3. Smile through Tears
“Each day offers a reason to celebrate. Find it and experience true bliss.”
― Amy Leigh Mercree, Joyful Living: 101 Ways to Transform Your Spirit and Revitalize Your Life
The girl in the mirror asked once,
Why you look so radiant, when your heart is wounded,
When you have pain within, where you find the courage to smile,
Shine like a twinkling star at night
I let myself grin, the curious girl frowns at my deception;
I must smile; I must live, because it’s my promise to my departed!
The twinkling small lights dancing through the wall, looks so radiant and pleasing; between the flowers, their glow intensifies through the surroundings. I can’t help but admire the glory all over again, as I heave out a sigh of relief, proud at my hours of brain storming and choice of decision. From the lighting bulbs and flower, I roam my gaze, taking a fair look of surroundings, an instant grin whispers over my lips, the entire Mansion has the same pleasing joyous look, the happy vibes and chattering of people laughing and singing, the air humming in the music.
The beauty of Indian wedding!
“Great job!” I smile, turning just as Kavya had her hand over my shoulder. Her bright dress has people’s eye at her from all sides.
I shrug, before sparing another glance.
“I hope Madam Bride likes it.” I mentally cringe mumbling, at the thought of Raisin’s dislike over decoration, I’m sure she’ll have us hanged with same light series and flower string before she goes for her wedding rituals.
Kavya almost cringe with me, apparently having the same thought.
“She’ll like it.” Finding my hand, she assures.
“By the way, where is Harsha, haven’t seen her.” This gains my attention as I find myself already looking around for our childhood friend.
“She must be with Raisin, experienced sister touch.” I wink, making her chuckle.
“I’ll go and check, I have to show her the dress for Sangeet ceremony.” I look down at the bag hanging in her hand; as per the plans, I was decoration in-charge and she was given the duty on clothes as her taste on fashion is best. Aunt considered us more trustworthy than wedding planners for her younger daughter’s weddings after our involvement in our best friend Harsha’s wedding. Never had I knew it’ll be so much while accepting.
I nod, watching her turn and heading toward the decorated stairs toward the bride’s room. I let my gaze wander once again through the gargantuan hall, lit and bathed in bright lights and fresh flowers, soon flowers will wither and new flowers are already on their way to replace them, for the big day of our Friend, heading to start her new journey.
I look down, at my attire, the simple Indian dress, has done great change into me, it has helped me hiding the dullness lurking through my eyes, this wedding has somewhere saved me keeping me occupied with preparations.
And I let another sigh slip through my smile.
Best friend’s wedding promises more fun and excitement than any wedding, I guess it’s same for all. We enjoy more, we hold the most excitement, we prepare more than anyone, just for ‘The Day’. And it serves right, as the bonds’ fixed with heart are stronger than bonds by blood or customs.
The light chiming of my ‘material baby’ averts my attention, I smile, accepting the call, placing it closer to my ear under the loud chattering and rolling music of background.
“Anything else?” I almost sigh at my brother’s crisp tone.
“Nope. When you’ll be here?”
“By evening, after office. Mum will—”
“Bring her, I’ll be staying here. Some arrangements are to be done.”
In between the loud distractions, I can hear him sigh, exasperated, “Sure.”
I grin, “Thanks, also bring the gifts, we’ll need them for ceremony.”
With another sigh, he kills the call, and pressing the device in my bosom I pray for a great peaceful evening.
But my heart beats loudly, I wonder why?
“I’ll go and check on Raisin, come down soon.”
With a safety pin between my lips, I nod through the mirror, Kavya smiles before closing the door behind her; her sparkling attire gleaming behind her. I heave out a sigh before tugging the net Dupatta/Scarf in my Lehanga/Skirt.
Now, just the earnings!
I smile, admiring my decision of minimal jewelry with this heavy attire.
Red net Lehanga and Gold jewelry, simple and subtle.
The girl in the mirror is radiating like a pearl in oyster, a dew-drop which knows only to shine in the ray of light; admired by all but none can notice the struggle it went through for this momentary glow.
Despite all efforts, the smile on her lips drop; in between the hustles of life, heart always finds its way to the wounds buried in the sand of today. Even one moment, pain casts shadow which freshens wounds and all the efforts of smile break into nothingness.
The soft chimes of my mobile rings loudly through the vacant room, jerking me out of my thoughts; the earning falls from my hand before I turn for my mobile, kneeling to find the fallen ornament.
My gaze stills with my hand in mid-air; the screen flashes a name which I stare at for hours everyday but could never found strength enough to press call. Wetness finds its way to my eyes; with blur vision, the chiming continuous to blare in my ears before I pick the device, sniffing in surprise before accepting the call.
Before it’s too late!
“Niera!” the first tear cascades down, I smile through it.
“Jerry!” I almost wept. Silence prevails and I make myself believe that yes, he has called, my brother has called; after all these months, I’m hearing him.
“How are you?” his dense thick tone, drenched with emotions hit me like waves of icy water.
Sinking on the floor, I pull the device closer to my ear, “You’re calling me after all this time?”
I know this is wrong, it was I, who left and I’m accusing him but I just want to speak and hear him. It’s been long, it’s been so long.
“You didn’t call once.” There isn’t accusation in his voice but grief and disappointment.
I bite a whimper. “I was afraid.”
“Afraid that I’ll want to come back. And I can’t.” my breath seizes with the bile threatening to spill tears now falling freely like after a long-time freedom has been graced. And why not, I’m again touched by the breeze which I left. And always longed.
“You can, you should. It’s your home.” I shake my head, unable to define my denial.
“How is Tiara, how is she doing?” I hear him sigh, apparently disappointed at my shifting topic.
“Upset, she is angry with you.” Despite the pain burning my heart, I smile.
Grief and regret seem to settle like frost around my thumping organ in chest; freezing it away from warmth.
A sob escapes me, yet I find a smile linger at the corner of my lips, “Sure she is. She has got this trait from her Aunt Bambi. She is fierce just like me.”
He chuckles, but soon it subsides into a sigh, “She misses you, a lot.”
We both turn quiet, he must be waiting for me to speak, whereas I feel absence of words, where so many things, so many questions busting inside me.
“How is your mother doing?”
The question startles me, almost throwing me off guard. I shut my eyes close, “Yea—h, she is fine now. Doing far better, now.”
I curse my stuttering tongue.
When I was commanded to leave by Princess, another condition came to keep her words a forbidden secret. I left making an excuse, an excuse for which I curse myself daily, for lying over my mother’s health.
Lies aren’t any good, one must be cautious when they speak one.
“Is she? You aren’t speaking truth, is everything alright there?” despite the burning in my chest, a giggle escapes me. I so missed my brother’s hysteric worried babble.
“Calm down Jerry. She is fine, why would I lie?”
I smile but his words seize my laughter.
“Yes, right. Like you lied for leaving.” The device almost slips from my hand.
“Your Mum is alright, you’re aren’t.” I gulp, tongue tied.
“Don’t worry. Even the wind won’t know. I’m sure there must be a reason you left, and I won’t ask.”
“Thank you, Jerry.” I whisper, unable to form words with a threatening bile ready to escape.
A desperate beat of my heart whispers, pleading for a query, my soul weeps as sanity denies for the wish.
Should I ask?
Do I hold the right to mention?
Despite the thousand Nos’, I bring myself to ask but he cuts me off.
“Will it change anything, if I say someone is waiting for you.”
This crushed something in me, it hit hard. I still, wide eyes but the breaking of mine continues.
“You never said Goodbyes.”
I might had never been able to leave, goodbyes with him were never easy.
Now that I’m aware of my feelings, taking a thought of him, does nothing but pierce my heart into million pieces. Although a mention, but saying goodbyes—breaking all ties with him—shatters my soul.
Is love that powerful?
It’ll take away all my rights to turn around, my futile yet fragile hope will be gone. Forever!
“Why are you hiding there?” the voice from behind startles me, I shuffle with my position, before standing up and facing my brother whose anger combusts into worry looking at my face.
“Can we talk later?” I ask Jerry, facing my brother. Irony, how I cherish these two from the deepest of my heart.
“Think about my words.” He kills the call; I gulp, Prince crosses his arms over his chest.
I sigh quietly, there is no escape from Prince, he can be toughest at times he wants.
“It was Jerry.”
He nods, getting the reason behind my tear flood. Only Prince and Kavya hold the knowledge of events happen there and the reason to make them a partner was I hold faith over them, and this believe has brought me out of my pain.
“Tiara was missing me.”
Worry intensifies in his orbs, “Have you talked to her?”
“No, she’ll cry more if we do that.”
“Don’t give that child more pain, as you are in no place to offer her solace.” The bright bitter advice of my brother sinks into my chest, sinking my heart. I nod before he leaves sharing his reason to find me.
I compose myself, looking in the mirror I look at the girl.
Can I be consoled?
September 18, 2020
My Forever Friday...!
Sorry for taking Forever to update Someone’s Forever.
Many asked me for Jerry and he had been waiting for his sister.
Such a strange bond is between siblings; they fight, tease and make the other one cry but in the end, its only them to wipe off the pain and bring smile as they love us the most.
So, who can be next?
Stay tuned for Gidiera’s surprise for you.
Once again guys, apologies for taking so long to update, praying to come back to my track.
Hopefully, it was worth the wait, would love to hear your views.