I fought the rapid beating of my heart as I push through the door.
Goddess, I hate this school. I hate my life.
I look at all these people that walk by and I feel jealous and angry. None of these people know real pain. None of them know what it’s like to leave their homes because their lives were in danger. None of them left the only family they had to protect them.
I was only 15.
While these people played soccer in the fields with their friends or went to the movies or shopping centres, parties, I was carrying my half-dead sister across the country. I was alone for weeks as Zia healed. Alone to bear the pain of what happened. Then I bore it again when she didn’t remember what happened after.
When they were 15, they sat down for a nice home-cooked meal every night. When I was 15, I was dumpster diving for some sort of food to keep us going. They were healthy while we were starved and malnourished.
When they were 16, they were growing up. They were having fun and living their lives. When I was 16, I was fighting off grown males to stop them from killing me and raping my sister. When they were 16, they got to sleep in a bed every night. We didn’t get that luxury. We spent every night in our wolf forms because our frail human bodies couldn’t survive anymore. Our wolves could hunt for us, they could protect us when we were too weak to.
So yes, I hate this school because I hate them.
I hate all these pack wolves. They don’t know what it’s like living with luxury. So, it kills me that they already want to take my one chance of happiness away because it makes them feel uncomfortable. I don’t give a fuck what scent I give off when I see my mate or he to me, because he’s my gift.
He’s the one thing I allow myself to have.
I won’t let other people decided what I can and can’t have.
Taking my own advice, I turn to go back to my mate when I crash into someone. But it wasn’t someone, it was him, my mate.
“K..Keiran?” It was my turn to be nervous. He looked sad and worried.
“How long have you been standing there?” I ask nervously as I cross my arms against my chest.
“I uh..when you left I followed you out. I found you standing here just watching. I..I know this will sound stupid but when I got close to you I could almost feel what you were feeling. We’re not marked yet but I could feel how sad and defeated you felt.” He said quietly.
He said yet.
I breathe in his reassuring sent.
I can’t do this anymore.
I close the gap between us. I let my head rest against his shoulder as I hold him tight. When his arms encase me in a hug, I lose it. I cry the silent tears I never got to shed. I cried for the pain I felt from leaving my family, my pack. I cried for the pain my sister felt and the pain I caused her. I cried for the boy I once was, and I cried for myself. I cried for the life I never got to live.
I don’t know how long we stood there holding each other in the empty hallway. People had gone back to class after the first break. But I didn’t want to let him go. He was so strong. He didn’t say anything, he just stood there and held me while I let my heart hurt. For once someone was strong for me. I wasn’t the rock holding anyone up anymore. The one bottling my feelings so that I could be strong and focus on protecting. But he was.
Goddess, I already love him.
I wish he could feel what this moment means to me. I wish I could mark him and let him know how grateful I am that he was chosen to be my mate. That he’s the one I get to spend the rest of my life with.
But I can’t.
I can’t be happy until Zia is.
I took her life away from her once, I can’t do that again by showing her a love and bond I know she’s always wanted.
I can’t be with my mate until she accepts hers.
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