You know that feeling?
When you wish to belong,
To be a part of something great? Well I do.
All my life I wanted to be as good as my parents, to leave the legacy they did, to be be influential and recognized, to be the one people always looked up to even in times of trouble. I don't know what it was but they seemed brave, dauntless. I felt like they were heroes in an action movie.
Both my parents passed away when I was eight. They left behind a huge fortune but it was all snatched away by relatives, they all left... Those who I had considered as friends and family turned their backs on me. They left me all alone, scared and dismantled, they couldn't care less about a little girl who had just lost her parents. How could they have been so insensitive?
The only one who didn't leave was grandma, she took me in with her. Every other person only wanted custody of me because I was the only heir of my parents but as soon as they discovered there was no will... They took everything they could get. I guess my parents hadn't plannned to be leaving so soon, even now I only had a few of their things and memories of them that would keep me going.
When I look back now I realize I was actually quite close to gram. I could tell by her actions that she loved me so much. Very morning she'd wake me up with breakfast in bed and she would make all my arrangements for school. Every night she'd tell me intriguing stories not stories about her younger days and the world wars, her stories were different. She would talk about dragons and mythical creatures, demons and angels, good and evil, sometimes it would be stories of my parents. She was no ordinary grandma, she even looked young enough to be my mother. I always wondered how she managed it but later realised that many of our relatives looked younger than they're ages, so I dismissed it as a family gene.
I was twelve when I first had my suspicions about... Everything, gram had received a phone call and she started to behave strangely, more than usual, not that I could blame her... Grandpa died weeks to my delivery, gram told me he had looked forward to seeing me so she felt sad that he didn't make it. After my birthday she took me as a new source of joy but after mum left too, she felt lost. But this was different she was always speaking in hushed tones sometimes she'd stop speaking all together once I entered the room, she seemed worried, stressed, even a bit scared. She even made up a business trip to Paris and told me to come along since she would love me to see the place but something told me that her sudden trip was actually related to the phone call.
My fathers parents were a completely different story, I'd never even met them. Gram told me that dad's mom was always against my parents relationship, in fact she would have completely hated me if I wasn't her sons only child. The only thing that connected us were the gifts she sent every year on my birthday. As for his dad... I didn't know much about him. But I didn't need them anyway, gram had given me all the love and care I needed, she made sure I never lacked anything.
One thing that bothered me was the secret. I knew there was something and it was huge, I couldn't help but feel that it was connected to my parents death and maybe even to me. I can't explain how I knew but it was a strong foreboding feeling of trials to come. Gram knew something, something she wasn't telling me, she knew it...
Now when I look back at the seventeen years of my life i can only feel pain, anger and rejection. After what I'd been through, I'd become strong, I built up a strong barrier around myself, a barrier that couldn't be broken easily. I kept to myself so I wouldn't grow close to anyone then get my heartbroken when they left me, because that's the truth of life no one stays forever, in the end they all leave...
I was strong
Wild and fierce
Just like my parents
Authors Note: First Chapter out
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