes never matched what they expected. For example, they wished to become rich but as soon as I granted their wish... the Royal Guards caught them and put to the dungeons. Some couples wanted a child so I granted it but as soon they received a child that I found somewhere in the orphanage, they were also arrested and accused as kidnappers. Then the last wish that made me quit my job... Is granting the hungry children’s wishes.”

“Let me guess... Did you poisoned them?”

He looks upset, “It’s just an accident. I blamed dad for creating a stupid and useless God like myself. Since that day, they worshipped the other gods and not me. Then I buried myself in the most useless continent so no one will bother me in there.”

I narrowed my eye because there’s something is missing, “Then where’s your dad? How about your siblings? The family will help each other, right?”

Crack tilted his head and he seemed dead from the inside, “Dad wasn’t there after he created me. He was in his hidden domain just to regain his divine powers. My siblings... I hate them. Family? I see them as my family before... But now... Not anymore.”

“You said that your siblings saw you as a child. Does is it mean that you’re the youngest?”

His usual insane smile is back and replied, “You got it right. Then let’s skip the part how I ran away from Octavia until I found your world.”

He should elaborate on his story so I get to know him better.

“I found your world because of the child’s interesting wish that I’ve never heard before... And that’s your ancestor... Ian Walker. Do you know what he wished for?”

I gasped as the 3D holographic image of my ancestor played as a video. He’s a boy who’s celebrating his 7th birthday. His empty black eyes gazed at the seven candles on his 3 layered chocolate cake as if he wasn’t satisfied at it. A cake that is extremely hard to make because the ingredients are too rare in our time. The children in my ancestor’s time were so lucky to eat their sweets every day and now I’m a bit jealous.

He seemed lonely because his butlers and maids are the only people who can eat those delicious-looking foods and giving presents.

“He wished for an epic dark apocalypse because the world he lived in is boring and then I instantly granted his wish. Do you know what his reaction is after he heard the news about the first shadow that entered your world? He was sooooo intrigued by it and I’m glad that he’s the first mortal that ever appreciated my job. That’s the time I made a deal to him.”

“He signed the contract because he can’t resist the amazing offer. He can wish whatever he wants except wishing divinity. If you are born mortal, you will die mortal. Thanks to him, I learned so many things to make my wishing powers accurate. You know, you need higher intelligence and knowledge stats just like in the game.”

Does it mean that all of those things are my ancestor’s sick wishes?

I shook my head in dismay, “Impossible! I can’t believe this! My ancestor is a psycho!”

He ignored me and continued, “Do you know what’s the condition? I’ll watch over his bloodline through generations and secretly grant their 3 wishes until the end.”

He pointed his index finger at me and said, “You are the end.”

“I see... I’m the end of our bloodline. Is that all you can say to me?”

The table disappeared as he stood up and said, “As I said before... I’m here to make a deal. I’ll make your wish come true in one condition... You’re going to entertain me.”

“To entertain you? I don’t even know how to sing and dance. How about I refuse?”

Crack spread his arms and wears his hat as he levitated, “Then I’ll annoy you for eternity! Krak! Krak! Krak!”

“Okay! Fine! Deal! Then where’s the contract?”

He snapped his finger and a strange scroll appeared out of thin air as it hovered in front of me. At first, I thought it was an old scroll parchment with wooden handles. When I look at it very closely, I want to break his bones when I realized that it was made of yellowish toilet paper with toilet paper rolls as handles. The worst part is, the ugly writings on it are made of shit. Good thing that my sense of smell is gone temporarily.

Then I read his homemade contract.

Da Kontrak

Ay heƏrbay ____________ (ur nǝm) 2 mek dem wis cum trow N a kondisyon, dem intertin meh. F dem feylur, ded. F dem trays 2 brek da kontrak, ded.

Dats ol. Tenkyu!




The Contract

I hereby ___________ (your name) to make them wish come true in a condition, them entertain me. If them failure, ded. If them tries to break the contract, ded.

That’s all. Thank you!



“Are you fucking kidding me? Look at this! So many wrong spellings and grammatical errors! Are you even a god?” I complained and Crack frowned.

“Don’t question me, Walker! You are reading the language of the gods! And I’m one of them.”

I sneered, “Ptf! What an ugly excuse!”

Crack pulled out the pen from his ass which is pretty disgusting. That pen resembles a fresh shit and I don’t want to touch it.

“Here’s the pen and sign the contract.” He said as the floating contract and pen moved towards me.

“No way in hell I touch that–”

–I was cut off when my right hand suddenly moves on its own and grabbed the pen. The squishy, warm and wet feeling made me want to kill myself. Then my uncontrollable hand signed the contract as Crack watched me intently. After that, the contract and the disgusting pen disappeared. Good thing that nothing sticking in my hand.

“Did you just controlled my hand?”

He ignored my question, “Okay! You are ready to entertain me by using your talent, Natasha Walker!”

“But I don’t know how to entertain a sack of shit like you!”

He ignored my tantrum, “You’ll figure it out once you get there and before you leave in my domain, what’s your last words?”

“Fuck you!”

“Okay! Bye! Krak! Krak! Krak! Kraaaaak!” Crack said as he snapped his finger and darkness swallowed me once again.

I even managed to tell him my very last words before my consciousness faded.

“I fucking kill you!”

The End of Chapter 3

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