{{ contest.story_page_sticky_bar_text }} Be the first to recommend this story.
Get Free Copy

100 free copies left

This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.

0
Free copies left
You can choose from our best books below
MerelyDave would love your feedback! Got a few minutes to write a review?
Write a Review

A Letter of Resignation from an Apprentice

By MerelyDave All Rights Reserved ©

Humor / Fantasy

With Great Sincerity

Dear Great and Worshipful Master Martin Greenbones,

It is with some regret that I must tender my resignation as your apprentice. While I realize that I signed on for a goodly number of years, and am thankful for the scraps of knowledge that have fallen into my hands, I feel it is best to take my leave of you now before something even worse happens. I feel that I am simply not cut out for the sacred arts of Alchemy and Divination.

To be honest, Most August and Powerful Sir, I can't take it any more. My knees are bruised and scraped to the bone scrubbing the floors with borax and lye. I have shaken grubs from my hair after scrabbling through midden heaps, looking for bones to grind into powder. The spiders in the pile of rags I call my bed bite me most fiercely. I am almost lame from pulling splinters the length of my fingers from my poor feet. I am mottled with burns from the crucible. I have suffered awful cuts from the glass shards of broken alembics. You will remember when I accidentally filled my lungs with vapor from pure golden sulphur; I was rendered senseless for half a week. The dizzy spells still occur around noon most days.

I have done my very best in a year's service to you, but you send me to do impossible things. I ran all the way to Mordentshire to copy a chapter from The Sphere of the Primum Mobile; you did not bother to tell me it was in Hebrew. You bade me to create mixtures of vervain, henbane, alums and acids, but your writing is so crabbed and impossible to read that I cannot help but produce the most lively and awful bubbling messes that eat the threads of my clothing.

You grow so furious at the littlest mistakes that I fear you will turn me into a mouse. You shouted at me most mercilessly for scrubbing away part of your thaumaturgic circle, but I was trying to clean the floor... as you asked!

You commanded me to etch most carefully the names of the Voices of God, but how was I to know that "Tetragrammaton" is spelled with two "m's"? How was I to realize that reading a passage from Le Livre de Salomon would evoke a demon that would curdle all the wine in the lord's manor? I thought it was a recipe for broiled rabbit. And I believe it is a perfectly natural mistake to have confused cinnabar with cinnamon.

Fearless and Most Magical Master, I have served you faithfully and well. I have kept the continual fire burning for three days to mix the noble circulated salt of Paracelsus. I took great pains and called in many favors to bring you a bezoar of hair from a madwoman's belly. I have prepared the sophic mercury by luna and the antimonial stellate regulus of Mars... at least I think I did. Great Sir, I do not know the half of what I do!

Therefore, I beg you, oh Voluminous Master, to accept my resignation and release me from my contract. You deserve an apprentice worthy of your renown. I know a minim from a dram, but I am better suited to weigh bolts of cloth in my father's shop. Might I recommend to your service my cousin Lucian? He is very able with Latin, a hard worker and very patient, and you will do well to choose his service over my poor self.

Sincerely and Hopefully,

Your Servant,

Edmond Spindleshanks

Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, MerelyDave
Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

littlebunnypoopoos: Omg this was so amazing! The ending was a little bad and predictable. But otherwise, I need a second book or I'll die :D The character development was excellent and the whole romance, action, and suspense was superb

nakhvavaishu: just loved it...u cant put this book down once u start reading...from the very first page it is an emotional rollercoaster....the way author has described the undescribable😉 chemistry between our very own jay n aqueela its just way tooo awesome...i just felt the love n mischievious bonding betwee...

Jessica Esa: With a tantalising end to the first chapter, the authour has given us a treat and a welcome addition to the fantasy adventure genre. To limit it to just such would be an injustice however, as this novel clearly draws on elements of historical fiction, fairy tale and horror. Simply, there's someth...

Alani Foreigner: I absolutely loved how you created this story. It isn't like the other cliché stories I've ever read. I had just started reading it yesterday and just had to finish it. The main characters are grotesquely awesome and I fell in love with them. If you're into fantasy and stuff I can guarantee that ...

maewilde25: I am so in love with this story!!! captivated me till the very end, there wasn't a dull moment. Didn't particularly enjoy the lay out and some bits of info was missing along with how a 21 year old man amassed so much wealth that needed to be explained other than that and a few spelling errors, th...

Marijana1: The melancholy present throughout this story has the power to influence and etch into the minds of the readers, to stay there and refuse to leave even after they have finished reading the story. This is a deep, powerful story, making the readers wonder about everything – about love, about their e...

SPepper: I had a hard time putting this book down even to go to sleep. The story is compelling and beautifully character driven. I hope author will make this a series.

Mourn8220House: When first reading "Avarice," I thought it would be another fairytale but I was taken back the author's approach and choice of ending. There is little to be said for the story and overall plot besides the sudden twists and speculation, other than that I do not want to ruin a fantastic tale, you m...

Laraine Smith: Your story is both sweet and beautiful! You are a true artist! Keep up the great work! I also love the picture that you chose for your book! :)

More Recommendations

ynez2005: I LOVE THIS BOOK SOOOOO MUCH!!!!Though you really need to make another book,more Princesses!!! Whoooo!!!Girl Power!!!Mabey it could even be Devona's BFF???That would make it even better!!!Plus can you pleeease make Akki come back,together with Thea and Authur amd the whole family is back!Other th...

spooky jedi: Love your story!I really hope more people read this story!Its amazing!! The plot is very unique and different, which is very good to have in a world full of stories. You have very complex and intellectual plot line, with your many loveable character and that hint of 'will they, won't they' is ju...

Catherine Kopf: Wow! This was a really great story. I really enjoy reading fantasy, so it didn't take long for me to become invested in the book and its characters like Jacob. I really liked your writing style, and it seemed to flow very well. The descriptions that you used for your world were also created n...

Megan King: This book is absolutely amazing, it kept me on my toes through the entire book. I hope there is a second book. I would 10 out of 10 recommend this for anyone who loves fantasy, action or romance because it is full of all three 💕

Ayesha Shaikh: I love the twists. 😆I like how the writer describes everyone's point of view and the character development. I'm gonna read all the books by this author (current and upcoming). She's one of my favorites now. The spelling mistakes are normal no big deal, the amazing plot makes up for it. Thank you ...

Erin Crowley: The concept here is really strong, but the execution is definitely lacking. Tenses, grammar, etc are all off, with at least one or more errors per 'Page' on my phone. The writing style is almost broken- sentences move into each other awkwardly, and are filled with an excess of "filler words", lik...

About Us:

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered book publisher, offering an online community for talented authors and book lovers. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books you love the most based on crowd wisdom.