I and Jax are lying in the field as we have just finished our stretching. Our hands are interlocked as we stare above at the fluffy clouds. I feel my thoughts melt away as I try to make shapes with the clouds. I spot a turtle with some lettuce hanging from its half-open mouth which brings a smile to my sweaty face.
Jax distracts me by saying, “I have been doing some research about losing your wolf. There aren’t any cases, but there are myths on how you can regain your wolf. We can force her to show, by which I will scare her into coming out, but I don’t think that option is a good idea, given the circumstances. Another way is your wolf will come back out when she senses there is no danger and can be safe, which can happen at any time. And the last option is that she will take control in a life or death situation. As she is still with you, but dominant, but still with you, she knows what’s going on, so will come back out when she feels is the best time. I know this isn’t the greatest of news, but just know she will come back in time.”
I stare back and the clouds, digesting the newfound information. There is nothing I can do to get her back apart from being patient. When you know there is nothing you can do to help the situation, it frustrates you even more, and that is what I’m going through now. I nod my head in understanding as I feel Jax’s stare. He reaches over and gently places his lips to the side of my head, which immediately makes me forget what I was stressing about. I roll onto my side and snuggle closer to Jax.
The sun has fallen and darkness has taken over. The moon sits proudly in the sky, overlooking everything. Axton has tried to teach me about time, but I am having a hard time grasping it, so from now, I will just go on based on the amount of lightness or darkness.
Jax stands in front of the toaster making me dinner, whilst I lean against the kitchen doorframe. A sudden surge of confidence floods my body, so I boldly walk over to Jax and wrap my arms around his waist, resting my head on his back whilst my eyelids become hooded. I feel Jax turn his head towards me but I keep my eyes closed, but my shortlived confidence disappears and is replaced with safety. I hear his heartbeat through his back and it sounds like the most beautiful I have ever heard before. My breath deepens as I listen to the heavy beat.
We stay in this position as Jax continues to make us dinner and I follow him to the sink, whilst maintaining our position, as he fills up two glasses with water.
Jax places the glasses on the counter and turns around in my grip. His hands find their place on my lower back and he leans down to rest his forehead on mine. He takes a deep inhale and whispers, “Dinners ready.” I just hum in response, too engrossed in the moment. After a few more seconds, I reluctantly pull back to feed my hunger...
It’s now pitch black outside and a peaceful silence radiates throughout the fields. I pull the curtains to mine and Jax’s bedroom closed and turn towards the bed. Jax is lying on top of the sheets, only wearing a pair of grey tracksuit bottoms, which hang extremely low on his hips. Knowing I’ve been caught drooling as Jax coughs to get my attention. I crawl into bed as Jax starts laughing at me so I hit his shoulder with no power.
“Did you just hit me?” he asks me in fake shock. I nod my head proudly as I giggle. “I can’t believe you just hit me... Come here little one, it’s my turn to get you back.” And with that, he sits up and starts tingling under my arms. I erupt into laughter and my breath is stolen.
“Say you’re sorry!” he says jokingly.
“Never!” I reply as I thrash my head side to side.
“Say it! Or else I will tickle your feet!”
“Okay! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! You win!” I say as I take a deep breath.
He immediately stops and looks down at me. He leans closer and closer until I feel his minty breath fanning my face. He glances down at my lips which makes me wet them. With that action, his eyes squit as if he wanted to look closer. He drops even closing until he is half a centimeter away and mutters, “I always win,” then abruptly pulls back. I come crashing back down to earth as I realize what just happened. We nearly kissed. I nearly had my first consensual kiss. I blink my eyes a couple of times to clear my head and I snuggle closer to Jax, ready to clear my now racing thoughts...
I hear movement in the bedroom, but I’m too tired to open my eyes. The shuffling gets closer and the bed dips next to where I lay. A gentle hand brushes against my face which I immediately recognize as Jax’s, causes tingles to coax my body. I pill my eyes to see my handsome mate staring down at me with adoration.
“I’m off to work baby, but Axton will be downstairs. You should go back to sleep it’s still early.” I nod my head but don’t understand completely because of my sleepy haze. I feel Jax place his delicate lips onto my forehead then stand and walk towards the door. I peer at him through half-opened eyes as I see him leave the room and gently close the door behind him. Knowing that Axton is downstairs, I drift back into a deep sleep...
It’s now the afternoon, and I and Lily are playing “house.” Axton is waiting outside Lily’s room, giving me and Lily some privacy. Lily is currently the Mum whereas I am the five-year-old daughter. We have a cat called Mittens who is black and white with a feisty attitude. In the background, softly plays “Sour Candy” by Lady Gaga and BLACKPINK.
“Hayley! It’s lunchtime! Come get your food!” Lily shouts with authority. I head over to Lily on my knees and grab my plastic apple and pretend to eat it. We are interrupted when Axton knocks softly on the door and peers his head around it.
“I’m going to quickly pop to Tom’s to get you your repeat perception as Alpha Jax asked me to earlier this morning. I won’t be long, but if you need me at all get Lily to mindlink me.” Axton says.
“Okay. We’ll be here. See you soon.” I say with a friendly smile on my face waving at him.
He gives a slight smile and repeats, “Mindlink me if anything happens, okay?”
I nod my head as I shake my head and mutter, “Okay,” like a disobedient child. Axton laughs and then leaves the room. After a few moments, I hear the door to the packhouse close, indicating that Axton has left.
I sit back on my heels and go into deep thought. This is my first time in weeks that I have been left completely alone with no adults watching over me. My thoughts wander to my dad and Luke. Where they still looking for me? Have they already found me? Fear starts to fill my body and an overwhelming urge to tell someone what I have gone through takes over.
I could tell Lily. She wouldn’t understand completely and she wouldn’t tell anyone as she is so young and will probably forget after five minutes, but I just need to tell someone and get this burden off of me.
So, I do just that. I tell her nearly everything I have had to endure over the past nineteen years, obviously leaving out any gruesome details, as I don’t want to mentally scar her. I blubber multiple times as I tell my journey to Lily, feeling as if I am reliving some parts.
Once I am done, Lily has a few tears streaming down her face, but I can see in her eyes that she doesn’t completely understand what I have told her. She climbs into my lap and gives me a much-needed hug. I don’t expect her to understand and I prefer that she doesn’t, I just needed to tell someone who won’t judge me and will listen to what I have had to go through.
Once my tears run dry, Lily goes back to playing house, already forgetting what has been said and dismissing the importance of it, which I am grateful for. I feel a massive weight lift off my shoulders as I realize I have finally told someone my side of the story...