What do you want me to say? That I was addicted to the drugs the hospital was giving me? Everyone is after they go through as much pain as I did, if you weren’t given those drugs you felt so terrible it is unimaginable. The medicine is the only way to get through the day. Pain can be so overwhelming that doing daily activities becomes impossible. I didn’t even realize the pain until they steadily decreased the medicine, they were giving me.
When the doctor took me off the medicine I was on, the days become worse. The days never seem to end, all I want to do is nothing. Not move, not see anyone, especially not my exercises the physical therapist would assign me. The months that I would regularly be seen by the doctor who treated me in the hospital, the psychologist from the hospital or the physical therapist from the hospital. It seems like my life rotates around the hospital and the apartment above Maximus’ shop. It doesn’t surprise me that Maximus takes good care of me, he’s been patient with me and even encouraging. I just became able to see that rainbow after the storm
On the bright side, Grayson visits me almost every day. He’s been so devoted to me, in and out of the hospital. I can see the rainbow when he is around, it seems almost within reach. These couple of months our relationship has grown from nurse and patient to best friends, or at least I would like to think so. I can’t tell what he thinks. He seems so happy and always caring, I don’t think I have ever seen him any other way. Even when I would fall trying to crutch for the first few times. The physical therapists want me to start to put more weight on the leg that was broken, I wobble around as I try to walk. The pain is extreme but using the crutches has taken a lot of energy out of me. If I want to get rid of them, then I have to walk without them. Maximus and Grayson have been so supportive, but I know I am letting them down, the physical therapist says I should have be able to put more weight on my foot by now but my muscles in my leg have weakened more than usual for a broken leg. The doctor has taken an x-ray since and most of the bone has fused back together, which is good news, I guess. I can walk on my own, but not all the time. I will wobble and limp around and my leg will go numb if I’m on my leg too long. I still need extra help and I lean on one crutch some of the time, but the physical therapists want me to use it less. My knees buckle when I take my other foot off the ground. That’s not right and I know I have to slow down; I have to learn how to walk again.
After I figure this out, I will move on to more difficult actions like jumping, jogging, and stairs. I have fallen on the stairs often, sometimes Maximus laughs at me but he helps me up. These past couple months have been a lot of work for me, on top of the physical therapy I have to prepare myself for Dominic’s funeral.