"What the hell did I do!?"
I groaned in frustration as Jane laughed on the other line.
"You accepted Ace" She replied as if I didn't know that.
Last night was really emotional for me. After I accepted Ace, he became so excited and happy, and I couldn't help but join in on his excitement.
The way he talked and laughed ever so often made me wish we could stay that way forever, it was just too perfect.
Shortly after, he accepted me too, which made me and my wolf feel as it we were in the clouds. The first stage of the mate bond was complete, and this meant Ace and I were a bit more connected than before.
It felt good until he left.
We spent hours on end talking, laughing and staring at each other, every tear from before long forgotten. But then it got late, and Ace went to his room, and that was when it all came rushing to me like a mighty wind.
It literally knocked the breath out of me.
My wolf was still happy, and I couldn't help but share her happiness, but then everything else came poking at my brain, one by one.
First was the fact that Aiden was going to be pissed, and surly he'll either tell dad, or demand I don't take it further. Of course, I could just keep it hush, but what then?
Will I forever keep it hush and still complete the mission, living in secret with my mate? Will I have to choose a side, which will lead to heartbreak either way?
I knew for a fact that Ace wouldn't stay away from me now, and if I was being honest with myself, I didn't want him to. But everything was still so complicated. I knew there was no going back on Ace at this point, but at the same time, I didn't want to go back on my pack either.
I'm still Silent Moon blood.
"Jane it is serious, why do you seem so chill about this?" I asked in annoyance, not really sure why she was so calm. She sighed, just like she always did before she gets serious.
"Rox, what did I tell you when you first called me about the issue?"
"You told me to reject him" I replied casually. I could hear her gasp from through the phone, which made me chuckle a bit.
"I did not!" she exclaimed. "I simply told you that it was the only way that you would be free of him if you really wanted to. But if I'm remembering correctly, I told you to make the choice which will make you happy, and that was either Ace or the mission. I'm not judging you love, I actually betted on you choosing him" I could hear the smirk in her voice, and I couldn't help but laugh. Only Jane would make a joke out of something so serious.
"But let me ask you this, do you regret accepting him? "
"No" I replied honestly. I felt guilty as hell at the fact, but it wasn't a lie.
"Not even the slightest bit? "She urged, and I shook my head no.
"No" I mumbled after realizing that she couldn't see me. "A bit guilty and selfish, but I don't regret it" I sighed.
"Well that's all that matters. Look Roxy, I know how much this mission means to you, and if I'm being honest, it is to us too. But you know what would be selfish? If all of us excepted you to give up your mate for us. I know I wouldn't "
I thought about what she said carefully. It made me feel a little better, but I still wasn't sure how to move forward.
"A mate is one of the most sacred and important gifts to a wolf, so trust me, you aren't wrong or weak for accepting him. You just need to find a way to work this all out. I suggest talking to him if you're really serious" She added when I didn't respond.
"I'll think about it" I whispered, already developing a headache.
"I know you'll work it out Rox, just be careful okay? "
"I will. Thanks Jane, I really needed that"
We said our goodbyes and I was once again left with my thoughts. I was being let off training today since my foot hasn't healed completely, and I was grateful for that. I barely slept last night, so I was more than exhausted.
I thought about what she said about talking to Ace about it, but I knew I couldn't do that. Aiden would freak and call dad, and that would've most likely lead to a war that no one was ready for.
I don't want that.
But how was I going to deal with it all? I had no clue.
Sighing, I decided to go get breakfast. Ace told me he would bring it up for me once he knew I was awake, but I couldn't stay a moment longer with my thoughts.
I grabbed the crutches that were laying beside my bed, courtesy of Ace I'm sure, and slowly hopped down the stairs.
Everyone including baby Asia were in the kitchen. Lilly was preparing breakfast, while all the men sat patiently as if they were three year olds waiting on mommy to finish cooking.
"Hey Asia" I cooed excitedly as I wobbled over to Calum who was holding her, completely ignoring everyone else's presence.
"Hey hey what are you doing out of bed" Ace frowned as he quickly jumped up and held my waist.
I smiled at him warmly as I gazed into his memorizing eyes, completely forgetting everything that I've been thinking about since he left last night. That was the thing with him, when I was around him, all my worries seemed to vanish and I'm the perkiest person in the world.
"I'm fine Ace, it's already healing"
I giggled as he lifted me into a chair. Everyone except Aiden watched us dreamily with huge smiles on their faces.
"Well at least you're in a better mood than your brother today" Calum laughed as he placed my precious Asia in my hands.
It was then that I really took notice of Aiden's demeanor. He seemed tense and really upset. Only I would've known how upset he was since I knew him so well. He held his shoulders back a little to much, and his eyebrows were a bit straighter than when he was calm.
"I'm not upset " He laughed as he faced me, but I knew it was fake. "Ace here was just telling us that you guys accepted each other" My eyes widened as he continued.
"I'm just heart broken that my baby sister is being taken away from me" He ended with a strain smile. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at him calling me his baby sister, he always assumed he was born first.
Ace, who was completely oblivious to his true mood, hit him on his back reassuringly.
"I'm not taking her away bro, your pack is right next to us, she can visit anytime" We both tensed at him mentioning our pack, as Aiden threw daggers at me with his eyes.
"Yeaaa our packs are sooo close" Aiden dragged, making me more uncomfortable.
I felt the guilt creeping in again the more he watched me accusingly. I couldn't hold his stare any longer, so I hung my head in shame.
"Since you're up, I'm gonna leave you guys to it. Lilly will fix you something to eat" Ace said as he gently kissed my forehead. A series of awes erupted through the room, while my heart did a backflip and my cheeks redden in a blush.
"I have some work to do so I'll see you later okay ?" I simply nodded with a small smile, then I carefully looked to Aiden to see his reaction. To my surprise, he wasn't even looking.
Lilly took Asia away and placed her in her high chair, while she served us bacon and eggs and placed a small bowl of mashed potatoes in front of Asia, feeding her now and then.
I couldn't help but admire how well she was at this, and it got me wondering if I would be a good mom too. I couldn't even be a good mate and sister, not to mention pack member, so how would I be a good mom?
I quickly shook the thought away, deciding that I had a long way to go before thinking about kids.
We gulped down the food faster than expected, and I felt as if I wanted more.
Aiden hadn't looked at me, and he wouldn't let me into his mind. I didn't even know why he wasn't at training, so I asked him.
"Rule number two, always look out for each other. You're hurt so I took the day off to be with you" He stated without looking at me.
I sighed as a pang of pain ran through me, knowing he must be feeling betrayed. In his mind, I already broke the first two rules.
By now everyone else could see the tension between us, but they said nothing. I tried prying in his mind to talk to him, but he kept shutting me out. So, I did the one thing I knew would get his attention.
"Aiden can we talk? " I asked one last time before I took action.
He mumbled an excuse about understanding that Ace won't take me away from him, to sell his act to the others, but I knew it was his way of saying no.
Well I guess it has to be like that then.
I threw the crutches down, getting his full attention already. With a sharp breath, I jumped from the chair, hard. I cried out in pain as I felt the bone that was healing slip pack out of place, but it surely got the job done.
"My gosh Roxy are you crazy! " He bellowed in frustration and concerned as he grabbed me. A series of gasps and curse words came from everybody else, and I knew they must've been thinking that I was insane.
"Take me to my room, and let's talk" I whispered loud enough for him to hear. He let out a dry huff, but obliged anyways.
After placing me on the bed and making sure my ankle was fine, he plopped down beside me, giving me a death glare.
"That wasn't necessary Roxy, you were almost healed" He scolded in a stern tone.
"I know" I sighed. "But you weren't talking to me"
"And I have a right to Roxy! You accepted him? " It came out more as a question, as if he's just processing it
"Aiden it's harder than it looks" I tried.
"Oh is it Roxy? You know what is hard? Keeping all this from dad. You're getting attached Roxy and that will lead to nothing but failure"
"You don't get it" I pinched the bridge of my nose as I felt a slight pound in my head.
"Yes I do get it. I get that you weren't cut put for this miss-"
"No you don't get it Aiden! " I cried as my eyes welled up with tears. "It. Is. Hard!" I shut my eyes tight, not wanting to cry in front of him. He stayed quiet, which told me he was surprised by my reaction.
"From the minute I smelled him it's been hard Aiden. You think I want to fail my mission? I tried to reject him last night!" His eyes widen in shock as I continued. "It wasn't suppose to happen this way, and everyday I have an internal battle about who I'll be betraying. It HURTS Aiden"
The tears I've been holding spilled, and Aiden's expression soften as he saw this. I never cried, so he knew how bad it was.
"It hurts that I'm letting you guys down and it hurts that I can't have my mate without doing that. What would've you done if you came here and found your mate?"
He simply looked away, not knowing how to answer, but knowing the answer non the less.
"Exactly...When I tried to reject him, I-I just couldn't" My voice broke as my crying got heavier. "I couldn't do it Aiden, and my wolf would've ensured that I flunk this mission if I did anyways"
He finally pulled me to his chest after wiping my eyes with his thumbs.
"I don't know what to do" I whispered truthfully.
He stayed quiet for a while, rubbing soothing circles on my back. I knew this was a lot for him since he's never had to do this with me. I was the type of sister who cringed when he acted too mushy, and here I was, a whole mess. I knew he had no clue about what to do.
"I'm sorry I've been so hard on you sis. I didn't consider how much you might be hurting. It's just that this mission means a lot. " He sighed, pushing me back slightly so he could face me.
"I know, and it still means so much to me too. But if I'm being honest, so does Ace" I whispered without looking at him. "He's my mate Aiden, and this is his pack. I made a vow to my pack which I don't intend on breaking, but I'm at a dead end"
"So what do you suggest we do? I still have to give a monthly report to dad, or else he'll be suspicious. Not to mention we can't just abort mission and fail our pack" He said. I chewed my lip as I thought about my next move.
"I don't know" I sighed, feeling defeated. "I'll figure something out before the four months end, but for now, we resume mission as if nothing happened okay?" He nodded slowly, as if he was not really sure if I would come through.
"And what if the four months end and you don't figure something out?" He asked. "You can't tell Ace and we have to start the real work by the end of the week tops"
"I will figure it out. Don't worry"
He simply sighed and pulled me back to his chest.
Whatever plan I'll need to come up with so I can have the best of both worlds seemed far fetched, but I guess I'd have to find a way.
And I'll have to do it before the four months end.