3: Something New
I was in heat. I had no clue it would be this painful, this horrible. First heat at nineteen? I was dumbfounded. I had heard we go through heat, but I had expected it to happen when I had hit puberty at a younger age. As I sat in the shower, the cold water feeling wonderful against my newfound heated body, I thought about all the times when Amanda would talk about seeing her mom go through heat after her father died. She said it never seemed so wonderful, and I believed her. She has been my best friend since birth, but our families where on different levels. She was the previous Betas daughter. Despite the passing of her father, her mother still retained a high standing in the pack, so they were always treated as if the Beta title sill applied to them. Being a year older than me, I thought she would have told me how horrible it all was. I was sure she had gone through this herself. I couldn’t understand why her mother had such a blissful experience yet mine was as if I was dying.
“Alright sweetie, I’m going to shut the water off and we will get you dried off and dressed into something comfortable, then into bed you go.” my mother’s soft tone was always a comfort when I needed it. Somehow it sounded like she understood what I was feeling. “You will be okay.” she said as she helped me up and out of the shower, the towel she wrapped around my body made me feel like I was sweating, like my skin was on fire. I grimaced.
“The towel hurts.”
“I know, but you cannot go around without something covering your body. Even though the door may be shut, there is an Alpha on the other side trying his damnedest to no come in here even though his body, and his wolf are craving you and yours.” her hand held my upper back as we took the few steps into my room. She gathered a pair of underwear for me from my drawer along with an oversized t-shirt I had that I used to sleep in during hot summers.
“Why does it feel like this? Why now? Shouldn’t I have gone through this already?” I said taking the clothes and slowly putting them on as the friction it caused made my skin feel like I wanted to tear it off my body. “Isn’t nineteen a little....” I paused for a moment. I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to finish my question, if I even wanted the answer. My mother let out a huge sigh, one I have never heard come from her before, she shook her head as she sat next to me on the edge of my bed.
“Demure is....” she scoffs. “Demure is cruel to us wolves in that way. Always being so conservative, private, gender segregated, it forces the body to stray from heat. You are to remain pure until you are mated, this is how Demure helps ensure this policy stands.” she took my hand and look at me with a sad soft look in her eyes. “Girls in Demure do not have their first heat until they find their mate, because of this, the prolonging of something natural, our first heat is painful, almost unbearable to some.” annoyance filled her voice as if she hated this part of our pack. I had never heard her speak negatively of our pack before. She was always about what Demure stood for, but in this moment, she seemed so unsure of things.
“So, you went through this too?” I said as I picked at the lose thread on the hem of the shirt.
“No.” she closed her eyes as she spoke. “I was not born into Demure Rubina.”
“What?” my voice in shock, but still quiet and maintaining respect.
“I came to Demure after I met your father. After we discovered we were mates, I immigrated to his pack. I went through my first heat like any normal teenage wolf would. Being as though I am the head Omega, I have helped many other girls through this, so I know you will be just fine.” she smiled softly her hand running over my hair to try and soothe me.
“What pack are you from then?” I glanced at her before looking back to the now pulled hem.
“Sapient.” a voice came from behind me. I turned to see Alpha Samuel leaning on my door frame, Alpha Xanthus and my father stood behind him by a few feet.
“Alpha Samuel,” my mother said bowing her head keeping her gaze lowered.
“Sophia was born and raised in Sapient until she was a bit older than you, twenty- three? If I am not mistaken.”
“That is correct Alpha” my mother replied.
“She had such promise in her pack, my father used to tell me stories about her pure joy for learning and how intelligent she was.”
“Please do not over complement me Alpha. I was not as great as one would think.”
“Delta of Sapients’ daughter, head of her class in medical school. I’d say that I am understating your degree of potential Sophia” he raised his eyebrow, “Wouldn’t you agree Rubina?”
“Yes Alpha” I nodded my head. I didn’t even know what to say at that point. My mother was foolish enough to give up her Delta status, her education, to come to Demure? That was something I couldn’t even begin to wrap my head around. “But why?” I turned to my mother.
“You know how the rules work sweetie. The female must always transfer to her mates’ pack if they wish to have their mating ceremony and stay together. It is the law. It helps to keep the packs as equal as they can.”
“So, you could have stayed?” my voice shaking, cracking as my body reacts to my annoyance at her decision.
“Yes. I could have stayed, but your father was not allowed to enter our pack. I had to decide between my mate and my pack. The wolf cannot live without its mate.”
“Get out.” I say coldly having lost my sense of place and respect in one swift moment.
“Excuse me?” Alpha Samuel and my mother said in unison.
“OUT!” I snarled baring my teeth for the first time in my life. There was something inside me that refused to be around anyone right now.
My mother’s eyes widened as she stood quickly. She was shaking in fear of what the Alpha might do due to the sheer amount of disrespect that seeped from my mouth and eyes. I didn’t care. I was angry. I was frustrated beyond recognition, and I was hurting. The physical pain combined with my hormones from being in heat, along with my wolf finally coming forward after finding my mate was uncontrollable. If looks could kill in that moment, I they’d both be dead.
“Alpha please-” my mother began, but he stopped her holding his hand up as if to tell her to remain silent. He simply nodded his head to the side beckoning her to follow him as he turned at walked from my room. My mother sheepishly followed her hands folded her eyes about to seer a hole into the ground out of pure anger towards me, and absolute fear of the repercussions of my uncontrollable mouth.
My eyes darted to Alpha Xanthus and my father in the hall. My heart was racing, but I didn’t think it was going to win whatever race this was. My muscles started to spasm causing me to collapse to the floor as I let out a horrid screech. There was so much pain, I didn’t understand what was happening to me. I had never felt like or acted like this before. I felt a snap and pop come from my spine. I yelled out in pain, my hands grasping at the area rug as my body began to contort.
“She’s having her first shift.” my father said as he ran to my side.
“Her first?” Alpha Xanthus questioned in astonishment.
“Yes, her first. We don’t shift in Demure until we find our mate, and she has found you.”
My nails began to grow to claws as my arms and legs snapped, changing, moving. I couldn’t stop yelling and now I was even crying. Every bone in my body was doing things I couldn’t bear. Reddish brown fur began to come up from under my skin, my snout elongated, and my teeth shifted, growing huge canines. Soon my yell wasn’t a yell, but a howl that echoed throughout the pack house. My father gently rubbed my back and ran his hands through my fur to give me comfort, to tell me I was still me. I stood, for the first time on four legs instead of two. I looked around, I could see more than I had ever before, the smells I was picking up were overwhelming at first. My body still felt like it was on fire, there was this urge to jump onto Alpha Xanthus. My wolf wanted to feel him, to touch him in ways I never thought I would get the chance to do. His scent magnified by a thousand. It smelled muskier, stronger than it had before, but I wanted to be near it. I needed to be near it.
I slowly walked towards him, my eyes staring at his feet as to not look at his face, my head down towards the ground, as I sniffed and took in smells I never notices before. I Saw him take a few steps back as I got closer, so I stopped, looked up and him and whimpered. I sat then laid down in front of him resting my head on my front legs. I wanted to be close to him. There was this ache I needed to attend to. This, feeling in my chest, in my whole body, a fire I needed to extinguish, ice I needed to melt.
“Rubina....” he said his body clearly tense “you’re beautiful.” his eyes following the small brown pattern in my face and ears. I picked my head up and crawled a little closer. “Too close,” he stepped back again, but he back met with the wall. “Your heat, I can smell you. I can feel you. It is taking every single ounce of me to not lose control. I want to respect you as my mate, but as my mate my wolf wants to mount you.” his eyes closed, and he seemed to be holding his breath.
“Come Rubina,” my father said as he walked past me, urging me along. I refused. I let out aloud growl and bared my teeth to him. I was not leaving Alpha Xanthus’ side. My eyes narrowed snarling as I walked up to my mate standing right in front of him, my soft, fluffy fur standing on edge, as I become defensive, the wolf side becoming stronger and harder to control. I was not leaving my mate. My wolf flat out refused. “Rubina you must, it is for your own good right now.” he pressed.
I jumped forward a bit barking, nipping at him. I wasn’t going anywhere. I began to sense something, the air was changing, pack members were peeking out of their rooms and staring, some even made their way into the hall. I looked between them, their eyes wide, focused on me. I took a deep breath in. No, not me, Alpha Xanthus. Before I could turn around, I felt the heaviness of large paws on my back, then the sudden sting of teeth sinking into the back of my neck. I saw Amanda staring- tears in her eyes-worry flooding her face. I let out a cry before shutting my eyes. I could feel his hot breath, panting. I was afraid, but it felt right, normal. My wolf submitted to his. Those in the hall gasped and started muttering between themselves. Some pulled the younger ones away and some didn’t have to stomach to watch. I was being mated right there.
I could hear his wolf grunting, growling. The pleasure was astonishing. I knew everything would be different in wolf form, but I didn’t expect it to actually be enjoyable. I stopped thinking, stopped caring about everything else. My wolf needed this, so I did too. I heard him let out a howl as he released his hold of my neck, it was that of pleasure, ensuring that my entire pack new I was fully mated now, and that I was his. He back off of me, I turned my head to look at him, his wolf stood tall, rich black fur, steel gray eyes. He was magnificent. I had never seen a wolf before; our pack didn’t really shift. It was unprecedented and not seen as conservative. I went to walk to him, but he backed away and ran. He flew down the stairs, jumping down the last 6. I quickly followed.
My paws dug into the cold wet ground as I followed behind him, his scent heavy in the air. I was running as fast as I could possibly go to keep up. I wasn’t used to this form yet, but I liked it. I felt faster and stronger than ever. I slowed my speed when I came upon a clearing where a small lake was in the woods. I looked around my nose in the air to make sure I didn’t lose his scent, but then I stopped. I saw him sitting by the lake. This beautiful wolf, he was mine and I almost couldn’t believe it. He turned his head towards me then looked down and whimpered. He was an Alpha. He wasn’t supposed to lower his head for anyone. I slowly crept up to his side and nudged him. He covered his face with his paws, is body on the ground, ears back. I licked his head a few times. I could tell something was wrong. Yes, he just mated me in front of my pack, but isn’t that what wolves do? They mate right? What was so wrong about that?
He stood and nudged me back before h began to walk around in circles. He stopped after a moment and began to shift back to his human form. I could see the bones breaking. The pain in his face. His black fur began to disappear under his skin, his teeth faded back to normal, his claws became nails, human hands emerged. This is what just happened to me. I had just shifted. I thought it was only me who felt the pain of it, but I could see he felt it too. His skin looked raw, like it had been burned, but it quickly began to heal and return to a healthy, normal state. He was naked, completely naked. His muscles were defined nicely, his chest and stomach looked as though he worked out nonstop. I was right about the tattoos. He had a full left sleeve, another on his right side and what I assumed was one on his upper back right below his neck as I saw what looked like a snake head coming just to the top of his inner shoulder next to the nape of his neck. I refused to look anywhere else on his body, I shut my eyes and buried my head into the grass. He walked over and sat beside me. Everything was quiet for a while. The sound of the wind blowing across the semi frozen lake, branches snapping as other creatures ran along. Then he spoke as if I was his equal.
“I am truly sorry. I was out of control. What I did- It’s unforgivable.” he covers his faces with his hands, rubbing his cheeks a bit. “I defiled you in front of your pack. I took you when I shouldn’t have. I know mating and all that is frowned upon in Demure....and I disrespected you when I should have had better control.” he sighs heavily, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. “This was my first trip to Demure as the Alpha of Valiant and I fucking screwed it up. In Valiant we don’t have to hold back our sexual urges. Mates-mate. We are promiscuous until we find our other half. I was unprepared for Demure... unprepared to be Alpha.” he looked over at me. “If you refused me after all of this, I wouldn’t blame you. It’s my doing. My fault.” he looked away out towards the lake.
I never expected someone from Valiant to be so caring. The rumors seemed false now, and all I wanted to do in that moment was embrace him, kiss him. Tell him it’s alright. Demure was conservative yes, but we are also taught to be forgiving, kind, and understanding. I may not always agree with all of our rules and regulations, our societal manners, but there were things I believed were important for us, for everyone. I nuzzled into his side. I didn’t know how to shift back, but I wanted to comfort him.
“Rubina, I’m a terrible person. A scum of a mate. I didn’t even know if you were ready, if it was something you wanted, if you even wanted and accepted me and I went and mated you. I fucking mated you Rubina!” his voice becoming agitated, he was clearly upset with himself. “I mated you during your first heat, your first shift. I fucked up.”
I tried my best to assure him, I moved closer, licked the side of his face a few times, made a few whimpers and growls to convey that I wasn’t angry with him. From the moment he grabbed my face, the moment I ran into him, I knew something was going to change, something was going to happen. My heart could feel it even before I looked into his eyes. He went from a teasing, sexually forward ass to a gentle caring man in moments. He changed, I changed too. I knew what it meant to have a mate; you were supposed to love them. I loved him. Or at least I felt something in my body telling me I needed him.
I closed my eyes and let out a huff, trying to focus on my human form. I wanted to be me, be Rubina in the flesh, not fur. I had no idea if this was how to shift back, but I guess instinct is a thing. After a few moments my bones began to snap. He moved back away from me just staring. I don’t think he expected me to do this, or to even want to face him right now, but I did. I needed to talk with him, not be talked at. I felt pain wash over me, but also a release, like I was being freed as my fur sunk away into my skin and my body returned the way I knew it to be. I sat on my knees with my eyes closed for a moment, panting, trying to calm myself as my skin healed after the shift. The cold air didn’t feel so cold anymore. My body was warm. I was a full wolf now.
“Rubina-” he spoke
“Ruby.” I said quickly, still not wanting to open my eyes I turned away some. “It’s just Ruby. Only my parents and alpha Samuel call me Rubina. Everyone else just calls me Ruby.” my voice horse. The screaming, and growling from the turn had affected me, after all we did not yell so often in Demure.
“Okay, Ruby, please look at me.”
“I can’t” I said as I opened my eyes but shook my head only keeping him I my peripheral. My wolf wasn’t afraid, no, it was delighted to get the chance to see him fully; but I was unsure. I was worried if I should. “You are an alpha. I cannot look at you. Plus....” my voice trailed off.
“Plus, what? You are my Mate. You will soon belong to my pack, be my Luna, and have our pups. You can look at me Ruby. You can see your mate fully as you should.” his words were gentle but earnest. He wanted me to know that I wasn’t just a little omega who couldn’t raise her head anymore. I was the mate of an alpha.
“We’re naked,” I responded. “I’ve never seen a man’s body before, and no man has ever seen mine.”
“So?” he let out a soft chuckle. “We mated already. Might as well just show one another our human bodies. Plus, I want to admire you. I want to take in your beauty. Please, let me see you.”
“Okay....” I turned towards him slowly, my cheeks turned bright red of embarrassment. My body was nothing to be proud of. My breasts were small, B cups. My stomach was flat but not toned. I was thin. My hips weren’t as wide as some of the more glamourous body types, but they were alright. My legs thin, but shapely. A small gap between my thighs helped my hips appear larger, which I always appreciated. I stood for him, but I never looked up.
“You are perfect Ruby.” he stood and grabbed my hands.
“I am not glamorous, or full figured. I’m a stick.”
“Dogs love to play fetch.” a grin appeared across his face. I let out a small laugh which caused him to laugh as well. “Ruby, your body will change soon enough, and I will love it then too.”
“The shift changes your body? I furrow my brows and look up confused.
“Mating changes your body,” his voice full of concern his eyes squinting, the smile from his laugh was gone. “Ruby do you not know what Mating is, what it does?” he placed his hands on my shoulders holding me in front of him.
“It’s what you do when you find your mate. It’s part of the bond, an instinct.”
“That’s not what I mean. Does Demure teach you about sex?”
“No” I shake my head “Sex, masturbation, it’s all forbidden, so we don’t really talk about it. I know what it is though. I work in a diner and I’ve seen some parts of movies on the TV they have. “my eyes look up towards him. My eye level view is of his collar bone. It protrudes slightly, making his chest more defined.
“Do you know what it means to be in heat, like you were?”
“I know it’s what makes us a woman, allows us to have pups with our mate.”
“Yes, but it is so much more than that. Going into heat normally calls all nearby male wolves to you. Your scent permeates the air, our minds. Your body is calling to be mated. It’s telling any male around to mate with you. Being that I am your mate, and an alpha, others wouldn’t dare, but so unlike myself, I lost control once you shifted. My wolf- I couldn’t hold it back anymore.” he took my chin tilting my face up to look at him causing my heart to pound in my chest. His voice was serious, filled with worry and his eyes, they didn’t seem so cold and impenetrable. “I mated you Ruby. Do you now understand?”
I felt a lump form in my throat, my hands became clammy, my mind was racing a thousand miles a minute. It had to be a joke. He was joking right? Mating is just- no. I step back from him a bit I could feel my eyes swelling, my nose getting red, my heart sink into the cold hard ground. I shook my head, blinking, the salty water stinging my cheeks as the wind blows, my hair a mess. I raise my hands and sink my fingers into my hair, grabbing tightly. I felt like a crazy person. Hyperventilation took over my breathing, I couldn’t even stop myself from crying if I wanted to.
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