9.2 Brief and Deep Love
One year of love, dedication, loads of ups and downs and still holding up my hope…still loving and admiring my Gidiera!
Many of you might know of recent events that happened two weeks back which also explains my reason for not updating in recent weeks. It’s devastating to face something like this and come back to writing. SF is not just a book for me, its my escape from reality. I never wished to abandon writing, but there were times, I was tested, almost lost it all and gave up but then I was given hope and encouragement in different faces.
I won’t give up on writing, I may slack and get slow; due to life but I’ll be here back with my Gidiera.
Just a fair reminder, the updates will only be on Inkitt, Wattpad updates are at halt until we find a solution for this plagiarizing site. I don’t wish to abandon Wattpad, but circumstances brought me to this decision. I’ll resume writing for Wattpad, as soon as we get a solution.
A huge thank you from the deepest of my heart for everyone who put the words of encouragement and tried their level best to help me. I’m truly blessed to have such warm and kind souls like you with me. Thank You guys, every one of you!
It’s also the birthday of my second baby. Yes, its today’s date one year back, I posted Someone’s Forever: Sacrifices of Sapphire for the first time.
It’s the birthday treat, which I hope you’ll like!
So, a sweet and warm update this time; only for this time!
“I think perhaps I will always hold a candle for you – even until it burns my hand.And when the light has long since gone …. I will be there in the darkness holding what remains, quite simply because I cannot let go.”
― Ranata Suzuki
For a thousand stars in sky,
Night wishes to be my companion,
Yet none could take the charm,
For my Loneliness and melancholy had a warm embrace,
I couldn’t let go of my pain,
Moon kept waiting and night passed,
Stars vanished and morning found me in deep thoughts!
“Seriously, the dare of her!” a wrinkle of smile forms on my lips, as I hear my friend’s outburst through the phone.
Pressing the slipping Bluetooth device tightly in my ear, I resume my task of whisking; occasionally sparing glances on the boiling milk on stove.
“It wasn’t her fault, Kavya. She didn’t know.” I try to calm her; now regretting sharing this incident as the distraction strategy for her worry.
“But that doesn’t give her any right to spurt rubbish. What a dumb woman!” from distance, I can still hear the faint announcements from her side, frowning, I glance at the clock on Kitchen’s wall.
It must be morning there…!
So, she had been busy with her Hospital duties and I made her annoyed, great work Dumbo!
“It’s alright Kavya, she had no ill intention, it was resolved later, Jerry and Dr. Baron were there to back me up. So, please don’t worry.”
And don’t go ballistic!
“You told Jerry?” a sigh escapes me at her query recalling how I was pestered the entire ride by Jerry to spill the beans. It took Dr. Baron’s interference to calm him.
I’d been worried for his reaction after mindlessly calling him Uncle in front of them, but strangely, he had been ecstatic, caressing my head, he requested to call him Uncle from now, as he’d be happier to be called Uncle by me.
So, I chose my new endearment for the Good Doctor; Dr. Uncle.
That’s how, he saved me from my Brother, who almost forgot about the whole Alpha deal; everyone seems elated by the turn of events. And my elation found its joy by a totally different source, who put a genuine smile on my lips from a distance by a few words.
“I didn’t but now that I told you, I surmise, he’ll know soon.” I mumble glancing over my shoulder to the Hall’s way, toward the HD hearing sensors playing Ludo.
Sure, he’ll know!
Kavya doesn’t need elaboration to get my jest. I just heard her heaving a sigh before we share a hearty chuckle.
“It’s good to hear your smile.” The bright smile glistering on my lips, diminish before taking a wider angle.
Imagining her smile on the other end, I ask, “Still worried for me?”
“I’ll worry until I see you back with us…or you tell him your heart.”
Switching off the flames, I look down as hearing her continue, “These two options can assure me, you’ll be at ease.”
How would it be Kavya?
Coming back, I’ll again be far away from him and telling him my heart will take him away from me. I’ll be broken in both situations.
“At least you’ll know. Standing there at crossroad, you’re only lost.”
Instinctively, the call, I disconnect, perhaps the daggers of her words were too much or I had my savior in my niece; who saved me from another pit of musing over a frozen tear.
I heave a heavy breath, before plastering a smile, I welcome my Little Bundle of Joy with a grin. The dark discussion between us two concealed in my Niece’s joy.
“Look, I made this diary with Mrs. Mahira’s help.” I cringe at her mispronunciation before a loud correction yell resounds from the Hall.
“It’s Mahriyah, cutie-pie, come on say with me!”
This time Tiara cringes before hiding her face in my neck, I scoot her closer before taking her completely in my embrace. Bright playful colors of wax gains my attention as I hear Mrs. Mahriyah’s pronunciation class aloud.
Tilting my head, I caress the shiny gloss of colors on the cover paper before opening it.
The first page, my little had dedicated to her parents, a picture of Fergal and Sahira, both engrossed in reading from one book, her head on his shoulder and his hand caressing her side of head. Both looking adorable in a casual candid picture.
First book together: it reads!
I find a whisper of smile before turning the page, there, two hands holding each-other, I run my fingertips over the edge of picture; Sahira and Fergal’s!
We belong to each-other! Written in the edge in a beautiful calligraphy.
The next one warms my heart; on the hospital bed, Sahira had a serene smile as Fergal is kissing her cheek, both a little tired and a lot more happier; with a white bundle in hand, Jerry is engrossed in adoring it. Now, I know, he surrendered his heart to his Tiara on the first sight.
Our heart has arrived! Now, we are complete!
I give an extra moment to it, the date mentioned there refreshes the special day, we spent together on Tiger’s birthday.
I smile, pressing her closer to me, flipping the page; this one has Jerry, cream smeared on his face and a wide laughing Mother-Daughter duo, my little toddler hanging from her mother’s back, cake covered hands, smearing her mother’s neck and dark hair but the lady unaffected leaning on our brother’s shoulders.
Under there, lines drawn and the curvy words over-writing them, Dada’s Day!
I realise, from this entry, Sahira involved Tiger in her journey. I smile in the burst of emotions, for the love Sahira left in her every touch, pain, as I feel her absence and heaviness of love and adoration on how, this journey didn’t stop, but continues, even after her.
Suddenly, I read the date and my mouth hang open; Oh!
Keeping a mental note, I look out for another page; the next one surprises me in real terms; Tiara’s last birthday; a small collage of pictures; one where Sahira’s smiling face is with Tiara, probably the morning picture of her day, then, Tiara’s bouncing figure around park, where we went to share chocolates; I took it and shared with Jerry and one where she is in my arms, glopping cake and Jerry sitting beside us, adoring his daughter.
A bile forms in my throat; now, being a part of this precious memory, I feel so cherish.
And life is back in life!
I notice Tiara’s wobbled words and Jerry’s small correction.
Closing the diary, I press it near my chest; Tiger tightens her hold on my neck.
“When did you made it?” I whisper, peeking on her scalp, blinking back the tears awaiting moment to fall.
“When you were with Grandma, Dada helped me this time.” A pinch of sadness lurks in her tone, turning me more protective.
“Mumma made it, she taught me to make it, promised we’ll fill it with memories.” Her small voice barely reaches me as her small palm covers mine over the book, as if soaking the warmth her mother left in between the papers.
Licking my lips, I push down the surfacing bile, “She promised, she’ll help you fill it.”
She stops and I continue, “She hasn’t left, she is here and she’ll be in every memory, you’ll add in here. No moment will ever be complete without her, she’ll be there to complete it, she’ll make it special in her love and blessings. Because, she is with you, within you.”
With tearful doe-like eyes, she looks up at me, trying to seek assurance from my words. I press my lips on her eyes and forehead, hoping, she’d believe me with my actions.
“Oh Sweetie! I was—Is everything alright?” we both look up to once grinning—now concerned Mrs. Mahri—yah who scoots closer, falling on her knees to get a closer look.
“Yep! Just planning another celebration.” I mumble winking at my Niece’s way who falls into a bubble of elated giggle turning the woeful moment in a bliss of joy.
Sometimes, I walk and wonder; does life becomes easy or difficult as we grow. In my childhood, I had my own worries in homework and play time. I used to scratch my head in worry over a simple math problem and chemistry equation while my mind used to keep reminding me the series I had to catch up on after my study time. Growing up, I realized those days were golden, as complexities grew with burden of studies and tension of home came to my notice.
It was all there; I just caught the tail of worry growing up. Then, job and targets, cases and clients; I almost forgot how easy life was, and how complex it has turned out.
Growing up, life made me realize, it’s never going to be easy, there will never be spare time; we must change, we must endure and carve ourselves into better to face the complexities thrown our way. Puzzles will continue to coil us around, time will flow in its pace, I might never find time for self if I’d never try, I’ll keep solving the mysteries one after other until life ends ordinarily. For the change in life, I must hustle out of it.
The wide sky above me continues to growl quietly, like trying to offer consolation over my dilemma.
The long road, deserted to be my companion as I walk through this thought. The purpose of this walk was just to settle my mind into focus for my upcoming days. I was trying to schedule myself only to come into this conclusion, I’ll always be busy, over one thing or another; call it work, call it hobby or mere leisure family time, world will keep me busy until I disconnect for a moment and think about self.
Suddenly my dilemma halts, everything rotates and fades behind the dark shades into nothingness. My heart skips a beat and my ascending steps stop too.
Then I see it and I still.
All the musing from miles fades and vanish as I look ahead.
Hands crossed over his chest, leaning against his car parked in the middle of road, like the road belongs to him; but then it does. He owns everything, like he owns my heart.
Staring at him after so long breaks something in me; our months of separation couldn’t break me this much for these few weeks have; knowing, I’d been the reason, somewhere it was because of me, he had to go, he’d been hurt—affected by that night, my pain caused him hurt.
But can I leave…separate from him?
My soul whispers the answer and feet take decision. Taking me to his way…
I go to him.
I rush to him, running toward him but my steps halt at a distance; only one step away.
With all my might I stop, afraid to lose this sight; afraid, he’ll vanish again after touching me. The thought burns me from inside, my hopeful eyes lower; this distance between us seems so much when it isn’t.
It doesn’t stay there, the next moment, he removes the remaining distance between us. A soft startled gasp escapes me when his hand slips on my side, bringing me close. My hands find his chest to stable myself.
“When you removed the entire distance, why stop at one last step?”
I remain quiet, staring at his warm blue hue, finding the warm of his body so comforting to breathe, in real terms, I’m breathing in this moment.
“You’re back.” I attest the word slipping a sigh of relief and elation.
He remains quiet, like tasting my words in his pallet, before his husky voice reaches me, “You asked me to.”
The statement doesn’t sooth me, in fact, it hurts me more. I was the reason he left, and at my one call, he came back. Tears tease my eyes; I lower my gaze before blinking them away. Heart beats loudly in my chest and I step away.
“You can hide all you want but I know you through your heart.”
That breaks me, a shaky breath all it takes to reveal my torn state; without a word, Gideon pulls me in his warmth. It’s stupefying when I’m trying to tear myself off this; his embrace hides me in him, mending my broken pieces back.
Caressing my back, he allows me to calmly breath. Grateful, I let him until I look up in his eyes, creating distance.
How ironical it is; every time, I’m the reason of all his pain and he is the heal of all my sorrows.
Why are you so warm Gideon; how will I ever give up on you if you continue being my nexus?
Licking my lips, I look away, shaking my head, “I shouldn’t speak with you. Because every time, I regretted it later.”
His caressing hold tightens before leaving me all along, “You regret calling me that night?”
Again, he reads me well and I softly nod at his frowning quizzical face.
“You only got pain and suffering from me.”
A lone tear slips sliding through my cheek as I stifle a sob.
The next I know; Gideon pulls my face up in his hand and his lips descends on my warm tear. An eccentric shock jolts me in surprise, gasping, all I see how in a swift moment, my tear is wiped off and now, on his retreating lips tasting it.
He kissed my tear away!
His stern gaze smoulders my befuddled heated face, “Next time, think twice before letting your tears go. These pearls will destroy me.”
All I do is stand right there…in his embrace…taking his words, he stands with me under the growling sky but the world gas already faded around us.
Perhaps that’s how our bond is, never seeking words…more than just trust.
Neither I can explain my love and regret to him, nor can we elaborate our moments to world; these small moments of our life could be defined as our regrets later. However, I say, whatever I do, I’ll only fall for him more, however, he tries, he’ll stand by my side and protect me as his own, it’s his nature.
Sometimes, actions must not be rationally explained, sometimes heart must act rebellious.
Perhaps, that’s why it’s said,
Deep love can only be briefly discussed...!
August 3, 2021
Here’s my treat on my baby’s birthday.
Recently, I’ve got comments about the pace of story, trust me, I’m aware of it and trying to change it. All I can ask is your patience as I fix this.
Thank you so much for trusting me and being patient with me.
Love you all!
With this, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.
Let me know how it was. I’d love to hear you.