Former Congressman

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“We love you, Rooney! Rooney! Rooney! Rooney.....”

An enthusiastic crowd of youngsters kept chanting, as Rooney signed autographs on their shirts, caps and hats. He was all smiles, as he shook hands with admirers of his exploits in Arsenal football club, who could not just have enough of him.

“We love you! You’re good! Rooney the world’s best! Rooney the greatest! Rooney! Rooney! Rooney! Rooney...” The chants and cheers gaining increasing crescendo, several outstretched hands, reaching out to touch him all over.

Rooney soon had enough. He left the ecstatic crowd. No sooner than he did this that a look of dejection dawned on his face, which he did not want his fans to observe at all. His teeming fans for sure, thought he was the happiest guy on earth, for his growing celebrity status and five star performances in the premier league. How wrong they all were, for Rooney, the apple of their eyes, was lacking complete joy. He was in deep thought, sauntering, when a young woman of Asian descent came along. She was in fact from Malaysia—a pretty young woman from Malaysia, the land of young pretty virgins. The Malaysian embodiment of beauty got mesmerised on sighting Rooney. She could not be thrilled more. She had to stop.

“Oh! It’s you!” She exclaimed and offered an attractive smile. This, Rooney ignored, and kept sauntering and thinking.

“Oh . . . my god. Rooney....!” The Malaysian beauty screamed. “I want to give you my number please. Please I want your number. I will call you, and it wouldn’t be bad at all if you give me a call, Rooney....”

Rooney still ignored her. “What about an autograph?” She said again. Rooney stopped, and turned to the Malaysian beauty, forcing a little smile to stay on his face.

“Where do you want it?” Rooney asked.

The Malaysian became full of wider smiles, and was reaching out for one of her delicate assets. Her boobs, even her ass, as big as that of a famous Hollywood actress and singer of Puerto Rican descent, ass one could set glasses on.

“No! No you are not about to do that,” said Rooney at once.

“Fine. What about my thighs? I need a tattoo of your six feet long penis on them.”

“What? I’m not a tattoo artist, and my thing is not up to six feet in length.”

“Don’t you get it? I can play with it in my mouth as long as you’re willing to pay for the fun.”

“Why would you want to do that?”

“You’re a star with all the money to throw around. That’s what I do for a living. And that would be five hundred bucks an hour for rich and famous folks like you. Very cheap rate, isn’t it?”

“I don’t have time for this!”

“So when do I start to work? Now would be great!”

Angered a little, Rooney began to walk away, leaving the woman, stunned with neglect.

“Crazy fan,” Rooney murmured as he walked away.

“What is wrong with you?” The Malaysian screamed at the departing Rooney. “You didn’t even ask me my name! I’m sure you will start missing all the fun I can bring to your life sooner or later!”

“What I’m missing is complete joy.”

“Oh . . . . Rooney! My name is Joy! Please make me your joy . . . . .”

Dale began to be revealed, as Rooney and the Malaysian faded off gradually. Dale was inside his new home, which now became very clear, as Rooney and the Malaysian got completely diminished. His new home was quite huge and lavishly furnished. Dale delighted in a new black tuxedo he had put on, which showed evidence of his enhanced financial standing. His new home was also home to a number of cats who now kept him company most of the time. These cats were so free to do whatever they liked. They were fully at liberty to have a good time as much as they possibly could. There was a day Dale got a call from nature. The call was so urgent that he had to do a race to the toilet at the speed of Carl Lewis and Michael Johnson in their prime, put together. He yanked open the toilet door, only to see one of his cats, Twinkle by name, on the bowl, doing what he had come to do. Twinkle was not pleased at all, that Dale never knocked, that he just barged in like a mad bull. Bad human manners, Twinkle thought, as Dale urinated on his pants.

In Dale’s right hand was a glass, and in his left hand, a bottle of scotch. His life had now come to the point that he had plenty of goodies to enjoy. He roared in laughter quite loud, and began to hum a song. He soon began to sing and dance to the same song, which he managed to compose for his new status.

I think you’re truly and simply special

You’re what my yearnings are really made of

I’m so into you and only you

Dale stopped dancing and singing. He let go of another thunderous laughter.

“Oh . . . dear.... Oh . . . dear. Once there is a will, there is a way. What’s missing? I can’t see it. Just nothing! What’s better than money? I didn’t say that. James Hadley Chase did, in one of his many novels.”

More roars in laughter came again from Dale.

“And who can say staying in the game isn’t the easiest way to riches?”

Dale took a look at his new tuxedo, around his new home, out of pride, and laughed again.

“Look at me. See how I’ve been transformed. Oh....... my grass to grace tale will surely make tabloids sell unprecedented number of copies worldwide.”

More laughter erupted. “What else can I desire? Nothing! I earn and live like many of the premier league footballers. And I’m outstanding because I don’t even have to kick and chase a ball around for my bank account to be obese. No referee giving any yellow card or the dreaded red.”

More thunderous laughter came from Dale. “Come on, my soul,” He yelled. “Drink and merry!” Dale drank from his glass, and sat down with an air of royalty. He continued to drink.

Dale, and the interior of his new home, began to fade, as a voice came on.

“I deserve to know.”

It was Katy who was now being revealed, that talked. She soon appeared clearly on her knees, and in tears, beside John, who got shown, standing beside her, looking away with indifference, the drinking Dale now faded off completely.

“No you don’t!” John said in response to Katy’s earlier remark.

“You owe me that revelation.”

“It’s none of your business!”

“You love me, John.”

John turned to Katy.

“Hey!” He screamed. “Point of correction! I was in love with you.”


Katy stopped sobbing, got to her feet while wiping her tears away. “I accept,” she further said, and showed John her left fingers. “As you can see,” she continued. “I no longer have your ring. But, John, can I at least know the woman who has stolen your heart from me?”

“I’m not sure you want to know.”

“I do.”

“And I must say that you not having my ring again is actually great.”

Katy pleaded, pleading her heart out.

“Please I need to know. Please, John. That way my soul will find rest. Please . . . .”

“Fine, Katy. Your persistence is paying off now. Will it interest you to know she’s pregnant?”

Katy was shocked beyond the level she could bear. She broke down in tears at once.

“So, John, you’ve been doing it with her,” she said as she sobbed. “John, we have had interesting sex. Why . . .?”

“That is not important now. What matters is that you do need her name, don’t you?”

Katy was very curious now.

“Who’s she?” She demanded with a frightening unsatisfied drive that even shone like a million stars in her moisture laden eyes.

“You really want to know?” John asked and looked away.

“Who’s she?”

“You really want to know?”

“What’s her name?”

“Very well,” John’s terse reply came. “And today I let this cat out of the bag with a proud heart.” He turned to Katy again for the cat to actually leave the bag. “It’s Jane.”

It was as if time stood still the moment John made this revelation. The name Jane knocked Katy into the only solace she could have around. And that was the one silence offered. She battled with different thoughts in her crowded mind, to understand exactly whom John had called Jane.

“Please who’s Jane?” She resumed her demand. “Who’s Jane?”

“Who’s Jane? Don’t you know? Katy, you really think I can afford to spend all day here talking about this? You made me know Jane. Now you’re asking me which Jane.”

“My own Jane?”

“I’m a very busy man, please. Excuse me.”

John exited at once without taking another look at Katy.

“My Jane?” Katy continued with her hands strapped to her chest. Shock, which the complete revelation had brought, seemed to have knocked off her propensity to go on sobbing. But her heart got heavier, as feelings of huge disappointment and immense personal loss hit her.

“Jane . . . Oh no . . . Jane,” She managed to let go, her heart in broken shreds. She had never been so let down. Her mouth was wide agape, before she collapsed on the floor.

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