A Little Secret

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Being An Adult Sucks Ass

Chapter 26: Being an Adult Sucks Ass


“I can’t believe this was the last day of finals.” Liz exclaimed as we walked side by side down the side walk from the school.

“It’s hard the believe isn’t it?” I smiled softly as I walked with my hands in my pockets. The only things that I brought to school with me were my cell phone, a pen, and a pencil.

“So you keep avoiding my question but are you going to go to college?” Liz has been pestering for an answer about this since we started our senior year. I’ve been finding every way possible to ignore the question.

“No, I’m not.” I answered looking at the houses as we walked by them.

“Why not? Didn’t you get a bunch of swimming scholarships? You did amazing and made it all the way to nationals this year.” Liz reminded me.

“I don’t know really…I guess I just feel like I can’t handle being a key-holder at work and also trying to juggle school work and sports. Besides I already have an apartment lined up to move into a few weeks after graduation anyways.” Sighing and not looking at her as I finally broke down and told her why I wasn’t going to college. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go. I would love to go and I would love to go onto the Olympics for swimming, but I don’t want to let my coworkers down and I already was planning on getting this apartment before I even received my first scholarship.

Liz sighed, which made me look back at her. She has her hands behind her back and playing with the ends of her hair. It’s grown out quite a bit throughout the year. It’s down to the middle of her back now. She has it up in a high ponytail. “What’s the sigh for?” I asked raising an eyebrow.

“What happened to going to the Olympics? You’re just giving up on your dream just like that?” Of course she’s upset with my answer. At the beginning of the school year while we were working on our first big English papers of the year we spent hours together when I didn’t have soccer practice or a soccer game. I’m just surprised that I even made it onto the team. I didn’t think that I was all that good. The coach said that I have a lot of speed and he stuck me as center forward. Though, I feel like Andy pulled a few strings to get me on the team. I know for a fact that a fair bit of the members on the soccer team didn’t really like me. I was there because Andy wanted me to play on the soccer team with him. The only answer I could weasel out of him was that he wanted to see how fast and long I could really run. That’s a fucking piss pour excuse if you ask me. But, I don’t think that I’ll ever get the real answer out of him.

“Sometimes things change…” I mumbled.

“You’ve lived a rough enough life and you’re only eighteen. Can’t you give yourself some credit and strive towards what you want?” Liz’s words stung…how can I strive for what I want when I don’t really know what I want? Thankfully we were coming up to the street I had to turn down to head to the Carlson’s.

“I never said that I was going to stop swimming. Unless your upset because I got a scholarship to the same school you’re going to and you wanted me to go with you.” I smirked teasing her a bit. She’s going to go to school for History, I think or mythology? I have no idea, I know she’s huge on fairy tales and legends.

“I’m just scared.” She said so quietly I almost didn’t catch it, “You make me feel like I can make it through things easily.” We had stopped walking at the street that I have to turn down. I stared down at her, my eyes opened slightly wider in shock. She’s comfortable around me?

I put a hand on her head and softened my expression so I was smiling down at her, “You’re stronger than you think. You’re a very beautiful girl and smart on top of it. You don’t need to be drug down from being scared. Hold your head up high and don’t look back. You know what you want so go for your dreams.” She looked up at me her expression was a mixture of admiration surprise. Liz has really grown much since our sophomore year. She’s still 5’4”. I hit 6’3” towards the end of the school year last year apparently. I found that out when I had to get my physical for sports.

Tears formed at the corners of her eyes and I moved my hand from the top of her head to just under her eyes and wiped away her tears, “I’ll see you later alright. If I don’t get going I’m going to be late for work.” I smiled at her before letting me hand slip back into my pocket and I started walking down the road.

“You didn’t get scheduled for work during grad rehearsal did you?” She called after me.

“No, I didn’t, don’t worry I’ll be there. I’ll make sure no one calls me in to cover for them either.” I replied not looking back at her, but I still brought my hand out of my pocket again and waved as I continued to walk.

“YOU BETTER KEEP THAT PROMISE,” She kept raising her voice the further I walked down the road.

“I WILL,” I laughed.

I want to be like every normal kid that’s graduating with me. I want to go to college. Nick is going to a top end college on a football scholarship, Sam’s going into the army, I have no idea what Andy’s doing, I think he told me that he already had a job lined up to start once we graduate, and Liz received a fuck ton of scholarships for being the valedictorian of our class. But I don’t know…I don’t know…ever since Sasuke left…I feel like somethings missing. I feel so out of place, like I don’t belong.

“Hey Sean, are you alright?” I didn’t realize that I’ve already made it to the Carlson’s house. Mrs. Carlson was home, her and Lily were outside. Lily ran over to me with her ball. Squatting down so I was closer to her level she dropped her ball and hugged me.

“Sean!” I smiled and hugged her back.

“We’re you being good for mommy?” I asked her as she slapped her hands against my chest and pushed herself out of my hug.

“Play with me!” She said and grabbed her ball again and handed it to me. I tossed it and she went to go and get it.

“I just have a lot on my mind.” I sighed standing back up as Lily kicked the ball back. I played with it like it was a soccer ball before kicking it back to her.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked.

“Have you ever hit a part of your life that you feel like you’re missing apart of yourself and that you’re just going through the motions?” I questioned kicking the ball back once more. Lily was laughing happily as we just kicked the ball back and forth to each other.

“When I graduated college I had that feeling,” She answered. “I felt like that for a few years, but once I met Steve it was like he filled that void, now we’re married and have Lily.” Her smile was soft like she was basking in the memories.

“Seaaaannn,” Lily said and I looked over at her confused. She was doing this stupid thing with her arms like she was motioning for me to come, but her cheeks were puffed out, “Hurry up, kick the ball.” I looked down at my feet to see that ball resting just a few inches away from my feet.

“Oh, sorry Lily,” I apologized and kicked the ball once more to her.

“What I’m saying is you’ll get out of it. You’ll find where you belong at some point, you just need to keep going.” Mrs. Carlson smiled and then looked at her watch, “Were you going to take a shower before you go to work? You have about an hour before you have to go.”

“Na, I’m not really sweaty considering that I haven’t ran today or anything so I’ll be fine,” I responded kicking the ball back again.

“Lily did you want to go in and help me make cookies?” Mrs. Carlson asked her daughter.

“Yes mommy!!” Lily exclaimed running over to us and leaving her ball behind.

I chuckled and went and picked up the ball as they went in. The time passed by quick and as Lily was munching on a warm chocolate chip cookie I was getting on my shoes and heading out the door, “Be good for mommy and don’t give her trouble going to bed.” I warned opening the door.

Her response was muffled by the cookie that was making her cheeks look like she was a chipmunk. I can’t believe she turned three a week after I graduate. I had my usual in my backpack and I walked to work. I got there about ten minutes early and was able to set everything down in the backroom before going and clocking in. My co-workers congratulated me for making through my finals and that I’m graduating. It’s been a rough road, but I’m glad that I’ve made it through the first steps of trying to figure out what I need to do with my life. Gotta start somewhere.

Before I know it it’s only a few hours before the graduation ceremony. I finished buttoning up my pale blue shirt. I’m so nervous, I don’t realize that I’m picking at my lower lip till I peel off a thin layer of skin from my lip. Fuck, now I have to rip it off. It hurt a bit and now my lips bleeding. That was so fucking stupid, and I want to live on my own? I can’t even stop myself from picking at my lips like a child.

I go into the bathroom and grab a wash cloth, dampen it and press it against my lower lip to stop the bleeding. “Everything alright?” Mr. Carlson asked.

“Yeah, I just picked at my lip and made it bleed again.” I sighed pulling the cloth off my mouth to see if it was still bleeding.

“Your nervous aren’t you?” He knows that I only do that when I’m nervous. It’s a bad habit really. I’ve been doing it since I was little.

“A little bit,” I answered dabbing my lip a few more times just to make sure it stopped before rinsing the wash cloth out.

“It’ll turn into excitement. I remember being the same way when I graduated high school,” Mr. Carlson tried to comfort me.

“I’m sure I’ll be just fine, I don’t have to get up and make any speeches, so I just have to sit there.” I chuckled.

“You won a few awards though,” Mr. Carlson reminded me.

“Fuck…true…I completely forgot about that.” I shrugged and dried off my hands, “I don’t have to make a speech though.” I looked over at him as he stood in the doorway, “You know you and Mrs. Carlson don’t have to come to this if you don’t want to. It’s going to be really boring.”

“We want to come,” Mr. Carlson dug into his pocket and pulled out a new chap stick and handed it to me.

“Thank you,” I took the chap stick from him and opened it up, “You two have done more for me than you had to.”

“It’s only right. No one should be treated like shit. And you know that you can come back whenever and we’ll always welcome you back with open arms,” He patted my back and then moved so I could get out of the bathroom. “You have everything right?” He asked.

I nodded going back to my room and grabbing my cap and gowned. “I’m going to walk to school so you guys can get there later.” I told him.

“We don’t mind driving you,” Mr. Carlson rose an eyebrow at me.

“It’s okay, I want to walk.” I smiled setting my stuff down and getting on my dress shoes. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

I grabbed my cap and gowned and headed out. It’s warm outside wearing a long sleeve shirt. I button it back down and let my shirt drop to my elbows so my biceps were exposed to the light breeze. I didn’t want to start sweating right now. It’s going to get hot up on the stage as it is. I don’t need to be sweat before it even starts. Not that anyone would see it because of the gowned, but yeah.

The ceremony didn’t take as long as I thought it was going to. I was the last one to receive my diploma because of my last name. Of course, the class was small. I think there was only sixty of us graduating. It was almost like we were in and out, though that in and out was two hours long. There were parents crying, classmates crying. Everyone hugging each other. Friends taking photos. Liz’s parents made us take lots of photo’s together and same with Clary’s parents. Nick, Sam, and Andy practically tackled me and drug me away from Mr. and Mrs. Carlson to take pictures with them. We were all happy and having a good time. We were all finally over this little bump in life. We don’t know what awaits any of us down the road, but we’ll see what happens.

Mr. and Mrs. Carlson surprised me with making me and Lily out to dinner considering that I kept stressing to them that I didn’t want a grad party so instead they took me out. They didn’t have to and I kept telling them that, but they didn’t care and were happy for me that I graduated. All of the following week went by as a blur really. I was just running and packing. Then there was Lily’s birthday party. A lot of their relatives came over for the party. Lily got a lot of really neat toys and I at some point got her a small soccer ball and a rubber ducky. She has a small army of them in her room. I picked one up whenever I found one that she didn’t have.

The next day I was moving into my own apartment. It was a one-bedroom apartment, small kitchen, a living room, bedroom, small hallway. Simple and just fine for me. I didn’t need much. I only went to Liz’s grad party. I only stayed for a couple of hours though. I was tired from work. I picked up a second job at the library. Between the sports store and the library, I somehow found time to teach Lily how to swim and babysit for Mr. and Mrs. Carlson when they needed me to. I don’t know how I still function or even how I am able to get a run in at least three times a week.

Today I have a day off from everything. I’m sprawled out on top of my bed, Spirit Weapons and the Spirit Realm loomed above my head in my hand as I start the book over because I lost my bookmark at some point and just haven’t had a chance to pick it up again to figure out where I left off. I’ve at least finished this book once so that’s a plus. I didn’t know there was such a thing called a spirit realm and that there whatever this Amoura place is, and here forms a triangle with each other where it’s really easy for spirits to travel between the three realms. I guess the elemental lore is an elemental caught a spirit and the deal for being let go was the spirit taught the elemental how to create portals to travel between earth and the spirit realm.

My hair was past my shoulders and everywhere. I haven’t had a chance to cut my hair. If I didn’t have my bangs up in a clip constantly they would literally give me an emo look. Sighing I tap the top of the book to my forehead, “Go get a haircut or lay here and read…I still have to take a shower form my run too,” Looking over at my alarm clock it’s only 9:30 in the morning. I’ve been up since six. I can’t sleep in no matter how hard I try or how late I stay up. Not that I stay up late to begin with.

“Okay,” I sat up and let the book and my hand fall to my lap. “Take a shower, go get haircut, come back eat something and read more.” I have a plan, now I just gotta get up and do it. Dragging my feet off the bed and onto the wooden floor I found a blank index card to hold my place in the book and then went and took a shower. When I have a set amount of things I want to get done I don’t really spend a whole lot of time in the shower. So I was pretty much in and out in ten minutes. Got dressed and brushed my teeth. I had to do a little shopping too. And I just paid my bills. “Being an adult sucks ass,” Groaning to myself as I grab my wallet and key then head out locking the door behind me.

It’s so hot outside…I just walked out of the apartment and I’m already sweating. This is fucking insane. I don’t think it’s been this hot before. I guess it’s why people call it the dog days of summer. We are in august after all. Thank fucking god that my apartment has central air so it actually feels nice in there and I’m not dying. Now I’m glad I don’t live that far outside of town. And the hair salon that I’ve always gone to isn’t that far away either. It was air conditioned in the salon thankfully. I did my normal and got my hair back to the way it used to be. Maybe next time I’ll go for a change. Right now though I don’t think I need any more changes. I went a bit further into town just to pick up some stuff for dinner. Chicken fajitas sound good for tonight, considering that I just walked past the meat section and spotted the chicken. Just need to get some lettuce, and a tomato as well. I can get a tomato from the veggie stand that’s on the way home. They should be open when I walk past again. Lettuce is out of season for the stand so I’ll have to get it here. That’s not that big of a deal even though I would rather support the stand. Maybe I’ll get some blueberries while I’m there too. I haven’t had those in a while.

After getting everything I made my way home I put the lettuce and poultry in the fridge, left the tomato on the counter then went to my room, grabbed my book, and went back out into the living room and flopped down on the couch. I don’t own a television. I do have a laptop and internet though. I’ve been binge watching some anime on Netflix. I don’t care what others think I think that anime is really cool. I’ve also accidently impulse bought some manga. I have a small stack of four different series in my room and a couple of the light novel series in there. It gives me something else to read other than just this one. My laptop is always out on the coffee table. It’s the spare one that Mr. and Mrs. Carlson had in a storage unit. Actually other than my bed all of this was in their storage unit. They were more than happy to give it to me. I refused to take it till them let me set up a payment plan with them so I could pay them back for all the furniture. I have about one-thousand left to pay back to them then I’ll be paid off.

The quite in the apartment was calming, yet at the same time I still don’t really like it. It reminds me that I’m alone…it sucks. I opened the book where I left off and just laid it on top of my face. It still has that slight old book smell to it. Though I don’t really notice it anymore from having it for so long. I wonder if elementals are the only ones who can see spirits…I know there are mediums in the worlds that can communicate with the dead but…I feel like these spirits are different. These aren’t souls of the dearly departed. These are spirit animals and nymph’s things of fairy tales and fantasy novels. I just have a feeling that this stuff is real. Considering that Elementals are real there’s no denying that stuff like spirit animals and other fantasy creatures exist.

A knock on the apartment door broke me out of my thoughts. Sighing I pulled the book off of my face and closed it. Setting it down on the coffee table the person who was at my door knocked again. “I’m coming, I’m coming.” I grumbled walking over to the door and opening it up.

“Hey there Sean!” It was Andrew…son of a bitch…I was really hoping that I wouldn’t have to see him again for a long time after high school.

“Hey…Andy.” I answered with a bored expression. He looks sure as hell happy to see me but I wasn’t all that thrilled to see him.

“Are ya busy?” He asked looking up at me a bit. Andy is a bit shorter than I am. It’s around 5’11”. Oh he was not happy in the slightest when school started again after the small winter break and I was even taller than the inch that I had on him already.

“Not really, why?” I asked him. The apartment complex that I lived in was on the second floor to a two story complex. The doors opened up to a long balcony and at each end there was a staircase. It beat having to be buzzed if someone wanted to visit that’s for damn sure.

“Wanna hang for a bit?” He asked looking past me to look into the apartment.

“Come in.” I sighed a bit and moved out of the way for him to walk in. I closed the door behind him and instantly went over to the coffee table and picked up my book and took it back to the room.

“This is a nice little place ya got here Sean.” Andy complemented from the living room.

“It’s not bad considering that it’s just me here. It works.” I answered simply walking back out, “Did you want anything to drink? I have pop, ice tea, and water.”

“Fuck man you’re not fun, where’s the booz?” Andy chuckled, I’m assuming that he’s trying to be funny but, it was more annoying than anything. I looked at him with a dead pan face.

“You’re getting pop.” I said and walked into the kitchen and grabbed a ginger ale and a sprite before walking back into the living room.

“Come on Sean I’m just jokin’ with ya. I know ya don’t like drinkin’.” Andy took the sprite from my and cracked it open.

“Besides we’re underage anyways. I’m not going to get in trouble for having alcohol in the house. My land lord likes me and I’d rather stay on good terms with her.” I explained sitting on the other end of the couch and opening up my ginger ale, “So why did you come by? I don’t remember telling you my address.” I stated matter of factly. The only person that I told my new address to other than Mr. and Mrs. Carlson was Liz.

“I just asked around, I wanted to hang out and fix our friendship. Ya know like start over an’ what not.” He responded before taking a swig of the sprite.

It’s gotta be because he’s lonely. Sam’s already gone to boot camp and Nick I know had to leave early because of conditioning before the season and college starts. Liz will be going to school in about a week. That’s what she told me a few days ago when we were texting.

“So what do ya say? Wanna start over?”

“That depends are ya gonna try and use me and be an absolute fucking ass? Or are you actually going to respect me?” I said bluntly and he seemed a bit taken back by it.

“Of course I’ll respect ya,” He responded with a smile. I don’t trust that fucking smile.

“Whatever,” I sighed, “We’ll give it a shot.” I said and took a drink of my ginger ale.

It fell quiet between the two of us for a few minutes and Andy broke the silence between us, “So remember when I told ya about that job offer I got back in high school?”


“Well it’s fucking awesome! I don’t know if ya’ll believe me but the job focuses on finding fairy tale creatures.”

I almost spit out my drink with that comment. I swallowed and coughed pounding my fist against my chest a couple of times, “What?”

“Ya heard me. This group is a huge organization that focuses on going after things that are within fairy tales.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle as I wiped my mouth, “You’re shitting me Andy. I’ve never heard of anything like that in my life.”

“It’s the truth though. They go after everything from dragons to mermaids,” He set his pop on the coffee table and leaned against the arm of the couch and placed his cheek on his fist and looked at me, “That includes elementals as well.”

My heart started to pound and it feels like a weight was just dropped on my gut, “Why?” I asked practically a whisper.

“Because these things do exist and they can be dangerous. Think of the group as a branch off of Area 51. Just with a wider range other than just aliens and UFO’s,” He smirked, he must of gotten the reaction from me that he was looking for…fuck. “I’m in the elemental branch of the organization. What I’ve been told it there are twelve different elements they can control.”

You’re wrong, there’s eighteen. And the only one who can control more than one element is a moon elemental. Mr. Kaisai told me that much. Both him and Sasuke are moon elementals. You’re a pathetic excuse for thinking you can hunt an elemental. “Really now?” I said with a bit of a cocky tone, “And I thought there were more element in the world than that.” I commented.

“Ya calling me a liar?” He rose an eyebrow at me.

I laughed and stood up, “Did those words ever come out of my mouth? No they didn’t. I’m not calling you anything. And to be honest if ya came here to try to see if I know anything you’re wasting your time and mine. If that’s your goal I suggest you just get out,” Walking out of the living room and into the kitchen I pulled a skillet out and the chicken.

“That’s not the point of me coming here.” I heard his voice from the kitchen. I washed my hands before getting a knife and cutting board and started cutting the chicken into chunks. “What er ya makin?”

“Chicken fajitas,” I answered simply not looking back at him. “I thought that you were coming here to want to try to be friends again.”

“That’s one of the reasons.” I finished cutting the chicken and turned on the stove to get it going.

“So what’s the other reason then?” Washing my hands and rinsing off the cutting board and knife then letting them rest in the skin. I then got out my second cutting board and got out the veggies so I could cut them up as well.

“Why did ya get out another cuttin’ board?”

“Because the bacteria from the chicken will get onto the veggies, which will cause someone to get sick. I work two jobs. I don’t have time to get sick. Will you please get to the point as to why else you’re here?”

“I told my boss about ya and he sounds interested in havin’ ya on the team. I didn’t realize how common the last name Zimmer was till we graduated. My bosses last name is Zimmer and there are a couple of other Zimmer’s in the apartments that I live.” I stopped what I was doing and gave him the most bored expression that I could possibly muster and just stared at him like a cat does, “What the fuck is that look for. Stop doin’ that it’s fucking creepy.”

“Like I give a fuck that I have a common last name,” I went back to finishing up the veggies and flipped the chicken chunks as the sizzled in the pan. “Like I just said I work two jobs. I don’t really want a third job.”

“Come on man. It’s a government job. Ya’ll get paid a lot more than what yer gettin’ paid from both yer jobs.”

“I’ll stick with my jobs,” I said in a monotone voice and placing the knife in the sink. “You can stay for food. I made more than enough.”

“Fine I’m not going to press the matter fer now, but I’ll keep tryin’. And don’t be surprised if my boss comes to see ya personally. He sounds quite interested. Though the fucker just randomly disappears for spans at a time. Not that I fuckin care, but tryin to get paper work done for in when he’s absent is a pain in the fuckin ass.” And now he’s ranting…of course he is…

“What are ya his secretary or something?” I chuckled now concentrating on finishing the chicken.

“He noticed that I’m good with paper work so kinda. But I do a fuck ton of other shit there too.”

Grabbing some of the seasonings that I owned I made the fajita mix that you would normally get in a packet in the store. “What does the guy like small details on things or something?”

“I have no clue.”

“Surprised that you’re not up his ass and around the corner already so sucking up to this guy.” I got out the taco shells and cheese from the fridge and set them on the counter and got out some plates.

“That stung.” I looked at him and shrugged.

“Karma’s a bitch and you’ve been like that with a fair bit of people.” I said, “Dinner’s done. You can go first.” I was taught that you always let the guest get their food first.

“Anyways, think about it will ya?” He grabbed a plate and opened up the bag of soft taco shells. “I’m tryin to help ya and get ya ta have a bit of a better life so yer not killin yourself.”

“Thanks for trying to look out for me, but I really don’t need it. I’ve been doing alright on my own.” That’s how it’s always been anyways.

He slapped me on the back, “Linvin room?”

“That’s fine, I don’t care. Just don’t get anything on the couch.” I answered and went and made my own fajita.

After that Andy and I just talked about random shit and by the time we noticed what time it was I just told him to spend the night and give him a spare pillow and blanket. He was respectable and didn’t go into my room, I’m surprised, I figured that he was going to start snooping around. Maybe he has turned over a new leaf. I don’t know though. I’ll keep walking on glass for now. He did give me his number though and wrote down his address if I ever wanted to come over and hang out at his place.

It feels like time is flying by. I don’t really have time to just relax with everything going on. The library on most days at least feels like a bit of down time. I’ve been mostly bringing my light novels and Manga to work to read when I’m stuck behind the counter to check out books for people. Before I know it the weather is getting colder and I can see my breath when I go for runs. I did pick up another job. It’s only for a short time though at the swimming club. One of the normal instructors had a family dilemma to deal with and asked me to fill in for him. I’ve been feeling even more tired than usual. On top of it I try to go and see the Carlson’s whenever I get a chance just to see how they are doing and to give them more of the payment towards the furniture.

I also got a call from Liz a few weeks ago and she told me she’s coming home for winter break and really wants to hang out. Even though it’s December it hasn’t started snowing yet. It’s weird really. Now I’m cleaning my apartment obnoxiously because she wants to hang out here for a bit after we go get coffee. I still don’t like coffee but I’m willing to go to hang out with a good friend.

As I was sweeping up the last bit of dirt and tossing it out there was a knock on my door. “It’s open.” I called out from the kitchen and I heard the door open.

“I’m here,” Liz called out and I head the door close. I put the broom and dustpan back in the little closet where I keep my cleaning supplies and then came out into the living room.

“Hey,” I smiled and walked over and gave her a hug. I lifted her off the floor in a tight hug making her laugh. “It’s good to see you.” I set her down.

“It’s good to see you too. You haven’t changed a bit!” She was still laughing and she brushed her hair out of her face. “How have you been? Your place is so nice and clean.”

“Ha, thanks, it wasn’t like that three hours ago I can tell ya that much,” I chuckled “Do you want anything to drink? I have hot coco, pop, tea bags, ice tea, and water.”

“I’m good thank you. We’re going out in a bit anyways.” She smiled taking off her flats and leaving them next to where I had my shoes. “It’s freezing outside.”

“You don’t want anything to warm you up and yet your complaining that it’s cold,” I mentioned walking over to my laptop and pausing the anime that I was listening to while I cleaned. It was Ouran High School Host Club. Figure that it was the easiest one to listen to while I clean considering that I’ve seen it a couple times already.

“Oh shush,” She waved me off and looked at the screen, “Oh!! I think I know this one! Don’t tell me I’ll get its name.” I stood there and watched her as she rubber her temples trying to remember the name of this anime. I didn’t think that she watched anime actually. Maybe her roommate or a friend in college introduced her to it. I know I sure as hell didn’t. “I can’t remember,” She pouted ashamed, it made me laugh a little.

“It’s Ouran High School Host Club. I find it hilarious. All the voice actors in it are amazing.” I said.

“You can keep watching it, I don’t mind.” She said as I closed my laptop.

“It’s okay, We’re supposed to be hanging out, not just sitting her and watching anime.” I smiled down at her. “Besides I need to charge it anyways,” picking up my laptop I took it to my room and set it on my dresser then plugged it in.

“Oh what’s this?” I didn’t notice Liz follow me into my room. Usually Lily is the only one that I’ll let just walk into my room. That’s when Mr. and Mrs. Carlson want some alone time so I have a sleep over with Lily. When I turned to look Liz was just standing in the door way and she was pointing at the book that was on my night stand.

“It’s just a book I’ve had for a few years,” I answered the back was facing up so she can’t see the title of the book.

“I’ve never seen it before. Is it any good?” She questioned crossing her arms under her chest.

“It’s mostly just an information book, nothing to exciting.” I shrugged and walked over to the door and she let me out of my room. “So what do you want to do today? Other than the initial plan to get coffee.”

“I wouldn’t mind checking out the swim club. I’ve been in the mood to go swimming lately,” She smiled at me. Well she did bring a bag with her.

“Oh that’s right you haven’t been there at all since it reopened. If you would like to go we can go do that I don’t mind,” I smiled back at her.

“Then let’s go on an adventure!” She said triumphantly.

“Let me grab my stuff and then we can head out,” Turning back around and wandering back into my bedroom I went into my dresser and got out my leggings and found my backpack and threw them in. “Did you bring a towel with you?” I asked bringing my bag out with me.

“Could I borrow on please?” She asked blushing a little. I’m assuming she was embarrassed about forgetting a towel.

“Don’t worry about it. That’s why I asked,” I said going into the bathroom and grabbing two towels. Shoving one in my bag I took the other out to her.

“Thank you,” She happily took it and put it in her never ending bag. I don’t know how women find anything in those bags of their in general, I mean seriously one day I swear one of them is just going to randomly pull out a bowling ball and think nothing of it.

After that I threw on my shoes and a jacket. Made sure I had my keys and wallet then we headed out. “Swimming club first of café first?”

“Swim club first, then after we can go to the café and get something to eat and drink,” I agreed to the plan and I took her to the swim club first.

“Oh wow the lobby looks so beautiful,” Liz inhaled and lightly slapped her hands against her rose red cheeks from us walking here.

I chuckled, “Wait till you see the pool and the pools heated too,”

“I’m so excited!” She exclaimed like a little kid given candy.

We go our separate ways into the different locker rooms I kept getting stopped and saying high to parents with the kids that I’ve taught, but I was finally able to make it into the locker room. I went to my usual locker and got changed then grabbed my towel and headed out. I Noticed that Liz was standing next to some of the chairs that were in here. She’s wearing a two-piece bathing suit and she has her hair tied up in a bun. The two piece covered everything and wasn’t very revealing. It does show that she’s very reserved and is respectable to others and not showing off everything.

“What took you so long?” She puffed out her cheeks like a child as I walked over and threw my towel on the same chair she set hers on.

“I do work here a few times a week so there are people who know me here. I kept getting stopped.” I answered sticking my tongue out at her like a child as well.

“Yeah, yeah,” She waved me off and wandered over to the pool. “You said it was heated right?”

“Yes ma’am,” I nodded wandering over to one of the blocks and getting on it. I got down like I was in a race and launched off into the water. When I surfaced I wiped my face off and slicked my hair back.

Liz got in slowly and I splashed her with water. She laughed and splashed me back. After goofing around I naturally went to just doing a few laps back and forth before just leaning against the wall with my arms propped up on the edge. Liz just floated around and grabbed stuff for kids when their floaties or kick boards would wander into the deep end. We stayed in till we both started to get pruned and then got out.

“The showers are nice here, I also suggest taking a shower to rinse off the chlorine,” I said drying off my hair.

“I was planning on it,” She said drying herself off and then wandering back into the girls locker room.

After I was pretty much dried off I went in the men locker room and went straight to the shower. I wanted to get as much of the chlorine out of my leggings and off my skin. Once I couldn’t smell it on myself I dried off once more and got changed back into my street clothes, wrapped my leggings in my towel and then tucked them back into my bag and wandered back out to the lobby. This time I was waiting for Liz.

“What took you so long?” I smirked and she pushed me but was still smiling.

“I have more hair then you do. It takes a while to dry,” She defended.

“I know, come on let’s go get something to eat. I’m getting hungry.” I said and we headed out to the café. The café that we were going to was a local one. We went there a few times together and will clary and a couple of their other friends during the senior year. It was a really nice, family owned café. Everyone who worked there were really nice.

I got my normal chicken Caesar wrap and an Italian soda. Liz got a cinnamon bun and a jasmine tea. We sat down at a table by the window and talked about random things. She was worried when I told her that I hang out with Andy every now and again. But I told her that he’s been very respectable and it seems that he’s had his ass kicked in the right direction with where he’s working. She sighed a bit in relief after I told her that. When we were finished I walked her back to her house and she kept bugging me to tell her about how work was going and to see if I could get her a summer job at the library. I told her I would try.

“Oh right, your towel,” She said as we stood in front of her door to her parent’s house. Her parents didn’t seem to be home.

“Thanks,” I smiled and took it from her. Taking my backpack off and putting in there I zipped it up and put it back on my back.

Before I could stand all the way back up Liz caught me off guard and grabbed my jacket and pulled me into a kiss. It was short and I was shocked, but…I didn’t feel anything. “I’m so sorry Liz,” I sighed and looked away from her. I took her hands in mine, “I’m sorry if you like me, I really don’t want to upset you, but…I’m honestly just not ready to be in a relationship. I don’t want to lose the friendship that we have.”

Liz smiled back up at me, I can tell it’s a sad smile, “Don’t worry about it Sean. I was just curious was all. I honestly didn’t feel anything when I kissed you, I was just curious.” I feel like half of that is a lie but I won’t push the matter.

“I’m really sorry Liz,” I apologized once more.

She pulled her hands out form mine and wrapped her arms around my waist and hugged me tight. “Don’t be sorry Sean. I’m happy with staying friends. Don’t beat yourself up over it please.”

I hugged her back, “I’ll try not to.”

After we broke the hug I said good bye once more and made sure that she was inside the house before I started my walk back to my apartment. It was a good half an hour walk back. I still feel terrible about it. Liz is such a sweet girl and an amazing friend. I’ve just never thought of her as someone I would date and someone I was good enough to date. I feel like she deserves a hell of a lot better than me. I felt something cold hit my nose and looked up snow… it was gently starting to fall. I wonder how they’re doing…is it winter for them too? Are they in Amoura…I wonder what it’s like… Sighing and watching my breath puff into the air before starting to walk again.

When I got home I took a shower to warm up, pulled my leggings and the towels out of my bag and hung them up in the bathroom and then just went right to bed. It’s been a long day. The days past though and life went on as normal. Liz and I would text every now and again. It was interesting when both Liz and Andy were over at the same time. I could feel the tension, Liz really doesn’t like him, in the slightest. Thankfully they didn’t get into a fight. Before I knew it Liz was heading back to school and it was the new year. I pray that this year lets me fucking sleep a bit more than last year did that’s for damn sure.

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