Chapter 17: You Didn't Give a Fuck Then
My head swings behind me to see Gia standing outside of the car door. Oh, I forgot these windows were tinted. She must be worried sick right now. I never let her know that I was leaving the restaurant. It’s a good thing she doesn’t see me like this, she wouldn’t let me live this down. I clear my throat and straighten myself in my seat to open the door.
“Oh my god, I thought you got abducted or something by that one gu-” Gia’s words cut off when she spots Xander in the other, “Oh, hi brother!”
Dammit Gia, you almost blew the top off of our secret! She’s never been one to keep it quiet.
“Gia.” He says, I think he suspects something. His tone is much deeper than before.
Gia’s eyes bulge at me, “I didn’t know-”
I chuckle at her, whispering along with her, “It’s okay, I’m ready to leave when you are.”
“Oh, I’m actually going home with Kevin, I was looking for Xander to let him know but then I couldn’t find you so I immediately ran to your car and-”
“You can catch a ride with him, I can get home on my own just fine.” I smile at her still very flushed face. How can I act so cool after what just almost transpired between me and her brother?
She smiles at me, “Thanks so much, I’ll call you and you know you better call me if I happen to forget!” She practically yells at me, this mysterious guy is getting to her more than he is me, “We have A LOT to discuss.”
I nod, “Agreed.”
“I’ll meet you at the house, Xander.” Gia calls across me to him.
He nods, “Alright.” his tone is so cold, I don’t know whether to be afraid for it or not. Gia shuts my door and prances back into the establishment.
Xander breathes, “Saphyre.”
He looks in my direction, “Is there something you need to tell me?”
Gods above and below, he’s a bit too observant, “I’m afraid I-”
In a swift motion he’s across the seat holding my face towards him, “You’ve never lied to me, Saphyre,” His face is so angry, it’s a very unfamiliar look, “So when you do I will be able to tell, so is there something you need to tell me?”
A tear actually falls from my face, there is no way I can tell the truth. Not this. This is my own problem, I refuse to drag any of my loved ones into this inevitable mess. I have reason to believe that it’s not going to be an easy road for me to travel after tomorrow night.
“I can’t tell you.”
“What do you mean you can’t tell me?” His grip has softened but his eyes haven’t.
Not just a few years ago, he wouldn’t have had the slightest inclination about my issues so why should I allow that to change?
I take his hand off of my face, a little harsher than I wanted to, “I mean exactly what I said,” I stare him in the eye, “I can take care of myself, after all, I’ve been just fine thus far, I don’t need your help.”
Xander backs all the way off, slowly. That came off a lot more merciless than I intended. This is the only thing I have been sure about for a long time though. If I allow Xander to know, it would only mean putting him in danger. At least that is what it seems I’d be doing.
The less connections, the better.
“Fine,” Xander opens the car door and steps out, “I’ll see you around, Saphyre.” He closes the door soundly.
Thank god, now I can cry as hard as I please, with no one to shame me for it.
. . .
Mãe, Gia and I are in the kitchen whipping up a few meal choices and snacks for Trey’s friends. Kevin, Clayton and his twin brother Maxum. They arrived as soon as the sun came up and then ran straight to the family room to Trey, tackling him on the ground. The sight of that sent us all into fits of laughter, and instant memory capturing.
Not soon after, they planted themselves on the couch, playing video games, and making sure the entire house was aware of their presence. It’s a very wonderful afternoon, cold, nonetheless, wonderful. Yet nothing can distract me from my appointment later on tonight.
Doom is only 7 hours and 18 minutes away exactly.
Am I afraid? Shitless, in fact. Gia has been giving me intense stares of panging fear for the last hour and a half. She instantly changes her expression when Mãe motions to her for a favor though. I can tell that she’s very worried. Most likely among other things. I can’t forget Xander’s face when I pushed him away. He didn’t even put up much of a fight. It must have been out of frustration.
Did he really mean what he said about Aster?
That’s the majority of it all.
He spoke on him as if he hated the very thought of his existence. Aster was only violent because he wanted to protect me. To protect us.
Many nights before we had to separate and head home, he would tell me how scared he was.
That the extreme amount of fear is what drove his anger. Fear of losing the people that he loved.
The fear of losing himself.