I watched as they threw the first shovel of dirt on the box that confined my love. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. The continuous chanting in my head never stopped.
It didn't stop the tears that stung my eyes either, betraying every word that I have been saying to myself since this horrific day started.
It didn't help that my wolf hasn't stopped whimpering since I got here, after being dormant for days since Ella died.
I can't blame him for hurting. He felt the mate bond stronger than me, but I needed him these past two weeks. He was the only strength I have...or had.
Someone's hand on my shoulder brought me out of my thoughts and I turned around to see my little sister looking at me with sorrow filled eyes.
"Don't cry Luka. It'll be okay soon I promise". If only I could believe those words, I thought, but offered her a weak smile non the less.
I continued to stare as I reminisced on the times we had together. We only met three years ago when I turned eighteen, and I accompanied my dad to an Alpha meeting, where I would officially take over the pack.
That's when I saw her. I was attracted to her even before I learnt that we were mates.
I spent the rest of the night stealing glances at her, until I mustered up the courage to go to her. I can still remember her scent when I got close. It was intoxicating, and her smile when she saw me pushed me over the edge. That's when I knew that I was gonna be whipped. And whipped I was.
"Luka". A voice I knew too well snapped me out of my thoughts.
I realised that everyone had left and it was just me, Caleb and my love who was now completely covered and sealed in the deserted pack cemetery.
I didn't make a move to leave. I just want to be in her presence a little longer before I say goodbye.
"Come on man, you must be tired", Caleb whispered as he took shaky steps towards me. I had to admit, I'm pretty grateful for his support these past weeks.
We were never close growing up. In fact, we hated each other. Weird for two boys living in the same house, who were destined to work side by side as Alpha and Beta.
When I took over as Alpha, he automatically became my Beta so we were forced to get along. Over the years we learnt to tolerate each other and became somewhat friends.
When Ella died two weeks ago, he was there for me more than everyone else.
At first I assumed it was because he is my Beta and nobody else was brave enough to be around me when I'm snappy and irritated, but then I realized that he genuinely wanted to be there for me, as a friend. I have to say, we've gotten a lot closer since.
I finally turned around to see him staring at me with sadness. I gave him a strained smile and took slow steps towards the exit, with Caleb on my trail.
I got in the car, feeling like the world was on my chest. Caleb joined me shortly after and we sat in comfortable silence, until he finally started the car.
"Hey you okay man?", he asked as he drove off. I sighed, keeping my eyes out the window.
"Nah man. But I will be" I answered, knowing he was the only one who wouldn't push it, so I could be honest with him.
"I just need some time". He nodded in understanding but didn't say anything.
'Some time' may be two months, may be ten years or it may be never. All I know now was that I have to try and live without her. Maybe I can or maybe I cant.
My mind was all over the place as we pulled into the pack house driveway. But all I could really think about is how I didn't even say goodbye.