Once upon a time, there was a little girl whose name was Eve. Everybody called her Snow White, due to her beautiful white face, which looked just like porcelain. She was very delicate and tender. Her friends were white birds and other animals. She liked to walk in the forest very much and talk to them. That was favorite amusement for this young creature. In Kingdom, where she lived, ruled Stepmother, the sixth wife of Snow White’s father, who died suddenly. It was Exploding Head Syndrome ended with a gunshot. Stepmother was powerful and imperious Witch. And orthorectitian. Every day she gazed into Magical Mirror and asked who is the most beautiful in the whole country. Reflection always said that she, the most powerful Witch in the whole Kingdom is the ultimate beauty and has the greatest charm. Common cajolery, that all mirrors say.
When Snow White was growing up, Stepmother conquered a great amount of space and her Kingdom grew. Time flew in all directions. Snow White become a beautiful teenage girl. One day, when Stepmother took her rituals before talking Mirror, as usual, she asked who is the ultimate beauty of the country. The answer was shocking: Snow White! It was crashing, unbearable, and dishonoring. This fact, like striking thunder, hit her Ego and destroyed her mood completely, devastating mental space with a force of a hurricane. She decided to act quickly.
The choice was a cruel-death classic, vomit, diarrhea, and neural paralysis. On the 16th birthday, she send to her beloved Stepdaughter a few bottles of wine. The best vintage, in bottles, colored green with arsenic. While she was waiting for agony, she sat on the lacquer throne and drank wine from the same barrel.
Snow White liked to have fun and she knew how to make extraordinary parties. Such an event as 16th birthday had to be great when you live in a Castle. At this age, all you need is to gain experience in this kind. It’s natural. After sumptuous dinner, she received a special box with wine straight to the bedroom chamber. She exploded with joy because she planned to go to bed with Prince from the distant Kingdom. Perfect occasion! Snow White and Prince drank in bedding and then had a lot of fun. They kept drinking and make love for a few hours, but suddenly Prince said, that he doesn’t feel very well. He even vomit onto the floor. “What a wimp” thought the Princess. Suddenly young fellow died. All fun ended at this point. It started to be awkwardly and badly. Snow White survived. Maybe because she often depilated her body with arsenic paste, so her tolerance for the poison was big.
It was a sad ending of 16th Annals...
Stepmother was furious like ten thousand wolverines instead!
Spaces of Newton polemics and little cracks on the child’s skull gave Stepmother an idea for an apple. The land around the Castle was full of orchards, which were the only witness of Queen’s health and beauty, so it was easy to get proper fruit. “This time I will make sure it is esthetic” thought Stepmother. So she invented a way to kill Eve without a spew. A nutritious emulsion of water and propofol with soy oil and egg white filled syringe, that gave a shot to apple. She couldn’t give the fruit personally, because Snow White wouldn’t eat the apple, so she made sure that the girl would meet an old lady on her way through the forest. Beldam, bribed with a proper amount of gold, met the girl in the middle of the forest, far away from eyesight. Snow White was very glad for this gift, deadly at intent, but more than pleasant at sense. She fell asleep in the middle of the glade. Seven Woodcutters gladly took the opportunity to release some adrenaline and testosterone, which’s excess isn’t favorable to Men’s soul (and body).
Snow White wasn’t aware of what happened and how long she lay on grass without consciousness. It is uncertain what kind of coincidence was that Prince on White Horse was passing by. Maybe he was just hunting there. He was blonde with a jaw. Smoothly shaved and long-haired. He saved her and put inside his Harem, next to other 231 women in every skin color and nationality, who came mostly from Slave aftermarket.
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