My words get stuck in my throat. How does he know it was them? Are they looking for me? I don't even realize what I am saying, until after the words leave my mouth.
"No... not them," I stutter with panic.
"Are you sure? You won't be in trouble if they did."
Lies. I will be in trouble because I'm a killer. They will send me back to the cells and make me relive the past twelve years. I want to tell him, but I don't want him to leave me. The comfort he has been giving me these past few days have felt magical, and I'm not ready to give that up yet. I'm just scared that if I tell him, he will betray me like my old pack did.
I try to string a sentence together that will hopefully save my life for the next couple of weeks and explain to him that he has the wrong pack. "Not them... I know not them. Another pack... hurt me."
A massive wave of guilt flows through my chest once I lie to him. I hate having to lie to my mate, but I must protect myself first. I have been on my own for the past twelve years, I have to be careful of other people. They aren't always as kind as they seem to be. What if I spill all my secrets and sins and after that, he hates me? How could I live with myself?
"Do you know who?" he asks, worry laced in his voice.
I shake my head. I try to find a way to get him off this topic and this is the first thing that pops into my head, "I remember... I was wolf... but one day woke up and gone."
"Gone? As in no longer with you?" I nod my head at him.
"How is that even possible? You cannot lose your wolf they are a part of you... So that's why you had wolf scents on you when I first met you, and how you knew I was an Alpha," he rambles. I just sit there looking at him, not knowing what to say or do. He stares across the room, deep in thought.
I don't want him to think about Bloodnight Pack anymore as it could expose me, so I grab his hand and squeeze it twice. He glances at me and I mumble, "Sleep."
He doesn't say anything, and I start to think he is angry at me, but when I lie down, he flops behind me and wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. "Goodnight," he whispers.
I don't respond as I'm already spacing out. There is a reason Jax asked about Bloodnight Pack. What does he know?
After a few hours, and thousands of thoughts later, I manage to drift off to sleep...
It's now the afternoon and I've just finished having my check-up. Tom said that it will now be weekly check-ups as I seem to be improving physically. Mentally though, I'm exhausted. Last night when I wasn't able to sleep, I was thinking about what if my dad has found me. How will I be able to protect myself? I don't want to be like this anymore.
It is so frustrating that I can't form a single sentence. I don't want to feel constantly weak, and not be able to defend myself anymore. I'm fed up with everything. I want to be strong and be able to speak my mind instead of remaining mute. The only way I will be like that is if I change things. The fear and anxiety will no longer beat me. My dad will no longer beat me. He doesn't control me anymore. Enough is enough now, I'm gonna change how things are. I will pour my blood, sweat, and tears into everything that I do from now on as I have suffered long enough, and it is about time that I spend my life as a normal person. I owe this to myself.
I turn to Jax, after my epiphany with the biggest smile on my face. He seems taken aback and asks, "Why are you smiling? Don't get me wrong, I love it, but has something happened to make you smile?"
"I'm happy," I say with a slight blush.
"Aww, baby. Come here," he replies with outstretched arms that are calling for me. I walk over to him and am engulfed by his overwhelming scent. I feel completely at peace when he is around me. He just has to be in the same room for me to feel calm and relaxed.
"Can I... ask... question?"
"Of course," he says whilst looking down at me with adoration.
"I want... to...fight," I say with confidence.
"Fight? Fight who?" he asks confused. He tilts his head to the side and he looks like an adorable puppy. Without even knowing, a laugh bubbles from my mouth.
Almost instantly his draw drops and a small gasp is heard. Then a massive grin spreads across his face. He lifts me into the air and swings me about whilst saying incoherent words.
"That's the first time I've heard you laugh!" he exclaims.
Shyness takes over my confidence, but then I remember my new revolution and I lift my head with pride. Every fiber of me doesn't want to, but if I want to be a better me I need to change my ways.
He leans forward and places a delicate kiss on my forehead. Completely forgetting about my revolution, my head lowers, and a blush coats my body from head to toe. He has this effect on me. He notices my awkwardness and goes back to what we were talking about.
"Who do you want to fight?" he asks seriously.
"No... learn... from you."
"Ahh. You want to learn how to fight... I don't know. Why do you need to learn? You have me. I will protect you," he says dumbfounded.
"Protect myself," I say proudly.
He must have sensed that I wasn't going to back down. "Fine. It will just be a one on one though. I will teach you, but you definitely won't need it. I will protect you. "
A smile sits on my face in gratitude. "Right, I have to go to work, but Axton will be with you. I will be back at nine tonight. Make sure to have some lunch and take your tablet. I'll see you soon," he says but stays where he is. He seems to be conflicted. I tilt my head to the side in question and he quickly pecks the end of my nose then scurries out of the house, leaving the door open for Axton to enter.
"Hello Luna," he says with a beaming smile. He already seeming comfortable around me.
I wave my hands in front of me and say, "Hayley... just Hayley."
"Okay Just Hayley, what do you want to do today?" A laugh escapes from me at his joke. He seems nice and I feel oddly comfortable around him.
"Lunch...tablet...lesson...with you," I say with uncertainty.
"You definitely need those lessons," he jokes.
I pout in frustration. "I'm joking," he says as he nudges me playfully, "Let's go get some food, I'm starving..."
After lunch, and taking my tablet we head to the living room to have my first lesson. Already, I feel completely at ease around Axton, and he is quickly becoming my best friend, obviously apart from Jax. Axton is so funny and is constantly making jokes.
We sit on the sofa and Axton pulls out the biggest book I have ever seen and multiple packs of small boxes from under the coffee table. "This is a dictionary," he says as he waves the big book about, "and these are flashcards on different topics. What one would you like to start with?" he asks as he lies out all the different things. Not wanting to pick the scary book, I pick one of the packs of flashcards. As I can't read what the topics are, I pick randomly. "Travel. Okay, let's see how this goes."
He removes the film from around the box and opens the lid. He places it aside and gets the card out of the box. Each card has a small drawing, its full spelling, and how to pronounce it.
"So, I will show you how to say it normally, then I will help sound it out for you, then you will write it down so you will know how to spell it. There is a cartoon picture on top, so you know what we are talking about. Then I will give you an example of how you could put it into a sentence. Does that sound okay?" Raring to go, I nod my head eagerly.
"First up is skateboard. Skateboard. Ss...kat...ate...boa...rd. Skateboard. Now you try."
"Skateboard. Ss...kate...ee...boa...rdeu. Skateboardeu."
"No 'eu' at the end. Just skateboard."
"Skateboard...eu," I joke, just to mess about with him.
He throws his head into his hands and mumbles, "This is going to be a long few months."
I let a giggle slip pass and turn back into being serious. He then hands me a piece of paper and a pencil. "Try writing it down."
This is how it went for hours, upon hours.
After trying nearly all the packs, I need to have a break. My head feels like it is being cramped from all the new information I am absorbing. To go and relax, I go with Axton in search of Lily, for some fun...