What can I say about her? She comes from a world with few rules and alluring consequences; that I fell in love with her instantly, though I never believed in love at first sight. She loves Coca-Cola, Egg McMuffins, Forest Gump, The Bears, bittersweet chocolate, a normal cell phone ringtones, and me.
I’ve come to understand her well, I think, but much of what she is surpasses my understanding. Some of it surpasses hers. There’re many things we rational people don’t accept. Some things just don’t exist. All sensible people understand that many things have life only in our imagination. They take form in books and movies, and are confined to these entertainments, though we sometimes use these fictional entities as symbols, as metaphors for things or ideas that do exist. Some say that’s what makes those books and movies interesting to us: it’s the symbolism that keeps us reading for four hundred pages, or has us lining up to sit in the dark with two hundred strangers and a flickering screen. Occasionally we drift into the world of fantasy willingly embracing what we know can’t be true because we want to interact with those symbols for brief periods of time; for safe periods of time. We try to find meaning in stories and images because they help us approach the intangibles that shape our lives.
So, for a few hours here and there, we suspend our disbelief. When we close that book or leave that theater, we know full well that the fantastical things we’ve imagined don’t really exist—not for us, not in our world. Symbols say something about the human condition in the mode of fantasy, but we live our lives within the bounds of science. Technology and science rule our understanding of our universe. But what if, just what if some aspects are all wrong? We move through life feeling safe and secure, rooted in our orderly universe.
Our world is defined by the rules of science, rules that can be known and not broken. Our world has order, and we assure ourselves that it can be understood, even the most minute aspects of our existence.
Her world, like ours, contains good and evil. And rules of science. Her world contains life and death, like ours. Hers are out of balance. Hers has order, like ours, but it’s different from anything we imagine. There’s meaning and purpose and science whose borders aren’t in our science and that’s only because her science is beyond our own.
To this date, I’ve seen many things that I would never believe without seeing them first, and many things that were hard to believe even as I saw them. My understanding of the world changed forever with her. My belief in science changed because of her. I’ve seen many things that aren’t good, and many that defy any classification. I’ve seen honor and heroism; loyalty and solid devoted love for others. I’ve seen self-sacrifice and faith in things not seen but true. I’ve stared at pure unadulterated evil.
Her world brings chaos whenever it intermingles with ours. As she introduced me to her world, she changed my understanding of my science and the world I’d always known. I felt safe in my science in our world. Her world is not always safe. Her world could become lethal in a heartbeat. In the blink of an eye, her world has one choice: life or death and, oftentimes, you’re not the one making the decision.
From the beginning, she understood that the best things in life require the sacrifice of safety. Without daring, we experience little of life and still less of love. To love, we must risk, and accept the consequences of that risk. She told me once that loving someone is to risk betrayal, and trust it won’t happen. We can be observers in life or participants. It’s our choice. But we must risk.
Our relationship, hers and mine, was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Being with her has brought me more pain than I ever could have anticipated—and more joy. It has been dangerous and forbidding, exciting and adventurous, out and out lethal. Often I could only tread water, trying to stay afloat when no sure footing could be found. Perhaps I’m no different from anyone else that way. I don’t know. I only know this: relationships are hard. Relationships are tough. But they’re precious, and they make us human. I had to understand how to create a delicate balance between her world and mine. That was exceedingly difficult.
She taught me that only by being willing to fall, get up, and expose ourselves to yet more heartache can we really understand the subtle nuances of love. She told me many times that “sometimes it lasts it love and sometimes it hurts instead”. Her fav Adele song. She was right. Being in love with her, I learned the peaks and valleys of love. I owe her a lot. My life. My love. My curiosity about the wonders of her science. Yep, I owe her a lot. All my friends do.
By opening ourselves to the unknown, we can we truly experience what it means to be human. Challenging ourselves to overcome our fears stops us from being immobile. She taught us to never surrender to our fears, to never give up our hope, and to be good to each other. She’s a positive force; demanding at times and yet, gentle; courageous too numerous to count, and yet so vulnerable; a dark knight like hero, reluctant yet unafraid to act.
Most of all, she taught me this: that life is precious and tenuous. Enjoy and cherish what we have, when we have it for as long as we have it. And remember, to always, always be good to each other with no regrets. “Regrets change your life because you live your life thinking of the past, which you can’t change. Better to embrace what you have in the here in now than dream of what could have been. Stop living today in the past. We can’t change the past. Only learn from it. We can’t predict the future but we can affect our future by what we do in the present. That’s why HE called it the present! It’s a gift from HIM to us!”
So, in love, the worse regret of all that exists, starts with the phrase, “if only I…”
Through Her love, I have no regrets. None. With her I entered heaven but straddled hell.
She loves dancing. She knows dances from all over the world, and she’s good at them all. She has perfect rhythm. She picks up new moves like she’s been doing them her whole life. Fact.
She listens to classical, R&B, house, jazz, blues, rap, and hip hop.
She prefers a Big Mac and a coke to rice cakes and bottled water
Her favorite books are Hamlet, Romeo and Juliet, the Harry Potter series, Stephen King novels,
and all sorts of suspense and thrillers.
Her favorite movies are Forrest Gump, Godfather 1 and 2, Cinema Paradiso, Star Wars,
She is exceedingly intelligent and strikingly beautiful, and she could have any man in the world.
She picked me, and loves ME.
I love her with my entire heart, beyond anything I ever thought I could feel. I would give up everything I am or ever will be for her . . .
to be with her . . . to save her.
She’s not a vampire. She’s an alien immortal…I think