A Journey of Fajro

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Stalling

Illian

“I have never seen you turned on and terrified at the same time, Illian.” I could tell Fahdon was trying very hard not to laugh at me for reading her wrong. I walked over to the bench she had been sitting on and gingerly sat down. I wanted to make sure she did not damage any of that particular anatomy.

“Fahdon what did I do wrong! God she is so frustrating… I mean one minute we are connecting and on the same side. The next she grabs me by the balls and threatens me! What am I supposed to do?” I buried my face in my hands. It was like getting constant whiplash. I want to rip her clothes off then in the next moment she makes me want to bend her over my knee and spank her. I was losing my mind. I felt like there should have been a book written about how to deal with women.

“You really don’t understand do you?” I looked at Fahdon to see him staring at me. He made me feel like I was the only person in the world who did not understand women.

“You need to explain this, I’m at a loss. She is a conundrum. I just don’t know what I am doing when it comes to her.” I looked down at the ground. I know I looked frustrated and sad but I truly didn’t feel like I was doing anything right. Fahdon came closer to me, feeling my distress.

“It’s not only you, she is confused as well. You have to think of it from her point of view. She has been raised to only rely on herself and deny any and all emotion. She has never had a healthy relationship. She also had to live in a society where it was illegal to show any emotion. So she is emotionally handicaped and damaged. You have only had me and your mother to deal with so you’re not any more capable than her. You both need to take it slow and open yourselves to change. It is going to be difficult but you guys will make it!” Fahdon smiled at me knowing that anything he said right now would help. I did listen to him. It was just so hard to take in.

What was I supposed to do with this hard headed independent woman? Was I supposed to break her and make her submit to me? Am I supposed to submit to her? Knowing who and what I am, would make it nearly impossible for me to submit to her. I sighed deeply trying to come to terms with the fact that I could not answer all of the questions in my head.

“Illian…” Fahdon said with a stern tone in his voice. The one he used on me when he was about to teach me something important. I looked at the little guy that has been everything to me. “What would you need if you were her? What would you need to be able to trust someone again? What would be the one thing that would make you believe someone?” I looked at him in complete astonishment. He wanted me to submit completely. To allow her to have full control over me!

“Fahdon you do understand what that means… right?” I knew he did. The look on his face said he was absolutely sure. I picked him up and hugged him close to me. “I don’t think I could lose you like that though.” I buried my face into his back.

“I have absolute faith in both of you! I know that you can do what needs to be done for her. I also know this is what you need as well. You have spent most of your life in control of everything. You need to learn to let go and to be more of your element. The element fire is not cold.” He rubbed his head on the top of mine while I shoved my face harder into his back trying to hold back emotions. “Illian fire is sensual, warm, and passionate. I know you are loyal and you can be kind. You show some of the traits you need for the fire. The thing is that you need all of them to truly understand who you are. To comprehend that you will be able to wield the power that lays within your heart.”

I don’t know how long we sat there for. It was difficult to part when the moment came to do what Fahdon had suggested. The difficult part was, what he was talking about could get one if not both of us killed.

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