To Love

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Chapter 5

AN ABSOLUTE MASSIVE SHOUT OUT to the three amazing people who brought me a coffee and showed some support, I seriously cried happy tears and I am immensely grateful <3 so much love from the bottom of my heart x

dedicated to those people:

- E_Jordan_ <3

-Anastasia <3

-Joelle <3

Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events and weak minds discuss people.”

-Socrates

My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach and it felt like my heart had gone dead cold in a matter of seconds. I blinked, looking at Jerry and I knew that the fear I tried to conceal at his question would shine through no matter what. Some things are too hard to hide and he definitely caught me off guard.

I gulp and pull whatever sense of stability I can from Roman’s touch. “I think it is wrong of anyone to presume anything about a situation they don’t fully understand. I always knew there was some kind of underground organisation operating, even without any solid evidence I figured something must be going on. But I didn’t know for the most part of my relationship with him that he was involved with them and when I did discover it, a very different image of who they were and what they stood for was presented to me than the one I see now.”

I look straight at Jerry, my steely gaze unwavering. “There is no point in denying that what humans in this pack have been subjected too was cruel and wrong. I know because for a long time, I suffered too and so when the idea of liberty, of happiness and equality was told to me of course I thought it was legitimate. Many humans right now probably still believe that those values are what the rebels uphold but unfortunately, I don’t think that is the case for them all. My interest isn’t conflicted. I know what I want and that is for everyone under this pack to exist in peace and harmony, no matter their genetics.”

Jerry blinked at me, my answer clearly one he did not expect.

In all honesty, I didn’t either. There was every chance that I could’ve spurted out a bunch of blubbering nonsense but I managed to hold my ground.

“An outcome we all hope to see. Thank you so much for your time here tonight Alpha and Luna Superior, we understand your busy schedules but do hope to hear from you again in the future,” Jerry says, smiling at us before looking straight into a camera. “And that is all for tonight, stay tuned after the break for more news.”

“And cut!” The woman with her clipboard announced loudly. The second those words fell from her lips Roman was up out of his chair, looming over Jerry who met his stance but not his mass.

It took mere moments for a petrified look to freeze onto the reporters face and for Roman to become even more enraged at the sight. Roman’s lip raised in a snarl, pure distaste working its way onto his face. “How dare you disrespect your leaders like that?!” He seethes, making Jerry flinch. “You have no idea the magnitude of what you’ve just done. Who gave you that information?”

Jerry opened and closed his mouth, nearly shaking in fear. I thought for a moment to intervene but decided against it. I wanted to know the answer too. Asking me that couldn’t have simply been the product of good journalism, it was far too calculated. Someone gave him that knowledge with the intention of him using it against me. And I want to know who.

Jerry gulped. “T-the,” he cleared his throat, “the orders came from higher up Alpha,” he reasons and Romans brows connect together.

“Higher up? From wh-”

A slow clap fills the tense silence of the room, it’s melody chilling in every sense. Roman and I both look around, our eyes simultaneously landing on the open door just as the King walks in unannounced, strolling straight in with a massive grin and an aura that suggests he owns the place.

“Bravo, bravo!” He says with an exaggerated amount of praise. “I really did wonder how you were going to work your way out of that but you managed to surprise me yet again. You should be one proud man,” he says, looking at Roman. I glance over to my proud mate and see nothing but thinly veiled rage.

“Your highness, we weren’t expecting your presence here,” Roman says, his voice as calm as it can possibly be given the circumstance.

“That would ruin the surprise would it not? Besides, I wanted to see in person how our little Luna over here could handle the heat in person. And what a show it was,” he continues, that large smile still adorning his face.

“You set it up?” Roman asks and the King feigns a dumbfounded expression, like it is too stupid of Roman to ask.

“Of course I did,” he answers and I look at Roman’s hands clench into fists at his sides.

“You didn’t think some warning on information that could shatter my already divided pack was warranted? Pulling stunts like that could lead to a civli outbreak when we are already on the brink of a war, it isn’t enough to show people we are united, that won’t make them follow suit,” Roman snaps, his tone bordering disrespect. But the King doesn’t look offended, if anything, he looks more pleased.

“It was time your people knew the truth and I wanted an answer just as much as them. I did you a favour in allowing you to bury that hatchet before it became another issue down the track. I just took a powerful weapon away from your enemies, you should be thankful,” the King continues and I look at Roman, at the tight line of his lips and his icy blue eyes that hold a different kind of rage and step forward, towards the king.

“Thank you,” I blurt, noticing how Roman’s anger subdues into confusion at my outburst. “Roman is right in saying the surprise did us no favours but it is out there now. I’d rather it come from me how I want to dress it than it come from the rebels later on.”

The King smirks. “That’s the attitude I like to see. Now, I’ve taken the liberty to order us a meal to be made in just under an hour, in your quarters of course. There is much we have to discuss but I think we should leave matters of work for the office, let us enjoy a night free from the burdens of leadership,” he suggests but it isn’t a suggestion though. It’s an order.

“We will be there,” Roman replies and the King’s smile doesn’t falter.

“Perfect, don’t be late,” he says, eyeing off Roman with the last part. He doesn’t leave any room for us to respond, turning and walking from the room before we get the chance too.

As soon as his presence is gone, the chatter in the room picks up again and the crew continue dismantling the set with more relaxation. Roman turns to me, pure annoyance lining his face. I don’t know what to say to him, that entire thing could have been a disaster or a relief and his expression isn’t any help giving away what outlook he has.

He takes my hand in his, not bothering to say any final words to his Gamma’s son who lurks near the film crew and we exit the room together, hand in hand. His tight grip doesn’t lessen as we walk through the halls and towards our room and the silence doesn’t dissipate either. We just remain in a still sort of limbo as we pass the large stand glass windows, the dark night leering in from outside.

When we enter the room he breaks from my grasp and closes the door, pacing over to the closet with frustration in his stride.

“There is nothing we could have done to avoid it. The King would have found a way to torment me with the knowledge at one point or another. It could have been worse,” I say, heaving a heavy sigh, one that warrants him to turn around.

“You’re right, it could’ve been. But it wasn’t great,” he says, loosening the cuffs on his suit.

“Did my response upset you? You seem bothered,” I state and he stays looking away from me, discarding the cuffs onto the draws top.

“It wasn’t your response. I am proud of how you handled yourself. But now the world knows of your past, of the lover that you had before me. It makes me agitated, it bothers me and it makes me want to show them that you are mine. My mate, not his. I know you dislike my jealousy, but I can’t help that it’s there,” he explains, walking past me and into the closet to continue getting dressed from the fancy suit.

I stand taken aback for a moment-it didn’t cross my mind that that was what concerned him the most. I move closer to the closet but refrain from edging to see any further than small glimpses of his toned chest. “I get that it upsets you, but like the king said, it was better coming from me than from them. At least now I’ve had the chance to explain the situation,” I reply but the second my words leave my mouth a hollow feeling washes through my body. A harrowing sensation that didn’t occur to me before.

I’ve explained the situation but not fully, not to a certain someone I know will have watched that broadcast and listened to every last word. That requires a different kind of explanation in a different setting, one I don’t know if I’ll ever be brave enough to face.

I listen as Roman sighs heavily, walking from the room with a pair of sweats on, shirtless. “I know,” he grumbles, moving over to me. He places his hands on my waist and draws me into his warm embrace, resting his head over mine. “The wolf in me is bringing out my inner bratty child it seems.”

I let out what was supposed to be a laugh but really turned into a breathless huff of air. He pulled back and I gave him a bemused stare to which he furrowed his brows. “What?”

I look him up and down. “Nothing… its just, we are supposed to go to this dinner. Are you wearing that?” I ask and he shrugs, leaning into the closet to pull out a shirt from behind the door.

“The king didn’t insist on formality and I do not want to give him the impression that I want to be there. Hopefully it will lessen the amount of time we have to enjoy his company,” he says sarcastically and I look down at my watch.

“I’m going to have a shower then and get this makeup off, can you please just leave me some track pants and a shirt outside the door?” I ask and he nods before walking closer to me again, embracing me once more.

I let my body mould into his, sighing heavily as his strong arms wrap around me. “That mustn’t have been easy for you either,” he mumbles and I look to the carpet, my gut twisting in confirmation. “You were perfect, everything you said, how you handled it all… You looked like a true leader.”

I don’t know how to take the compliment, like my body can’t handle it and so instead I just pull back and give him a tight lipped smile, my heart still roped with emotions, the noose tightening with each second that passes.

“I won’t be too long,” I tell him and he smiles, leaning down to kiss my forehead before proceeding to the closet, letting me walk to the bathroom in peace.

When I enter the shower and let that steaming water wrap around my body, the noose around my heart loosens and I let out a heavy stream of tears that flow with the water and down the drain.

-

The feast before us makes my stomach tighten in that gross way where your body tells you it can’t handle food. Not even if it glistens like a buffet set out for the gods themselves. Roman’s hand finds the small of my back again and I glance up to the King who sits at the head of the table, engrossed in a conversation with a woman on his right.

It didn’t occur to me that he’d brought company.

Like I said the thought aloud, the King glanced up and our gazes connected, making him smile broadly. It was weird seeing him sat in Romans chair in his own home, off-putting in every sense of the word.

“Nice of you both to join us,” he glance at his gold watch, “and on time, too I see,” he continues and Roman doesn’t push for us to move forward.

“Please, sit,” the King offers, and I wonder if Roman was waiting for the invitation.

We both move and take seats next to each other, Roman sitting across from the tall tanned brunette and me next to him. “This is my good friend Katina,” he says and she smiles at both of us, revealing a set of pearly white teeth.

“Nice to meet you both,” she says, her words thick in a Russian accent. She gives the King a sultry glance and he smirks at her, turning his attention back to us.

“Nice to meet you, too,” I reply, questioning just how good of a friend she is to the King.

“Please, eat,” the King says and Roman begins to pile food onto his plate so I follow suit, regardless of whether or not I’ll actually eat it all.

“How was your travel here?” Roman asks the king casually, continuing to select foods.

“Comfortable. We have been trying out the new sustainable aircrafts and they have been very satisfying. Katina and I both are considering purchasing a plane for private use. You should too,” he suggests and Roman nods.

“That doesn’t sound like a bad idea. We were hoping to keep travel to a minimum in these next coming months, however things can change in just a moment,” he replies and I fill my glass with water.

“Didn’t we only just get that new plane from Alpha Akeno? Surely having two is a bit excessive,” I point out and Tiberius chuckles.

“We already have more than one, Mae,” Roman says and I furrow my brows, unable to see the logic.

“Regardless, this upgrade would be better for both you and the environment. I say go for it, maybe you should consider giving your mate an early gift for the upcoming Solar Eclipse,” Tiberius suggests and I look too Roman with even more confusion.

“What is happening on the Solar Eclipse?” I ask and Katina chuckles, making me feel even more out of the loop.

“You haven’t told her of the Solar Eclipse? It is coming up within the next few weeks,” Tiberius points out and Roman swallows his food slowly, a chance to gather his thoughts it seems.

“We have been a little preoccupied,” Roman grumbles eventually, clearly trying to put the topic to bed.

“I can imagine. But the Eclipse isn’t something the two of you would want to miss. It is probably the best of all ceremonies we wolves have.” The smile on the Kings face tells me there is so much more to this ceremony than any of them are letting on.

“Hopefully everything is settled enough by then so we can attend without any worries,” Roman replies and a slight silence settles over the room.

“So it’s another ceremony then?” I intervene, pulling the topic away from the cryptic answers of both men and looking straight at Katina.

She smiles. “It is a ceremony of love. It is a day from the goddess to celebrate the bond between mates, and when night falls…” she gives the King a sly look that I don’t miss. “They say the lingering magic from the eclipse makes everything between mates far more fun,” she says and I look between her and the King utterly confused.

I open my mouth to voice the question but Romans hand finds my leg, a silent warning not to continue. So instead I nod and mummer, “Oh.”

“Speaking of ceremonies, were you not planning on holding a birthday celebration this year with all the superiors at the royal palace? I heard word on the grapevine but wasn’t sure whether or not they were true,” Roman said, addressing the King.

“I was thinking on it. My planning committee presented the idea and I figured I hadn’t done anything for a very long time but we’ll see. Holding events became tiresome and I don’t know if it is an effort I want to resume any time soon,” the King said and I think back to Roman informing me on Tiberius’ secluded ways.

“Entertaining guests can become a chore sometimes, I agree,” Roman says and I have to hide my smile at his double meaning.

“But being a guest is something I will never get used to. Katina here knows full well the privileges of accompanying the King, people bend over backwards to please you,” he gives me a pointed look, “I should take you somewhere sometime,” he says to me casually and the stiffness in the air that ensues doesn’t break, it merely dissipates.

I expect Roman to blow a fuse but he doesn’t and just turns to the King casually. “So are we still scheduled for our early meeting tomorrow morning or ha that changed due to your arrival? You must be at least somewhat jet lagged.”

“We should both be fine but now that you mention it, a sleep in does sound appealing. I’ll have my people contact you when the meeting should start,” he answers and it baffles me how easy it is for him to rearrange others entire timetables to suit himself, regardless of whether or not Roman offered him the morning.

“I have been hearing all these very terrible things, Luna, about attacks you have faced. How are you after everything,” Katina asks, breaking off the conversation of the men.

I finish the small bite of food in my mouth. “I’m fine, these things happen I guess,” I reply and the King lets out an amused laugh.

“That’s a positive outlook if ever I’ve seen one,” he grumbles and Katina’s concerned expression deepens.

“You have been subject to terror attacks, surely you have been hurt by this,” she continues and it is true, I have been. I’ve been nearly killed, shocked to my very core, sent spiralling down a path of dark thoughts. But they don’t need to know that.

“They were fighting for what they thought was right, though I wish it didn’t happen to me, I can’t really blame them,” I respond, reiterating in simpler terms what I tried to point out tonight in my interview. The rebels, as much as it might be confused, for the most part think they are fighting for freedom and who am I to deny that?

“Those terrorists threaten the entire pack system and you can’t really blame them?” The king asks, intrigued by my statement and I look him dead in the eye.

“Well if you didn’t want terror, you shouldn’t have started tyranny. That’s all I’m saying,” I conclude and he raises a brow.

“Justifying acts of terror, especially against yourself, seems a little convoluted,” he points out and I maintain my firm posture.

“Justifying and understanding are two very different things,” I reply and Roman clears his throat and I notice his empty plate.

“Well, I’m afraid it is getting a little late for us, it has been a pleasure,” Roman announces, standing up and I follow suit, noting the near empty plate in front of the King.

Katina and the King both arise and we end standing facing one another. “I will see you in the morning,” the King says, shaking Romans hand. Katina embraces me tightly and moves to Roman, doing the same just as the King appears in front of me.

He embraces me, his large body folding around my own and I tense at the feel of his face so close to my ear. “You passed this time, Luna, well done,” he mummers, his hug continuing for a second too long before he breaks free with a large smile.

Looking at Roman’s unfazed face, his expression restating his desire to leave this dinner, I connect our hands. “Goodnight,” I say for the both of us and our uninvited guests nod before turning, the both of us parting ways.

Roman and I don’t say a word until we have passed the staircase and are in the halls on the way to our room. It is only when the lined wall containing the family portraits come into view that he angles his head towards me. “Thank the goddess that’s over,” he grumbles and I laugh dryly.

“It is worse than any torture I’ve endured,” I say and he grunts in approval. Does it bother you how easy it is for him to enter the pack underneath your radar?” I ask and his grip on my hand tightens.

“Yes,” he replies tightly as we approach the large doors to our room. Today has been one large reminder of the power he doesn’t hold, something that never settles well with Alpha men.

He let’s out a sigh as he opens the door, “It doesn’t matter though, the King will do as he pleases and as his subjects, we must listen. That’s just how it works.”

“How are people not more bothered by that?” I ask as we move into the room.

“He does his job well, as hard as he is to deal with. His leadership is unparalleled and he has saved our people many times over,” he responds with a hint of admiration and it only makes unravelling the confusing relationship of the pack dynamic harder.

“Right,” I mumble, moving into the closet as Roman walks to the bed and picks up his phone from the side table. I peel off the soft cotton from my skin and slip on a night dress. Even though the winter is falling in, I still sleep next to a furnace.

I exit the room to find Roman staring down at his phone, an expression of annoyance and anger muddled not his face as more notifications pop up on the screen. “What is it?” I ask, moving towards the bed.

His gaze snaps up to me and he glances at his phone, turning it off and putting it back on the nightstand. “Just some headlines from tonights segments. We can look at them in the morning,” he says and I notice the tenseness in his words.

I decide not to push it and crawl under the crisp covers into the bed, Roman following suit before turning the lights off. The instant darkness weeps over the room his hands roam under the covers and find my body like they always do, pulling me close into his side.

I let out a have sigh and move closer to the heat he offers just as he places a tender kiss on my exposed shoulder, the heat from his lips lingering on my skin and the sparks remaining in the form of goosebumps. Another one follows suit shortly after and I suck in a harsh breath when his mouth connects over my mark, a tight feeling forming in my core. “Roman,” I whisper, my words already breathless.

He grumbles and his kisses move from my mark to my lips. His usual softness hold a harsh edge, an unmistakeable primal urge driving his actions.

His fingers trail up my exposed leg and beneath the hem of my dress and I arch my back into his touch the closer he gets to my core. His fervent kisses increase and he positions himself over my body. His broad fingers clutch the fabric of my panties and he pulls them down, leaving me exposed.

His hands leave my lower body, trailing underneath my dress to assist in taking it off. “Roman,” I whisper again, dread becoming muddled with pleasure.

“You’re mine,” he mummers into my skin, his voice low and husky. His hands continue to trail my body as so his lips, like he is staking a claim.

“Roman,” I begin but it only feeds his incentive to kiss me more and he does, effectively distracting me.

Roman reaches for my hands and guides them towards his own underwear and I snatch my arm back, realising the situation we are in for what it truly is and what it can’t become.

“We can’t do this,” I mumble and his body tenses before he detaches himself from me. I breathe heavily, flustered as he lies next to me, not making a sound as he stares at the roof.

I inspect his face, the chilled line of his jaw and the perfect features of his body, a work of art. His Adam apple bobs as he gulps and the moonlight exposes his face that holds a tight feeling of pain, one that makes my heart physically ache.

“Will you ever see me like you saw him? Will there ever come a day when the thought of me fathering your child isn’t repulsive. A day you can say that you love me and mean it with everything you are?” He asks and I tense, my words becoming lodged in my throat.

The silence that follows is deafening.

“Can you just lie? Just give me a false sense of hope, a yes, a maybe, something. Would it kill you?” He asks, his voice firmer now and I don’t respond again, completely unable too. It feels like it would kill me, a part of me at least that is still hanging onto that vision of freedom, the part that wants to someday live peacefully on her own.

I’m not putting any lies in-between me and her.

Roman removes the covers and steps out of the bed, making me sit up.

“Where are you going?” I ask, my words tight with emotion.

“For a run,” he says, and it is the last thing he says to me until dawn breaks through the large windows.

authors note

So I recently set up a ‘buy me a coffee’ page so that you guys can go and buy me a coffee for as little as three dollars to show support and to be completely honest I didn’t expect anyone to bother. Well boy was I wrong, as I said at the beginning of the chapter, three people have already left me the cutest messages and made my day and I am genuinely so blessed.

Writing a book is tough stuff and it means the world to get votes, follows, comments, reviews as ways for you all to say thank you but this is obviously a step up and words can’t express my gratitude.

Love, love, love,

Khalesi <3

Ps: how’d you like the chapter?

pps: the link for ‘buy me a coffee’ is in my bio as well as my instagram details!

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