Awake and "Lost"
It’s cold, I can feel the cool air against my skin. But I’m not cold. How? I hate the cold, always have, since my body is so susceptible to it. I must be numb, yeah that might be it. Probably because of the cold.
I struggle to open my eyes. I must have been deep in sleep, because my body just feels so heavy and even taking in a deep breath seems almost strenuous. But I feel the cold air entering my lungs. Why is it so cold?
This gives me more motivation to try an open my eyes again, as I ignore the splitting headache I sense will come if I dare move my head. I can’t really make out what I’m seeing. I blink a few more times to try and focus on what I’m actually seeing. Are those trees? But they’re so dark. My confusion is settled when a breeze shakes the leaves. I shift my eyes to look around more. There are trees everywhere, I’m certain of it. It is definitely dark, but there are rays of light shining through them. I see it, it’s the moon. So, it is night time. But where am I?
This headache is slowly but surely building in the back of my head, as I’m trying to make sense of what is going on. What is the last thing I remember? My mind is fuzzy, it is dark….blank. It’s like I’m stuck under water, I can’t breathe, my body feels heavy, I can’t see anything but the light of the moon. I can’t understand all this. But something is telling me that these images in my mind may be more real than just my mind and body’s sensation.
This headache is starting to feel sharper now, like a sting, and it’s making my fingers feel tingly. I try to move them, but it is so difficult. My body still feels so heavy, and oddly warm. It must be the numbness. Another breeze flows through the woods, and with it comes a strange smell. It smells like iron. Yes, I can smell the pine of the trees and the dew from the ground’s dampness. But why are they so faint compared to the smell of iron, why is it so strong?
I can barely process my thoughts when I hear it. A howl, so loud and penetrating, I can feel it through my whole body. My body is reacting to it, my breathing is shaky and deep. With my one ear still pressed to the ground, it’s like I can hear the ground shake. It must be my blood pumping. My body is getting warmer, no, more numb, and that stinging headache is making everything fuzzy, my body, my hearing, and my sight. Am I having a panic attack?
Wow, as calmly as I’m trying to assess my situation mentally, I guess physically my body is still not completely under my control. Well, I did just figure out that I’m alone in the woods and there is a dangerous animal nearby. But I’m pretty sure having a panic attack right now is not going to help, especially if it makes me pass out. So, I try to focus on the one thing I can, -the moonlight. My breathing is all over the place, my body is numb, and everything is slowly but surely becoming way more darker than it already is. The moonlight is the only thing I can hold onto right now. All I need to do is focus. Screw whatever animal is out there, if I am going to die here and now, I at least want to know how.
If I am going to have a lonesome and pathetic death, which no one is going to acknowledge or probably be aware of, I should at least acknowledge my own death. Strange thought process, I know. But to me, the thought of someone dying without having been given a split second of realization that they are about to die, is the true definition of robbing someone of their life.
So, focus! I need to focus on that dwindling light. But it is no use. It’s fading and I can’t tell if it’s the moon’s light that is fading or if it’s my eyes that are closing. I refuse to blink, I need to focus on the light. What if I blink and I can’t open them again?
Another howl rips through the treeline and I can literally feel my breath hitch at the sound. It’s louder, yes, but I know it’s because it’s definitely closer as well. And there may just be more than one. Wait, why am I holding my breath? Dammit, breathe woman, breathe! But it’s too late. Everything is dark, silent, gone.
Shit! This better be a dream.
