The Story of Elysium
“Hear ye one, hear ye all, come and witness a tale a tale I do say!
Oh visitor oh joyous visitor, have I the tale for you, one so exciting you might just crap yourself. Ah but first the introductions; I am Tobex Tatara, mastermind of tricks, ruiner of dimensions, kicker of pinata children, wrecker of your Shiitake Mushrooms.
Oh but this tale has nothing to do with me, at least not yet, so let me not get too ahead of myself. This tale has to deal with what people call angels, well some people call them that anyway. Others say Dreamscapers, some say ghosts, freelancing space dancers, Celestial beings, or pains in a duck’s rump if you’re me. What they do? Why that’s simple. They are a bunch of spoil sports who ruin every hard working villain’s brilliant sandwiches that they call plans; it is so hard to be a hard worker in such an industry, I don’t know how I do it. Oh wait, yes I do, I just kill whatever gets in my way like a toothpick to an old piece of food in a person’s teeth.
Why are they called Angels? Because they come from a place people call Heaven, which those of us with a brain know as Elysium. Elysium. Perhaps that’s a bit much but who cares, not like you can end my career anyway kiddos, ahahahahahaha.
Elysium is a realm not related to Heaven or Hell. To this day, who knows and who cares if they even exist. Elysium is a realm created closest to the almighty Celestial River which brings life and power and oh my god this history lesson is unnecessary. Elysium is home to two species, the Celestials and the Angels. I’ll focus in on the Celestials for now, since they’re the big pains.
These Celestials are super powered beings, viewed as Gods because they think themselves divine, like watching over the whole Universe is their job. Celestials are just super humans who have adapted many powers and abilities by living near The River, or rather living in Elysium. They task themselves with fighting any supernatural occurrences that threaten the universe as a whole, like anything that comes out of the Underworld which I’ll get to later, or these Darkling creatures of madness.
Of course they don’t handle everything because they are holier than thou, ahahaha. Elysium is divided into Kingdoms and Wilds to maximize competition to produce better Celestial Warriors to fight off big threats. This is encouraged by the Elysium leaders known as the Cardinals, their top dogs who could probably nuke Galaxies away if you listen to those overblown legends. So strong yet they can’t handle it all, yet they think they are so superior. But hey, with guys like me running around causing trouble, I don’t blame them for being stupid.
Kingdoms are outsourced by the main force of Elysium that answers to the Cardinal, and they are paid heavily for new warriors and for completing tasks of various sorts. Usually this works out well with plenty of trade and results. I won’t go into all the details, these peons can do that later including the explanations for what the leadership is like or what the Angels do and all that noise.
What I will tell you is that there is one Kingdom worth focusing on for now where a lot of activity is ongoing. The Starset Kingdom. Why them in particular? Because they have some interesting people which will lead to interesting results. That and some people I know are involved, of course.
For your entertainment I have to present a spoiled princess who dreams of being a warrior, a snot who wants to make daddy dearest proud, an emo, a nerd, a bigger nerd, an angry nerd woman doctor, another emo, a happy go lucky moron, an egotistical nut job, and some guy who I know nothing about.
How will any of this go? Like a basket of pork chops rolling on a river raft down the Mississippi full of skunk poop across the back of a single donkey named Carl who in turn dresses up as a false Zebra to impress a wee lass named Chuck.
Have I rambled enough? No, never enough.
Do you have enough knowledge to get the backdrop of the story? Eh, not my problem. I’m a narrator of plot, not an author who needs to give a crap about that sort of thing.
Now, shall we have some fun and get to the plot?”