7.2 Surrendering to Maybe!
“It was written I should be loyal to the nightmare of my choice.”
― Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness
But just like her prayers in her last breath, she had a beautiful life.
I let out a happy sigh, retreating the sulking laptop from the sofa; I must send the required details by tonight for they—
My trail of thoughts break for the neatly pressed paper reveals itself; I had almost forgotten about it in the fictional world, I realize, it was my difficult reality from which I was seeking shelter in the world of words and imagination.
Heaving out a sigh, I pick it, the initials of the Guardian standing out in the entire text.
Can I accept this? Another play set for me?
Should I be played again?
But I don’t wish to…!
Finding my phone, with only one name in mind, I press the initials to call before placing it against my ear. My fingers tinkle like the electric device is passing me current, I wait for the call to be picked up but it dies after a couple of rings.
Groaning, I choose to call Jason, but stop, shaking my head, I again punch my teacher’s number but he disappointed me by leaving me unattended.
The surroundings knock their presence in my mind, I find myself in the garden, realizing I dragged myself here unconsciously.
The sun is almost set, leaving the remnants of whatever light is left awaiting to be vanished, the sky is fairly clear, only a few clouds are accompanying the sky in its red-blue hue.
So, it’ll be warm tonight! I speculate, looking up at the evening sky with adoration. The trees are in mood today, branches playing with each other when wind blows their way. Their movement stirs the serenity of surroundings; I surmise it’d be quiet if not for them.
I drop against the huge Mango tree in the garden, the grass moist and cool after Tiara’s watering; my pajamas soak in the moisture but instead I feel happy.
Leaning back, I tighten my hold on the corner of the paper, unable to decide, unable to comprehend.
How a sorted life changed into the abyss of chaos, I tried to solve every chaos but I was dragged deeper, one after another the web-cob of unfathomable wraps around me.
Unable to decide, I close my eyes; concentrating on the chirping of birds singing on the trees and swaying branches, it’ll be dark soon; soon, I’ll be engulfed into murk.
A loud growl crashes against the surroundings, silencing the trees and the birds; I jolt up, opening my eyes and declare my surprise to the guest of night.
Golden orbs aflame in sheer serenity, it leaps through the fencing and land on the moist soil of garden with grace, before taking slow calculative steps toward me. My heart thumps in my chest before settling into peace.
I smile which take no time to blow into one grin when it nears me; it snarls at my way before its snout settles on my neck; I bite back a shiver as tinkles erupt through my entire body. Warm breaths fondling my skin and I find my hand already caressing its thick mane of furs, the silky softness soothing me.
Then, I realize, it’s his presence sooths my stress, all the tension flees when he is around.
“AH!” I yelp, jumping before casting a glare at the Majestic Creature who seems smirking at my expense.
It bit me. It freaking bit me.
“Bad Miracle!” I admonish but when does the Alpha King accepts any scolding; releasing a gruff noise, it takes a step back before I find him settling on my lap, huffing out a breath.
Flabbergast for a moment, shaking my head in another, smiling, I continue to caress him in the next; his soft fur and warm skin beneath turns out a peaceful company.
He purrs in delight, apparently enjoying the treatment of his Human buddy, a bubble of joy blooms in my chest to see him comfortable.
Suddenly, a thought strikes me, I grin and his watchful gaze assess my rapturous one with heightened suspicion.
My fingers on his back, slowly rising to his head, “It’s warm today, isn’t it?”
His aflame gaze doesn’t waver yet I see traces of warm brown, my hands twitch to touch the fire but I refrain it, instead I rub his head softly, “I miss cold nights of Kingdom, cool breeze carries its pure scent, the peace of night has its enchantment. After coming here, I realized, winters are lively just as the springs.”
I babble and he sighs, as if responding. I grin again before playing my trick, tickling his soft ears.
Chuckle and growl both resonates simultaneously, before gasp covers them soundly. It takes a couple of blinks to find lucidity of the rushed moment; the first I notice Mr. Mischievous Miracle’s barred fangs on display which licks the shock off my face. His legs keeping a possessively entrapping me under him.
Our moment breaks hearing the frantic calls of Fergal and Tiara. I look up just as they reach a few steps away from us.
“Alpy!” a joyous squeal leaves Tiger before she is running toward her Alpy, the Majestic Creature shoots up to receive another fan, letting her bounce—crash on him.
I conceal my growl from earlier; sitting up to follow proper etiquettes. Fergal bows to his Alpha but choosing to be the distinct admirer.
“You came to us. I missed you.” My chest warms at the sight; Tiger cuddles—wraps herself to the giant creature who has his secured leg protecting her.
A soft growl emits from his throat, answering her making her squeal again.
“Jerry is at office; the recent dealing of Prague project is under him in absence of Sorcerer Banerjee. He informed us about his arrangements.” Fergal states bowing and making me frown at the same time.
A gruff huff rings beside me, I almost face-palm myself, of course, the unsaid unheard conversation of minds.
Then I frown, is that why Fergal is at leave today?
“Yes, Niera.” He mumbles back.
Darn this smart mouth of mine!
“Oh well, would you like to join us for dinner…?” I crack and twist my statement to save a cringe.
“Aunt Bambi, your paper!” Tiara’s loud call diverts all my attention, before falling on the crumbled paper now playing in soil, beautifully contrasting the white and black.
Immediately picking it up, I remove the dirt, cursing my stupidity to bring it here.
“Was that important?” Fergal’s inquiry laced in worry penetrates in the palace of my mind. From the ruined letter, my gaze shifts to the Miracle in front of me, whose attention is now on me.
Passing the paper to Fergal, I let my mind and heart to enter the battle ground again; all thoughts, worries and chaos gather but they had their peace now.
“Joining letter from A V Inc.?”
Golden lost in dark shades of brown, now stupefied at revelation.
“Have—have you decided?”
Not until now…
Instead, I whisper, “Yes, I have.”
I smile at those mesmerizing brown orbs, despite all odds, I, now know my answer.
I take a deep breath, spreading a reassuring smile for others, “I’ll be joining A V Inc. I’ll work with my people.”
The tranquility of night is mesmerizing, for the murk swallowing everything—every being encounters it to the stars lightning up the path of lasts of travelers. Many secrets and mysteries unfold in the cloak of darkness, many confessions; the wind tells the night sky.
Staring at the bunch of stars scattered on the black canvas, I wonder if I too can share some confessions. My eyes shift from the stars to my Niece wrapped up in the blanket to my side. Innocence adorns her sleeping figure as she fidgets to reach her pendent.
I smile down at her before reaching for the thin chain around her neck, helping her reach it. Like bliss of heaven has found her, she clutches it and rotates on her stomach.
I stifle a chuckle yet heart warms at the sight. Moments pass as I watch her sleeping peacefully before shifting back to watch the stars through our window.
A soft sigh escapes me, their serenity reminds me of days, I spent here and days I missed this place. The difference of day and night they share and just like dawn and dusk, the moment connecting them is me.
Unable to choose one, falling for both.
A long wistful sigh escapes me as I recall my decision; it was a ‘No’ since the beginning, I didn’t want to be played again, in the dangling dilemma, somewhere it’d been denial. Perhaps, it was simply easy to stay and live with my family, spend some more time in the warmth of people who adore me like their own and leave.
But then I saw him, and like a pendulum, my determination waver, oscillating through the directions of rationality but dropping to one desire.
To be with him.
I know, it’s perilous, only suffering will await my heart but…
A soft chime distracts me, taking me out of my musing.
Slipping my hand under the pile of pillows, I find my phone; eyeing Tiara as I go.
The name on the screen brings a glowing smile on me, unlocking the screen, I read the message.
Still up, Maiden?
Just simple two words succeed to bring warmth in my chest. Quickly and slowly slipping off the bed, I find myself dropping on the sofa, taking a nice view of Window and my Niera at once. Instead of message, I choose to video call her.
Her mesmerizing face appears after a single ring, radiant surrounded by the white corridors of what seems to be her work place; a wave of distress collides my conscious but I remain smiling.
“The Young Maiden is indeed awake.”
Perhaps sensing my discomfort or taking privilege of leisure time, I soon find her entering the confinements of her cabin. Removing the medical accessories including the lab coat, I find her near the window.
“I see, you found some time to ask your friend’s wellbeing.” I comment with a quiet yet snarky voice.
“I did, considering the Young Maiden, now back with her King has forgotten the world, she left behind.” There the comeback, sealing my lips for good.
Darn this woman!
A moment of silence between us and her adorable smile dims, “I was worried. You had Prince and I, here, there, you’re alone.”
I want to smile at her words, shake my head, I’m not alone here, I’m never alone, I’m blessed surrounding by souls guarding me all the time.
Instead, I let out a sigh, “I’m fine, haven’t tried to go for deep sleep. You know, I realized, small naps here and there are productive.”
I feel grateful for the scantiness of light or my friend would have seen right through my tired face. I hear her sigh, sadness looms her features as she looks away.
“When are you coming back?”
I smile, almost chuckle before biting my lips; I might wake Tiara. I look at her way, sighing to find her unaffected and peaceful.
When Kavya frowns, I shoot up on my feet, taking her to meet my Niece.
“My Tiger.” I whisper, showing her my Little Bundle of Joy wrapped in blanket, I remove rogue hair from her face. On screen, finding a mirroring smile on Kavya’s face.
“She is beautiful.”
Yes, she is. She is a piece of my broken heart.
Making my distance from my Tiger, I move to the window, letting Kavya to see my state under the natural light while I look for something known-unknown in the vast night.
I know, she is waiting for my response, which I give her, “I might stay back for some time.”
A resigned sigh slips her, “That place isn’t for you, Niera. You went taking Mr. Wilson’s call as excuse, fine. Come back now.”
Words almost lost their existence, for I stand quiet.
“Only hurt and melancholy are waiting for you on that path.” Although, concealing it well, I can still see Kavya’s distress and it breaks my heart.
“You won’t tell him.”
I shake my head, fighting the bile rising in my throat.
“You’ll suffer for him.”
I nod; trying to fight the impish smile.
“He deserves to know.”
I shake my head again, “No, he doesn’t.”
“Gideon deserves his happiness in life, he shouldn’t be sad and conflicted over my feelings for him, while holding his hopes for his Mate.”
She licks her lips, “And you’re ready to break, until he finds his love?”
The cool breeze invades through the window, suddenly…so suddenly, leaving me perplexed at the unexpected change. I wrap my arm around other, feeling the already goose-bumps.
The next moment, I see a pair of glowing brown orbs from the far distance before they vanish wishing me a peaceful sleep.
For her query and her worry; I see my answer. Still cold and slightly shivering, I press her face to my heart.
Smile buries promised longing efficiently, “I can stay until he finds her.”
Maybe I can save myself a heartbreak. I can stay until he finds his mate.
Maybe then I’ll have no reason to stay, then I can leave. Peacefully.
Until then, I can stay, until I can save myself the longing,
Until then, I can find peace and happiness, being around him.
I can give my heart its desire.
It might be a little, or longer but not now!
Maybe I can find myself in warmth, deceptive or real, but warmth, even for a little time.
Call it greed or foolishness, my heart submits to this maybe,
May 18, 2021
And here we find her taking a greedy turn—?
Greedy or sacrificing: when she knows, she’ll be the only one broken in the end.
Is she foolish or is she greedy? I’ll let you decide.
Until then, I really hope, you all are safe and happy.
I hope you enjoyed this double treat. Let me now your views.