Guardians

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Chapter 11 - Is That a She Hulk?

The beast stood as tall as the trees themselves, like I was an ant in the tall grass. I guess this was how link felt staring into the eyes of Ganondorf. However, he was a cool swavey elf knight. Who also has an inventory of weapons that even Batman would be jealous of.

I on the other hand, had nothing but pocket lint, a mom who probably wouldn’t care if I become Ganon chow and an old defective football player…

Woo hoo reality…

The beast’s eyes oddly seemed to fall, right, on me. You know, even when I thought I was gonna die earlier. I didn’t once almost piss myself, but that things hungry eyes almost made me spring a leek.

“H-hey m-mom, dad. That thing is umm, it’s looking at me like a bucket of KFC chicken.” I managed to stammer out.

I quickly turned back, hoping to see my mom in some awesome wizarding stance. Ready to blast away the creature with her plant magic attack.

But that’s not what happened, that wasn’t what I saw. What I got to see, was my parents, not even remotely close to looking in my direction. Still just wailing at each other.

This was some ‘Luke I am your father’ levels of shock I was feeling.

“HEY YOU IDIOTS! A GIGANTIC MINOTAUR WANTS TO EAT MY FACE!” I roared over to them in a panic.

But still, not one of them even batted an eye from one another.

That was the moment it hit me. This was reality, this wasn’t some magical dream come true. My mother wasn’t some divine loving goddess, and my dad wasn’t some misunderstood hero. They were just some crappy divorced parents, who didn’t even bother looking at their son as he screamed for help.

Just as I was about to accept my fate, I became blinded by a white light. A loud explosion went off and I heard a loud cry (it sounded like a crying demon baby.) I felt the air rip past me like a car going down the highway. Then, there was nothing, nothing but a gentle breeze afterwards.

“I-im not dead?” I muttered.

My body was stiff, I’d never been so scared before in my life. I shook involuntarily, trying to gain my sense back. Could Jack have come back for me? I remember a light from earlier...

“I guess clover still can’t kill it..” My mom groaned.

“This is exactly what I’m talking about! We could of been killed!” My dad yelled as he pointed to something ahead of me.

I needed to look, I needed to force myself to look. I took a few breaths and relaxed myself. Slowly inching to look ahead. I was even more stunned by the sight before me.

The big bad miniatur was writhing on the ground like a spider, his left arm was blown clean off. His black blood spurting out of his nub like a sprinkler. Just what the hell happened? What could of done that!?

“I apologize mother! The elves lost control of it!” I heard someone call out.

It was a woman’s voice, at least I prayed that was a woman’s voice. It was pretty deep to be a woman’s voice, but I still heard that feminine undertone in it.

The voice broke me free from my state of shock, which made it easy for me to move again. I slowly turned around toward the voice, and I was over joyed and disgusted by the sight before me.

Well let’s start with the positives. Elves! I kid! You! Not! Cute Elf girls! All in some dumb Skyrim Ranger gear! Oh my gosh! I’ve found the nerds Vallhala!

Now for the sight that made me question my masculinity. This gargantuan gorilla women was like a whole person taller than me. Her muscles would make Aden look like Shaggy from Scooby Doo. She was wearing some hunting cloth clothing like an Amazonian. And some odd tooth crown on her head. Her hair was in a braided ponytail, with some red face paint. Her skin was darkened, clearly from the sun. She looked like the embodiment of ‘I forgot I had other stats’.

And she did say mother...which means I’m related to this thing...

“It’s fine, I needed to summon you all here anyways. The boy has arrived,” My mom sighed.

“Exactly what I expected of a man.” The she-hulk chuckled. “Freezes up at the first sign of danger, typical.”

I growled under my breath, but she wasn’t wong. I froze up, I was petrified by that thing. I looked over at the elves, all of them joining in on the laughter. I quickly looked away from them and down to the ground.

The Valhalla! It’s gone!

“That’s exactly why I want to get this over with already, my son’s not like you.” My dad chimed in.

“It’s only natural, men are the weaker species.” The she hulk spoke.

“And I didn’t miss you, Ms.Feminist of the year! My son may not be up to snuff, but don’t you dare look down on me!” My dad yelled back at her.

The minotaur was roaring in the background, as the elves so casually walked over to it. Like it wasn’t some massive beast of destruction. I noticed one of the elves, wasn’t an elf. But some scared regular brown haired girl, we caught each other’s eyes for a moment. There was no mistaking it. Those emerald green eyes, it was just like when I saw my mom. That had to be my sister.

“Don’t stare too much, you’ll catch his weird.” An elf told my sister.

My sister looked away from me quickly, and I looked back to my dad.

I had another sister, that just really opened my eyes. As much of a dick everyone here was, this was family. Another side I’d never been able to see. As much as I didn’t want to be here, I wanted to know more. There’s just so much I don’t know.

“Dad, what if I want to learn more about this side? I’d nev-”

“No! Absolutely not!” he roared back at me.

“Dad! Please hear me out-”

He marched up to me, and looked me dead in my eyes. I swear I could see a vein about to pop on his forehead.

“Your not good enough to survive out here Eden! You’re a nerd who sits and wastes his life playing video games! You have no place here.” He yelled, moving in inches from my face.

“That goes without saying, I did name him Arbuscula after all. He was never fit to be an Adventurer, or a Ranger.” My mom sighed and stepped toward the she-hulk. “Now that the show is over, let’s give the little bush the mark and send him away.”

“His claim name was Arbuscula!?” The she-hulk began to laugh.

Which sparked the fire of laughter that swept over the crowd, elves, Amazonian, Guardian of Nature! Every being around was laughing at me.

This, this was the lowest I’ve ever felt in my life. Even in a stupid magical family! I’m nothing but a joke! I’m always the one left out! Aden and Elle my friends, even with them I wasn’t even good enough for the truth! I bet there laughing at me right now too. And my dad, the hell am I to him! Some project!? He didn’t even look in my direction as I was about to get swiped by that beast!

Every thought in my mind vanished, the laughter filled my head, my thoughts. This rage began to fill up inside me, like an uncontrollable fire. I was shaking, I couldn’t hold myself steady. My heart was racing, it felt like I was gonna explode.

I was tired of it, I was tired of all of it. I clenched my fist and looked up at everyone’s faces. I stared at my mom, then to my dad. Then at all the elves who were chuckling at me. I don’t care about them, not a single one of them.

“Shut the hell up!” I yelled as loud as my lungs could go.

Which managed to hush the crowd.

“Who do you thin-” My dad started, but stopped as soon as he looked into my eyes.

“No! You shut up before I kick in your bad knee! I’m not taking another word from any of you!” I roared out to the crowd.

But my Amazonian sister just snickered.

“Aww did little short bush get mad?” She teased with a sly smirk.

“Say what you want! Think what you want! I’m not taking any crap from some huge gerudo freak! I’m gonna become an Adventurer! I’” I yelled back.

“Then prove it! If you can put down that beast over there! I’ll take back what I said!” She chimed in with a smirk.

“Eden what do you thin-!” My dad started but I stopped him immediately.

“I don’t care about what you think old man!” I yelled back. “I’m not gonna be your Darth Vader Palpatine! Your on sis!”

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